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 Re:

Hi sister, this can be a very difficult subject and I think those who have commented so far have been good and helpful. Every single relationship is different. There are fundamental truths of course, but every couple are unique. If you are indeed married to a narcissist then this may be different than other situations.

Narcissists crush the life out of their partners and swallow whole the others personality. No thoughts are legitimate and all wrongs are blamed on the other party. So many men have used the Scriptures against women to control every aspect of who they are in tyranny. And of course narcissists raise broken children.

So what is the answer for someone genuinely caught up in this kind of prison? Or perhaps a women is living with someone who beats her. What is the solution for the " innocent," party if indeed that is the case. ( The term narcissist is used a lot)

My mother lived with a husband who was a control freak and an alcoholic. When she was born again things turned violent because he knew he was no longer in charge. He forbade her to go to church, she went anyway, she would then be beaten for that. He nailed our front door with six inch nails from the inside, she went out the window and was beaten upon return. Should she have been obedient to her husband? She would tell you that she was led of the Lord.

Now she would also tell you that she was led to stay in that situation. A decision that all of her Christian friends disagreed with and also the pastors that were involved. She told her children that God had told her that this was for the saving of his soul. She endured hatred and abuse and violence for fifteen years which included but not limited to a broken jaw.

After fifteen long years, and she eventually separating from him for a year ( she would never dream of getting a divorce or re-marrying) my father came to the Lord at the age of 49. They retook their marriage vows and are now 75.

Now there was fall-out from all of that. All three children ended up being addicts. My brother spent 13 years in prison. Eventually two out of the three children came to the Lord and I believe my brother will to.

It is very difficult to see the bigger picture in peoples lives. No two stories are the same. Perhaps if my mother had separated from him so many years before it may have produced the same results as it did when she eventually separated from him. No one will ever know. I can tell you that my mother is one of the Godliest women you will ever meet. Enduring suffering for His name brings us uniquely close to the Lord.

Bottom line I believe is that we as His children must hear from the Lord. He is the one who must direct our steps. He knows all the players and He knows what is right and it does not always fit into a nice neat box, in fact it rarely does. The more severe a situation we are in the more imperative that it is to hear from the Lord. I pray sister that the Lord will speak to you. Advice from people is often good but it cannot replace that small still voice. Oftentimes common sense and previous experience simply do not apply to our situations..............bro Frank

 2016/3/2 14:22
pernvic
Member



Joined: 2007/10/23
Posts: 96


 Re:

Thank you everyone, thank you bro Frank

 2016/3/2 18:20Profile









 Re:

So very well said and a beautiful testimony of redemption and extreme suffering for the Lord, Frank.

Many people always say persecution is coming and yet there are so many right now going through such incredible ordeals and testings of their faith.

 2016/3/2 19:06
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

pernvic,

I agree with Frank.

When we are in a difficult situation we want a quick fix NOW, yesterday would have been better, but at the latest NOW. But life does not work that way. And neither do marriages. (We have been married since Sept. 1967.)

Recently I have been looking at the life of King David. In doing so I am seeing some powerful lessons we can take to heart.

Somehow we have been led to believe that when God leads us into 'something' everything will go fine with no glitches, difficulties anywhere. Not so. God had David anointed to be king. Then he went back to herding sheep. Fast forward - David's life was beset with difficulty the like you cannot imagine unless you put your imagination into high gear. But God chose him to be king - still. At every turn David asked God how to respond - now THIS is a powerful lesson. He did not rely on advice from others, or use logic: he asked God and did as told.

Many kings of the northern kingdom were anointed by God to be king but they used their own will, logic to rule and ended up in disaster.

I think there are some powerful lessons here that we do well to take to heart. And....I am 68 YO and still learning. And...I am finding the WORD, the Holy Spirit to be the best reference source by far.

God bless and hope things will get better but if it does not stay close to the LORD and do his bidding.

Sandra


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2016/3/2 21:00Profile









 Re:

Many great thoughts & points, & scriptures.

And Julius, I believe that greater persecution is coming, but the fact of hard ordeals/living/trials now (& always) is another matter altogether. One neither negates, nor really has much to do with the other.

I do have a question & comment: having been through all kinds of trials, hard times, misunderstandings, hurts (caused & received), seen great miracles, breakthroughs, etc. & seen God save my wife (false convert until a few years ago now), etc:

Do you not both have a pastoral/leadership couple you can turn to and spend quality time getting specific instruction, counsel, hearing & understanding you both, etc. To me, that is more crucial than anything. I saw it in our marriage (been married 17 years & only the last few with great understanding between us both).

Another reason to me Why real, intimate, close New Testament fellowship & Biblical counsel are so crucial, especially as the day draws nearer.

God Bless you!
Jeff

 2016/3/2 21:18
pernvic
Member



Joined: 2007/10/23
Posts: 96


 Re:

Well Jeff we do not have a pastor. My husband was also my pastor until he resigned because "his family is out of order". (A year ago)
He is buying a house far away and expects me to leave most of my children and my dog and go live there. He has already went there.

 2016/3/2 22:45Profile
Yeshuasboy
Member



Joined: 2006/6/10
Posts: 668
Northern Rockies, BC, Canada

 Re:

I don't know what to say, except weep. There is a time for everything under the sun, and God knows all hidden things within the heart.


_________________
Richie

 2016/3/2 23:29Profile









 Re:

Church, please don't forget to intercede for this couple. "With God, all things are possible".

 2016/3/2 23:47









 Re:

Definitely will pray

 2016/3/2 23:57
pernvic
Member



Joined: 2007/10/23
Posts: 96


 Re:

Julius21, I can't help but wonder how many other wives get a cleansing cry when they read your post!
It's like my soul is shamed daily, but its all held in, when I read your replies it released bottled up tears.

 2016/3/3 9:08Profile





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