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Discussion Forum : General Topics : Godly Homemaking, #2

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Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7452

 Godly Homemaking, #2

Finding a Spouse

Greg suggested I begin another thread that can link to the first not sure what all this one will entail...but then I got an email from a poster on SI and this is what he said:

"I'm in the spot of people trying to set me up but usually their discernment needs sharpening. Perhaps that's a topic you can address, trusting for, praying for and acknowledging a godly suitor.

So, it appears as though the brother is asking that I address the issue of match making, how to find a godly spouse. This topic never crossed my mind that I should address it but will take a look at it.

Apparently this brother has had people trying to match him up with someone that he has no interest in - happens all the time when you have an older single that appears to be a wonderful person, you look at them and you wonder, "why on earth is she/he not married? He/she would make a very husband/wife for somebody!"

I know older singles weary of these sentiments and others working to find someone for them. All I can say is that as long as the world stands it will continue to happen. It is no rather then getting annoyed, how about considering it a compliment? I know some singles that would never do well as a spouse - think about that!

But how does one go about finding the right person to marry? The WORD gives us no clue. We do read how Abraham sent his servant Eleazar to find a wife for Isaac and how Eleazar prayed for divine guidance. The OT law gave no direction either, and neither does the NT except it says one should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, meaning one should not marry an unbeliever. Other then this basic principle scripture is silent. But then, maybe that is all that is necessary! Ask the LORD for guidance and that it must be a Believer. But how does one find the right person? Under these principles many would qualify, right? Is it a human decision or is it a God decision? That is the question.

May I suggest that one reason the WORD does not give us any specific directions on how it is to be done is that God knew cultures will change, vary in time but he also knew there is something within the mind of each and every person - some call it chemistry - that will "click" when they meet the right one. Any married person out there that does not know what this means? There have been many testimonies of people seeing each other for the first time and just knew he or she was the one they will marry.

We had a Bible teacher in our church one time who did a lot of counseling. He told us how a young man expressed his inability in finding the right person to marry. After talking with him for some time, he told the fellow he will see what he can do. Before too long he found a young lady that he thought the fellow would like. And he did! He ended up doing it more then once.

Here is an example how a young person asked an older trusted
church leader for help. I like that, don't you?

May I suggest that if you are a person who is serious about a person ask an older person who thinks Biblicaly, not emotionally, in the church who knows you and the the person you are considering what they think about this match?

I have been blessed when I have had people ask me to pray for them as they want to get married and are having a problem finding someone. They are not interested in settling for just anybody, but want to right person. Here is a link in which I detail the incident how our son-in-law asked us to help him find a wife after our daughter died:

More later...

Sandra Miller

 2014/2/9 22:32Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7452

 Re: Brides bring bright glow...

As I have been questioning whether I am about to wrap up this topic, I find this in my email this morning and thought I would share it with you. While it is light and humorous it does demonstrate that what I have been sharing is what is shared by many others in many places. I do not personally know the author although I have seen her.


Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Letter from Harrisburg

Brides bring bright glow to a shower in the storm by Dorcas Smucker

On a nasty winter night we pulled our wedding dresses out of sewing-room closets and out from under beds, slid them into clean garbage bags, and brought them to Rosie’s house, along with teapots, fruit trays and the fixings for a chocolate fountain.

Rosie hooked the hangers onto the heavy curtain rods above the picture windows on the west side. The dresses hung in a long row of hope, pure white, cream, yellowed with age. Tucks, buttons, gathers. Plain capes, ruffles, a row of covered buttons. Long skirts, just-below-the-knee skirts, satins and cottons and tone-on-tone flowers. A sleek cascade of cream-colored lace.

To the left hung Great-Aunt Alice’s, a simple knit dress with cutwork on the bodice that she wore at her wedding on the beach in Hawaii, love and marriage having arrived later in life when a big church wedding wasn’t a high priority.
Rachel’s was the fanciest of all, a heavy mass of late-’80s beads and gathers and ruffles with a big bow on the back.
“The only one I would wear, right now, is Annie’s,” said our daughter Emily, scanning them all and indicating the innocent eyelet dress from the ’70s with a rounded yoke and long, gathered skirt.

The three brides-to-be sat at one end of the living room just below three of the dresses. They smiled in a glowing haze of happiness while the rest of us handed our gifts to Rosie’s bright little girls wearing the pink-and-cream dresses that their cousins, one of them now a bride, had worn to their mother’s wedding. We hugged aunts and in-laws, bustled to the kitchen with our food and found seats in the crowded living room.

“Have you ever seen the likes of all these weddings?” we asked each other. “No!” “Never!” Three weddings in the Smucker family in three months’ time. Eight weddings altogether of young people we know well, involving, with some overlap, two nieces, one nephew, six of my husband’s former students, numerous friends of our children, lots of former little Sunday school students and Bible Memory Campers, ranging in age from 20 to 24 and suddenly engaged to be married.

I feel like my Aunt Vina must have when my sister and I were at this stage: “These little girls,” she had said in disbelief, “They actually think they’re getting married!”

“This is not going to be a normal bridal shower,” announced Rosie, my husband Paul’s youngest sister. “We’re all Smuckers, so first of all we’re going to sing.” And we did. Hymns, in fact, sung with the astonishing volume and skill for which Smuckers are known.
Outside, the drenching rain fell and the cold statistics blew — 60 percent of marriages at this age end in divorce, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.
Inside, we radiated hope and happiness.

It was time to share the advice we had brought for the brides.

“Forgiveness is really important,” said Jolene, herself not so far removed from being a newlywed. “Just letting go of the past and not hanging onto it.”

Annie said, “Some of the best advice I ever got was this — focus on what is, rather than on what is not.”

The brides smiled politely. Their mothers nodded solemnly. Yes. Mmm-hmmm. Very wise words.

I said, “Look in your own heart first. If something he does irritates you way more than is reasonable, look inside to see why this is such an emotional trigger for you.”

On around the circle we went. “Put him first,” Sheila said. “You won’t regret it.”

I leaned toward Linda. “This advice is more for us than for them, really. They don’t think any of this will ever apply to them.”

Linda whispered back, “They’re sure their marriages are going to be different!” We giggled.

Are we crazy, I wondered, to sit here, giddy in this bubble of expectation, knowing not only how rewarding marriage can be, but how unbelievably hard?

We have been through deep waters and loss and struggle, and times when we did not like each other at all. We have reached out for help and we have prayed hard and we have come out the other side still keeping our vows and believing that marriage is good.

We still love our husbands, and are loved, many years in. We still laugh.

We also know that the time for caution was months ago, back when Justin had serious talks with Kayla’s dad, and Chris flew to Oregon to show Stephie he really was serious about this, and Kelly decided it was time for action and asked Lisa that fateful question.

We have a lot of faith in these young women, all full of courage and good sense. Maybe you are more careful what sort of young man you choose when you know that 10 aunts and your mom will ask you hard questions about his character, attitudes, faults, goals, finances, driving record, history, church and treatment of his mom.

And if you have lingering delusions about one soul mate who will always meet your heart-deep longings, as 88 percent of young Americans apparently do, those same aunts will quickly scrub that notion out of your mind.

I put the kettle on for tea and warmed the teapots. Linda melted the chocolate for the fountain. The brides began opening gifts. Jenny and Allison, the two peas-in-a-pod 14-year-old cousins, already pledged to be each other’s bridesmaids, begged for stories.

“Tell about when Uncle Jim proposed!”

Linda sighed and smiled.

“OK, so we were driving along a freeway in Virginia, and all of a sudden he just turned to me and asked if I’d marry him! And there was this really noisy truck passing us right then, so I wasn’t sure if I’d heard right, plus I couldn’t believe he would just ask me like that, so I said, ‘What did you say?’ I was upset. I didn’t say yes right away. I said, ‘Well, I’m only 18. You’ll have to talk to my dad.’” The girls howled. Linda said, “For years, I just hated it when women would start telling their engagement stories. I did not want to tell mine.” Today, 24 years later, Jim is one of the most attentive and romantic husbands around. Linda is devoted to him, and she tells her proposal story with humor and grace.

We nibbled on pineapple wedges dipped in chocolate, sipped tea and told of wedding-dress regrets and wedding-day fiascos and the father-in-law who refused to wear a boutonniere, not that we’re still bitter about this.

Great-aunt Alice told of her and Rick’s 12 years together, all of them happy. “I can’t relate to all your advice about getting along, because we never really had disagreements to work through. Rick was just that sort of man.”

We nodded, still missing him.

The gifts, all new and untested, sat in three large piles. The brides posed for pictures, a triad of wisdom, innocence and hope, endlessly smiling.

We rinsed dishes, poured the last of the tea and said goodbye, with a quick hug for each bride. Then we gathered our things and headed out into the storm, holding our precious wedding dresses tight, shielding them safe from the wild wind and rain.

Sandra Miller

 2014/3/5 9:31Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7452


As I consider this topic on "Godly Homemaking", thinking I have shared all the LORD has put on my heart there remained one topic the LORD is not allowing me to be silent. I procrastinated introducing it because I know how controversial it is and I am not up to debate it. This concerns the topic as written in 1Corinthians 11:1-16. Here is the text: (NASB)

1 Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.

2 Now I praise you because you remember me in everything and hold firmly to the traditions, just as I delivered them to you.

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

4 Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.

5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for she is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved.

6 For if a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, let her cover her head.

7 For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

8 For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man;

9 for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.

10 Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.

11 However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.

12 For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.

13 Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?

14 Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him,

15 but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering.

16 But if one is inclined to be contentious, we have no other practice, nor have the churches of God.

I do not plan to give an exposition on it. Am just posting it here for your edification. But would like to share how I consider it important in walking with the LORD.

1. Wearing a head covering is not my idea of fun. Nor is looking different from the rest in society. Or, it used to be this way because since I have matured it does not matter.

2. God calls us to obedience without considering it essential to give all the details why.

3. Obeying without understanding why is an act of Faith - "without faith it is impossible to please him."

4. Wearing the head covering is a symbol of the headship order: God - Jesus - man.

5. We are called to cover when praying and/or prophesying.

6. Because of the order of creation it is essential that a woman wears a symbol of authority because of the angels. v.10.

7. We are the object of their - Angels - care and protection. The extent to which a head covering impacts their ministry to a Believing woman is not fully understood.

There you have it.

Do I cover? Yes. I was sorely tempted to cut my hair two different times in my life. The first one was when I was in my late teens - I did not want to look different from the rest of society. Then when I was in my 30s I was sorely tempted again to cut my hair - they are a natural length - because I was sick and tired of working with long, thick hair - so thick and long that I could sit on them. The temptation was so severe that whenever I worked with them I made sure there was no scissors nearby so I would not on impulse cut them. But then God in an very interesting way took care of my problem: he had me conceive where I then lost a lot of hair, including body hair - never to return.

The blessings of looking different is that it evokes questions from curious people. In the process I have had rich blessings in witnessing for the LORD. This is wonderful! I love talking about the LORD to any who will listen...because the Holy Spirit empowers one to do so. Because of this I consider it a delight and joy - the blessings are rich in more ways then one can imagine.

God bless.

Sandra Miller

 2014/3/6 12:19Profile

Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742

 Re: Headcovering

its interesting that you included this with what you have shared so far on homemaking.i just found what you shared so interesting to read. as for me i have cut my hair several time(always in a very feminine way) and i feel no conviction or guilt for doing so.(hubby was fine with it) i have over the past few years decided to let it grow out but will keep it a manageable length.i do not wear the head cover myself,(have no issue with those who do) i have prayed about it and looked to my hubby for guidance as he is the head of the house and his understanding after much prayer and speaking with other mature saints walking with the Lord he believes that as long as i keep my hair to a length that is feminine then i am indeed covering and submitting. so it has not been an issue for me personally but its interesting as i said that you spoke about your very real struggle with this because for me the struggle has been clothes and makeup. i have struggled with wanting to cover and be modest to the point that my husband had to share with me. i wore everything very loose and over sized. i guess in a way i was trying to just hide my body because i didn't want to stumble but now i am in a much better place. i am able to wear things that fit but are still modest. makeup is still sometimes a struggle mostly because of the ridiculous cost but i do wear some for hubby now and again.

thanks i have been reading through your threads and find them interesting.


 2014/3/6 13:12Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7452



Since you introduced the subject of make-up I will share a tad bit.

No, I do not wear any, do not feel compelled to do so. My hair are a natural color - white (am whiter then my parents or siblings ever were/are) - except I do use bluing in the rinse water to take care of the ugly yellow tint that resides there. In any case I do have an opinion but am not about to expound on it.

However, I am told that make-up is hard on skin. If this is the case I guess I would wonder why people would want to ruin it? Having said that, it is is true that when a person walks with the LORD this delight will impact how one looks like in the face.

Did you know that sin will literally mar one's facial appearance? One day when I was working at the CPC I asked my mentor if she could tell by looking at a person if they have been fornicating. She said, "Yes." Then I asked, "How can you tell?" She was stumped - she was at a loss to describe what there is that would indicate thus. I became aware of the 'look' one day when a lady, a stranger to me, walked in and she fairly glowed. She was a Believer - she looked totally different in her face, totally different from the other people we were seeing. I was a tad bit taken back because I was not used to seeing such at the Crises Pregnancy Center!

I have come to the conclusion that ungodly people can tell by looking at you whether you are walking with the LORD. Your face will reveal that information.

We have been talking about women but I will say this about males: I think the same rule applies. If you get into a group of males some look rough and others gentle, kind. Without knowing the situation of each one, I would not trust the rough looking ones far.

Jesus talks about this issue here:

Matt. 6:22: “The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. 23“But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

Luke 11:34-36: “The eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye is clear, your whole body also is full of light; but when it is bad, your body also is full of darkness. 35“Then watch out that the light in you is not darkness. 36“If therefore your whole body is full of light, with no dark part in it, it will be wholly illumined, as when the lamp illumines you with its rays.”

It would be interesting to hear an exposition on these verses...I never heard one but suspect it would be humbling.

I am of the understanding that most believers understand what I am talking about but do not discuss it much because it is so little understood.

My opinion and understanding...God Bless.


Sandra Miller

 2014/3/6 16:47Profile

Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


i love reading your insights(smile) i use to know a lady who colored her hair really dark black(it was not her natural color) and it always made her look angry. after i got to know her i realized she actually was a really angry person, bitter and resentful to the point that it was hard to be around her. i know my hubby has told me that i have a certain look when i am downcast(struggling with sin and depressed) he says i look like life is hopeless. i always take that to heart because i don't want to present Jesus to the world like that. its true though that he can sometimes see it in my expression long before i even fully realize how negative i am being in the moment. as for make up, i do know it can be hard on the skin for some. i don't use it often because for one i just can not justify the cost(personal conviction) and i find its really easy to get caught up in vanity, and appearance. although as i said i have struggled with going to far the other direction as well. i have learned(still learning) that God has a perfect plan and balance in all things even this and i just need to be willing to hear from Him to understand.

sorry if i got to far off topic. thanks again for awesome threads.

 2014/3/6 17:07Profile

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