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Discussion Forum : General Topics : Thinking about marriage?

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TakeUptheCross
Member



Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 213
Germany

 Thinking about marriage?

Dear people,

I've been thinking about marriage and "trying to plan for the future" in the recent months. But I find it at times so exhausting and confusing - since I do not know so many things.

Just in the last 3 days I've heard about 3 different couples getting married. And... being in a "marriageable age", I can't help sometimes the thought when my time will come.

I am at the same time amazed at marriage and what God has ordained it to be, and at the same time terrified at the possibility of making the wrong choice. Perhaps, I will have this way or the other to wait till I finish my studies before I get married... but how do I cope in the meantime? How can I escape the trap of thinking of my brothers in the Lord as "potential husband"? How can I "forget about marriage" even when I am interacting with unmarried people in the church?

And... what if I never marry?! I am fully convinved that men and women can find perfect peace and joy in God, through the years of singleness and through the years of marriage. But I realize that my problem trying to plan my future (and carrier), depending on something unknown. When, how, where, who?


At the end, I want to quote John Piper, answering a similar question on his podcast:

Quote:
"You cannot plan things like this. You can’t. You can’t strategize as a young woman and say, “I’m going to have a Boaz.”

You can’t act like, “I know what to do. I know what fields to go to. I know a country to go to.” You can’t. You can’t strategize for this kind of matchmaking. You can only do your work with joy in the Lord and watch the sovereign God work for you.

That’s the first suggestion: Meditate and linger over the book of Ruth."



https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/christians-are-marrying-later-how-do-i-wait-in-faith
That answers my question partly. I will be thankful for every godly advice!

Yours in Christ,

 2018/3/12 13:46Profile
sermonindex
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 Re: Thinking about marriage?

Dear One,

The best place to be is "Lord, you know my future, I submit everything to you." And everytime the "desire" arises in your heart to want to be married then you give that "desire" to God in prayer committing it to God and being again at peace in your soul.

Anxiety about marriage is not God's will, we must come to the place of peace and rest and when those "desires" come which are good we are to cast them to God in prayer. I believe by doing this God will lead you to the right spouse and will direct your paths and it will keep you more atune to hear God's voice in the matter.

This short book though it has some "indian" references is very simple and applicable: Sex, Love & Marriage by Zac Poonen https://www.cfcindia.com/books/sex-love-marriage


May God help you and guide you and bring you to a place or rest, assurance and peace. Every good and perfect Gift will come from above (from God).


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SI Moderator - Greg

 2018/3/12 19:42Profile
Gloryandgrace
Member



Joined: 2017/7/14
Posts: 690
Snoqualmie, WA

 Re:


Years ago I was with a good brother in the Lord and we were looking at a local paper "penny saver" in the back were classifieds and ads for those "looking for someone". I read...

Looking for SWM must have job and car.

We both laughed so hard...we both knew the girl had probably been burned and had lowered the bar just above pond scum.

Greg's advice was excellent, its a good thing to be desirous or God's mate for you and to prepare yourself for that eventual union. If you know you were called to be married, it's no sense in giving yourself scenarios where you're a single all your life.
Patience and keeping a watchful eye for the providence of God is very important.
When it comes to standards make sure they are biblical ones. "tall dark and handsome" seems to be on most lists but I don't think God has put that on his list.
Be watchful of the fakes, church goers who seize the opportunity to find a good church-girl then unbeknownst to them, proceed with a satanic zeal to reduce your Christianity to rubble and your heart along with it.
Kick every man to the curb who will chose you over Jesus.
If they have no past history of living for Christ proven by his friends, known by his pastor and foremostly required by you, he is not qualified to untie your shoes.
Im not trying to get you to set a 'high' standard, as your brother keep these things in the forefront of your mind.
Will God lead you and guide you? Yes, Will he bring you his best? Yes. But in all what God will do, don't let your brain die, or your discerning shut off.

He will be the priest of your household, Is he saved 10 years but still cant pray effectively...this means he still lives by the flesh. Goes to Church but has no desire to study the scripture, no discernible desire to know God in prayer, has no interest in sharing his faith? 86 him like a drunk.
He will be the father of your children, barely takes responsibility for himself...unqualified for a godly woman wanting children. What's most important to him on his down time? It isn't what hobbies he has, it's the kind of person he is when its just my time, my money and my pleasure is he preparing for you as you are for him? If not, 86 him.

So, yea he should be a spiritual man...unless you want a fleshly looser and you don't need any advice on how to get those, they are dime a dozen.

Some will say "you're making it impossible for that woman to find a godly man", to which I say "No, any real born again man who is seeking God will have all this raw material even though he is young in the faith".

I'm not trying to give you a to-do list...just a few pointers.

and yes, he should have a car and a job too.


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Marvin

 2018/3/12 21:07Profile
dohzman
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Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2120


 Re: Thinking about marriage?

God brought Eve to Adam, it’s always best when God does the leading, just follow God s lead by keeping your eyes on Jesus and the rest will work itself out in due time.


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D.Miller

 2018/3/12 23:14Profile
Gloryandgrace
Member



Joined: 2017/7/14
Posts: 690
Snoqualmie, WA

 Re:


At the risk of sounding like a real meanie...

It is true and biblical God will lead you, guide you and direct your heart.

I said all those 'other things' because in my past experience with young godly women who are beginning to search for godly husbands...'God will lead you' is too vague, to trite, to useless to even count as godly counsel.

Why? Because when 'tall dark and handsome' approached the young Christian woman she was enamored with his manly looks, carried away by his charms, rejoicing that such a young stud found her attractive...and then the real man came out and they were in bed in no time, listening to God became very hard, shame came in, her own desires and lusts came into play, her 'answered prayer' was now leading her into fornication and to another church.

She needed a lot more than "God will guide". So, at the risk of sounding like a meddler I pray God guide you as I have shared those few pointers, do not deviate from them and you will find God did truly guide you while you were strict and deliberate about what kind of man you believe God has sent to lead you, pray for you and nurture you in Christ.


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Marvin

 2018/3/13 16:38Profile
savannah
Member



Joined: 2008/10/30
Posts: 1769


 Re: Thinking about marriage?





If fathers were doing for their daughters what God has called them to do, much of this confusion, stress and difficulty would not even exist for young ladies.

Male predators would be kept at bay.
Emotional bonds would not form.
Physical bonds would be safeguarded.
Fornication would be next to nil.
Illegitimate children would be few.
Murder of the unborn (aka abortion) would be scarce.
Adultery would diminish significantly.
Divorce would be the exception rather than the norm.
Marriage would be honorable among both men and women.
Both men and women would be more respectful toward each other.
Hearts would be guarded rather than broken.
Much less baggage would be carried into marriages.
This world would be a better and a safer place.


Preventive measures have been abandoned.
We must now resort to remedial measures.

May God help us return to the 'old paths'.

 2018/3/13 17:57Profile
dohzman
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Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2120


 Re:

Amen! That is spot on


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D.Miller

 2018/3/13 20:30Profile
TakeUptheCross
Member



Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 213
Germany

 Re:

Thank you all for your replies!

@Greg - I've read part of the book and do agree with the biblical principles explained there.

@Marvin - Thanks for your advices! Don't worry, "talk dark and hansome" is not my priority. I am rather constantly trying to remind myself what is God's purpose of marriage and how our home should glorify Him, what manner of wife (I) or husband (he) should be that we can fulfill that calling. And this helps especially in situations, when I am around hansome ungodly boys. "Don't even think about it!" (Edit to add: like you cannot achieve God's purpose with an ungodly man. On top of that, it is forbidden to marry unbelievers.)
And when I am around godly men, I think to myself that we have to somehow match each other also in the spiritual - convictions, devotions, love for the Lord. Not that we are going to be the same, but that we are going somehow to be most effective for the Lord, when we are "paired together" (complementing each other).
I only do not understand what "86 him" means? Could you please explain?

 2018/3/14 16:31Profile
TakeUptheCross
Member



Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 213
Germany

 Re:

@Marvin - continued
"God will guide you" - is not useless as counsel. I guess, it is the very thing I need. You know we have a lot of "How to..." books these days, and many times in the Bible there are "how to" directions, too. But I think that after we have been immersed in the Word and God's principles (and continue to be all our days), God will guide us. "What man is he that feareth the LORD? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose." (Psalm 25)
At least this is the conclusion I came to through the years. I have so often desired to hear from God audibly, to have a dream, to have a verse impressed on my mind that will show me clearly the way, hear an answer to my prayer - "Lord, where I should go next?" in a sermon. And sometimes His leadings have been very clear, sometimes I had to go forward, trusting He will figure it out - and He lead.

Maybe I should learn to trust Him with my future!

 2018/3/14 16:42Profile
TakeUptheCross
Member



Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 213
Germany

 Re:

@savannah
You are (partly) right. I believe mothers have also responsibility. It breaks my heart, when I hear of broken families. And many in my generation grow / are growing up in broken families. Therefore, my prayer is much more that Christians don't add fuel to the fire and we don't be part of that statistics.

My questions arises not because my parents have not shown me the right path - I thank God, they did show me Christ! But rather because I know the Truth, and want to remain in it, while the world is running the other direction.

I believe in the biblical principles of purity, permanence of marriage, submission etc. And there are still people out there, who believe and practice the same. God is faithful!


 2018/3/14 16:57Profile





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