SermonIndex Audio Sermons
Image Map
Discussion Forum : General Topics : Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

Print Thread (PDF)


Joined: 2005/5/8
Posts: 8

 Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

I would like to share my testimony, After listening to some of these sermons i ask myself was a itruly saved since i have screwed up so bad after being saved... :(

It all started 18 yrs ago, I was a homeless 19 yr old strung out on cocaine and addicted to marijuana. I had just escaped from a 5 yr relationship of such terribel abuse and physical torture. I had nothing and no one LITERALLY !!! I was raised catholic and didnt know God personally..

Well July 18 1987 i was again going to take my life and committ suicide, i had no hope no love nobody not even my parents. All the homless shelters had turned me down. Well thru a miracle i was introduced to a christian couple and they offered to take me in their home. I accepted and from the very first moment i saw soemthign about them i never saw before.. They genuinely loved me the home was filled with such peace and joy. the very first night they fed me clothed me allowed me to shower .. Later they sat me down and talked to me about Jesus.. I was stunned shocked overhwlemed.. I had never heard this in catholic school or church.. I was deeply touched and Gave my life to the Lord.. i will never forget that next morning waking everything looked diffeernt to me.. I was a new person.. Totally delivered from my addictions and pain from all those yrs i endured the abuse.. I was a new creation 100%.

I was on fire for the Lord , i was always told i had so much zeal and boldness. I wanted to tell everyone what the Lord had done for me.... Not only saving me , But how he preserved my life thru those 5 yrs of torture i went thru he was protecting me. Every time this guy tried to murder me God helped me.. It was so amzing to look back and see each time i had a gun held to my head, or attempted drowning , or suffocated etc etc... God helped me and brought me out and saved me....

But as time went by i moved to tulsa with some christians and i got entangled in the whole word of faith stuff , hagin copeland etc... Well within i guess 9 months of being saved i fell :( I started to go to the bar.... I was severly convicted but i did it anyways.. I never had freedom in my life so this was a huge temptation for me.. Well to make a long story short, Over the 18 yrs i fell alot and got back up and fell and got back up..i did some very terrible things.. The conviction was always there sometimes VERY HEAVY SOEMTIMES NOT. This past yr has been extremely trying on me.. God has chastised me deeply and brouoght me to my knees in brokeness from all the games i kept playing..... I have learned now nothing no matter what it is is worth taking me away from the Lord..... I am married to a good man but he is not saved , so that has had an affect on my walk with The Lord.. But i wont allow it anymore....

I posted this to ask can a person be truly born again and fall alot like i did... One thing that was always lacking in my walk was discipline ( prayer and bible study) .. I know that was my downfall....

To add one last thing i have had some very cruel christians tell me i have ruined my testimony, by my backslidings

May God have mercy on me from bringing shame to him in my backslidings.. :(

 2005/5/10 11:08Profile

Joined: 2003/10/15
Posts: 1632

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?


I wish I had more time to type - but i don't. I know your story. I was "saved" at 12 but fell away and rebelled for most of my high school and college years. Even though I tried to be "better" and more "religious" after I was married, I still fell into the stream of the world (going out, partying ocasionally).

Then about 3 yrs ago I just WOKE UP. I mean that I saw that christians everywhere were not living their faith and not living what the bible said, including me.

Now I believe that I was born again at 12- because i saw the fruit back then i loved Jesus more than anything and i had a very simple, trusting faith. But it was when i made the decision to live in willfull rebellion that I believe I lost it. And I don't think I was really saved again until 3 yrs. ago.

I know some will say that I was never saved even at 12 - or I would not have fallen away. But I know that as much as i knew how to love Jesus and give my life to Him then, that i was a believer.

The very bad thing is that i was not taught that you could lose your salvation or that you must continue to live a life of total surrender to Christ to be a believer. so it was pretty easy to fall away. and pretty soon, your heart gets hard and you don't feel conviction anymore.

I thank God that he did not give up on me and revealed himself to me all over again! and I thank God that He has done the same for you!!! :-)

I've got to go now. Maybe I'll come back later to post more.

Keep pursuing Him and learning to surrender every area of your life to Him.

In His love, chanin


 2005/5/10 11:54Profile

Joined: 2005/2/16
Posts: 239
Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

hello, and thanks for posting.

posted this to ask can a person be truly born again and fall alot like i did


Paul, in addressing the backsliders and wayward believers at Corinth did not say - "your constant backsliding and sin causes me to doubt your salvation!" Instead Paul admonishes them saying, "Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?"

That being said, it is better to get your assurance from God than from men - that is, you ought to ask God if you are truly saved. Salvation isn't a feeling we get, The wind is seen by the bending of the grass, and not directly - so too is the Holy Spirit witnessed in a life - you will know He is in you life because He will do things that no person can do. Examine yourself - has God done a work in you?

Recall this word from 2 Peter 1:5-9
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.

If you are not walking with the Lord, you will not have much in the way of assurance - yet if you are diligent, you will be assured.


Daniel van de Laar

 2005/5/10 12:11Profile

Joined: 2005/5/8
Posts: 8


Ty for the replies, Dann the Lord has done things in my life has he ever ! In fact as of recent i been set free from a longtime struggle . I praise him for it...... I could say much more , you said its not a feeling i agree. I have seen him work mightily in my life but as i said i had this rebellion in me from time to time rear up and i would fall. Once again this past yr has been so hard, ( yet so wodnerful)The results in my life couldnt have come from having it easy and thats always been the case. I always had it real easy... But i was put thru the fire ( YIKES) .. ;)

 2005/5/10 12:34Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7470

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

I would guess a lot of people will ask this question about themselves, but I have a question: does it really matter? What matters is where you are in your walk with the LORD Jesus at the moment. We cannot change our past. Take it to the cross and leave it there for forgiveness. If there is restitution to be made, go for it. Otherwise, Jesus tells us " one after putting his hand to the plow and looking back , is fit for the kingdom of heaven." (Luke 9:62).I suggest that you be thankful for how the LORD has dealt with you and stay close to him. Being overly concerned about what is done and in the past can only serve to drag you down. All of us must learn to forgive ourselves and perhaps this is yur problem? and if so, allow Jesus you help you.
Just my thoughts, and God bless you.

Sandra Miller

 2005/5/10 22:08Profile

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

Dear Sister Elizabeth

Thanks for your encouraging testimony.

I was and am much like you, we have something in common.

One thing that I wish to point out is that you have never destroyed Christ testimony in you. Christ testimony is that He overcame the world and He has told us that we are more than conquerers in Christ Jesus.

What most people call backslidings is really not, it's what the bible calls trials and tribulation. When you were attacked by Satan and all his host to bring you down, you were no different than Adam and Eve. They were newly created, they had no knowledge of the enemies tricks and schemes. They only had one command, don't eat of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.

When we were newly re-created (born again) we lived in a state of bliss for several months, and then we entered the twilight zone, because we partook the fruit that was forbidden.

The purpose of this is to show one thing, are we going to cover ourselves with fig leaves and remain hidden in our sin or are we going to run to God and be naked before our God?

It appears dear Sister that you and I have that in common and that is we continue to run to God with our problems and short comings. And this is what He desires. The sin issue is not a problem with Him, as Christ made atonement for that, provision has been made, even though we feel the effects of it. We run to Him with our sins, because we do not want to be seperated from Him as the Word says, "your sins have seperated you from your God".

Alot of us didn't even know that verse was even in the bible, which further proves that "I shall write my laws in their heart". As new creatures, we respond to the Fathers will that has been placed in there thru His Word, and we don't even know it. Praise the LORD.

We are being trained to overcome as He overcame. When we have tasted all that the world has to offer and we are truly sick of it, then He comes to deliver us from other habitual habits that had us bound forever and we become greatful, just as you wrote regarding a great delivery in another post. And this is what GRACE is all about. If we could do it on our own then we don't need Grace or Christ for that matter. We are like the baby in the womb that when the probe is inserted, the baby knows that something has entered the womb, and it moves away from the object. It knows that that object doesn't belong there.

When we see ourselves and see certain things in our life that does not belong, we move away from that, and cry out to God for salvation. Even though we fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up, it seems like an endless cycle of sin and repent, sin and repent. But at least we are repentive. Those Christians who critize those who can't stand on their two feet are mostly legalistic or materialistic and have need of nothing, not even Jesus.

Thanks for that great testimony, it was encouraging.

Oh by the way, You were saved, you are saved, and you are being saved.


 2005/5/10 22:46

Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132

 The evidence was in your chastisement

Heb12:1- where should I place the end verse? Your testomony was heart stirring. I think of the good shepard who left the 99 sheep and went after the 1, how far did he have to go?how long was he gone in his searching? the picture of his return has him carrying that lamb over his shoulders. tradition has it that the shepard would break that lambs leg and then carry it, as he carried it he would talk to it and it would learn to know his voice. Know this---Love never fails, God is love, just rest on his shoulders and learn to reconize his voice and turn a deaf ear to all the other voices. Jesus is truely faithful, trust in him alone.Trust in His word.


 2005/5/11 0:05Profile

Joined: 2004/9/28
Posts: 957
Cleveland, Georgia

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

I would have to disagree with someone who said that your backslidings ruin your testimony. What happened to David, who was a man after God's own heart? He sinned. But he repented. We come short, that's the whole reason Jesus is necessary. Repentance is the key. It is the key to being saved, and it is the key to getting right with God. Don't take my word for it, just read Scripture. Mark 1:15, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel."

Yes, a Christian can get drunk, but God won't let them stay drunk. Feelings of conviction are good when we do wrong, this is evidence that the Holy Spirit is grieving. Remember that anyone that offers God their good deeds for salvation is just like Cain (not Christian, just religious). It is not what we do, but what Christ did. Think of His blood, and putting a bottle down is easy in comparison. Trusting an experience won't help, trusting in Christ's works is the only way. I have friends who are dedicated Christians that can't say the day they got saved, but they know they are. John 1:12, "But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name."

Bible reading and prayer are like vegetables, they aren't always fun and games, but they are good for you, and you feel better afterwards, like a spiritual workout. You're in my prayers.

Hal Bachman

 2005/5/11 1:03Profile

Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re: Was i truly saved 18 years ago ?

Christian testimony is simply declaring what Christ has done in and for us. Even should we backslide, there are historical events in our lives that we can still testify to what Christ did in and for us. Just because we have some months or years where we cannot testify of too much Christ did in us, that does not change the fact He still did things for us, nor does it deny the reality of our past testmony.

Jimmy H

 2005/5/11 6:32Profile

Joined: 2005/5/8
Posts: 8



KingJimmy wrote:
Christian testimony is simply declaring what Christ has done in and for us. Even should we backslide, there are historical events in our lives that we can still testify to what Christ did in and for us. Just because we have some months or years where we cannot testify of too much Christ did in us, that does not change the fact He still did things for us, nor does it deny the reality of our past testmony.

King Jimmy That was very powerful what u wrote and really ministered to me.... Gbu Brother :-)

 2005/5/11 8:15Profile

Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Privacy Policy