| I give up. I'm done.|
I spent the last four days trying to get away from everything and just being with God. As a recovering performance-based perfectionist, I like solid, defined starts to things and working towards a solid, defined finish. Let me know what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and then beware of the smoke that follows.
It didn't work. Life happened. Defeat crept in... again.
That's one of my favorite words in the Bible and I got a "suddenly" of my own that set me free.
I'm sure this won't be a big revelation to anyone else because it's so simple - so basic. But, for me it was a priceless brick of wisdom that finally fell from my head to my heart with a heavy thud! It only took decades of exhaustion and defeat to learn. But that's a bargain because I actually learned it! It's mine now.
Suddenly, while making the dinner I didn't want to have because I wanted to fast, I heard, "Just believe and obey. Leave the results up to Me."
While caramelizing onions, the Holy Spirit chose that moment to free me. Waves of understanding, peace (oh the peace!) and clarity crashed over me, washing away all of my stress, anxiety, AND perfectionistic tendencies. I could breathe!
I could write a hundred pages on what happened next. All the old thoughts and ways I've had played through my head in mere seconds. After each thought of them came the answer, the cure for the disease of Self - "Just believe and obey. Leave the results up to Me."
If I'm not careful, this will turn into another novel and I don't want to subject you to that again! But there's so much more to this! So, I'm done. I give up. I surrender it all and will let Him take charge and lead the way from now on. It's silly, but I don't even have the desire to do it my way anymore. My outlook, thought process, expectations, and even my goals, for each day from this point on have all been transformed. I actually see everything in a whole new light now. And now that I've had some time for it all to sink in, I'm drained and going to take a nap. (I rarely ever take naps!)
I'm sorry if my posts have been too much information. It seems that the moment I joined SermonIndex, my life took a new turn and everything is playing out in posts here. That's just so unlike the invisible wallpaper that has been my life for the last almost 20 years! That freaks me out a bit but I'm ready for the change. Makes me wonder what's going to happen next!
Thanks for putting up with me. Love in Him!
| 2016/5/8 19:15||Profile|
| Re: I give up. I'm done.|
The Hebrews 4 experience: "He who has entered His rest has ceased from his own works."
| 2016/5/8 20:21||Profile|
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11
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Galatians 2:20 New International Version (NIV)
20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
SI Moderator - Greg Gordon
| 2016/5/8 20:55||Profile|
| Re: |
Very exited, this sounds like a new life, "a new creation !"
Thanks for sharing and praise God.
Paul said immediately after his conversion: “Lord, what will You have me do?”
The Lord said to him, (Ananias) “Rise and go to Straight Street, and inquire at Judas’ house for someone named Saul of
Tarsus, for he is praying,(from Acts 9 )
I have been trying to reach out to people who have no hope and I sometimes wondered where is the Lord?
He still cares and calls people out of this world to Him !
The Gospel is still the power onto salvation !
| 2016/5/8 21:39|
| Re: I give up. I'm done.|
"Just believe and obey. Leave the results up to Me."
I just want to praise the Lord with you brother, this is fantastic to hear, and yes THIS is it!!!
This is precisely what Paul was explaining to the Galatian believers, "How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort"?
It takes a very long time for most of us to truly grasp this truth, that what was begun by Gods power and not by our own works, shall be perfected by His inward power.
| 2016/5/8 21:40|
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Thank you, everyone. I really don't know what to say but, thank God I'm dead! I should caramelize onions more often!
The guilt and shame of taking 33 years to get to this point (after coming to Jesus at 17) is gone, too. I almost didn't think that was possible. But the Holy Spirit reminded me that it took 40 years for God to prepare Moses for ministry. I'm no Moses but I'll tell you one thing... I'm ready and willing to do whatever He asks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm an invisible, unknown person; that I've always been the little mouse who runs around quietly doing the grunt work unseen. I think that might actually have been some of my behind the scenes training. I don't dare assume, though. But I know that God will use everything for His glory and to my good because I love Him and I'm called according to His purpose.
I can honestly say that I could grab my Bible, walk out the front door, and not blink an eye or look back because I've experienced God meet impossible needs miraculously when everyone I ever knew deserted me. I'm one of those people you read about in the news that, if I died, it would be months before anyone found me. And even in that most dire situation, God met my every need. So, yes. If I were to grab my Bible and walk out the front door, it would be a privilege to serve Him that way.
Maybe that's why the Holy Spirit impressed upon me to join SermonIndex in the first place, after many years of lurking - as an example of what He can do with one of His very least, and most stubborn; to encourage someone, whether they be a member or a lurker. I'm okay with that. I'm not too proud to serve as a warning!
But now I have one single focus - Jesus. If I were in the marketing businesses again, I might call it the TAO of Jesus. Trust. Abide. Obey. This is my only goal or desire now. However it plays out. I can't wait to see how He's going to move next!
| 2016/5/9 14:05||Profile|
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Very happy for you indeed. Angels are singing.
| 2016/5/9 14:46|
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Isn't that a remarkable thought when you think about it? Angels are singing over a fool. (Jesus's own words about someone like me.) Now that's grace and mercy... and humbling.
Luke 24:25, "And he said to them, “O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!"
That's me... all head knowledge and slow of heart to BELIEVE.
| 2016/5/9 15:17||Profile|
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Brother, it's a great day when we can call ourselves a fool. The Lord brought me down to taste the dust and l am so thankful.
| 2016/5/9 15:23|
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Praise God His timing is perfect!! And while you were carmelizing onions no doubt!! We just never know when God is gong to speak a word into our hearts and minds that sets us free. ‘Just believe and obey. Leave the results up to me.” We can always trust when we wait upon the Lord that His timing is as perfect as He is.
| 2016/5/9 16:22||Profile|