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Joined: 2008/6/9
Posts: 16

 Women meeting Men vs Men meeting women

what do you think of 1 Corinthians 11:8-9?

8 For man is not from woman, but woman from man. 9 Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.

Is this proof that men should be the initiators in relationships? What if a woman unintentionally leads a guy on through words, ideas, actions does this mean she has sinned? Should she apologize to that person and wait for a man to draw her in rather than her to draw the man in? If so, how is a woman to choose? Does it really matter who she ends up marrying after all?

 2012/2/28 19:46Profile

 Re: Women meeting Men vs Men meeting women

I am not going to attempt to answer your question. But they are good and valid questions and I hope you get some answers. I am only going to supply another verse as part of the discussion.

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

 2012/2/28 21:08

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7471



I think the verse Approved quoted is a good one. One can try to explain why this is so, but the easiest is to simply allow the male to do the pursing and leave it at that.

Having said this I will share an incident.

My sister belonged to a church where the church leaders were very much involved in the marriage proposal process. The male would share with his dad who he would like to marry. He in turn would present it to the leadership who will then talk to the girl's father - if she is under 21, if she is over that he will approach the girl herself. Understand this process?

OK. One day my sister got a marriage proposal from a fellow she merely regarded as a friend, nothing more. She like him but never considered him husband material. She was in a predicament, she did not know what to say. She also like another fellow, but he never made any moves towards her. It was a longing she had in her heart for him but never pursued him. She shared with dad her dilemma...he in turn discussed this with the deacon who offered to help her. He went to the fellow she liked and asked him if he had any feelings for this girl. He admitted he had. The deacon came back to Dad and told him who in turn told his daughter. She told the first guy 'no' and later this other fellow proposed to her via the leadership route and they got married.

What do you think about that? I have shared this story with many and their eyes get as big as saucers! Seriously, I think it is nice when the parents can take a pro-active role in their children's choosing of a lifetime mate.

Ema, what are you thinking?

Sandra Miller

 2012/2/28 22:06Profile

 Arranged marriages are of ancient culture and very successful; Isaac!

GinnyRose: I felt very good about this story...and by the Jewish culture this is huge....and these matchmakers are famous, and wield a lot of power. The scripture speaks of heavy involvement by the fathers of women.

This scripture is speaking of Christian Fathers who have virgin daughters.......

"But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. "

"Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well."

"So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better."

Can you imagine a father, in today's culture, withholding marriage for his mature and womanly daughter...when she desires it? Wow! and to be honest, this scripture seems a little over the top for me, as the girl seems to be like a slave to daddy.?...but...there it is. And Paul, might just have had some wisdom from God, you think?

Also, in Indian culture today, most marriages are arranged, and the mates chosen often, by both families, when they are very young...sometimes 4 or 5. This is Hindi culture, [ demonic worship ] but the weird thing is that there marriages are much more stable that American "Christian" ones.

I have witnessed many of these marriages, and talked to them face to face, in my trips there. One brother, a PHD Ministry Graduate...and Pastor...spoke to me about his marriage. They knew they were engaged, a very serious thing, very close to marriage itself....when they were very young children.

What was interesting to me, is that they could choose to back out, both the man or the woman, and seek another mate, if they did not really love or like their chosen spouse. These by the way that I talked to, were raised in old line Christian Churches in India.

I would hope my granddaughter made the right choices, putting God first...but for now, that is just my hope and prayers.

 2012/2/28 23:27

Joined: 2008/6/9
Posts: 16


Thanks ginnyrose, you're absolutely right. Though it's easier for me to talk to strangers, I can definitely use my parents as resources.

However, I am still a bit concerned about the scripture from Genesis. The one about women having their hearts after the man and the man ruling over the woman. Does this mean that the woman should become like a slave for the man? What does the man have to do? Sounds ridiculous, I know. Of course, the men have a lot to do. When asked, my mother said that the man has to 'love the woman and to see her as weaker than he see's himself'. I really have a hard time swallowing that because I really like to feel like I am in control. How much control do I have as a woman? None? Some? I really admire any woman who is able to submit to her husband and find a way to run the household in a Christ-like way. How does this woman do it?

My parents are great, but I know they are not perfect. Similarly, I see other couple's struggle and it scares me to even consider marriage sometimes.

Then again, someone once told me that marriage is a refining process that helps you to be closer to God.

As you can see, I get really overwhelmed just thinking about the possibility. I am afraid that I will pass up an opportunity of a lifetime if it hits me. I'm afraid I might have already done so a few times. If I do, then what? Wait for another?

How can I know who is the 'Right one'? What if there are two people who are 'the right one' walking side by side? Then what? In the end, is there 'a right one'?

I really liked what you had to say about getting the parents involved. Perhaps that will spare some heartbreaks.


Please pray for me if/when you remember :)

 2012/2/29 0:17Profile

Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3396
This world is not my home anymore.

 Re: Women meeting Men vs Men meeting women


I highly recommend reading "God is a Matchmaker" by Derek Prince. Here is a link to the pdf that you can read online:

The whole book is excellent but chapters 2 and 3 tell how God showed Derek who would be his wife. When his first wife Lydia died, God did it again with his 2nd wife!

He really shows a higher level and calling than what most people even know about, let alone pursue. You might find it a blessing.

God bless,


 2012/2/29 0:49Profile

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3237


I think sometimes we as Christians do a lot of splitting hairs, and also put God in a box. I don't have any answer to contribute here. I do know Gods ways are not our ways, so any thinking we might have on any subject, God could have a different idea. I have been divorced on March 10th, two years, after 38 years of marriage, looking for another relationship has so for been my least priority. I guess we all have to be open to meeting in many different ways. I have had the attitude if God wants me in another relationship, he will send that person into my life, but maybe he wants to send me into someones life, if the man is to truly to initiate, guess I never thought of that.

Mr. Bill

 2012/2/29 9:54Profile

Joined: 2011/8/20
Posts: 1714

 Re: Women meeting Men vs Men meeting women

I don't think 1 Corinthians 11:8, is anything to do with who initiates a relationship. A women has to submit to her husband in married relationship and that is what it means. If a women in genuinely interested in a man, she has to pray about it to seek God's approval. If she has no trouble in her heart then she can proceed the talk with Church elders via her parents (if applicable). There is nothing wrong in a women initiating this. Being Man I really believe that a God fearing women will have higher discernment to choose a God fearing man for her than a man because man is often carried away by the outer beauty of women.

I would highly encourage you to read Brother Zac Poonen's love sex and marriage. This book (a free ebook) greatly blessed me during my recently ended single life and also to setup a Godly family.


 2012/2/29 10:17Profile

Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


a man because man is often carried away by the outer beauty of women.

And yet there is a female counterpart, as reflected in George Gershwin’s song, "Someone to Watch over Me" written in 1926. (sung by Ella Fitzgerald)

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Indisputably this feminine longing is still very real, though perhaps more sexualized today. There is still a craving for that male hero - perhaps no longer as physical protector and provider as in the past, but certainly to meet emotional/relational needs. (Don’t be fooled by feminism’s bravados!) And what male doesn’t get his ego stroked by sensing himself as a hero for a poor needy sweety.

I adamantly believe that if this underlying dynamic between genders remains unacknowledged, God’s people merely create a spiritualized version of it - masked beneath the headship-submission lingo.


 2012/2/29 10:36Profile

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