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ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7470
Mississippi

 Re:

Mary Jane,

Our generation has been so conditioned to think that one should never tell another that what they did is unflattering lest they be hurt. As a result we have lied - too many times, or at least given a false impression - and this is sin for us to do. For a long time I have been convicted of this, but am at a loss to know how to answer questions that well, are in sharp disagreement with the questioner. Like last night: a girl decorated her cloth bag with paints, etc. After she was done - she never asked me for advice before - she asked if I thought it was pretty? I could not tell her I thought it was ugly, could I? (And the definition of pretty and ugly will vary with individuals.) I said, "you had fun, did you not?" She repeated the question and I did like wise with my answer. Not sure if it was the best but what else should I have done?

Now, back to your question. Seems to me your answer would have been simple! You could tell her you think her original hair color looked nicer! And you still could tell her so. (Frankly, when older women dye their hair black, it looks so unnatural that to me it is ugly. But this is my opinion.)

God bless.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2011/11/30 10:04Profile
dietolive
Member



Joined: 2007/6/29
Posts: 342


 Re: How to handle this situation?

God bless you dear Sister, for your tender spirit and contrite heart.

Lot's of good advice so far...

I think you will find that a heartfelt confession of repentance will ultimately work more grace in your sister's heart than five whole sermons.

Such are the Christians; who with anguish of soul will suffer much at the hands of men, rather than offend their Lord in the least thing whatever.

I'm praying for you and your sister ma'am.

Be well in the Lord.
Doug

 2011/11/30 10:16Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Thank you for all the wonderful responses. I will be praying about this first before I speak with my sister. She does not live near me so I will have to write her an email or call her up and speak with her. I know she does worry about how she looks, she has received a lot of put downs from her husbands family over the years so she does try to look her best. I think I will ask her what her husband thinks of her new hair color and see if the Lord gives an opening there. But first I really want to pray on this and follow the Lords leading. I do think being slow to speak or respond is a lesson that I really need to apply in my life.

God Bless
mj

 2011/11/30 13:06Profile
ET101
Member



Joined: 2010/10/26
Posts: 236


 Re: How to handle this situation?

Maybe once the situation is resolved. . .once you've come to a gracious and kind way of telling her the truth. . .and once she is not sensitive about it. . .show her this thread. Maybe she might value your dedication to the truth. . .and to her feelings in love for her.

God bless!

 2011/12/5 0:33Profile









 Re:

After being with my wife for over 20 years you would think I would have a wise and sage answer to this... but I dont.

If I was to publish a book about my knowledge of women it would be shorter than a greeting card.

Thank the Lord we had all boys and no girls... I cant imagine having to interact with and raise a daughter. Boys are simple.

Krispy

 2011/12/5 7:22
roadsign
Member



Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


 Re:

This young lady’s hair question may very well conceal more vulnerable yet more pressing questions: Do you love me? Are you a safe person with whom I can disclose my fears, my insecurities, etc? Are you going to reject me?

At this point it may be best to avoid getting sidetracked by the hair question, and simply validate her as a person you respect and honor. Perhaps you can ask her about other aspects of her life: schooling, friends, her favorite musicians, etc. As trust grows, you may find her sharing more deeply, and then you can minister and encourage at that level.

Diane


_________________
Diane

 2011/12/5 7:43Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

I did call my sister and we talked only breifly. She was sick and not feeling well. She has some chronic health issues. I did ask her about how others have reacted to her hair and how her husband liked it? She said everyone really loves it. She said her husband thinks it really looks great and that he likes it so much better then the color she was dying her hair before.(she was coloring her hair a reddish color) She said all of her friends are telling her it looks so nice and she should keep this color and not go back to the red...guess I was wrong about how people would react to her. I did not get a chance to speak with her more about it because she had to go but we will be talking again soon and I am not sure what the Lord will have me say to her....

God bless
mj

 2011/12/5 7:45Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Hello Diane

Thank you for the response. I appreciate what you shared with me but I do know this person very well. She is my actually sister so we have been close through the years. Perhaps not as close as we once were though(something for me to consider and pray about)

I have been praying about this for some time now and I do think you are correct in saying that this does go to a deeper level then just her hair color, at least for me. I do believe it touches on being honest and really learning to love another person even if that means saying somethings to them they might not want to hear from me. I realize that I have a pattern of holding back my true feelings and what the Lord has laid on my heart where this sister is concerned. She has been sick for a long time, she has health issues. Some are very real but some have been overly exaggerated so that many in the family know she is a bit of a hypercondriac. She as a very deep need to have the attention on herself and everything is always much worse then it really is. Its hard to share with her because she is so sensitive, I do not want to hurt her and yet I know the Lord is leading me to be more open and honest with her about many different things. The hair color is just the latest issue of me attempting to spare her hurt feelings, but maybe I am the one with the issue thinking I need to protect her but really am just being a coward???

Things for me to be seeking GOD on for sure. Thank you and everyone for taking the time to respond.

God Bless
mj

 2011/12/5 8:02Profile
roadsign
Member



Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


 Re:


Quote:
but maybe I am the one with the issue thinking I need to protect her but really am just being a coward???



Insightful self-awareness! It seems natural for many of us to get pulled into another person’s emptiness, and feel we need to fill it. Freeing her from the need for approval may be the best gift you can give her. I wonder if you would do that best by simply not offering any judgment on her hair at all - and absolve yourself from that role in her life.

Diane


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Diane

 2011/12/5 8:24Profile





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