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Joined: 2010/8/1
Posts: 92


I am currently wrestling with something and I need some Godly counsel and wisdom. I have been married for a year now and my wife is my joy however, as my desire to do more for the kingdom has grown my wife's hasn't grown as much. My goal is to be a full time vocational minister or missionary. My wife was aware of this before we married. This is my issue. When I mention things like be a missionary or leaving our jobs to preach the gospel full time she is not on the same page. I have all this passion and desire to not just do for Christ but to do well! I have been praying for the lord to stir up my wife's affections for Christ. Any advice or godly wisdom? And let me add that our marriage is in no way in jeopardy or anything like that. It's just frustrating I guess..

Joshua Herndon

 2015/3/10 15:15Profile

 Re: Wives

I strongly encourage you to adopt the belief that your spouse is your first ministry.

Your relationship with your spouse demonstrates to the world God's love for mankind.

Some ministers believe it's perfectly acceptable to have their spouse 'suffer' as they do ministry, this is not Christ, nor is it the gospel. In many of these occasions these ministers fall to sin. (Matt. 5:23-24 speaks the clearest to me.)

Heck, even looking at the corporate world. Many are honored for their work ethic but their home life decays and divorces are prevalent.

I'd encourage you to find out her specific anxieties or concerns. This is personal and I don't expect you to relay that information here but keep in mind, she is dragging her feet for a reason. If you really want this and you feel God wants this, find out her hesitations because she might be fully aware of something that you are blind to.

I'll be praying for you and your spouse. :)

 2015/3/10 15:39

Joined: 2011/8/23
Posts: 1632

 Re: Wives

Both of you may choose to read Francis and Lisa Chan's book on this very idea, "You and Me Forever." My wife and I are reading it. It speaks directly to your questions. Challenging, though. I also recommend you both read Crazy Love.


 2015/3/10 15:41Profile

Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re: Wives

You and your wife are one flesh. As such, you shouldn't be answering any call to ministry without her passionate support.

You can't bring her kicking and screaming into the field. Such would be a strong armed way of conducting ministry, and is contrary to the way of Christ. And if you can't convince your wife to go along with you, then how shall you convince others who aren't your wife?

Paul said in 1 Cor 9:5 that as ministers, we have the right to take along a "believing wife." I take that to mean something more than her just being a Christian. I also take that to mean she also "believes" in the ministry you are called to, and will enthusiastically support you as your help mate.

Also, 1 Timothy 3 doesn't just look at the qualifications of a person called to ministry, but they also look at their spouse as part of the examination. If this is the case, I cannot imagine the apostles appointing somebody to ministry whose spouse wasn't fully on board.

In the meanwhile, all you can do is pray over the matter, and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in your wife. Continue to serve The Lord in whatever capacity you can in the present, and just wait and see if in good time your wife doesn't come along with you.

This reminds me of in the book of Acts where Paul and Barnabas could not enter Asia Minor because the Holy Spirit would not allow it. Later He would make a way of ministry for them.

This could be the way God is telling you to wait. He's not letting you do it yet, and is using your wife to keep you from going.

Jimmy H

 2015/3/10 16:21Profile

Joined: 2010/8/1
Posts: 92


ThaNk you so much! I really took your advice to heart. I think I may be putting "ministry" before my wife. Thanks again and please keep us in your prayers

Joshua Herndon

 2015/3/10 16:29Profile

Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 37399
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11


I have all this passion and desire to not just do for Christ but to do well! I have been praying for the lord to stir up my wife's affections for Christ. Any advice or godly wisdom? And let me add that our marriage is in no way in jeopardy or anything like that. It's just frustrating I guess..

As disciples of Jesus we cannot get married and then focus all on the world. You can always take healthy steps with your time to serve the Lord and be intentional in being a witness for Christ alongside spending time with the family. As you do the small things this will allow your wife to see your passion and not demand from her that she sell all and go into full-time ministry work. Though the Lord can bring her to that place of faith.

Francis Chan's book is excellent on marriage.

SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2015/3/10 22:33Profile

Joined: 2007/2/15
Posts: 193
NSW Australia

 Re: Wives

G'day Joshua,

One of the greatest weapons in the hands of God against the kingdom of darkness is a husband and wife, both on fire for God. The sad thing is there are few such cases (at least here in Australia). It has been my experience that you will find the wife on fire and the husband lukewarm or vice versa, a husband radical and the wife wishy washy. Most of the time both couples do not take Jesus seriously and are no worries to Satan or his kingdom. But I have come across a few married couples where both are serious for God, and they usually move with power.

On the day of judgement, you will be judged on weather you did the will of God not the will of your wife. It may not be easy, but the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not.
1 Corinthians 7:29

Blessings Steve


 2015/3/10 22:48Profile

Joined: 2011/10/21
Posts: 1390
Dothan, Alabama


Amen Brother Steve+:)
Couldn't agree more!

Brother Joshua, you my friend are in a great place right now, rejoice! and be not anxious or frustrated. Remember the simplicity of the Gospel that saved you and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. This, like everything in the life of believer, can be easily resolved by simply acting in faith toward God.
Has God told you to "go south" as He did Philip?
If so go and without hesitation or debate!
If He has not yet told you "to go" then how could you act in faith towards God if you went? (no matter how strong/noble the desire is to advance the kingdom)
To attempt to advance the kingdom apart from the King's edict would be unwise at best and counterproductive at worst.
So in a way everyone's answer so far is correct,( good and godly counsel) tho' only you know what the Lord has told you and when the revealed word and the written word are in agreement in our hearts every step of faith advances the Kingdom as each step is literally His will being done on earth as it is in heaven.
When we have only one it's like a bird with one wing,..lots of work just to go in circles chasing our tails, never really getting off the ground.
Btw Notice the "exchange" of Philip who was quite a successful preacher being called away from a thriving ministry to go into the desert to reveal the Gospel to one eunuch seems a strange "exchange" considering this man will not have sons nor daughters to carry the seed, at least not in the flesh... Today there are over 40,000,000 Coptic Christians who credit the Eunuch from the Court of Candice baptized by Philip and their "spiritual father" in a Pauline sense of the term. So tho the Lord may only give you one soul to win for Christ, that soul may seed a nation of believing saints that Glorify Christ!
In either case, wether on foreign mission fields or in your own community or even in your own home, you by your words seem willing and our Father will use the willing to glorify His Son.
Just gotta say it,... Our God is so awesome and each day in His Kingdom so exciting that it's litterally like being a kid again!
It's a place so full of possibilities!
I mean how can we not have fullness of joy when we're walking with Him not knowing what the next moment will bring but certain that Christ will be glorified and the Kingdom advanced on all sides?!!!
What could be cooler than that?
What could possibly be more satisfying?
More exciting?
And to top it off each moment is of eternal consequence!!! Are you kidding me?!!
So brother Joshua, rejoice dear brother rejoice:)))
Who knows it may kindle the flame in your Brides heart and a short time from now she may be outpacing you;) Ha!

Praising and praying with you~


 2015/3/11 1:03Profile

Joined: 2005/9/1
Posts: 14


Hate to be overly simplistic or archaic but wives need to submit to their husbands. If he gets a call from God she should submit. This may simply be a case of the husband submitting to God and the wife submitting to the husband. I don't mean to be dismissive of her inputs and concerns. Throes must be dealt with tenderly and compassionately. At the end, obey God.

 2015/3/11 2:03Profile

Joined: 2009/11/7
Posts: 1468

 Re: Wives

This genuinely applies to this situation and your must personally face the implications.

Luke 14:26-28 KJV
[26] If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. [27] And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. [28] For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it ?

ArthurRosh just posted a thread on missionaries to Africa and the remarkable decline in zeal and willingness to die for the Gospel. You really have to be willing to die to all the things to do the will of God, even the "delight of your eyes" as the Lord described Ezekiel's wife. The Lord took her in one night as an example to the people of Israel. Ezekiel was a minister of God's word calling a reprobate people to repent and in speaking and doing God's will he faced this. He knew a god who was so much more than "ministry" or "teaching." Did Ezekiel have children? The Word doesn't say but he had in-laws who were likely to have held a deep grudge against him for the rest of his life because his service to God resulted in the death of their beloved sister. There are many in the Church who would frown on you if your obeying God resulted in your wife leaving, getting terminally ill, being killed or dying but the esteem of men is not the source of Life.

Have you counted the cost? Will you run the race to completion or bow out because of the cares of this life? You entered marriage with the knowledge of what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 about fulfilling the fleshly needs of your spouse. Do you realize that in serving the Lord that He may take all your family and leave you alone? 51% or everything?

 2015/3/11 4:05Profile

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