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Discussion Forum : Scriptures and Doctrine : prolonged grieving

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free
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Joined: 2005/6/26
Posts: 55


 prolonged grieving

I am sure there are many among us who have lost loved ones and have grieved for a long time. I lost my mother 11 years ago and Im still grieving. The wound is still very raw at times. That, by anyone's account, is morbid grieving, I know. Ive prayed long and hard over this. I had 11 years to do that.

Does anyone know what the Bible says about such prolonged grieving. Is it a sin?

 2005/7/8 10:45Profile
Compton
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Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re: prolonged grieving

No, prolonged grieving over the loss of a loved one is not sin. The bible has plenty of grieving in it.

You can't measure the duration of grief...it's related to many factors. The worse thing is to believe God is impatient with your grief. Just the Psalms by themselves demonstrate that deeply hurt and broken humanity is the safest in the presence of God. It is important to be patient with yourself and your unique reactions to the loss. Certainly with time, certain feelings can lose intensity overall, but it is to be expected that significant dates, holidays, or other misc. reminders will stir up feelings related to the loss.

Grief isn't abnormal or unspiritual in this fallen world. It helps to remember that we stand outside of heaven presently...Let's gently remind one another that this place is not forever though...

"Then I saw a new Heaven and a new earth…And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelations 21:1-4"

MC


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Mike Compton

 2005/7/8 11:09Profile
philologos
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Joined: 2003/7/18
Posts: 6566
Reading, UK

 Re: prolonged grieving

Quote:
Does anyone know what the Bible says about such prolonged grieving. Is it a sin?


We lost a son by drowning 6 years ago and wept at his graveside this morning. The grief however no longer crushes. I have sometimes asked your same question; how long should this last? It was Jacob's testimony that he never expected to recover from the experience. Gen. 37:34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
Gen. 37:35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him. I think he was wrong to refuse comfort, but he clearly expected to bear the pain of loss for the rest of his life.

There is an adjective which comes to mind; 'inordinate'. It implies 'beyond the ordinary' or in other words 'excessive'. There is a sense in which only those who continue to mourn for their sin can be assured of comfort; Matt. 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. This is literally the mourning ones. This is not an incident of mourning but a disposition. I think true grief lasts forever but we are not to be brought under the power of it.


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Ron Bailey

 2005/7/8 11:51Profile
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Joined: 2005/6/26
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 Re:

Philologos,
My heart goes out to you. To lose a son by whatever means is one of the most wrenching things in the world. Somewhere it says God puts our tears in a bottle. I also lost a younger sister (age 36) to leukemia two years ago.

Yes, it was inordinate grieving that I had for my mother. 11 years is too long to grieve. At prayers the other day, I confess and asked the Lord to forgive me for making an idol out of my grieving. Is there such a thing?

There are moments of Joy to be sure, right in the middle of suffering. But on the whole, I should be able to do better than that.

 2005/7/8 13:18Profile
mloaks
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Joined: 2004/5/13
Posts: 129
So. MD, USA

 Re:

My brother, 47, was murdered in a drug deal last Feb.
My oldest nephew, 21, OD'd on heroin in 2001.
My closest Grandpa died at 92 in 1999. He had abused my Grandma...

my battle has been in avoiding the feeling that they had it coming! I am truly viel and wretched...

Also, wondering what I could have done. nothing...

At 5, my oldest son got caught in a riptide and the lifeguard and I almost drowned getting him out. It hurts me to think about that as much as the above deaths.

What keeps me going between the guardrails is knowing we will cast our crowns by the lake, and there will be no tears in the mansion. Such joy! But...
I still greive. :-o

 2005/7/8 14:01Profile
ZekeO
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Joined: 2004/7/4
Posts: 1014
Pietermaritzburg, South Africa

 Re: prolonged grieving

You guys have posted some sensitive stuff, may God be hugely gracious towards you.


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Zeke Oosthuis

 2005/7/8 14:17Profile
letsgetbusy
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Joined: 2004/9/28
Posts: 957
Cleveland, Georgia

 Re: prolonged grieving

My father died of AIDS virus when I was 14, and my grandfather, who was my favorite character, died five years ago. Father-in-law just recently.

Death is always awkward, but it is more sure than anything in this world. If my daughter died, I can't say I would stay strong, or not grieve, so my heart goes out to anyone in that situation, as well as all those who have lost loved ones.

I must believe that the closer we allow our selves to be consumed by God's fire, the more we will understand death. Those who wait for us in heaven will join with us in His marvelous glory, and there will be tears, but God will wipe them away. Those who see the second death must receive judgment. I grieve about that. Sometimes I cry for those lost people I've never met. That is so sad to me. I don't want anyone to go to Hell. Sometimes I just sob over the lost.

I can't speak for everyone, while my heart goes out to everyone, but I try to focus on saving the spiritually dead, and this helps. This is a sad world, but there is a heavenly mansion that I'll be given by Jesus, and I'll see all the other saints, and you guys who are saved.

I try to focus on God, though it's trying. Helping others with their problems sometimes helps me forget mine. I pray the Comforter would be with you all.


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Hal Bachman

 2005/7/8 21:09Profile
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Joined: 2005/6/26
Posts: 55


 Re:prolonged grieving

Thank you all for responding to my message. Most of you have more reason to grieve than I do and I am quite ashame. Seeing other people's strength in adversity gives us encouragement not because misery likes company but because we know that we are understood and are not alone in our suffering. It may be hard to believe me at this time but all your responses have helped me tremendously. May someone help you the way you have helped me.

 2005/7/15 14:26Profile
philologos
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Joined: 2003/7/18
Posts: 6566
Reading, UK

 Re:

Quote:
Seeing other people's strength in adversity gives us encouragement not because misery likes company but because we know that we are understood and are not alone in our suffering.


I was talking to an older sister who had some major dental work scheduled for the next week. She was a little anxious. I said "There is grace for it, but it won't arrive until next Wednesday. If you try to carry it before Wednesday, you're on your own". :-) To any who have read this forum and feel frightened let me assure you that the grace that comes with the crisis is extraordinary. One translation of Hebrews 4's last verse is 'grace in the nick of time'. Always, just in the nick of time.


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Ron Bailey

 2005/7/15 18:01Profile
dohzman
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Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132


 Re:

Corrie Ten Boom tells the story of a church that she had to speak at where they were suffering martyrdom and they were afraid. She explained how her dad used to say if he was going to have her go to another country by train that he wouldn't give her the resources to go until it was time. She shared that with that church (that's just a brief part---the whole letter is somewhere on this site). I believe weeks later the entire church had been martyred. That story is etched in my mind as a reminder of the present grace in our time of need.


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D.Miller

 2005/7/15 20:12Profile





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