SermonIndex Audio Sermons
SermonIndex - Promoting Revival to this Generation
Give To SermonIndex
Discussion Forum : Articles and Sermons : Submission or compromise? what is a wife called to

Print Thread (PDF)

Goto page ( Previous Page 1 | 2 )
PosterThread
Goldminer
Member



Joined: 2006/11/7
Posts: 1178
Alabama

 Re:

This is a really tough question, my thoughts, and I don't say a thus saith the Lord on this, is, if there is physical abuse get away from it, but don't divorce, because it is not scriptural, unless he is unfaithful, even then only for hardness of heart. Do not submit to physical abuse, ever. As far as mental abuse goes, we have to put up with this every day, on the job, you name it. We are to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. He was abused verbally by everybody around him, and he even suffered the physical abuse without opening His mouth.

I will say I have lived with the mental abuse a number of times when my husband was going through different stages in his life. God has shown me that if I refuse to think negative thoughts about him in my heart, to forgive him daily, keeping no record of wrongs, the peace of God keeps my heart and mind, and I am the one that walks in victory in spite of any comments that try to drag me down for the moment. I have found if I grumble about him and my lot in life in my heart at times it can become unbearable. So I refuse to do so. I praise and make melody in my heart and the Lord intervenes for me and the difficult times pass.

I also know that some woman live with just aweful mean spirited husbands. God never said the life would be easy, it never will, but do we want our reward here, or there. Those who have endured hardship as good soldiers of Christ will be bountifully compensated in the age to come, the word calls these times light afflictions.

Again if it was physical abuse I would get out of the vacintiy, but I would not divorce him because it is not biblical. I would then try to work it out to restore my marriage without physical abuse. That is just me. I know that if the husband is an unbeliever they have no ability to act like christ, I would spend much time in interecession crying out for his salvation. I see God changing my husband all the time, and I expect that one day he will be all God's. In the mean time I will praise my husband in my heart for all the good things he does, he's a great father, a hard worker, faithful, honest,etc. and honor him as the word says. I will minimize his bad points, and maximize his good points, and leave the rest to God. When I first started doing this I could find very little in my heart to praise him about, but the more I did this I can find very little in my heart to complain about. God is so good.


_________________
KLC

 2012/10/13 10:00Profile
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1395
Lakeland FL

 Re:

If a husband becomes controlling does a wife submit in every aspect?

I heard a story, which I posted in the past, of a women who was in a situation in the quiverfull movement. She had 8 kids and her husband gradually became more and more controlling and she said part of it was a result of their Christian belief. I suppose he got an ego trip? Anyway, she noticed that the 'lights' in her kids hearts was fading away and when she eventually separated from him her kids came alive again. How does a Christian couple deal and balance with such a situation knowing God hates divorce and only granted it because of the hardness of men's hearts?

I see this type of things talked about alot in non Christian circles and many times all I can do is ponder it v. sounding as if I would be saying 'woman, just deal with it' because that really isn't right. A person may as well say that the woman can live like the Middle Eastern Muslims as a result.

What do you think?


_________________
John

 2012/10/13 10:16Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

Very good, Goldminer.

Talk about verbal or mental abuse. All agree that it exists, no doubt about it. However, it is not only males that abuse verbally or mentally, wives can and do as well but the men are [usually] too manly to admit they are victims. The ranks of female abusers is rising, unfortunately. What used to be rare is becoming commonplace. Why is that so?

The tragedy of women abusers in the church is that too many of them are so religious, so religious the reports of their abuse is unbelievable! (Yes, I do know of such, unfortunately.)

God bless....I do not want to hijack this thread - just wanted to insert something here, that is all.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2012/10/13 10:19Profile
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

by DEADn on 2012/10/13 5:59:25

What if a husband begins to become very selfish and doesn't take you into consideration for anything and in fact may eventually become controlling. This can eventually lead to physical or just mental abuse. How does such a thing fit into the role of submission? At what point does the wife take control of the situation because the husband is out of order or is she allowed to do such a thing?
--

hey john
i read your post this morning and have been thinking on it since then. i think the thing that troubles me the most is the wording,"At what point dose the wife take control," that is the difficult part because if we are really honestly walking with Jesus then none of us "is in control" not even the husband. the husband is suppose to be praying, seeking God on matters and issues in the home and then as the head sharing those things the Lord places on his heart with his wife. the two who are now one can talk through these things, pray over them and together let the Lord lead them.(that is the ideal situation) now when a husband is not walking with the Lord and clearly is in sin then the wife should submit to him as long as it does not go against the Word of God, but if at any time he asks of her things that God clearly forbids she is to honor and obey God first and foremost. also if a wife sees areas of her husbands life where sin is taking control and he is walking further and further away from the narrow path, she should pray for him and share with him the things she is seeing. if he refuses to see, refuses to repent and continues or becomes worse then the wife needs to know Christ did not mean for her to be alone, she can and should go to brothers and sisters in the body of believers she has fellowship with and seek help in speaking with her husband. The rule of "take two or three witnesses(Matthew 18:16)" does apply even in a husband and wife situation. after all the Bible does not say "tell it to the church" except when the other believer is a spouse then just ignore their sin.

i know of one such story where this has happened and the husband was extreme in his control of his wife even putting her life in danger. she went to the church and they stood with her, the elder brothers spoke with her husband who refused to repent, refused to stop sinning and eventually left his wife, children and fellow church members. the church stepped in and took care of the wife, helped her with her children and her support. there was much prayer that the husband would see his sin and repent but instead he filed for a divorce and it was soon discovered he was seeing a younger woman.
the wife was not at fault for the divorce, she followed the Biblical teaching, she loved her husband and submitted to him until his demands began to directly conflict with those of the Lord. she did not take control of the situation, but she did seek Jesus on what to do and He lead her to the church family who was there to meet her needs and care for her.

so no a wife is not called to just blindly submit to her husband not matter what he does, she is to pray, love, and keep her heart soft toward him but if he is in sin and he is asking her to sin then she should never compromise and go along with his sin.

rdg

 2012/10/13 18:49Profile
Compton
Member



Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re:

Quote:
God made men to lead, it is in their natures, and when we de-masculate them by usurping their authority they become less than men, they become hen pecked, and their buddies make fun of them. We need to allow our men to be all they can be.



This is an essential insight. Respect is important to all men. This is not a pride issue, but one of identity. In fact, they will even suffer humiliation in the hopes of getting an identity worthy of respect! (And this is not to say that women do not also need respect!)

There are many kinds of marriage problems we can talk about, but in my experience, there is really only one that is truly fatal: Contempt or feelings of superiority towards the other spouse. If one spouse feels better then the other in even the slightest most benign way, the marriage is in real trouble.

Now it may come as a surprise to a few women, that the spiritual revival we believe will save our marriage, when mixed with feelings of superiority, can become the very thing that poisons our marriage. We want our spouses to have a more passionate Christian focus, and this is indeed a wonderful thing, but if there is the slightest contempt in our view of our spouse we have still not gotten to the real problem.

And if men want respect, they need narratives of respect from their wives, not narratives of failure, suspicion, and weakness. I remember during a low season in my life, when my wife only saw the best in me. Whether she had prophetic insight, or simply extra grace, she patiently and quietly preserved my role for the day when I would remember who I was...rather then constantly remind me of who I was not. So women, please be careful of the narratives you hold to about your husband.

There is one more thing to add to this topic of respect, and that is the subject of a mans private thoughts. A persons thoughts are their own. There are some women, even teachers, who say that men must confess their inner most thoughts to their wives. Demanding that a man, or a woman for that matter, report on all private thoughts is a very unwise policy, because it is rooted in a narritive that the man is not honorable and therefore not worthy of respect. I've never seen this religous type of requirement save a marriage, but in fact I've seen the opposite.

The concept here is simple to understand, but certainly more difficult to work out. Men need respect. And it is worth noting, that Goldminer demonstrated how a spouse can maintain respect without needing to compromise their conscience.

Blessings,

MC


_________________
Mike Compton

 2012/10/14 0:28Profile
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

On the topic of respect i do believe it is vital part of any relationship, especially so in a marriage. i let my husband know all the time how much i appreciate all that he does for me and our family. i let him know how important he is to me and to us. When the world comes at him i do my best to make sure he knows I am solidly in his corner and that no matter what we face it's going to be together. as far as sharing our thoughts with one another, there should never be an attitude of his "having to share with me" but i do let him know the invitation to listen is always there. Sometimes he struggles with things that come up in life and i know the best thing i can do is just hold his hand and quietly pray for him while he works things out with God. i don't need to know all the details to be there for him, sometimes just being there is enough. Love, support, respect, and a soft heart are some of the components in my marriage now that were lacking at one time. Through Jesus we have come a long way together and i realize that it wasn't ever about me changing him or controlling him it was all about Jesus being head of us both. Me dying to the flesh and allowing Jesus to change me and trusting that He would do the work in my husbands life to. What i like best about this article is the simple truth that i find, submission to my husband can bring real joy to my heart because in so doing i am honoring Jesus. Submission is pleasing to the Lord when done in Him, compromise done self is not.

rdg

 2012/10/14 8:24Profile
Goldminer
Member



Joined: 2006/11/7
Posts: 1178
Alabama

 Re: submission

rainydaygirl that is so well shared. The very heart of God. Thanks for sharing it so simpily and clearly so that even the youngest believer can understand and embrace it.


_________________
KLC

 2012/10/14 8:51Profile
Compton
Member



Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re:

Quote:
On the topic of respect i do believe it is vital part of any relationship, especially so in a marriage. i let my husband know all the time how much i appreciate all that he does for me and our family. i let him know how important he is to me and to us. When the world comes at him i do my best to make sure he knows I am solidly in his corner and that no matter what we face it's going to be together.



Beautifully expressed Rdg. How powerful is the last word, "together."

Blessings,

MC


_________________
Mike Compton

 2012/10/14 15:38Profile





©2002-2024 SermonIndex.net
Promoting Revival to this Generation.
Privacy Policy