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Discussion Forum : Scriptures and Doctrine : What is the importance of physical attraction in the process of choosing a spouse?

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Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 229

 What is the importance of physical attraction in the process of choosing a spouse?

Greetings brothers and sisters,

I am pondering these days on the importance of physical attraction when you evaluate, whether a certain person is your God-sent spouse.

And I have in mind the story of Jacob and Leah / Rachel. So as far as my current understanding of the Scripture goes, Leah was God's choice for Jakob (because after all, she was the One who was burried right beside Jakob - Rachel died on the way). But Jakob wanted in fact all the time only Rachel, Laban was dishonest and actually cheated him. Therefore Jakob married both of them. (For those who do not know the story, please read Genesis 29)

We know, what Laban did was wrong! No question! But I want to look it from a different perspective. In the Bible it is explicitly said that Rachel was beautiful, and Leah was "tender eyed". In the different translations:

KJV - "Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured."

NIV - "Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful."

BG (Bulgarian) - "Leah's eyes were not whole; but Rachel had beautiful body and face"

You can check it in as much translations and languages as you will, but there is somehow the notion that he had a problem with her eyes (perhaps some ilness), and there is one BUT between the description of Leah and Rachel. Which means "BUT Rachel" was beautiful.

So to the question, Is it possible that the will of the Lord is to marry someone, you do not find physically attractive? I am woman, so in my case that would mean, a man. Of course, I know outward beauty comes on 3rd place after match in spirit and soul (for further info --> the book of Zac Poonen "Sex, Love, Marriage - the Christian Perspective").

Example: I guess that everyone of us finds different types of persons beautiful, and I am here speaking of beautiful in outward appearance without even knowing anything about the person. So I personally have noticed that I find certain men attractive - just from a physical point of view. There are some brothers (believers) that I find both attractive in the physical and spiritual aspect . So I know these people exist as well. But there is one guy, I met, whose spirit I like very much. The way he thinks and (at least from what I can perceive) strives to grow in Christ just make me glad. I do not have these feelings, you know like "butterflies" or these kind of things. But I do enjoy talking with him. I have no idea whether he feels the same way, or would at all come to the idea of "asking for my hand" - and honestly that for me is not so important at the moment. I don't want to hinder his walk with the Lord and will be very happy, if he at the time appointed, finds a godly wife and lives for the Lord. I would rejoice even if I am among the guests.

But just in the process of pondering over a good conversation(s), I came to ask myself - is it at all possible, that the Lord's will for me is somebody I do not find physically attractive?

And should the man be the older one? - in this case he is 2-3y younger than I.

I would very much appreciate the answers of the married brothers and sisters over here. And please, do not worry, I am not going to take the 2. most important decision in my life based on the answers in the forum. :) I am just asking for the biblical perspective based on the story from Genesis 29. The personal example is just perhaps so that we do not remain only in "theory", but you can ignore it when you write your answer. :)

Thank you very much in advance!

God bless you and give you (us) wisdom!

P.S. I do not date, nor consider dating anybody. I do believe in courtship, marriage and getting to know each other in purity, in safe setting (church meetings, with friends etc.)

 2018/12/17 10:55Profile

Joined: 2012/2/8
Posts: 5136

 Re: What is the importance of physical attraction in the process of choosing a spouse

A man might meet the most beautiful woman in the world (to him) and yet not be attracted to her as far as a spousal commitment would go. They could be entirely incompatible even if they are both believers.

Beauty is definitely more than skin deep but you still have to get past the skin to get to the deep.

Why not just let things play out? You might be drawn to a man who is not your perfect ideal of handsomeness- but you won’t care because of his other qualities. But if you truly are not physically attracted to someone, it’s not your fault.

I think generally there is some sort of mutual physical attraction in couples who fall in love; it would seem to be the way God made us and there’s no need to make excuses for it.


 2018/12/17 12:18Profile

Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 36773
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11

 Re: What is the importance of physical attraction in the process of choosing a spouse


Here is a teaching I strongly recommend you watch:

Don't marry for outward Beauty by Paul Washer & Tim Conway

Choosing A Wife - Beauty Is Vain by Tim Conway

God bless you.

SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2018/12/17 14:01Profile

Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 229


I did watch to the sermons. Actually, I watched the sermon of Tim Conway some days before posting :D

But thanks for the sharing! :)

 2018/12/19 2:00Profile

Joined: 2007/1/15
Posts: 363

 Re: What is the importance of physical attraction in the process of choosing a spouse

Hey Sister,
Great questions you ask.

What I have found [and the experience of countless believers agree] is that for every true believer, the Lord's will i.e. our spouse, will be physically attractive to us. They may not be physically attractive to all and sundry, but to their spouse, they are gold.

I have been married 17 years [first met him 23 years ago]and my groom was and is still physically attractive to me. He's cute as a button. It just so happens most people also think he's cute.

From your post, I perceive you really do want the Lord's will in marriage. Guess what? He'll work it out. He knows which of His princes will make you weak at the knees. The Lord does have a sense of humor and He wants His children to be happily married.

As you follow Him wholeheartedly, you will find His choice in marriage for you to be just what you need and want.

God bless you!


 2018/12/20 9:27Profile

Joined: 2006/11/26
Posts: 3326


Quotes from Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty:

Phil Robertson (to his grandson):
“Yuppie girls wouldn't like it. Don't marry some Yuppie girl. Find you a meek, gentle, kind-spirited country girl. If she knows how to cook, and she carries her Bible and lives by it, and she loves to eat bullfrogs - now there's a woman!”

Phil Robertson (to his grandson):
“And she doesn't have to be a pretty girl - it's hard to get a pretty one to cook and carry a Bible anymore.”


 2018/12/20 18:45Profile

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