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Discussion Forum : General Topics : the root of self love and the fruit of conflict

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CofG
Member



Joined: 2017/2/12
Posts: 253
Cambodia

 the root of self love and the fruit of conflict



What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (ESV)

It has become very obvious to me and hopefully to you that the level of strife and conflict between people is escalating off the charts and everywhere right now. In the world, in the country, in the church, and in the homes. So many people are in conflict with each other.

At its root, the conflicts are over strongly held passions and desires held by different people that are at war with each other. The conflicts are evidenced and played out by each person seeking to control the other person because they aren't getting what they strongly want or desire. To obtain what they desire, people are seeking to control those people that they view as standing in the way of what they want and desire. Control is the key. If I can control the other person, then I can get what I want or think I'm entitled to. We spend much of our worldly lives trying to get control of those things and people who can either provide what we desire or who are standing in the way of what we desire.

Control of life is the key to getting what you want out of life. Control is gained through manipulation, deceit, grabs for power, complaining, criticism, gossip, slander, fighting, personal attacks, and finally though violence, be it physical, emotional or verbal.

Self love always seeks to control its environment. Self love that is not in control will always simmer in resentment that grows into an internal rage. Self love almost always dresses itself up in moral superiority, or in arguments of unfairness, injustice or entitlement. Self love always justifies itself in the rightness of its methods in order to achieve its perceived morally good results.

Self love always justifies the means it uses to satisfy its desires because it views its ends as entirely noble. However, God has just as much concern for the means as the ends in any situation. But more importantly, God is not deceived. At the root of almost all conflict is self love. We aren't getting what we want and we will try to be civil and patient for a while, but if that isn't effective to get what we want, then out of moral indignation or perceived injustice, the hammer will come out to gain control of the situation to ensure that we do get what we want. You see this in politics, in the business environment, in the media, in the legal environment, in churches and in homes. Happens all the time, however, today, this has become a far pervasive and rampant problem. In the last days, God warns that people will be especially lovers of self. The difficulty is that it is sometimes difficult to discern because it is always disguised in moral righteousness and moral indignation.

When you or I get involved in a personal conflict, we must all get off our high horse and discern, where is the self love rising up in this conflict ? It's always there. We all do it. But know this for sure, conflict is the symptom, not the problem. The problem is self love and the passion of self to get what it wants even if it has to run over some people to get it.

It started with Adam and Eve but we see the violence of it with Cain and Abel. We kill each other with anger, personal attacks and strife. Then, to make it all so very ugly, we justify ourselves and our desire to control our life through evil means. If you think this doesn't apply to you, stop in the middle of the next argument at home and break it down. Invariably, at the root is a desire of self to get control of the situation so that it can get what it wants. Self love is the root of all strife. I'm not addressing legitimate disagreements here but rather dealing with disagreements that escalate into the kind of strife and conflict marked with personal attacks, mockery and self righteousness.


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Robert

 2018/12/7 6:34Profile
twayneb
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Joined: 2009/4/5
Posts: 1904
Joplin, Missouri

 Re: the root of self love and the fruit of conflict

Only by pride cometh contention.


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Travis

 2018/12/7 9:37Profile
Gloryandgrace
Member



Joined: 2017/7/14
Posts: 897
Snoqualmie, WA

 Re:


Robert: that was a well written and insightful post.

Thanks for making so clear a current state of mind apparent in the actions of many.


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Marvin

 2018/12/8 12:00Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7407
Mississippi

 Re: the root of self love and the fruit of conflict

Well said.

Think I will copy/paste this article for future reference.

Sandra


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Sandra Miller

 2018/12/8 14:52Profile
AbideinHim
Member



Joined: 2006/11/26
Posts: 3239
Louisiana

 Re: the root of self love and the fruit of conflict

Thank you Robert for this reminder that the issue is not whether or not we are right or wrong, but by what spirit are we moving in, and if there is strife and selfish ambition involved then we can know that we are operating in the flesh, and could very well be being influenced by a spirit of witchcraft, whose end is to gain control of people.

God has not called us to argue and strive with anyone, but to speak the truth in love.


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Mike

 2018/12/10 8:59Profile
zweniger
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Joined: 2018/11/25
Posts: 1


 Re: the root of self love and the fruit of conflict

I really appreciate your heart! This is right in line with what the Lord has been teaching me through "the peacemaker" by Ken Saunde I would highly recommend it. It follows a very gospel-centered approach to conflict and conflict resolution. His case is the same as yours, that conflict arises out of our unmet desires. Again, thanks for sharing!

 2018/12/10 18:39Profile
BranchinVINE
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Joined: 2016/6/15
Posts: 453
Australia

 Re: the root of self love and the fruit of conflict


Dear brother Robert,

Can you preach this when you believe that YOU are specially elected by God for salvation and others are abandoned by God to be eternally tormented in hell?

Isn’t this SELF love, SELF interest, SELF importance, SELF exaltation and SELFISHNESS to the nth degree?


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Jade

 2018/12/10 23:18Profile
CofG
Member



Joined: 2017/2/12
Posts: 253
Cambodia

 Re:

BranchInVINE,

I'm guilty of self love every day. That is really bad for me and a terrible testimony for my Lord.

As to my views of election of the saints, that view generates abject self loathing and humility, not self love. At the root of the doctrine of election is a belief that men are totally depraved, not as bad as they could be, but depraved in the will, the mind and the affections. men are really bad.
I'm a man. Hence, I was really bad. Self love was my biggest problem and still is. Like all truth that is shared, taught or preached, that truth humbles the speaker as much and often more than the hearer, or at least it should.


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Robert

 2018/12/11 7:32Profile
BranchinVINE
Member



Joined: 2016/6/15
Posts: 453
Australia

 Re:


Hi Robert,

Gal. 2:20 –
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

2 Cor. 5:17 –
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.


God is Love. Love is patient. Love is kind.

Rom. 5:20 –
………but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,

Rom. 11:32-36 –

For God has shut up all in disobedience so that He may show mercy to all.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!
For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR?
Or WHO HAS FIRST GIVEN TO HIM THAT IT MIGHT BE PAID BACK TO HIM AGAIN?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever.
Amen.


Blessings


_________________
Jade

 2018/12/11 9:40Profile
twayneb
Member



Joined: 2009/4/5
Posts: 1904
Joplin, Missouri

 Re:

Robert: It is interesting that self love and self loathing are, in reality, the same coin viewed from different sides. Both sides are self-focus. What happens when we cannot see self at all, but instead turn our gaze to Christ and have all of our focus on Him.

Thanks for the post and the reminder.


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Travis

 2018/12/12 8:05Profile





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