I've had a most unusual experience lately which has occurred several times. I used to be so full of "vision". I wrote my vision down. I believed it was "God's Plan" for my life here on earth. It was quite spiritual, all for the glory of God, you know ;-). Thousands of people were going to come to Christ through my ministry. Thousands of lives would be touched. I even had dreams about it. I knew the building in my town where it would all begin. I believed I knew the man God was going to raise up to lead us. I prayed for him. I wrote letters to people about it and talked with others who shared my vision. It excited me to think about it and talk about it. But...something has happened. I've started to think that perhaps my vision was all about me. Perhaps it just distracted me from the painful, slow process of God trying to get me to let go of my life.
I see so many people now who are all fired up about some big idea they have to do something for God. And I see that their happiness hinges on their dream coming true. They are running over their own families to get to it. They are ignoring their prayer time and time in the word to focus on these things. I've begun to recognize the many faces of religious pride. Even in myself, I realized that if someone else were to rise up and begin to do what I have desired to do, I would not want to help them. I would be sad that they were the one leading the way, and not me.
I've begun to realize that I have been searching for fulfillment in some kind of thing that I would accomplish "for God".
The scripture that keeps returning to me over and over in my mind is: Matthew 7:21-23 TLB, "Not all who sound religious are really godly people. They may refer to me as 'Lord', but still won't get to heaven. For the decisive question is whether they obey my Father in heaven. At the Judgment many will tell me, 'Lord, Lord, we told others about you and used your name to cast out demons and to do many other great miracles.' But I will reply, 'You have never been mine. Go away, for your deeds are evil.'
My aching need to know God has eclipsed my dreams and visions. I know that, if I pursue them, I could look like a huge spiritual success, but if I don't know God, what will it profitt me? I almost don't have any dreams anymore. I'm afraid of the judgment day coming for me and hearing him say, "I don't know you." That's all that matters now, knowing God. If I can truly know him, then I will obey him and perhaps others will find their way to him by something they see or hear through me. I don't know how that will flesh out, but I don't care. I don't care if others don't think I accomplished very much in my life. I only want to hear him say, "Well done." It has erased my dreams. I live to know him and obey him and I'm just trying to figure out how to do that moment by moment. Love, Dian.
| 2005/1/30 9:36||Profile|
| Re: Distractions|
I know exactly what you mean. I came out of that too. Reading My Utmost For His Highest these last few years has really helped me in this area- also reading Chip's writings too.
I am going to give you two examples of two things the Lord showed/told me. They seem to contradict each other, but if you really think about it from God's perspective, they can have the same meaning.
One night the Lord woke me up and I heard very clearly "are you willing to lose your place in this world?" ok. wow.
Another night he woke me with this message a from the Spiderman movie. The main message of the spiderman movie is 'With great power comes great responsibility". ok. wow.
Just because we have "power" from on high, doesn't mean we won't be hidden. Just because God wants to use us, doesn't have to mean that alot of people will see.
Just some thoughts. :-)
In His love, Chanin
| 2005/1/30 13:35||Profile|
| Re: Distractions|
I know exactly what you mean. I often do not feel qualified to give the messages I am told to give. People are so touched and broken by these visions and messages that the assume that I a must be walking very close to God. I too, for a brief moment thought I was walking close to God because of that. Although I have been walking [i]closer[/i] to God I am not quite so confident to say that I am walking close. God has dealt with sin in my life but there is still the matter of my self-will. Self continually wants to be exalted as a god in its own world.
That scripture (Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord
) has been getting me down. I really do not feel like ministering through what he has given me any more. I am in pursuit of Holiness and intimate knowledge of God. As you said:
I know that, if I pursue them, I could look like a huge spiritual success, but if I don't know God, what will it profit me?
However, on another note, I was given a message (from the verse: John2:4Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.) today that is now coming back tome. I think that we may need to wait until we have had personal revival before we seek revival in others. That is, we need to wait for our hour before we begin our ministry.
Just some thoughts
James Gabriel Gondai Dziya
| 2005/1/30 13:49||Profile|
That is, we need to wait for our hour before we begin our ministry.
I'm often reminded of Moses who had a call to deliver the people from birth. And he felt the burden of it so intensely that he set out to do it in his own strength. God had to break him and make him for many years before he could allow him to return to Egypt as deliverer. By that time, he was the meekest man in all the earth. Oh God! Help us to wait for our hour. Love, Dian.
| 2005/1/30 15:29||Profile|
Oh God! Help us to wait for our hour. Love, Dian.
James Gabriel Gondai Dziya
| 2005/1/30 15:41||Profile|