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dottiejean
Member



Joined: 2012/8/16
Posts: 80
Pacific NW

 MAGNIFICENT SOULS TAKE HEAVEN BY STORM (a private journal entry into the heart of the matter)




The most profound picture came to my mind the other day. I saw the Lord Jesus leaning up against a pillar with His back toward me. His head was hanging low. I could see that we were in His private inner chamber where there was no need for Him to wear but a lovely covering which hung from His waist down to His knees. Near His bed was a table and handsome oil lamp giving the entire room a welcoming glow. Above it hung a beautifully handcrafted quiver with words along it’s side that I could not yet read. It appeared that these words had been burned into a long strip of scarlet linen and sown to the side of the quiver.

I had been singing to Him a melancholic tune of the Church having lost her first love leaving Him grieved and heart sore. He had turned His face away. The gentle heaving of His shoulders showed He had succumb to the pain and was now showing it with heavy emotion in my presence.

When He finally turned toward me, I was overcome by the heartbreaking scene of One whose soul had been abandoned by those who still think of themselves as friends. His chaotic raven black hair partially covered His face but I could see beneath it that His cheeks were drenched with the hottest of tears. I saw intense pain. I also saw a terrible and dreadful love. I was unable to handle the magnitude of all that I saw in His eyes and chose to gaze downward toward the leather armbands He wore about both arms.

On His left armband were the words: “I think about Her night and day…Why does She leave me lonely?” On His right armband I saw inscribed: “Oh! How intensely I love Her….but She is slipping away.” I was moved by the great love He felt for His Bride, the Church, and how He must long for her to return to Him.

Around His neck hung a leather necklace and pouch. I reached for that little pouch and found that simply touching it caused the sweetest smell to fill the room. It was only partially filled. How lovely that He would capture and carry, so close to His heart and near to His nostrils, the fragrance produced by the prayers and praise of His followers down through the ages.

I then saw that over His left hip He wore a crystal bottle. The glow from His oil lamp was reflecting through it. I held the bottle in my hand and instinctively knew that it was filled with tears….tears of those in the past who had suffered greatly for their faith in Him.

I felt honoured that He would share His feelings with me and allow me to touch the adornments He wore.

He then reached for a roll of parchment that He had tucked into the front of His waistband and handed it to me. As I began to unroll it, I saw the words “Anger and Unbelief.” I knew that what I was about to see was not going to be a happy revelation. The parchment was covered with ugly stains resembling bruises with deep cuts. He had written little notes beside each cut describing how He had tried to remove some cherished idol from the heart of a loved one but found a hard resistance. He included the accusations that had been hurled at Him. It was brutal. I grimaced and privately wondered, “Why would He torture Himself and wear this dismal record of the Church’s history so close to His body? Wouldn’t it be better to store it away in some dark little drawer where He wouldn’t have to be continually reminded of it?”

Seeking to console Him, I reached for His hand and held it tenderly against my cheek and said, “You really do love Your people, don’t You? How much pain they must bring to Your heart.”

He was very quiet for several long and intense moments while His dreadful tear-filled eyes gazed into my soul. He tried to speak. With a hoarse whisper He was able to slowly and falteringly say, “Yes……..it’s true. The majority of My people have been drawn away. The beautiful hours they used to spend with Me are now taken up with other things. But you are mistaken. Nothing………………nothing of what you have just read and seen here is in regard to them…………it has to do with someone I have known for a long time…………………someone whose date of birth I carry in My hand.”

On His palm I saw words that nearly destroyed me. They read, “Conceived: November 1947. Born: August 21, 1948. Girl of My Dreams.”

I collapsed across His bed and fell face down into it surrendering to long convulsive and overdue sobs. That was my date of birth. I wept, “Oh! God. Oh God…I did not know……………I have not understood any of this. He allowed me to cry for the longest time in order to take it all in.

After what seemed a life time, I sat up and looked at Him for a moment and then hung my head. I wondered what He really thought of me. The roll of parchment He carried in His waistband had just proven me to be a liar. For years I had spoken of a deep commitment to Him, but underneath there was a rage that burned. He must have read my thoughts because He then said, “There is no condemnation going on here.”

He tenderly stated, “What I wrote on My armbands is the love and pain I feel for you. You have been slipping away for a long time. This little pouch I wear over My heart holds the fragrance of your prayers, but as you can see, it has never been filled to capacity. And in this crystal bottle are your tears. Not a single one has been lost. This roll of parchment is your account. Every time it was necessary for Me to bring pain into your life, you received it as a stumbling block and turned it into a secret resentment against Me. It was a bruise and gash across My soul.”

I was undone. How would I ever recover from the weight of these terrible truths?

He said, “Here, take this and read it. It will explain further everything you need to understand.” He took the thick little book which hung over His right hip and handed it to me. It was His own private journal.

Inside the front cover I saw the picture of a very young child undoubtedly under two years of age. I knew who it was. I had seen this picture of myself many times in our family album. There was also a little curl of light brown hair He had placed between the pages.

I began to read about the details of my birth and how He had protected me from death at the time. I read about my own father’s death when I was just 22 months old. He knew that event would be the first of many offenses I would take. Losing your father means you also lose your mother due to her being swallowed up by her own grief. She never did recover from that blow. I read about the brutal death of my older brother who had died in a plane crash when he was only 24 years old. The Lord was correct when He wrote, “Abandonment and loneliness will always seek to plague this child.”

I read how He had witnessed my youthful attempts to find someone who would love me and take me under their wing. I did not know He stood closer to me than any parent or friend could ever stand. In my young adult years, He had written how He had intentionally withheld answers to some of my most desperate prayers in order to “test me”…..waiting to see if I would lovingly submit and wait for Him. My tears were dripping down on this painful page.

Throughout His journal, I often came across the phrase: “She is still unable to surrender her will” and “She still has not forgiven Me for what she feels is unfair.” I had never considered that I needed to forgive Him…probably more for my sake than His.

As I continued to read through the years of my life, I was slowly but truly beginning to see how foolish and arrogant I had been to resist this Loving One who was trying to deliver me from myself. Each page was bathed in a love that I had never understood.

I read up to the present moment and then gently closed His little book. I knew that the remaining pages dealt with things I should not see. I would have to leave my future with Him.

I was exhausted. I didn’t think that I could go on. He walked over to His table and picked up a lovely little cup that I recognized from my childhood. It had been lost years ago…but….here it was. Shocked I said, “Where did You get this?” He just smiled and said, “You are fatigued. Go ahead and drink it’s contents. It will strengthen you.” I drank what seemed to be the living waters Himself. Here in the safety of His inner chamber, I was beginning to feel that the terrible weight of everything I had experienced this evening was going to heal me.

Then I saw that the Lord was reaching for His quiver that hung above the oil lamp. Handing it to me, He said, “Take a look at this.” It was a sizeable quiver containing many arrows. Earlier my imagination had been stirred and now I was able to read the words along that strip of scarlet linen. It said, “I AM A HUNTER SEEKING MAGNIFICENT SOULS.” He motioned that I should remove the arrows. I began to spread them out across His bed so that I could see what He was wanting to show me. They were exquisitely beautiful and I saw that every arrow had a handwritten Scripture written on it’s shaft.

He said, “Think of your heart as My target. Everyday I shoot an arrow your way hoping that you will allow the power of it to penetrate your soul. That is when you and I make a deep connection. It is one aspect of our fellowship. Over time you will discover that your heart has been filled with many Scriptures. What I long for is to see you take each arrow and send it Heavenward again with a great faith aiming it right for My door. There is no sweeter sound to Me than hearing my door pounded by many arrows delivered in a violent faith…..wave after wave.”

I realized that He had instigated a “beautiful war” of relationship….the most powerful war on earth where He has provided the very artillery for great exploits in the hearts of His followers and in the affairs of men. He sends down the power, I am to fervently make it mine, and then in the heat of persevering prayer and faith I am able to cry Heavenward, “This promise has my name written all over it. I will pound Your door with it until I receive an answer that is worthy of Yourself.”

It then became clear to me that He waits to see who will take Heaven by storm. Who will be the ones who have violent affections for Him and a nostril for His sweet fragrance? Who will say, “These arrows are His invitation to me. I will cling to this with all my might and squeeze every ounce of power from it until I have all of Him or nothing at all”? I knew that I was in the very presence of a Magnificent Hunter with a jealous love and an insatiable hunger for fellowship.

He sat down on the bed beside me. “In the past,” He said, “the majority of churchgoers have had no heart for this kind of relationship. But there have been a few magnificent ones who understood what I am trying to tell you now. They have been willing to suffer brutal losses and even die for Me. They were never happy unless they could spend hours feasting upon the Scriptures. They adored talking with Me throughout the day and deep into the night. When they clung to Me, it felt like their very hand print had been pressed into My skin. I can still hear their voices. Their songs of love and clapping are some of the sweetest sounds I have ever cherished.”

He paused, looked into my soul and said, “I have always wanted you to be one of those magnificent ones that knows how to move Heaven and earth. You were created for this. Do you understand what I am trying to say? TIME is the issue here. I get very lonely for you and feel grieved when you spend so many hours being interested in other things. I have waited…and waited…and waited for you. I pray for you with the hottest of tears. I brood over you while you sleep. Why do you spend so much time away from Me?”

The truth was again clear. All along I, too, had been lukewarm and half-hearted. I had lied to myself about how committed I was to Him. I had not completely surrendered my will at all. I had not provided the companionship He longed for. I had been negligent with the Scriptures and prayer. Skimming over a few Bible verses in the morning rush or later when I was fatigued…was shameful. I had not fully acknowledged that He is a Person with profound feelings who holds the legal right to my entire life. Had I not been purchased with blood? Did I not owe Him a terrible debt? I was beginning to realize what an insult it was to be so cavalier. My spiritual laziness must have felt like a slap across the face. It was becoming clear to me that in the end, there will be a heavy price we pay for the issue of negligence alone.

I knew He was waiting…waiting to see how I would resolve all of this. I turned toward Him and through my tears slowly said, “Lord…I have lost so very many years of my life being a shallow and unremarkable Christian. My kind are a dime a dozen. I will never be able to get all those years back. Is there forgiveness for this heinous crime I have committed against You? Is there a way to catch up to the dream You’ve had for me?”

He caressed my cheek and said, “Yes. Of course there is forgiveness. But remember this: Your culture alone has the power to kill you. If you spend your time the same way everyone else spends their time, and if you allow the general opinions of the Christian masses to influence you….it will be your undoing. You must be willing to be different with the little time that is left.”

As He continued to unburden Himself, it felt like all my wasted years would somehow be transformed. He then took my hand and said, “If you want to be a magnificent one, then you, too, must become a hunter. You must search Me out….and I am not always easy to find if one’s search is short and half-hearted. I don’t often frequent the average church anymore. I hide Myself for the purpose of being found by only those who really love Me. I run far from the noise and perverted agendas of those who think of themselves as religious leaders. They are nauseating to Me. I would rather comfort My soul by walking in the garden and orchard cultivated deep in the hearts of those who want Me. Tasting the fruit of their love is what I long for.

He got up from the edge of the bed and took both my hands. Pulling me up he asked, “Would you like to go on a midnight run with Me? I can show you where this generation’s magnificent ones dwell. Some of them live under the crushing hand of despotic leaders who have brought on famine and homelessness. Some of them live in war-torn countries where they have witnessed their loved ones being blown to pieces. Many of them have been in prison for years and are brutally treated because of their faith in Me. A few live in privileged nations but they have to constantly fight against the contaminating influences of an easy life. But for everyone of them, the Scriptures and prayer are their food and drink night and day.”

He reached over to turn down His oil lamp as we headed for the door. I earnestly and thoughtfully said, “Wait…there is something important I need to do. May I have that parchment with the record of my Anger and Unbelief? I would like to deal with that issue right now.” He pulled it from His waistband and put it into my hand. I turned back toward the table where His oil lamp stood. Placing the lamp’s globe safely to the side, I then took the parchment and put it into the flame. Through hot tears of my own, I said with conviction, “Lord…I am so very sorry for my arrogance. I need You to forgive me. I humble myself right now and let go of all my resistance, anger and unbelief. Subdue my will. I am about to become a hunter and magnificent one.”

He put His arm around my neck as we watched the last of the parchment burning on the tray where I had placed it. He turned His face toward me and affectionately kissed my head and whispered, “Well done, My friend. You have made me very happy tonight.” We both stared into the lamp’s flame for what seemed a wonderful lifetime and allowed the impact of what had just taken place to settle into both of our hearts.

There was something else I wanted to do. Earlier in the evening I had been fascinated by that scarlet strip of linen sown to His quiver. I reached for it still lying on the bed. Unknotting the delicate leather thread at the end, I forcefully ripped that entire strip from the quiver’s shell and then tied it around my head. He laughed for the longest time and said, “What are you doing?” I proudly informed Him that this was my first act of loving violence toward Him. “This is now mine,” I firmly stated, “I will be taking it home with me.”

Just then a startling, wild volley of arrows came crashing in wave upon wave. They not only covered His door but plastered the outside of His walls. He was so overcome with this stunning attack that I couldn’t tell the difference between His laughter and His sobs. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. He cried, “Come! Let’s see what this glorious racket is all about. I have prayers to answer and I want you to help Me do it.”

Off we went into the night. Our joy filled the valley and echoed around the mountains. I was intoxicated with the magnitude of the entire evening. Now I was beginning to understood how much He truly loved me. Yes. Me!…and how He longed for my fellowship. How could I do anything less than initiate a fervent militancy of taking Him by storm? I was changed. In my heart I had truly committed to becoming a hunter and spending the rest of my days in intimate fellowship with this Magnificent One.

 2012/8/22 2:57Profile
IssacharSon
Member



Joined: 2012/7/12
Posts: 185
Southeast USA

 Re: MAGNIFICENT SOULS TAKE HEAVEN BY STORM (a private journal entry into the heart o

dottiejean,

This journal entry made me look up to the heavens, stick out my chest, and say "Bullseye!" to the HUNTER SEEKING MAGNIFICENT SOULS!

But, truly, dottiejean, I love the imagery of the heart being His target with God's Word written on the arrows. Absolutely!

Then, once His Word has penetrated the flesh, I yank it out, give it a tender kiss of faith and with the escape velocity which propelled David's stone towards the temple of the giant, I'll shoot it right back towards the door of Heaven's GREAT HUNTER. And rejoice as the wounded flesh over my heart is healed with the balm of faith.

Faith is what drips from the Lord's arrows and it melts into the bloodstream and is pumped throughout the veins as it pierces the target of the heart.

Sending another faith-kissed arrow His way! Can you see it shooting through the sky, dottiejean?

Love-in-Christ,

KP

 2012/8/26 21:09Profile
dottiejean
Member



Joined: 2012/8/16
Posts: 80
Pacific NW

 Re:

Oh!!! KP....your imagery is STUNNING.....you are truly a brother.

Getting no responses for a little while made me wonder if I'm just too intense, too graphic, too intimate, or too SOMEthing....ha.

But, Yes, I see your faith-kissed arrow shooting Heavenward and it makes me wanna shoot a whole lot more myself...pounding His sweet entry way.

I want Him to hear it and know it's little dj calling....I want more faith pumping thru my bloodstream.

Thank you so much for your response.....dj

 2012/8/26 21:24Profile
IssacharSon
Member



Joined: 2012/7/12
Posts: 185
Southeast USA

 Re:

I'm your sister, dottiejean <smile>!

You wrote:

"Getting no responses for a little while made me wonder if I'm just too intense, too graphic, too intimate, or too SOMEthing....ha."

You can never, ever be too intense, graphic, intimate, or ANYthing when it comes to our Lord. Just look at the way He expresses His love for us on the Cross.

He is soooo beautiful and the words in your journal entry capture some of the violent desire which takes hold of a Christian's heart when one considers Him. You know dottiejean, I read some of the recent posts on SI and feel so sorrowful over the struggle for some Christians to find joy. I pray for them daily.

Then I read your journal entry and felt like I was reading a manuscript of my own dreams! Finally, someone who's not afraid to express the intense, explosive passion which our Lord inspires in the heart of a believer. Haven't come across this type of violent affection since reading about Jacob with the angel at Jabbok, the former refusing to let go because he knew that he was holding onto something or someone absolutely essential and indispensible to life in the now and forever.

It's such a blessing to see other saints responding to the Lord with a desperate cry which acknowledges His power, strength, beauty, and passionate pursuit of His beloved. How can we go 'round moping when we have such a One as Christ vying for His love to be requited. Oh, for Him to know that He is the apple of our eye, too. I so badly want Him to know how intensely I love Him and want to please Him. And this is impossible without faith, then I put a bullseye on my heart for His Word to penetrate and produce more faith, and more faith, and more ad infinitum. Faith just to please Him.

Thank YOU, dottiejean!

Love-in-Christ,

KP

 2012/8/27 18:33Profile
narrowpath
Member



Joined: 2005/1/9
Posts: 1073
Germany NRW

 Re: MAGNIFICENT SOULS TAKE HEAVEN BY STORM (a private journal entry into the heart o

When people share visions nowadays, I instinctively go on the defence because most of it is soulish at best. Bless you, sister this truly hits the heart of the matter because it is a vision from Jesus. I somehow feel I have no right to know this because it is of very intimate and private nature,It reminds me a lot of the song of Solomon. This speaks to me and stirs me up. How easy to we loose track of him in pursuit of the noble second best matters.
How easily do we get offended by sufferings, set backs, and misunderstandings.

 2012/8/27 19:14Profile
narrowpath
Member



Joined: 2005/1/9
Posts: 1073
Germany NRW

 Re: MAGNIFICENT SOULS TAKE HEAVEN BY STORM (a private journal entry into the heart o

woops, sorry, double submission

 2012/8/27 19:14Profile
narrowpath
Member



Joined: 2005/1/9
Posts: 1073
Germany NRW

 Re: MAGNIFICENT SOULS TAKE HEAVEN BY STORM (a private journal entry into the heart o

woops triple submission, sorry

 2012/8/27 19:14Profile
dottiejean
Member



Joined: 2012/8/16
Posts: 80
Pacific NW

 Re:

Hi N.P....I go on the defensive as well when people say they've had a vision....so many of them seem to be a cry for attention, recognition, respect from others, and I guess a host of other things.

I've only had one vision in my life...back in the 80's....which I think was meant to be a warning or at least an explanation of something personal. That was a clear cut vision where I felt a heavy heat come down on me and then I saw 2 quick snap shots....in color even. I was astonished. It took me a long time to sort it all out.

But "Magnificent Souls...." is hard to explain. Seems like maybe the Lord just took over my imagination and interwove it with pictures I had thought about in regard to Him already over a period of time.

It was also cathartic....since writing about the "Anger and Unbelief" and "Abandonment" seemed to get it out there where I could look at it and call it what it was. Sometimes we just have to go over an issue again and again until it is truly healed.

N.P....SURE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW about what I wrote. We each bring a different gift to the table to be shared with all who want it. Not all of us are on the same page (in any category), so when we all share as openly as we can...then we are all blessed.

Thanks so much for what you just shared.....I feel blessed as well......dj

 2012/8/27 23:18Profile
dottiejean
Member



Joined: 2012/8/16
Posts: 80
Pacific NW

 Re:

IssacharSON....how silly of me that I didn't guess you were a woman. Son = a woman, right? Just kidding. LOL. Well, it's good to know exactly what gender I'm talkin' with.....and your words are still exquisite and a rich blessing. T.Y.

This is one little reoccurring picture that often comes to mind of something I would love to do as His friend if I had been born in Jesus' time:

Knowing that He often secreted Himself in the Garden at night and other hidden places, I see myself going out in the late evening and finding Him in prayer or in tears because of the treatment and unbelief He got during the day from religious leaders. After we have shared greetings and without a further word, I simply walk over behind Him and begin to rub His shoulders and neck. I guess I'm responding to His sweet humanity and how He must have longed for true friendship that was pure and wholesome.

As God, He didn't need a back rub, of course (I'm smiling). But as a man on a very difficult mission, resisted with a fierce and satanic rejection, and without a whole lot of intimacy (except for John), I see Him responding with an appreciating tenderness.

I can hear Him say, "Oh! Dege, thank you for this sweet gift. And thank you for coming out so late in the evening when everybody else is in bed. You are a true friend. I can always pick you out in the crowd and I always look for you. I know who My true friends are and I cherish that you are one of them." When I hear Him say that, I always melt into tears.

Back rubs....neck rubs....are such a simple little gift and He deserves so much more. But it is one of my favorite ways to say "I love you."

 2012/8/28 18:46Profile
IssacharSon
Member



Joined: 2012/7/12
Posts: 185
Southeast USA

 Re:

What Beautiful Comfort!

In a similar fashion, when I get a headache around the crown of my temples - those vascular ones which relentlessly pulsate right above the ear - I get relief when I imagine that in my utter discomfort, I am still being protected from the pain which Jesus felt from the crown of Thorns and then I imagine giving Him an everlasting temple/head massage.

Yet, nothing on earth was meant to relieve the suffering He endured.

When Jesus arrived at Golgotha, the Bible says, “They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall...” (Matthew 27:34). According to Jewish law, if a man was about to be executed, he could request a narcotic, mingled together with wine, which would help alleviate the pain of his execution. The word “gall” in this verse refers to this special painkiller.


Perhaps, dottiejean, you have the loving spirit of the group of kind women in Jerusalem who made it their good deed to help anesthetize the pain of people who were dying horrific deaths. These women wanted to eliminate as much pain and misery as possible for the scores of people being crucified by the Romans. Therefore, they produced the homemade painkiller that Matthew tells us about in this verse.

Jesus was offered this anesthetic twice — once before His crucifixion and once while He was dying on the Cross (see Matthew 27:34,48). In both instances, Jesus turned down the offer and refused to drink it, for He knew He was to fully consume this cup the Father had given Him to drink.

dottiejean wrote:

"As God, He didn't need a back rub, of course (I'm smiling). But as a man on a very difficult mission, resisted with a fierce and satanic rejection, and without a whole lot of intimacy (except for John), I see Him responding with an appreciating tenderness."

And yet, dottiejean, as woman, I always have to be careful about the way I show the holiest of affection towards men. This is part of my motivation for choosing to be referred to as a "Son" though I am a woman. When God created humankind in his image, we possessed a male and female nature before Adam or Eve was even formed
(Gen. 1:27). Yet, we are so obssessed with human sexuality that it often impedes the expression holy affection towards a brother or sister in Christ.

This is why so many folks on SI jump at the opportunity to respond to each other and engage in doctrine, which is important to preserve the truth, but rarely, do I get to enjoy the opportunity to engage in the "Heart of the Matter" and hear saints write about their pure love of the Savior. The day will come, dottiejean, when there will no longer be a need for us to teacher each other - when "class is over" where does your heart for the Lord find it's home?

I have quite a full and voluminous head of unruly hair, dottiejean, and I have often dreamed about washing Christ's feet with my hair. But I dare not speak of such things because I am a woman. And Christ has introduced me to this new expression of love whereby the flesh only derives pleasure when it is acting in service to Him and His will. Imagine that! But because I am a woman, there is this worldly expectation that something other than our Lord should bring pleasure to the flesh. We will have glorified bodies in the Kingdom, when the flesh will be wholly submitted to the Spirit, and then free to express affection for each other in holiness.

Hence, I think it is beautiful that you want to use the flesh to comfort our Lord in His agony. We should feel this desire whenever we encounter human suffering; to use our bodies to bless, heal and bring comfort to others in their affliction. But, as a woman in this world - it can be very complicated, unfortunately.

What do you think?

Love-in-Christ,

KP

 2012/8/29 14:53Profile





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