| husband abuse|
i was reading through one of the posts on the other thread on the topic of a unloved wife, and it brought to mind some issues in my own life that i wanted to put up for discussion. as a wife who abused her husband until the LORD got a hold of my heart, i just wanted to say anger is not limited to the male of the human race. there are plenty of women who verbal, emotionally, and physically abuse their husband. no i was not nuts, or on drugs, no i did not use alcohol, i just always wanted to be in control, i wanted to run things my way and when my husband did not do exactly as i wanted i used all manner of sinful behavior to attack him. i manipulated, i lied, i called names(terrible names)i nagged, and harassed him. i have repented and my husband has forgiven me and our marriage has been healed but in those years he dealt with a lot from me. what is most amazing to me is my husband never once brings up my past horrible treatment of him. he never reminds me of who that angry person i was before Jesus got a hold of me.
i did a google search of husband abuse and found the very first of many links that came up interesting to read. abuse happens to both men and women in marriages, its a fallen world. we all need Jesus.
in writing this thread i just wanted to open up the discussion about husband abuse. if a marriage is going to be saved and healed then both husband and wife need Jesus in their lives.
| 2014/7/8 9:47||Profile|
| Re: husband abuse|
You are so right. Absolutely right.
And...I suspect if the males were to point out this reality (of wives abusing their husbands) some will accuse them of being manipulative, abusive - you name it.
As human beings we are ALL subject to abuse, manipulate, hurt, fight people we are close to. All of us, wives included.
The beauty of forgiveness is that it gives one a wonderful opportunity to start all over with a new beginning. This your husband allowed you to do. Beautiful testimony, rdg.
Your testimony proves that abuse can be repented of - no one is beyond redemption. Amazing! and only God can work that out.
Glad you posted, rdg.
| 2014/7/8 10:23||Profile|
| Re: |
I am sorry but there is a world of difference between bad behaviour which we are all capable of, and the potential consequences where a man cannot contain his anger, being of such superior strength, and the danger that the weaker partner is in. The gulf is huge and is being denied. Besides which, any abuse towards a woman who already suffers from the general lack of respect we have towards women in any society puts her at a much greater risk of psychological harm. Men are used to violence in a way from their childhoods and the male propensity of it whereas women need protection and do not generally abuse if treated with respect. Your testimony is not common sister.
| 2014/7/8 10:38|
| Re: |
I have looked into this subject and have to disagree with you, there are many women who abuse their husbands. Men are not always the abuser, women are as well. If a christian man is attacked by his wife and refuses to fight back it matters little how strong he is... My own mother could fly into a rage at times, in fact on one occasion she held a gun to my fathers head and threatened to kill him. Abuse happens because of sin in the world.
I followed rainydaygirl's advice and did a simple google search of, "husband abuse" here is the very top link that came up, if anyone is interested. I don't endorse the site but did find the article and responses written interesting.
I realize women are abused no one is deny this, but sister there there are many men who love and care about their sisters in CHRIST and there are many women who are just as vulnerable to the sin and temptation of anger and being an abuser as men are. There are many kinds of hurts, and abuse that we as fallen people can inflict on one another. perhaps in all of this we can learn that it is not an us against them mentality so much as all of us have a need for CHRIST in our life.
| 2014/7/8 10:53||Profile|
| Re: |
There is lot of false information, put out there by the Fathers For Justice or whatever it is called. They are very aggressive. The fact is that the Criminal Law Society is very biased against women and increasingly in the U S, women are losing custody of their children and the fathers are moving interstate. There is more to this than meets the eye. I have been in a refuge and learnt a lot l had no idea about.
| 2014/7/8 11:13|
| Re: |
You seem to want to make this an us vs them kind of thing. Not sure why... All I am saying is abuse happens both ways and it is sin and wrong. I have been through a lot as well, and I know first hand what the enemy can do to a marriage and what sin and selfish living can do. All I am saying is maybe its time to stop blaming and start forgiving, loving, and seeking GOD on behalf of those who are lost. You I am sure, are praying for soulwon, may I respectfully ask you, have you prayed for her husband? You do not have to answer that in the forum, just something to consider.
I appreciate the testimony rainydaygirl shared. I know what she shared is true and does happen. I have seen it before in my own life as well.
| 2014/7/8 11:23||Profile|
| Re: |
There is an explosion going on in the world, of mistreatment of women increasing. There have been surveys done amongst young women showing their increasing expectation of abuse from their boyfriends. Some blame the increasing violent lyrics in certain types of modern music but there is also the belief that a lot of this so called abuse of men information, is being propagated by the Fathers For Justice campaign and not to be believed.
It is the easiest thing in the world, to have the abuse of women ignored by claiming that it is not a gender thing and we are all doing it to each other so we might as well take no notice of it.
As usual the church is the last to see what is going on in the society around them, look at Nazi Germany.
This is a serious matter.
| 2014/7/8 11:53|
| Re: |
krautfrau wrote:It is the easiest thing in the world, to have the abuse of women ignored by claiming that it is not a gender thing and we are all doing it to each other so we might as well take no notice of it.
I have not said that abuse is not happening, I have not said that it should be ignored. I did not say that no one should take no notice of it. I said we need to be in prayer for these people. Yes people are hurting each other and no matter who is doing the hurting it is sin...is a man some how less deserving of forgiveness if he calls his wife a name? Is a man less deserving of a our prayers and support because there are fewer men who are abused then women? Shouldn't we be praying for both the victims(no matter what their sex) and the abuser to find GOD and repent. Shouldn't our heart be to love people and see them saved??
One can notice the hurts and sorrows and acknowledge there is a real problem and still pray for those who are lost. I have found unforgivness doesn't hurt the other person so much as it destoys me.
| 2014/7/8 12:37||Profile|
| Re: husband abuse|
Sister Rdg, I totally agree with you. I takes 2 hands to clap, similarly it takes effort from both Husband and wife to lead a happy married life.
Women think they are weaker and many women have this attitude in them to dominate their husband and show others how powerful they are though they are created weak. I have witnessed the same in my own mother. I know how it damaged my family. I have seen the same in more families in India. I have seen the case of husbands abusing the wife as well, but I have seen more cases of wives running the family by dominating their husbands and not submitting to them and there by ruining the house.
Women have a craving for dominance in them because they think they are physically weak. They want to prove the opposite. Suppose someone tells you that you can do a task then there is a desire in us to prove them wrong. This is exactly true with most of the women. I have been working in Cooperate for over 9 years and I would say it is most difficult thing to work under a women manager than men. When given responsibility women try to micromanage and try to show their authority over others. There are also men who do it but all most all women managers I have seen so far have been micromanagers. I have discussed the same with many of my colleagues and also my seniors, even they agree that the toughest managers they worked under who made their life hell are women managers.
That is why God wisely do not give authority to women either in Church or home.
Like the other poster here many think only Physical abuse is greater and emotional abuse that a women can do to her husband is minor. Not true. I try my best by God's grace to love my wife. But I have witnessed mood swings in my wife in which she has emotionally hurt me so many times. I used to wonder why women alone have so many excuses like mood swings ? I would tell you without God's grace it is impossible to love wife if anyone knows what true love is.
| 2014/7/9 0:00||Profile|
| Re: |
Sree, You right on target.
One reason females have mood swings because of hormones. Our bodies are more complex then males because we are given the equipment to produce and child, nurture it for nine months. This complexity plays into mood swings. Weather also plays an important part.
I have mood swings but with the Holy Spirit indwelling, being aware of it, do work to not allow it to control my emotions, or act on my feelings. This is why I am very skeptical when I heard scripture interpreted on the basis of "I feel this way or that about..." because I know how fickle feelings are. One day you feel so bad - "nobody loves me so I'll go eat worms" - and a day or so later to thinking you are on top of the world.
I am so glad for the leadership of males who can keep some balance in society. If the world only contained males it would be a sorry world; if it only contained females, it would be a sorry world, still. God made us different to balance out each other's weaknesses. God was very wise in creating males and females. I like it. (Got five men to love - one husband and four sons - am I not privileged??!! you bet! Got eight grandsons as well. I thoroughly enjoy our adult boys - now men, all married. :-) )
| 2014/7/9 7:43||Profile|