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rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

sree

thanks for sharing your story and experiences. i know husbands are abused too. some don't think it is abuse because men are stronger, but it is because many men who are christian will not fight back when women attack them. i know many times i hurt my husband very deeply with my words. it hurts me now just to think that i said those things and acted as i did but i know there is forgiveness in Jesus. it helps me to that my husband never throws my past sin up at me. when he said he forgave me he let it go and we have been moving forward ever since. i have noticed it is my experience that women can tend to hold on to hurts and wrongs for a very long time. i have also noticed that women talk about past injuries more even though they say they have forgiven the person who hurt them. i had asked in another thread about what true forgiveness really is and got some great answers. i am also seeing that my husbands example is one i want to follow. he loves me and has forgiven me, he doesn't keep reminding me over and over about my past sin, or the way i hurt him.

of course i know men can be just as unforgiving as anyone else, just sharing what my experience as been.

rdg

 2014/7/9 7:46Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re:

rdg, you have a wonderful example of forgiveness in action in your husband. You are blessed. This is something all can learn from. He is taking the led in demonstrating forgiveness.

Thanks for the testimony.

Sandra


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Sandra Miller

 2014/7/9 7:48Profile
PaulWest
Member



Joined: 2006/6/28
Posts: 3405
Dallas, Texas

 Re:

The Holy Spirit admonishes Christian husbands to not be "bitter" toward their wives, and to honor them by remembering that they are the weaker vessel. I do not believe God is referring to physical strength. Women are simply designed differently from men. Though the souls of men and women are salvifically equal in Christ, and there is no distinction between the two under the blood of the New Covenant, on earth behaviourally men and women differ tremendously and special care must be taken in matters of practical relation.

For instance, a wife will often read into something her husband said and interpret it as an attack, when in reality there was no ill motive on his part. This is natural. God created us to see things in a different light; marriage is about learning to work together as one flesh to use both our attributes and gifts to the glory of God and the edification of our family and children. Men usually see things resolutely, and are able to make quick decisions (poor or wise is irrelevevant), whereas women are more indecisive by nature (which is why it can take my wife three hours to pick out a pair of shoes for my son, and I just grab the first pair I see).

If my wife is in a foul mood when I come home from work (because of the children being disobedient), she might make a cutting remark at me at the personal level. It hurts. But if I were to say the same thing back to her, she probably wouldn't talk to me for a week and hold it against me for years. That's just how it is. In these moments of injustice, when I am tempted to fire back, I am reminded to "not be bitter" against her. She is weaker than I am in this regard (but stronger than me in other areas), and I must be the first to forgive and render honor to her in this regard. Christian men have equal faults, but these abuses and faults are usually placed elsewhere. I think of how offensive I can be in God's eyes, of how impatient I can be with the kids, how selfish, how dismissive of my wife's needs, and how God never "fires back" and gives me what I deserve. We are to love our wives as Christ loves his church. As we who have been "called out" sumbit to God, we are transformed more and more into Christ's likeness; so the same when husbands submit to the precepts of scripture pertaining to marriage they become transformed, God in turn transforms the wives. It is very slow, but the abuse will gradually decrease as God begins giving her light on how she might be hurting her husband (and vice versa when we neglect her needs). Yes, the Lord uses marriage to break us individually and then build us back up together as a single unit as a testament to His glory, mercy, and grace.


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Paul Frederick West

 2014/7/9 10:15Profile
Sidewalk
Member



Joined: 2011/11/11
Posts: 705
San Diego

 Re: Thank you Paul!

So well written, and so true.

I have been on this marriage adventure for 47 years, and if there is one thing I have learned... well, maybe more than one thing, but this one stands out- is that I have to practice humility or I am literally dead!

My wife has wonderful qualities, is hard working, fanatically loyal, wise in all matters of homemaking, health, law, money, the scriptures, and home decorating. But one wrong word from me and she can collapse in tears and depression. The one thing I seem unable to learn is how to keep from ever doing or saying things that hurt her!

I am a man of God, there are many who assure me of this with "thank you's" and other praise. This is a great blessing for me. But being married, happily I must quickly add, keeps all this in good perspective that I am just another sinner saved by grace, a man in constant need of fresh wisdom in the Holy Spirit, easily able to be wrong and deceived.

What an amazing tool marriage is to shape and craft His servants into the image of The Son. The chipping and scraping painful at times, but the work of art on the other end will be well worth the price!


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Tom Cameron

 2014/7/9 11:45Profile
yuehan
Member



Joined: 2011/6/15
Posts: 510


 Re:

There has been mention of seemingly intrinsic differences between men and women. Perhaps not far from the usual gender stereotypes when it comes to emotional make-up, behavioural responses, approach to life...

Is there any scriptural basis for such views on gender differences?

The only verse that I'm aware of is 1 Peter 3:7 - "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel..." (I'm not fully sure what "weaker" alludes to here, I've always interpreted it as referring to physical strength).

 2014/7/9 12:15Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re:

Thanks brethren for this positive note on this volatile issue. The longer I think about it the more I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the devil works to exploit the differences between males and females to undermine the blessings we can bring to each other.

We have all sinned and come short of the GLORY OF GOD! All of us, no exceptions. All of us need redemption and the flesh will resist this. All saints are a work in process - if you do not believe it read the history of God's people in the Bible.

And...gender bashing only plays into the hands of the arch enemy of our souls.

QUOTE:
____________________________________________________________
(I'm not fully sure what "weaker" alludes to here, I've always interpreted it as referring to physical strength).
____________________________________________________________

...except when he hurts himself a little...:-)


God bless all of you.

Sandra


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Sandra Miller

 2014/7/9 13:06Profile









 Re:

Quote:
Is there any scriptural basis for such views on gender differences?



Yes I agree with this. Women in Christ, are no more likely to sin than men, and are not spiritually, emotionally or intellectually weaker than men. Women are as able to be led by the Spirit as men, and in doing so, able to overcome any weakness of the flesh. It is easy to see the faults of ones spouse as a gender problem when it is really a problem in the relationship. For example from brother Paul:

Quote:
For instance, a wife will often read into something her husband said and interpret it as an attack, when in reality there was no ill motive on his part. My wife is in a foul mood when I come home from work



It is very common for women to feel that they are not valued or appreciated because in fact very often, they are not. In this case they will be sensitive and overreact to slights. Of course in an ideal situation, both parties will be walking in the Spirit enough to not be upsetting each other, but if not, then they should be aware that these things are a sign that there is work to be done in the marriage, and all is not well.

I believe that weaker vessel is referring to the lesser strength of the woman and also the need for her to be protected by her husband. Many women and they say it is one out of ten, has been sexually abused as a young girl, and a lot more have been subject to sexual harassment of various sorts. A men is to protect her and accept that his wife has more often than not been subject to damage that he has most likely not been exposed to and will require some time of healing, in a close loving marriage, but with sacrificial love from her husband, she will heal.

Sree, you are living in one of the worst countries in the world for the mistreatment of women. I don't know why people on this site want to deny the extent of female abuse. The church needs to accept its role in this.

 2014/7/9 13:24
dfella
Member



Joined: 2010/7/9
Posts: 295
Canton, Michigan

 Re:

God created man first then the woman therefore giving the man preeminence over the woman.

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 1 Timothy 2:12-14

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 1 Corinthians 11:9,10

There is a hierarchy in Gods creation as far as submission. God first, Christ second, man third, and woman fourth.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

As far as the weaker vessel pertaining to physical strength this is partly true but I believe it to mean that women are more susceptible to temptation and deception.

I believe there is peace, contentment, and joy for both man and woman in Christ Jesus in their God given roll.

Just some thoughts.



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David Fella

 2014/7/9 13:52Profile
PaulWest
Member



Joined: 2006/6/28
Posts: 3405
Dallas, Texas

 Re:

Quote:
Is there any scriptural basis for such views on gender differences?


God engineered men and women to be distinctly different from each other, which holds true in every culture, tribe and tongue. I submit this is a good thing and it was done deliberately in the infinite wisdom of our Creator. Now, both man and woman have been effected by the fall and as a result have corrupted natures where these "differences" can be manipulated by emotion, stress, fatique, etc. and used to clash against each other detrimentally. Satan is a master instigator and he knows how to wire a husband against a wife and a wife against a husband.

Scripture tells us one of the consequences of sin between the first husband and wife was henceforth for Eve to ever seek to please her husband, Adam. This is a marked gender difference, that can easily come under acquisition from the enemy. When a wife thinks her "pleasing" of her husband is under appreciated by him (watching after the kids, all the housework she does, keeping her figure attractive, sacrificing her own career to be a stay-at-home mom, etc.) and is being taken for granted, she can become spiteful and rightfully embittered. The home can turn into a warzone. This is why I ever return back to what I feel is the proper interpretation of the verse in Peter about the "weakness" of the woman being emotional rather than physical. The "dwelling" with our wives according to honor shouldn't have anything to do with their exterior strength, for such a surface, shallow concept is totally incongruous with the rest of the New Testament. We are speaking of spiritual things.

Personally, I find great comfort in the light God has given me on these verses. It humbles me, especially when I compare it to God's own compassionate reckoning of myself, in his own understanding that I am dust.




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Paul Frederick West

 2014/7/9 13:52Profile
Oracio
Member



Joined: 2007/6/26
Posts: 2037
Whittier CA USA

 Re:

Just thought I'd quickly point out that it's obvious women tend to be much more emotionally weak than men. A woman will break down and cry much more easily than men on account of emotional pain. This is obvious especially to those of us who are married lol.


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Oracio

 2014/7/9 14:28Profile





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