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Mekdi
Member



Joined: 2004/4/29
Posts: 92
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

 Re:

Dian Dear, It is good that you're in this state. The crime of the Laodiceans was not their blindness, not their wretchedness or their poverty but it is because they don't know that they are necked and it's because they say they are rich. Sis, I tell you God is taking you to the first step of Christianity knowing that you are wretched, necked, blind and poor. This is a phase of godly knowledge! So far you say you are rich while you are poor, you say you know while you don't really know, you say that you see when you are blind, you say you are a Christian while you are not. The Lord recently is taking me to the same bone breaking process and I wish he could break me more that I may be filled of His fullness with the extent of the depth of my brokenness. I was recently reading the story of the saints of the catacombs- the first century Christians, and I was totally dismantled like you and I passed through with what seems an identity crises- I said I am a Christian but the contrast shows that I'm not. But this was not without hope. My inner being hopes HIS Salvation! I am ashamed before HIM for I sinned against Him but I hope on whom I have sinned against! Dian this time it is not about your sister and your family or anyone around you ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, God meant to find you and make you his own. For now He is not concerned about the witness you give or not first the vessel has to be dealt! Then you will bring millions to His Kingdom after being dealt with HIM! Don't worry about that. Now is not the time for you to worry on what is going with others, infact keep quiet and simply give your self to be dealt-actually you cannot do otherwise, God has put you in a helpless ground. Dian my dear Sis, I think you are the chosen one for this end time and what I share you is not from my head its from my heart! I long for the "Day of His Power" where he make us his own jewles!

Your sis Mekdi


_________________
Mekdes Tsige

 2005/5/16 4:22Profile
Spitfire
Member



Joined: 2004/8/3
Posts: 633


 Re:

Quote:
Dian this time it is not about your sister and your family or anyone around you ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, God meant to find you and make you his own. For now He is not concerned about the witness you give or not first the vessel has to be dealt! Then you will bring millions to His Kingdom after being dealt with HIM! Don't worry about that. Now is not the time for you to worry on what is going with others, infact keep quiet and simply give your self to be dealt-actually you cannot do otherwise, God has put you in a helpless ground.


Mekdi, you're words speak right to my spirit today. I needed that so bad! I awoke this morning so grieved in my heart. I miss my Mommy! I lay in bed thinking about people in Muslim countries or Jewish families who convert to Christianity. They get completely austracized from their families! No one can feel 'good' about that! I feel awful that my mom and sisters are now distant from me. I lay in bed trying to think how I can 'fix' this problem and I realized I can't. I can't apologize for what I've said, because I meant it. I could apologize for maybe the [i]way[/i] I said it, but that wouldn't change anything now.
Quote:
Now is not the time for you to worry on what is going with others, infact keep quiet and simply give your self to be dealt-actually you cannot do otherwise, God has put you in a helpless ground.

I didn't see this coming. I went gleefully to this cross, not realizing it was the cross. Now that I'm on it, I don't like it! Jesus said, if he wanted to, he could call 10,000 angels to deliver him off the cross, but I'm glad we can't do that. I thought my face was set like a flint to go to the cemetary, but dying hurts. Nevertheless, I want to go. Is it ok to cry along the way? The angel of the Lord told Lot not to look back, also, there's a scripture that says if we put our hands to the plow and look back, we are not worthy to be His disciples. But...it also says to count the cost before you build the house, unless you get half-way thru and find that you cannot finish it, then look foolish.

One time, many years ago, I heard God say, "I'm not playing 'footsie' with you anymore." Footsie is a game that is flirtatious. Two people who are fond of each other touch feet under the table. God wants to be our open love, not just fondling under the table. [u][i]THAT[/i][/u] is gonna cost us [i]everything[/i]! Selah, Dian.

 2005/5/16 6:10Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Rich!

Quote:
Only you can find the grace to pick your way through this minefield, trusting the Lord to give you boldness when necessary and [b]perhaps saying less and praying more[/b], the rest of the time. More and more, I find myself incredulous about my previous assumptions; but this is a good place to be, grappling with stark reality!


..Should we be talking about this?' It's good to share honestly and get feedback, as it helps to confirm our sanity in the Lord.



Ah yes! Wonderful... abide, always... [i]"...and I in you"[/i] The bold above, Oh the very truth of that. It has been so prevalent in experience of late, so often contrary to the fleshly charateristics... And if it is let, it can go much deeper than a silencing of the tongue, our merely un vocalized thought's can still be betrayed by the expressions on our faces. There is still a further reduction to be done.

This is some rich content in this thread, you sisters, how I thank God for you. There is often a more penetrating...something... that comes through you.


_________________
Mike Balog

 2005/5/16 8:46Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re: I'm REALLY in trouble now!

Dian, your testimony is inspiring. It is wonderful to see how the Holy Spirit is still working on people. It is also true that when you have given yourself over to the Lordship of Jesus, people around you will give you a lot of static because of who they serve.

There is one suggestion I would make and that is when someone asks whether you think they are a Christian, it might be best to answer with a question of your own which will tell that person in his/her own mind the answer to his/her question. Just for starters you could ask: have you experienced forgiveness for all of your sins? Or, tell me about your walk with the LORD Jesus? Or, are you obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit? Or, do you find walking with God a joy? And none of these may be the right one...these are given just to help you start thinking. But when you are being led by the Spirit, He will help you.

I have worked as a volunteer in a ministry for 15 years and I am certain a co-worker of mine was not walking with the LORD. She was a Sunday School teacher, knows the Bible BUT and that is the kicker. She gets angry when we discuss 'once saved always saved.' What makes me question her salvation is that I never heard her talk about her daily walk with the LORD. She does not demonstrate the joy of the LORD. But I am not the judge, I am only an observer. And I still love that lady and she knows it.

Blessings,
Ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2005/5/16 21:48Profile









 Re:

Dian, I want to add something to the meaning of the part of my post you quoted in your response. Oswald Chambers talks about 'tracts of human nature' which need to be affected by our relationship with the Lord. Many times I've heard it preached that the individual is the only person resonsible for their 'state' (which I started to address in the thread on Healing) and there is truth in both, none of which I am minimising. But, there is more to understand of what is going on as God deals with us, than simply to roll it all up into 'death of self' or some other legalistic phrase.

The way I described myself is how I've been feeling. Here, it is necessary to state that some things were only shown up in the light of other Christian lives and this was a source of considerable challenge to my soul. Some might say I am wrong to acknowledge anger, express anger, own up to anger and fear, and, they might think I was taking too much on myself to say [b]I[/b] am dealing with it. But, my statement was a gloriously accurate description of what I've been going through for years. [b][i]I[/i][/b] have needed to understand why I was [i]so[/i] angry and fearful, in order to be able to access God's cure in a meaningful way. Doctrinal phrases don't go to the individual heart of complex human condition. Believe it or not, God saves us when we are in turmoil, the 100th sheep missing from the fold. We have needs.

In fact, solutions are simple once one is willing to scrape away the objections to receiving them so God can apply His ointment or His word to the pinpoint of (often painful) insight He elucidates. This is an organic situation... The idea that the newborn Christian is going to be painlessly disabused of all their misapprehensions as they step from the darkness of unbelief into the clarity of faith in God's Light, is, I now believe, a symptom of the immaturity of those preaching that message. It should read far more about what God is going to do as you walk with Him in the Light - the bit about the blood of Jesus Christ cleansing us from all sin. Somewhere in John's statement is the eternal I AM, ministering the life of the Spirit as we acknowledge our death in principle. This [i]is[/i] eternal life.

To learn to [i]overcome[/i], as well as to be healed, suggests we must be acquainted with the enemy's direct assaults on the legitimate cannon fodder he finds in our lives - like we are unwittingly holding up a red rag to a bull. Some of this is simple - learning to acknowledge failure and get back on track quickly, recognising weak points that are fairly obvious - but the rest, that are part of the person I [i]had[/i] become, these present a source of continuous surprise and horror to one's consciousness.

The invisible thinking and [i]being[/i] which are rooted entirely in the flesh or the mind of the flesh, DO NOT affect our standing with God in the Spirit, as long as when they are identified to us, we willingly yield them to His ministrations for our deliverance and healing. I strongly believe only God can deliver the exact answers, even if our obedience must co-operate with His power thereafter.

One might call this the refiner's fire, but it has felt more more like Jer 1:9,10 -

Quote:
Then the LORD put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth. 10 See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant.


Notice - [b]4[/b] [i]demolishing[/i] verbs followed by only [b]2[/b] [i]constructing[/i] verbs. This is true.

 2005/5/18 17:58
Spitfire
Member



Joined: 2004/8/3
Posts: 633


 Re: I'm REALLY in trouble now!

Quote:
I am in deep waters now. I've never been here before. I feel like God has shot me out of an airplane into a jungle and I've landed in a tree. My feet are just dangling. I feel like something really big has ahold of me, but my feet aren't touching the ground. I can't go anywhere and even if I could, I don't know which direction to go in. I've never been through anything like this before. Love, Dian.



Bretheren, this thread was started in May of '05 and the above is a quote from my starting post. This is August of '07. I've been a member of SI since August, 04.

A few weeks ago I had a dream in which I was with my daughter and my son in some large park like area. It was a combination of like a national park and amusement park and something like an aquarium like you would visit in a large city. While inside the aquarium portion, my 11 year old son became separated from us and I was panicking trying to find him in the crowd. I was running around trying to find him and finally I spotted him, but he had changed clothes. This fact, (that he had gone to the restroom and changed clothes), made me angry with him because I had been trying to recognize him in the crowd by what I remembered him wearing that day. I was quite upset at that point and I turned to my daughter, who is 28 and said, "Let's go home. Which way is it to the car?" She immediately began leading us out of this huge place, but she struck off into the woods and began to climb up a huge tree and leap from bough to bough and I was trying to follow her, but finally we were at a large river and I was extremely high up in a tree and I was looking at her, (she had crossed this river on the boughs of trees, literally leaping from bough to bough), and I was scared and trembling and frustrated and I just felt it was impossible to go forward or to go backward and I was crying and angry. I didn't like this ridiculous, difficult path which she had taken in trying to get me where I wanted to go and now I was stuck. That was the end of the dream.

When I awakened, as I lay there in bed, I told the Lord, "this is how I feel, spiritually". Once again, I feel stuck very high up in the trees with no way to go forward, back, up, or down, except, in the dream, I suppose I could have gone forward across that river on the tree boughs, but I was too scared.

I think I've actually tried to go back the way I came recently. I went back to church and tried to fit in, but that was a dead end. Now, many things have happened that have left me feeling frustrated and hopeless that things are ever going to change. My mother is dying of cancer. My husband has taken a job working out of town five days a week. My daughter has moved to another state. I work alone on the same frustrating job that I've done for 26 years...

Isn't this a tale of woe...I'm just stuck! It's time for me to take a leap of faith. Last night, I was discussing my dream (about the park) with a friend and I suddenly remembered my post from over 2 years ago where I described feeling as though I had been parachuted by God into a jungle and I was dangling from a tree. I've got to get out of these trees! Love, Dian.

 2007/8/8 4:04Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re: always in trouble

Dear Dian,

It has been a long time hasn't it? Must say I love seeing these old posts resurrected and brought forth again. There has been so much shared, so much prayed for, much of experience and hardship ... trouble.

It did dawn on me that it seems the Lord continues to take those committed to places of difficulty and tension, in fact would almost be concerned if there wasn't something of this nature going on in some form or fashion for very long, not withstanding those [i]times of refreshing[/i]. In other words to hear of some difficult choices to be made, some [i]pathos[/i] to be plunged into, proves out the opposite of what our modern day Christendom would have it; "Favor" and "Blessings" and all the rest, even when the Sermon on the Mount would speak to those things that are really [i]blessed[/i]. Guess the attempt here is, to hear of such things, though difficult and even somewhat painful ... Prove His involvement not His absence?

Goodness, hope this doesn't sound like advice, just a pondering.

Quote:
I think I've actually tried to go back the way I came recently. I went back to church and tried to fit in, but that was a dead end. Now, many things have happened that have left me feeling frustrated and hopeless that things are ever going to change. My mother is dying of cancer. My husband has taken a job working out of town five days a week. My daughter has moved to another state. I work alone on the same frustrating job that I've done for 26 years...



Those two words sister, frustrated and hopeless ... Ah, I understand somewhat, have given in similarly. My prayers for you and your mother, husband. Went through the same with my dear Ma earlier this year.

[i]are ever going to change[/i]

You know the scriptures and I am thinking specifically of the love\hope, [i]believes[/i] ...

Change is always possible sister, even presently, the smallest of signs, the slightest degree of alteration, a spark, those seemingly insignificant things with those that I love is enough to further hope and trust. Have learned far better than to put too much stock nor to little, the proverbial two steps forward, one step back. Of course that differs somewhat from what you are expressing here ...

Times and seasons.

Hope always has change possible no?

Thanks for your heartfelt honesty Dian.

[i]Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.[/i] 1Pe 5:7

My prayers


_________________
Mike Balog

 2007/8/8 9:59Profile
DesertRose
Member



Joined: 2007/8/8
Posts: 123
Boston.MA

 Re:

Dian,I don't believe God gives you a picture of your life without guiding you out.
God is wanting to do something in your life yet your fear keeps you entangled. The fear of the unknown can and will paralyze us.
You are right you need to be set free.
Dangling in a tree is not where God wants you.
Things happen to us over which we have no control.
God calls us out of our comfort zone. That usually means giving up control and following him with reckless abandon.
You said you went to church and felt like you did not belong and that you feel frustrated over the events in your life feeling like things will never change.
You have had life changing events but don't abandon Hope.
My son had cancer, my young teenage daughter was pregnant and I was going through a divorce all at the same time. Yes, those things were painful yet I more than survived I thrived on the hope I had in the LORD.
Let me remind you the Lord never gives us more than we can bear. He will always come through at just the right time.
I was enduring great emotional pain yet at just the right time I sensed God speaking through saying a bruised reed He does not break and a smoldering wick He does not extinguish. I was revived by those words and realized I was not going to do from the pain.
God can and will deliver you.
Fill you mind with worship through scripture or in song.
My mother who passed away from cancer and is in now in the presence of the Lord had this quote on her refrigerator "Trials are not enemies of faith but opportunities to prove God's faithfulness."
Try to put into words what you want Jesus to do for you and tell Him and let us know so we can be praying.
Life is too short and eternity too long to live safely. God is calling you out of your comfort zone.Let His love fill you.

 2007/8/8 10:17Profile
Rahman
Member



Joined: 2004/3/24
Posts: 1374


 Re: I'm REALLY in trouble now!


Wow sis Dian ...

Good to see you! ... :-D

About two weeks ago i came across this old thread ...

TO: SPITFIRE (and anyone else whose life seems to be in a pit) ... 2005/2/23
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=4673&forum=35&3

... and i thought about you ... and now here you are! ... :-D

In keeping with the anology (from the old thread) of Joseph's life, in your own private thinking and one on one with God, does this mean you're "spiritually" out of the pit now? ... It doesn't seem like you've reached the "palace" yet (me neither), so are you now in Potiphar's house, or are you past that test and now in "prison" (that's where i am now)? ...

You wrote;
"I'm looking at dead religion all around me. It's everywhere! ... Now that I am able to see it so clearly, I'm talking about it with others. I'm finding myself more and more alienated from people."

All i can say is "WELCOME TO THE CLUB"! ... :-D

Blessings in our beloved Savior Jesus Christ!

PS - Actually you're moving "out" of trouble ... ;-)

 2007/8/8 12:22Profile
death2self
Member



Joined: 2006/9/28
Posts: 192
Washington DC area

 Re:

Hi Dian,

I've used three different user names through the years as the Lord has taken me deeper into the wilderness and told me to cut off the Internet and then allowed me brief periods of time when I could write something. My time is a bit limited these days. You sent me a precious tape, I'm trying to remember when about two years ago, perhaps a bit longer, with you and your mother singing a hymn.

As to what the tree means, the only thing that came to mind was Zaccheus.

The Lord is faithful to meet us in the midst of barreness and I'm in a very hot desert and my only hope is in Jesus. What a wonderful place, albeit painful, place to be.

I would encourage you to read Isaiah 30 and chapter 50 (the last two verses), Psalms 84, Hab. 3:17-19. I'm sure there are other scriptures but those immediately came to mind.

Here's a few verses from Isaiah 30 (22-24) [b] Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, "Away with you!"[/b]

What a blessing to see a dear sister in the desert. What can I say, other than "Welcome!" Unfortunately there's no way to make it through while in a tree. Believe me Dian I've tried so many ways to avoid the desert but the Lord has led me back into a deep desert place where noone (including myself) can save me. It's a place where everything is stripped off that's not of Jesus. Sometimes I feel as if I'm literally being skinned, so it's not always pleasing (particularly not to my flesh) but I know it's the Lord doing this. Here's a scripture from Hebrews 13:15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.

Blessings to you sis in the name of Jesus...

Love,
Ed Pugh


_________________
Ed Pugh

 2007/8/8 12:55Profile





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