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 UNLOVED AND LONELY WIFE

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 2014/7/4 8:47
InTheLight
Member



Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2734
Phoenix, Arizona USA

 Re: UNLOVED AND LONELY WIFE

A very difficult subject, very grievous indeed; perhaps this will be misunderstood as coming from a man but I feel led to share some thoughts after reading this;

Perhaps there is a "reason" to leave but is there a "right" to do so when God's grace is available to His child?

May I suggest a reading of Amy Carmicheal's book Mimosa?
Here is a prayer from Mimosa;

Mimosa went out to pray: “O God, my husband has deceived me, his brother has deceived me, even my mother has deceived me, but You will not deceive me…Yes, they have all deceived me, but I am not offended with you. Whatever You do is good. What should I do without you? You are the Giver of health and strength and will to work. Are not these things better than riches or people’s help?….I am an emptiness for You to fill.”

In Christ,

Ron


_________________
Ron Halverson

 2014/7/4 11:15Profile
HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3156


 Re: UNLOVED AND LONELY WIFE

It is a grievous thing indeed to be married to the enemy. The only way through is to set your eyes and your heart fully upon Jesus. To turn to Him with every hurt and sorrow. To learn that He can shield and protect you in every situation. While we may not ever have a right marriage here on earth, we have been assured that we will have one in heaven. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you.

Call upon Him now. Ask Him to wrap you in the wings of His love as He carries you through. Put all of your trust in Him.

 2014/7/4 16:24Profile









 Re:

Hi Ron,

I looked twice when I saw you mention the book Memosa. This book was such a blessing to my own mother. She suffered for 10 years to a very controlling man, then she found Jesus and her sufferings increased to violence as well as control for a further 15 years. She was despised and beaten and used for 15 years. Her body was broken many times, she had to hear details of his infidelities , she was assaulted on every front. Time and time again she found her strength in the Lord. She believed that the Lord had asked her to stay and that this was a battle for my father's soul. This to me is the key, she was asked to stay. She could have easily left early and went into hiding with her children and never marry again, just stay single. She choose to be obedient to that small still voice which ran counter to many well meaning and good advice to the contrary. After 15 years she heard the Lord say that it was time to leave. She left him and took her children into the shelter for battered women. Within one year, my dad, at the age of 49, came to Jesus. He was immediately delivered from drink, even although he had been an alcoholic for more than 25 years and been hospitalized in pshyciatric wards many times for it. That was 26 years ago.

I myself have been married to an unbeliever for over 20 years, we had been married for over 10 years when I became a Christian. Heartsong is right, we can find all that we need in the Lord. He is our all and despite some intense lonliness and sad-ness , He has reigned in our marriage and I have seen the " unbelieving wife sanctified by the believing husband," to such a point most have no idea that she is an unbeliever. I do believe in separation for abuse unless the Lord says otherwise. One can separate and remain single. This actually contributed to my father coming to the Lord when faced with losing what he, despite his actions, desired and wanted...............bro Frank

 2014/7/4 16:52









 Re:

Thank you Heartsong. I appreciate your words.

 2014/7/4 17:04
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re: UNLOVED AND LONELY WIFE

Soulwon,

I am curious - are you writing about yourself, or was this article penned by someone else?

In any case, I think Frank's suggestion is right on. There is no one size-fits-all solution to this issue.

Except.

I would not encourage a wife to cover up for her husband. He needs to feel the consequences of his own sin. Covering up can result you being an enabler. I know that when you step aside and allow others to see what is happening too many will blame the wife for his behaviors - too many think a wife is responsible for her husband's behavior but you rarely hear where a husband is accused of of his wife's misbehavior. We all would do well to quit the blaming game - as long as you play it no one is taking responsibility for their actions and no solution is forthcoming. One needs to listen for that still small voice for guidance and do it in these terrible situations.

God bless.


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2014/7/4 17:41Profile
InTheLight
Member



Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2734
Phoenix, Arizona USA

 Re:

Quote:
I myself have been married to an unbeliever for over 20 years, we had been married for over 10 years when I became a Christian. Heartsong is right, we can find all that we need in the Lord. He is our all and despite some intense lonliness and sad-ness , He has reigned in our marriage and I have seen the " unbelieving wife sanctified by the believing husband," to such a point most have no idea that she is an unbeliever.



Hello Frank,

My testimony is very much the same as yours concerning marriage, thank you for sharing this and the account of your parents. Praise God for His mercy and love!

In Christ,

Ron


_________________
Ron Halverson

 2014/7/4 18:44Profile









 Re: UNLOVED AND LONELY WIFE

Dearest Soulwon,
Please know that I am speaking from a similar background, having felt and expressed the same words you have expressed in much pain, sorrow and disappointment...coming out on the other side of divorce which devastated, brought even more sorrow, sadness and pain.

I can now say that being in an almost unbearably difficult relationship is the opportunity of a lifetime to die to self daily (needs, wants, desires to see the other one changed). If you will stay the course, stay on your knees, love this man and bless him in the midst of heartache and sorrow...you will be counted worthy of a crown of righteousness that only through suffering is attained.

You can suffer with complaining and anger (been there, done that) or you can count this suffering to be a great gift that God will bring you through with great joy in the morning.

It all depends on you. Not your husband. It depends on you going to Jesus every minute of the day and saying, how do I make it through this marriage Lord, with you. How do I bless this enemy?

How is this any different than a Christian in the middle east being killed for loving Christ more than their life?
It is not different. This is persecution and our mandate is to say, "Blessed are we, Jesus, when we are hated, maligned, treated badly, persecuted..."

You see, dear sister...if we concentrate on the suffering in a worldly or humanistic way (I deserve my best life now) then we are going to miss the blessed call to suffer for His Name's Sake. Just by turning around this thought process to the mind of Christ, the persecution turns into a blessing.

Others here have shared loving words and experiences, I humbly offer mine, having failed to love as Christ loved.
I have been forgiven, but lost much.

Sister Leslie


 2014/7/5 5:34
brothagary
Member



Joined: 2011/10/23
Posts: 1863


 Re:

wow what wisdom lesmant, bibilcal wisdom

 2014/7/5 6:00Profile









 Re:

Thank you ginnyrose, I got it from a book I read called The emotionaly destructive marriage by Leslie Vernick. But everything I took from this book pertain to me. I added some and took some away. It was the very first book on marriage that I read that understood where I was coming from. And understood me and my circumstance.

 2014/7/5 7:12





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