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Discussion Forum : General Topics : Gossip and slander

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I know of a man of God who was widely respected by many, an anointed teacher of God's Word and one person saw him going into a porno theatre. The brother confronted the teacher and the man of God was cut to the quick and admitted what he was there for. In this case only one brother saw him and although the man of God admitted it, the brother felt they should both go to the board. The administration of the International Bible school felt that the prudent action would be to dismiss him from teaching students as they wanted to stay far above reproach. The man of God was not dis-fellowshipped. He was restored several years later and became a pastor in the same city.

 2014/3/4 13:05
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

hey armkelly
thanks for posting back to me. i too was abused when i was younger by someone who was given authority over me. later when i tried to tell others what happened the response was to pretend it never happened and to just forget about it. that kind of abuse and betrayal hurts(but then you understand that because you mentioned being abused yourself.) this is a topic i should just stay away from completely.

learned a lesson today
rdg

 2014/3/4 15:03Profile









 Re:

Quote:
I know of a man of God who was widely respected by many, an anointed teacher of God's Word and one person saw him going into a porno theatre. The brother confronted the teacher and the man of God was cut to the quick and admitted what he was there for. In this case only one brother saw him and although the man of God admitted it, the brother felt they should both go to the board. The administration of the International Bible school felt that the prudent action would be to dismiss him from teaching students as they wanted to stay far above reproach. The man of God was not dis-fellowshipped. He was restored several years later and became a pastor in the same city. just-in



I realise that this is not a competition of miserable stories but I wanted to share something which shows how just one witness is all that is sufficient for anything if a man is willing to plead guilty. The strange thing though is that people do not always plead guilty because they have in fact sinned at all with their bodies in that instance. Sometime people plead guilty because they have been sinned against by others and have been driven to physical pleasure against their own choosing.

I know a pastor who was severely abused by a family friend when he was a teenager. The predator was particularly perverse in that he made this friend of mine feel guilty by telling him always that he would be a parasite to others if their activities were disclosed. Ten years after these events my friend went to bible college. One day he went into a public toilet and had a sort of panic attack. The only witness to my friend going into the toilette was a policeman who was watching the toilet because it was being used by sexual predators. I was actually attacked in these same toilets myself just weeks before this event happened.

My friend was taken to the police station for questioning and he was in a state of utter turmoil because he realised that he was suspected of a crime which he himself had been a victim of ten years earlier. The police officer took his confusion to mean guilt. When he explained that he was at Bible College they cut him some slack and suggested that he might want to confess up front to loitering in a public place with intent to commit a sexual offence and then he would be cautioned and released and no one would know. Realising that such an investigation would involve his parents via the Bible College and that would more than likely mean having to explain why he was so long in the toilet he agreed to the caution. He was protecting his father and mother from the shame of their friend who had attacked him for years.

Twenty-four years later my friend was marched from his office by two female elders. Ordered to go to his home and was put under investigation. He was forbidden to speak with anyone in the church until the investigation had passed. The accusation against him was improper sexual conduct with a male member of the congregation. It was one accusation and no evidence whatsoever. My friend fell into a state of near suicidal depression. When I arrived at his house and began to talk about a toilet in Birmingham (the very same toilet he was falsely accused in relation to) he nearly fell of his chair. It was then that he shared his conviction in 1984. With that I wrote to the one elder in the church who carried more responsibility than anyone else. This was a medical doctor. He had been counselling this pastor for the previous six months or so and recording their sessions. My friend disclosed the terrible story of his teenage years in full detail. When the false accusation came from the man in the church this elder instead of exercising either medical discretion or spiritual discernment shared that the false accusation may have some basis in reality because......and he told the story of my friend.

This friend was treated like a criminal. He was publicly pilloried by the elders. He was summarily dismissed. Treated with utter hostility and contempt and it very nearly cost him his life. The whole basis for this powerful response apart from the spiritual wickedness which was at work, was two sisters who felt they had a duty to destroy this sexual predator. In their investigation they uncovered the caution dated 1984 for a suspected sexual offence of intent. There actions were truly wicked and they hated my friend with a hatred which was almost physical. The strange thing is however they did it with such sweetness and such authority as they laboured out of the very physiology of their bodies and minds. The other elders, including the Doctor stood back and watched. They could not intervene because they had proof as well. It was the same proof everyone else had. Yet it was no more than a man admitting to something to protect his parents because he knew that the shame they would feel if they knew how he had suffered because of their lack of discernment when they failed to realise their son was being raped on a regular basis by the man they trusted.

Were these sisters without proof? No they had proof. Though in the end it had nothing to do with the accusation. Were they emotionally informed by their own bodies? They most certainly were. Were they able to exercise political power due to their gender? Yes they were. All because they were female and not male they could do to this man what no man would have even considered to do. None of the elders and almost the whole church stood by because no one was able to say your gender does not make you an expert on abuse. Not all men are predators. But you say they had proof. So they did.

 2014/3/4 16:33
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

frank i still think this post of yours is amazing and just wanted you to know it helped reading it over knowing that there are brothers out there that care. i do think we should always be careful with our words and what we say so as not to harm another with gossip

rdg

 2014/3/4 17:03Profile









 Re:

Yes indeed sister, just following hard after the Lord and living our lives according to His word and His abiding in us will keep us close to Him. God cares sister, the Lord cares and so many of His precious saints care. Indeed, we must never intentionally harm anyone either by our words or actions..........bro Frank

 2014/3/4 19:46
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

frank thank you for your kind words. as i have prayed about your post and considered the other thread i find myself looking at my own attitude and my own thoughts in all of this. i want to be careful to not take sides in any of it, i just want to pray for all and heed what you shared here. God does have a way for us to deal with these things and that should be the only avenue we ever look to. i know it is so easy to become involved in gossip and slander with out realizing that is what one is doing. so important to be in prayer

rdg

 2014/3/5 7:58Profile









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Hi RDG,

I have found that when something dramatic happens or is revealed there tends to be, broadly speaking, two camps. The one camp wants to burn the house down and often revels in the fact that someone or something is being destroyed and "piles on," desperately wanting to be part of the action. It is very ungodly.

The other camp reacts with the same hysteria , only they want nothing to do with any conflict at all and merely want to bury their heads in the sand and speak nothing of it. Both of these camps will attack each other, revealing that they are both indulging in ungodliness and often times, but not always, revealing that they have been abused or hurt in the past and this is a manifestation of their own undealt with hurt and pain. And both camps will consider themselves to be Godly and acting on behalf of God.

Who is the third camp? Gods ministers. They react with wisdom and a level head. They go to the Lord and to the Word and they act very intentionally, ignoring the screams from the other two camps and incurring the wrath from the other two camps. Yet Gods saints are lovers of truth and this is what they will follow, not their own emotions or the emotions of others, but the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Than you Father in the name of Jesus for those who will follow you without the fear of the favor of man................bro Frank

 2014/3/5 9:13
roadsign
Member



Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


 Re:

Appolus, I appreciate your thread topic. I admit, I’ve heard no end of sermons about the evils of gossip, but rarely any admission that gossip may perhaps be the sad outcome of a sick system - where the people do not have any means for handling their anxieties and concerns. Perhaps there has been a habit of silencing the people, and a lack of good teaching on healthy, mature relationships. If people are silenced and their concerns are constantly ignored or disregarded, then they will turn to another ear, a third party, a “safer” person. It’s not right, but let’s admit, the burden of the sin does not fall only on “gossipers”!

Suppressing gossip is like giving Tylenol to a cancer patient. You merely suppress the symptoms, not bring healing.

A thought:
We all know the Matt. 18 passage about how to deal with a brother caught in sin. But I suspect fewer of us know the context of Matt. 18. Why not check it out? What kind of problem is Jesus very concerned about? What’s the BIG sin problem? (Paul and others address it too)

Hint: It’s a sin that typically falls under the radar! And if we’d take THIS sin seriously enough, God’s flock could be spared of a lot of troublesome sins down the road… like gossip and slander.

Blessed are the peacemakers.... (genuine peace, that is)

Diane


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Diane

 2014/3/5 9:41Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7452
Mississippi

 Re: Gossip and slander

Very good article,Frank.

This kind of thing is the norm, unfortunately. The people that want to confront error Biblically will be the ones who will soon become the victims of slander, called troublemakers, be held in suspicion, be called upon to retract, etc. But life will prove you right and ne'er an acknowledgement of it will be forthcoming - too humiliating.

I just read something the other day - cannot for the life of me remember where - where a popular preacher had among his staff two people get 'involved'. It was dealt with privately, quietly, not publicly at all. In a matter of a few years 17 more incidents like this occurred in this ministry. The article went on to say how this sin and the perpetrators should have been exposed publicly. Doing so would have put some holy fear in others who may have been tempted now or in the future.

So these elders were a party to this sin by covering up, right? Sounds like the government...


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Sandra Miller

 2014/3/5 9:47Profile





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