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MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 How to handle this situation?

About a week ago my sister sent me a picture of herself. She had died her hair black. She wanted to know what I thought of the color and how it suited her. She said she really liked the way it turned out and was happy with it. I felt terrible because it did not look very flattering. The color was very dark and she being pale in complexion looked sickly. I know she wanted me to give her an honest answer but I wanted to be considerate of her feelings. I ended up telling her that I thought it was a nice color and that if she was happy with it that was all that matter. I now feel like I lied to her and I am not sure now how to go back and tell her the truth. I do not want to hurt her feelings but I do want to be honest with her??? She deserves me being honest and more so I do not want to sin against the LORD with this lie any longer.

How does someone tell another person something they don't want to hear about their appearance? I know I must first confess to having lied to her and ask her to forgive me but what do I say gently to her concerning her hair??

God Bless
maryjane

 2011/11/30 6:55Profile
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1357
Lakeland FL

 Re: How to handle this situation?

I would suggest that you ask her about why she choose to die it black. Find out what is ticking within her and then offer her your opinion of why you don't think it is her color.

You can't make her not do it but you can offer her reasons why it doesn't look good on her.


_________________
John

 2011/11/30 7:09Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Thank you for your reply to my post. Her normal hair color is very light brown so the black is a drastic change for her. She did say she is trying to cover her gray hair. She is getting more grays now and unhappy with it. She can be extremely sensitive about her appearance, that is part of the reason I was not more forthcoming with her to begin with. I know I took the easy way out in this situation, the one that was easiest for me and I am sorry for that. I want to make this right with her regardless of what she decides to do with her hair in the end. If she chooses to keep the color that is fine I just want to give what she asked of me an honest loving answer. Just not sure how to do that knowing she is very sensitive about these kinds of things???

Thank you again
mj

 2011/11/30 7:23Profile
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1357
Lakeland FL

 Re:

If her hair is naturaly light encourage her to look for something in a slightly darker tone. Sounds as if she is going too drastic in order to stay 'younger' looking. Maybe she needs a little guidance. I know women can be very critical in the way they want to appear in front of others.

Don't be too dramatic with this either.


_________________
John

 2011/11/30 7:31Profile
anepa
Member



Joined: 2011/8/26
Posts: 8


 Re:

Hi,
Speaking the truth in these kind of situations is a serious challenge.
Nevertheless, truth should be spoken.

Don't be blunt... but perhaps you can say something like "Oh... this looks so different on you. I prefer the way it was before." or "If I were you, I would have left it the way it was."

Personally, I have always found it a challenge to speak plain truth always. But I always regret later for telling lies or flattering. Speaking the truth in love is something we just have to do. We need to learn to "be slow to speak/respond". God help us.

 2011/11/30 7:31Profile
Svane
Member



Joined: 2011/8/11
Posts: 9


 Re: How to handle this situation?

It is indeed tough to tell someone a truth that can be hurtful.

I remember I requested my fianceé to remove some hair above her mouth earlier this month. I didn't really care about it, but I, for some reason, was thinking of the wedding day and the hairdresser she would be going to. What if the hairdresser said: "We must remove this small amount of hair above your mouth for your wedding! Hasn't your husband told you to remove that? He wants you to, but he hasn't told you. He's not being open with you dear!"

So I told her, but I started with asking her if there was something she was afraid to tell me that she could think of. But she couldn't, at the moment. Then she asked me back, and I answered with that. It was kind of funny to mention why I said it - but anyhow, it's great to have an "open channel" about such things aswell.

Maybe you should tell her that you're not comfortable with saying the truth, but you'll tell her anyway. And I liked DEADn's approach of asking "why did you do it?" That, I guess, could lead to a deeper conversation.

God bless you MaryJane :)

- Svane

 2011/11/30 7:42Profile
anepa
Member



Joined: 2011/8/26
Posts: 8


 Re:

I agree with you Svane & DEADn. Being direct is best. It needs courage. Pray and ask God for the courage. After all you are doing it out of love.

 2011/11/30 7:55Profile









 Re:

Hey MaryJane, you'd tell her exactly what you think about it. You call her or go and visit her and you say, "Hey sis, remember the other day you asked me about your hair, I wasn't being completely upfront with you. To be honest, brown always looked good on you and to tell you the truth, I really didn't know what to say about it and I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I lied. Your my sister and I love you and I don't want to lie to you, will you forgive me?"

OR

You can go to the Lord about it and ask for forgiveness and let him sort it out for you by asking, "Father, I lied to my Sister about the colour of her hair and I wasn't be truthful or upfront, I was being kind about it but a lie is a lie regardless of intention. I was wondering if you could arrange a meeting with my sister so that she can receive my apology, if I do it in my own strength I'll only mess it up. I believe and await to your move."

When God does move, it's usually when you least expect it and when your not in the mood to doing anything like offering an apology so be ready.

God Bless

 2011/11/30 8:13
keepstanding
Member



Joined: 2011/10/27
Posts: 38
UK

 Re:

Maybe you could say to her that her natural hair colour that God gave to her looks much nicer.

 2011/11/30 8:35Profile









 Re:

This may not apply but a brother graciously pointed out I had misspelled the two main streams of Islam in my thread. He was gracious about it but kindly pointed out that I might want to reedit the post. He kindly gave me the correct spellings and I reedited the post. To me this was speaking the truth in love.

Blaine Scogin

 2011/11/30 8:55





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