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newcenturion
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Joined: 2011/12/9
Posts: 11


 When do you let go?

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I would like your assistance on a topic; (please if possible, I have been looking for Biblical examples)
The story goes as such: for years, more than 20, my family (immediate and extended) have been on and off trying to help a member of our family. We have provided him with places to live free of charge, that he would usually promptly destroy. We have given him money to get on his feet many times, which he would promptly use to buy drugs. We would loan him all sorts of things, ie tools, tvs, vehicles, which he would either destroy or pawn, or just never bring back. We have provided him and whatever woman he had that year including her kids complete Christmas' (which usually meant the kids in our family got little to nothing) This family member has been in and out of county jails, city jails, and prisons. He seems to always have some type of new scheme to make it rich. I know that he has taken advantage of my family, but I believe the love we have always shown him was done in Christ's name and we have tried not to enable him in his evil lifestyle. Recently he assaulted a member of the family that also has provided him with assistance. My question is this... I have been looking for Biblical examples of how to tackle this. On one hand I think of when the disciples asked Jesus how often should they should forgive a person and he told them 7 times 70. And I do forgive him. However, he has not offered any apologies, not repented of his violent behavior, and furthermore thinks we all owe him more than we give him. When do you just cut all ties with a person and pray for him and let that be the full extent of your relationship. I am not worried about all the money and things he has stolen, they can be replaced; but I feel now that he has assaulted a family member he has crossed the line. He is the type of person that if I offered him my cloak and robe, he would be unhappy because I didn't give him my sandals, my walking staff, or my head-covering too. What are your opinions? I have prayed about this and have not received any particular revelation on the subject. This is an issue that is very important to my Father as it is an issue that he will have to deal with much sooner that I. Please help if possible.

 2012/7/2 23:37Profile
sermonindex
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 Re: When do you let go?


A mentor of mine had a homeless lady live in His home for over 3 years, they treated her like she was their mother. She came to the Lord and showed signs of repentance. But after time went on she was drifting back in her old ways and the hard decision had to be made.

He asked her to leave.

I believe in most cases this is how God is with us, He will bear with us and give us the most grace possible till the time we get comfortable 100% in an unrepentant attitude over an issue or state in life. Then by His mercy He will bring us troubles, take out our feet from under us. This is all meant to bring us back to Him.

I believe in this case it can be the best love for even a season to give reasons why you are not supporting him anymore. It might be the sobering up that is needed. The best thing is to be led of the Spirit on this. But it seems you are already feeling something has to change. May God give you grace to make the right steps, God loves Him more then you do.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2012/7/2 23:48Profile









 Re: When do you let go?


You wrote this very well and should present this same account to him, of everything you've listed here with this as your bottomline - "but I feel now that he has assaulted a family member he has crossed the line."

Most definitely.

"Let not your good be evil spoken of" - can also be interpreted that if the good you are doing for or giving someone is being used for evil things or intents - the good is not producing good but evil.

I'm sure that he's been witnessed to and you've attempted to plant seeds for Christ and now it's up to him with what he does with Jesus.

We'll pray for you and your family's protection.




 2012/7/3 0:28
EverestoSama
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Joined: 2010/5/17
Posts: 1175


 Re:

I would also echo the advice of Greg and Jesus-is-GOD.

 2012/7/3 0:31Profile
Blayne
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Joined: 2012/5/27
Posts: 274


 Re: When do you let go?


My answer:

"To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus", (1Cor 5:5)

The Christian family home is to behave similar to a church in that the head of the household stands in the breach for its members / children.

If it becomes a matter of a person who perseveres in his sins and refuses to listen to the exhortation of the household, the family will have to detach itself from him.

Jesus said: "Let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector"; this means that the family can no longer continue with fellowship. Of course this does not mean that we should be unfriendly against him or refuse to see him in the natural world, if necessary, or refuse to greet him. We have to have a positive attitude towards all including our unbelieving neighbour or friends.

When a family makes this decision concerning someone in their home, all spiritual protection and responsibility is suspended. The words of Jesus apply to the person: "YOU would not!"

The member of the congregation of Corinth was delivered to the wrath of darkness (destruction of his flesh) as a result of his sins. However, the apostle hoped that the sinner might feel so forlorn and far from God that in his despair he would call on Jesus. Then his spirit might lift itself up again and resist evil.
But this was outside the responsibility of the congregation because "God judges those outside".

Now, let's also be clear about something:
We do not ever have the right to curse someone. This is what the heathen do who call upon their sorcerers to put a curse or a spell on their enemies.
Jesus taught us to love man under all circumstances. The apostle, indeed, wrote: "That his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus". We shall always have to bless, not to curse.

As a church or family or individual Christian, however, we are not allowed to have fellowship with evil, and for that reason we also exclude those who live in sin from the fellowship of both the church and family.

This is especially true when we celebrate the Lord's Supper or the parallel equivalent with the intimacy of a family meal in our home.

 2012/7/3 1:04Profile
Trekker
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Joined: 2011/7/29
Posts: 683
northern USA

 Re: When do you let go?

QUOTE: "On one hand I think of when the disciples asked Jesus how often should they should forgive a person and he told them 7 times 70. And I do forgive him. However, he has not offered any apologies, not repented of his violent behavior, and furthermore thinks we all owe him more than we give him. When do you just cut all ties with a person and pray for him and let that be the full extent of your relationship."==NEWCENTURION




I am a firm believer that it is never a sin to love, but sometimes (or OFTEN) you have to love people FROM A DISTANCE.And it is written, Though you should bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will his foolishness not depart from him. (Proverbs)

You yerself used the word "enable". This person is clearly NOT repentant and clearly has NOT reached rock bottom yet. He is not hurting enough to turn to Jesus, as much as you think he is hurting. He is probably narcissistic, seeing as your description of him tells me he feels a sense of entitlement and sounds like he lacks empathy for others, never apologizing for his wrongs or violence. It is even conceivable that you may be keeping him from Christ by being a doormat for him that he does not respect (no one respects a doormat, they just wipe their feet on it)and by always giving him a soft place to land no matter what evil he does. It is written, Open rebuke is better than secret love (Proverbs). It may be best to give him one last ultimatum and then if he defies it follow through on it. It doesnt mean you stop loving him or even that you stop communicating your love to him, but you do so from a distance.

 2012/7/3 2:03Profile
ginnyrose
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Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7463
Mississippi

 Re: When do you let go?

If you want a Biblical example, consider the story of the prodigal son. He took his inheritance and went to a far-off country and there wasted his inheritance. Before too long he was living with the hogs and was not even allowed to eat of their feed. Then he remembered the blessings he forsook and went home, hoping that his dad would just hire him. You know the story.

Today, too many folks work hard to make the pig pen comfortable thus robbing the prodigal of any motivation to get up and go home to the Father.

Another..Scripture says that if a person does not work he should not eat. Simple. Basic rules for survival.

Methinks it is time to allow the person to work on his own survival and the rest of you all back off and allow him to experience the consequences of his own sin. Once he falls flat on his face he may remember. As long as you cushion his fall there will be no motivation for him to work to improve his lot.

Hope this helps.


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Sandra Miller

 2012/7/3 2:47Profile





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