| Re: Prayer Request with Testimony and Warnings.|
That was the most moving testimony l have ever read. I am so pleased at the supportive response you have received and proud of my fellow posters here for the warmth they have shown you.
Some of your story resonates with me especially your isolation since childhood. I was one of the Pinks Disease babies who nearly lost their lives with 50% mercury teething 'powders' being in hospital for a long period. God saved my life as 25% died,and knowing what l know now, l had the genetic defects that made detoxing the mercury very difficult.
As well as damage to my immune and neurological system, l suffered the emotional damage that was not understood in those days, in taking a baby away from its mother, leaving it to cry all day in a hospital bed and even disuading the mothers from visiting.
My parents were not able to love or nurture a child that this, though did an adequate job with my younger siblings. Besides, Pinks babies cried non stop and wore their mothers out. Later l was said to be a hypochondriac as l was always being ill.
I never remember a cuddle or even a kind word like you. I also discovered late in my life that l have aspergers Syndrome which explained a lot my total lack of social skills and inability to have relationships.
My extended family heard that l was an attention seeker, despite being very shy and withdrawn, and they never bothered with me. School was a nightmare on the days l was not sick.
So when l found the Lord at 23, there was exactly that baggage you described and l fell into the trap of being performance orietated. It led to me reaching the point of rejecting my faith. He seemed to bless others but do nothing to assist me in life or supply the help and support l desperately needed so that l could not see how He cared for me at all.
He could have intervened so many times, like when an uncle who would be classed as a pedophile today, began to interfere with me or the time when l walked straight into a terrible marriage with a gambling addict and later, an alcoholic, not having any idea how to watch out for myself or that any attention did not mean that l had found the love l craved for. I ended up abandoned by all and very sick indeed as l contracted Lyme Disease on top of everything.
It took many years for the Lord to break through my shell and for me to know that He had provided everything on the Cross for me and that He was just waiting to give me a pure heart, that is healed from previous scars and damage.
Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be satisfied but you bet that Satan will do all in his power to keep those ones from believing that God is good and that they are loved by Him unconditionally. But we must lay all on the altar and accept all things as being allowed by our Father. He will then be able to make them work for the good instead of our bad. We will be overcomers in the kingdom and be shown wonderous things too incredible for words.
Your bravery in opening up like this is commendable and l am joining in with the others to pray that the desires of your heart will be granted and the pure heart will be yours.
There is no love on earth that can compete with it nor damage to our hearts that it cannot overcome. The hidden ones know much that is for them alone.
| 2016/4/29 5:00|
| Re: The Lord's Touch|
Just a little P.S. to my last post Keith. The Lord been laying you on my heart to pray. You said, and I believe it is truly your hearts desire for the Lord to have a place for you to serve:
“To belong somewhere where I can serve behind the scenes to help others and build them up is enough.”
Consider that done in part brother. Your testimony is a powerful help to others here. The Lord has used you to touch me and others through your courage and conviction to speak your heart. He is already using you to minister to and build up others in this place. I pray God has you pour out here a whole lot more. You are a blessing to the Body of Christ brother.
And as far as your trepidation about hearing Matt. 7:21-23 spoken to you. You tell that liar to get behind you in Jesus’ name. There be the difference between conviction and condemnation. One brings life and the other is a bald face lie. Hold the line brother and don’t let that lie get past the gate anymore. You’re loved!
Standing with you - praying and believing
| 2016/4/29 10:27||Profile|
| Re: |
You know that feeling you get in your gut when you leave a post that you think might be "too much" and you get really nervous about going back to check on how it was received? I had that. Then I realized that, in all fairness, no one could say anything more firmly, or critical, to me that I've not already said to myself even more harshly. So, I signed back in.
In short, I'm overwhelmed. Mostly, there were tears as I can honestly saw that I felt waves of love wash over me. That sounds so Oprah but it's an accurate description. I could actually feel the healing begin within me. How I "know" this, I can't describe but I felt walls and hardness "melt." Like I said, I can't describe it but that's exactly what happened. Along with healing, some understanding has come, too.
Some of your posts made me physically gasp because the Holy Spirit was very, very clearly speaking to me through them. He used ALL of them, I assure you! But some of them were CLEAR and VIVID words for me as though He Himself were talking to me specifically addressing exact wounds and questions.
When I finished reading everyone's replies, the Holy Spirit brought Moses to my remembrance. It took God 40 years to prepare Moses to be used, from age 40 to 80. Then his ministry started. I don't know if I "have a ministry" or not, but I can at least accept that the 33 years of my Christianity have been a time of preparation and that God can redeem them, even in me.
I want to address each post individually, but allow me to say, in general, that I am so grateful to all of you! Your genuineness, and your love, are felt and treasured! I'm strengthened by it! I'm shocked so many took the time to read all 2,819 words! (Yeah, as a reformed, former white collar corporate type, I had it checked!) Please know that you made a difference. I'm a different man today than I was yesterday! Thank you and you are all doubly loved in return.
MR. BILL - Thank you, again, for the encouragement. I know what you mean about the phrase, "I'll keep you in my prayers." I tend to have an aversion to anything associated with clichéd western Christianity lingo but sometimes it's just true and heartfelt! Thank you!
TMK - Thank you. One thing I was overwhelmed with in these responses, through the Holy Spirit, is that yes, I truly am one of His! :::insert huge sigh of relief here:::
INTHELIGHT - Thank you, Ron. That is my biggest prayer request and desire!
DOLFAN - Thank you, Tim. I can honestly say I love you and the rest of my family here, too!
FATHERSCHILD - Heartfelt thanks, Lois! I hesitate to say this because I know that the ability comes 100% from the Father Himself, but forgiveness is something comes easy to me. I hold absolutely nothing against my family. I know full well that they didn't come from loving homes themselves so they didn't know how to love. I simply see my family experience as nothing more than a fact in my testimony. It's something I've always been grateful for because I see so many struggle with forgiveness. And thank you for the prayers!
CALEB4LIFE - Your reply really struck me. The Psalm 51:17 verse you quoted was by the leading of the Holy Spirit, without a doubt. When I read that, I thought, "Wow, that does describe me." And I 'heard' the Holy Spirit confirm, "Yes. Finally..."
You said, "His love is contagious! As His love fills your heart, like a sponge gets filled with water, my prayer is that you will be "squeezed out" over others that need His love as well!"
This is how I've been my whole life, even before I became a Christian. I was always determined to show love towards everyone because I knew how NOT being loved felt. It's one of the reasons why everyone always called me a "goody-two-shoes." In the workplace, I would constantly hear things like, "What do you want? Nobody is THAT nice for no reason. You WANT something!" I had people tell me they hated being around me because "you make me feel guilty!" I even tried to change and not be so "nice" all the time. It didn't work. I can stand up for myself and, if I'm not careful, I can let my temper fly and make grown men cry by going off on them. I'm not smart enough to be afraid of anyone. But, I really have to be pushed to get to that point. So, I don't want to come across as I'm perfectly loving all the time, but it's something God definitely put into my make-up.
Thank you for replying with everything you did and the wonderful encouragement!
JFW - Fletcher, your post put me over the edge into the ugly cry. When I read the excerpt you quoted from Leonard Ravenhill (a very personal favorite of mine), it was answered prayer... in spades, personally autographed and presented on a silver platter. I remember telling God that I wished I could speak to Leonard Ravenhill and get a personal response from him. That, Fletcher, is exactly what that was! I tremble at even saying that because I don't ever want to be arrogant and proud, but the Holy Spirit was all over your post and that quote. It felt like I was taken by the shoulders, looked at straight in the eyes and personally spoken to. It was followed up with these words: "You many not understand but will you continue to trust Me?" Every bit of worry about being invisible and not being understood disappeared right there. I can breathe again. Thank you so much!
BROTHAGARY - Thank you for that wonderful assurance. It read like the benediction to the previous reply and encouraged me tremendously, brother!
TRUEWITNESS - Thank you. That Lone Ranger Christian stuff, even though it wasn't intentional, is not good for any Christian. And it's not good for the Body as a whole!
I know this will sound strange after reading my testimony, but a healthy identity is something I've had most of my life! Even as a kid, when my parents were mean to me, I knew it had nothing to do with me. I remember thinking, "I hope they get better soon!" I knew I was a "good boy." Then, when I became a Christian, I recognized that that was God who placed that desire to love others in me. I didn't come across to anyone, even those who rejected me, as needy, desperate or clingy. I didn't even come across as not having an identity. It was the exact opposite. But, once I allowed myself to get so beaten down and fall into self-pity mode (let's be honest and call a spade a spade), THAT'S when I lost my identity in Him. This thread helped me to really see this clearly.
And, for the record, as much as I've been hurt by family, friends, and churches, ultimately I AM RESPONSIBLE for getting into the state I was in (and am now coming out of). I am responsible for my relationship with Jesus and trusting Him. It's not conditional on how others treat me. Yes, I was beaten down and I let the enemy hold me down for a very long time! It's not how you start, but it's how you finish that really does matter!
There's a lot of truth in the insight you gave. I've been fully aware of being performance based with my acceptance of God's love. But even being aware of that didn't change it in me. I am indeed the stubbornest of all men. Your insight has been received and welcomed, brother. And it's being put to use.
BRENDA7 - Thank you, Brenda. I think it was more desperation than bravery but the Holy Spirit is using it! Your formative years were certainly not a picnic either. I can't imagine going through all of that. The one thing that has always, always helped me - even through this current difficult period - is knowing that God could be trusted with everything. The girl that drove me around a small town of 900 people for four hours, telling me about Jesus, said a VERY important thing to me that made ALL the difference during EVERY trial of my life. And I now say it to everyone I tell about Jesus: "You either need to believe that what the Bible says is true; that it's the inspired, inerrant Word of God Himself and that every word is true and still applies today, or that it's one big fairy tale. There is no in-between. There is no picking it apart to take this and toss that. It can only be one or the other." I immediately and forever accepted it as God's real words to be believed and trusted for everything. That belief has been an anchor that's saved me through many storms.
FATHERSCHILD - Thanks so much for the encouragement, Lois. I hope God WILL use my 33 years of wilderness wandering and preparation as a warning to others to take responsibility for their relationship with Him and to redeem the time while we still have time to work and make a difference! As for Matthew 7:21-23, I can say that I feel better that they will not be spoken to me. Those are the most terrifying words in all of scripture to me and those are the people that are really on my heart to reach! Can you imagine living your whole life, believing you would go to heaven, only to be rejected with those words? To reject God entirely from the start is one thing, but to expect heaven and head to hell would be unbearable agony!
| 2016/4/29 14:09||Profile|
| Re: |
Amen Keith, the Lord’s been speaking that word to me lately about redeeming the time.
Love and Blessings
| 2016/4/29 14:52||Profile|
| Re: |
I don't have anything profound to say after reading all that others have written. Just know that when I read your post I was choked up, and deeply felt your heart. Your experience especially resonated b/c even while raising 7 children for Christ, I have heard a couple of mine share something very similar. It is anguishing. Truly the work of God in a human heart is something that ONLY HE can do....I do pray that He will continue to meet you just exactly where you are as He is the One Who created you! I am so glad that you feel the love from many here :)
| 2016/4/29 14:55||Profile|
| Re: |
LOIS: Redeeming the time is so important right now. This is the only time we have left to affect the kingdom and our rewards before entering eternity. I have no clue what those rewards are or what we're going to do with them, but we're instructed to go for them! I'm desperate to not show up to the party empty-handed and ashamed.
MAMA27: If profoundness were a qualification to love, I'd surely be hopeless and without qualification. Thank you for the thoughtful and encouraging words. Growing up was hard enough. But trying to parent after that? I couldn't imagine!
| 2016/4/29 15:42||Profile|
| Re: Blessings |
You my friend, have brought this man to tears, literally, with your testimony. I don't often read long posts but I read yours, every word of it.
Makes me think of what one man said to me almost twenty years ago, he said, "______ , God wastes no pain!"
I have never forgotten that. I was at a time in my life that I thought my world had come to an end.
I myself have also known the depths of despair on many occasions, and have also kept in my heart all these years something else that someone had said, they said, "Never trust a man who hasn't suffered."
Not many men can relate to books like, "The Mute Christian Under the Smarting Rod", by Thomas Brooks. Or, "The Crook in the Lot", by Thomas Boston. I'd highly recommend these, along with "A Treatise on Self Denial" by Thomas Manton. These books are not for the faint of heart, nor are they for casual reading. They cut to the heart, and help the Christian get a proper diagnosis of himself, his trials, and of his Great God who does all things from the perspective of His Love for us.
I didn't intend to write all this when I started. So let me just end by saying this, I was so moved by your testimony that I had to reply and let you know. I'm not sure I can express in words on a forum just how much I was moved. So I'll just leave you with a song that may do just that.
I am not driven by emotions, but neither am I a rock which doesn't feel nor have them.
I can honestly say that, each and every time I've listened to this song, which has been many a time, it has brought me to tears, literally. And like most every song, there's quite a story behind why this one was written. Well, here it is;
"Laura Story - Blessings"
Bless the LORD my friend Keith.
From one who has been blessed by God!
| 2016/5/5 8:23||Profile|
| Re: Feedback |
I didn't have the same reaction as all the others and perhaps I will receive your ire as a result.
You described yourself as a goodie two shoes and that your behavior as a white collar, corporate type convicted your coworkers because it was too nice. Perhaps you aren't listening to yourself nor the AMAZING TESTIMONY AND WARNING you meticulously crafted.
Over and over you talked about looking for acceptance. You wanted it from from your parents, family and ultimately coworkers. You have tried to manipulate them through being nice, as you stated, you have done this for far longer than you had any knowledge of God or the cleansing work of the Holy Spirit. That makes all your goodie-goodie, making nice and friendliness filthy rags because it is your own good works. You claim it is a good work from before having any knowledge of the holiness of God, are you greater than Paul who far surpassed anything you accomplished?
You have done the same to the saints here on SI. You purposely titled this thread to garner the attention of other similar threads so that it would be read and receive views which in turn would bring more views, with that comments and yet more views and more comments.
Your writing style comes across like that of the weird occultic, self-help stuff that comes in the mail unwarranted. It comes promising great knowledge and power over people to achieve success in business and relationships but it reeks of the darkness of Satan.
So my comment is this, don't post in self importance nor trying to manipulate the saints to get attention. Sermon Index is a ministry started for and sustained by the glory of God. Lay off the positioning and self-flattery and speak honestly for once. You have been lying to yourself and others about your intentions for decades. Take off your mask, you're welcome to come as you are.
I commend this book by Art Katz titled "The Spirit of Truth." You need a crossing over where "it is no longer I who live." God is patient and His saints as well. SI has the purpose of facilitating revival corporately and individually.
You may have a lot of things to get off your chest which may result in tussles with others here as you work out your faith with fear and trembling. Don't give up.
And welcome to Sermon Index.
| 2016/5/5 14:43||Profile|