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FreeSparrow
Member



Joined: 2010/10/16
Posts: 17
Just passing through

 Son battling depression...

Hello, I have never posted here..but come often to read and listen to the wonderful Biblical teachings. I have been struggling with a situation in my life where I just don't know what to do. I had prayed about this situation,and felt I had left it in God's hands. My youngest son two years ago rebelled against God. He had I believed been saved when he was about six and was baptized a year or so later. When he hit twelve years of age he began to rebel. For the past two years he has been smoking,drinking, battling depression. He had hardened his heart towards the Lord, his family, refused to attend church. Then in June he attempted suicide. Had it not been for the Lord impressing upon my heart to check in his closet he would be gone. He was hospitalized for a week, and put on anti depressants. He came to church with me after this and made a profession of salvation, said that he was surrendering his life to be a Preacher. But...I am concerned. I don't want to seem harsh, critical. I love my boy, so very much. I see he desires to do right, but is so easily influenced to do wrong. My husband is not a Christian, I am the spiritual leader in the home. What can I do? We read a chapter in the scriptures at night, and pray together. He attends a public school. He still keeps company with the same boys as before he was saved. I know this is long, I'm sorry. This is difficult to discuss with anyone, I am praying for some guidance...

 2011/11/21 21:25Profile
Nellie
Member



Joined: 2004/4/5
Posts: 952


 Re: Son battling depression...

Pray that God will deliver and bring your Son forth.
He knows exactly where you are, and He has promised He won't leave nor forsake you.
Other people may give up on your Son, but God will not.
May He hold you & your Son close.
God Bless

 2011/11/21 21:38Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7474
Mississippi

 Re: Son battling depression...

Welcome, FreeSparrow...I do hope you will find this forum edifying. There is a lot of meat here for a person to feed on.

I do not doubt you are grieved and concerned about your son's depression. I have a few questions,trying to figure out a possible cause or what may be enhancing it.

Has he ever been molested? Are him and his friends playing 'naughty'? Is he looking at porn? What music is he listening to? Modern rock music feeds rebellion, depression...If the boy is involved in any of these I suggest he be sent to a boys facility what works to help troubled males. I know of one in SC and one in IN but that one is for older males; am sure though there are many others.

BTW, how old is he? Does your husband share any concern for the child at all?

God bless and will pray for you..but do think the child needs outside help...(EDIT: I am suggesting this because he is suicidal and if he has been molested this will mean he needs intensive spiritual care by other males.)

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2011/11/21 21:39Profile
FreeSparrow
Member



Joined: 2010/10/16
Posts: 17
Just passing through

 Re: Son battling depression...

Thank you Ginnie and Nellie for the welcome. My son is 15, has never been molested...but has been looking at pornography. I live in Canada, don't know of any such place to send him here. My husband is concerned, but thinks it will " blow over". He thinks all boys go through a time like this. I so appreciate your prayers in this matter. I need wisdom.

 2011/11/21 21:45Profile
Dlight
Member



Joined: 2011/9/24
Posts: 49


 Re: Son battling depression...

Hello FreeSparrow,

My heart goes out to you. I am young, and cannot offer much advice except to say that the Lord hears prayer, and inclines his ear to the lowly. Cry out to Him, and He will hear. The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was a sermon I watched on prayer. At the end, the preacher gives his own testimony about his daughter, and how the Lord delivered her through prayer. The link is below. Please be encouraged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U79YOKje2zU

I also know that public school is not the best place for kids, and that it greatly indoctrinates them with the standards and philosophies of this world. Please pray to God to keep your son's mind pure. To remind him to meditate on scripture even during the day. I have my own testimony in this area...but that's a story of its own. God bless you and keep you.

Love,
Daphne.

 2011/11/21 21:54Profile
Yeshuasboy
Member



Joined: 2006/6/10
Posts: 668
Northern Rockies, BC, Canada

 Re:

Sounds like he needs a revelation of the Lord who came to set the captives free. Roy Hession has sermons here in 5 parts titled, "Men who saw God", I'd recommend that you listen, that you, and perhaps your family too will be blessed. Thank God the lad has a mother who prays :-) I, too, live in Canada... Glad a fellow canuck is in the house. God be with you. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. May your boy be aroused to forsake his ungodly company. Hopefully, the Lord will bring across his path a christian mentor who is meek and lowly at heart.


_________________
Richie

 2011/11/21 22:00Profile
FreeSparrow
Member



Joined: 2010/10/16
Posts: 17
Just passing through

 Re:

Thank you. I will be resolved to pray more specifically for my son, and wait expectantly for God to work. I will listen to these sermons! Sounds like it would be a great help, and blessing.

 2011/11/21 22:17Profile
jimp
Member



Joined: 2005/6/18
Posts: 1481


 Re:

hi dear freesparrow, the joy of the Lord is our strength and your manner of conversation is the method the bible teaches that will change your family and their lives in Christ.this means how you walk out your life in front of your family.noone likes to be around sad sacks and everyone enjoys being with those that are full of joy and that are fun to be with.make you time with your husband and your son something that they will look forward to and never moan and groan or talk negatively about them where they perceive you to be phoney.make sure your home is a happy place to be.pray and intercede in your prayer closet alone with Jesus and listen for His direction.jimp have already prayed for you and will continue.

 2011/11/22 1:03Profile
FreeSparrow
Member



Joined: 2010/10/16
Posts: 17
Just passing through

 Re:

Thank you,Jimp for the prayer and godly Councel. I will with God's help live my life for my family. I am not usually a sad or mopey person, but do have moments of grief for my family...But, I know that God can turn even this into a testimony of His power, love and grace. When Lazarus died it was not Mary who ran out to meet Jesus, it was her sister Martha. Martha who had been cumbered with so much care...who criticized her sister for sitting at the feet of Jesus instead of helping her serve. I believe Martha took Jesus' words to heart that day. When she ran to meet Jesus she said to Him, "I know that even now whatsoever thou askesth of God ,He will give it to thee." Then she ran to get Mary...she brought Mary to Jesus. I must do the same,in brokenness, in the right spirit. I know that whatsoever circumstance I am in, nothing is to great for our Lord. I shall be encouraged, and find strength in Him...

 2011/11/22 6:31Profile









 Re: Son battling depression...

Hey there Sis, I felt your words and I personally don't have words to express a solution to your pain, but I consulted a friend of mine who is also a parent and she has given me these words. I hope they can give some comfort.



She writes, "My first thought is that she must be willing to take the knocks with him as he grows up. It is completely unreasonable to expect a child to appear to be perfect all the way through their childhood and into adulthood. They will fail with temptation many a time, as we all do. Unconditional love is worth a great deal to their ongoing relationship.

Children absord things we would rather they didn't, as well as them rejecting things we want them to accept. Being a parent is very challenging, and is best done from the shelter of God's hand, and under His direction. She can 'do' only so much, and then commend him to her heavenly Father for the ultimate sanctions.

My second thought is that if he's been smoking and drinking, the depression which goes along with trying to break an addiction can be very deep and extreme, and recur even in good times - when a person has let down their guard. I would say she needs to pray for healing for both the damage done by the addictive experience psychologically, and healing of the body affected by the addctions.

She needs to assume that he is battling with suicidal thoughts, but not question him about this. Conversations must not lead in that direction as if it may be a solution to the difficulties of life. Young men have a strong 'doing it' drive (whatever 'it' is), and if she can keep him moving towards and through positive life experiences, they will begin to fill the void he feels.

I would wonder if maybe he's been exposed to pornography during this rebellion, which is both depressing at that age, and deeply disturbing. I don't know what kind of health education he might be getting formally through school, but my impression is that most adults have no idea where the boundaries are about what a child needs to know about sex, and that children themselves are confused. Photographs are damaging psychologically, compared with mere biological information conveyed by drawings and the spoken word. If he has this kind of thing on his conscience, she doesn't need to know what is troubling him still, but she needs to talk to him about the fact that God created everything to be enjoyed in a functional way and according to His prescribed boundaries (Maker's instructions), and it is 'sin' to pervert His designs. Repentance is required, and a desire to do things God's way, and to become a person that sees these things from God's point of view. This is true maturity if he can aim for it.

Going to church is not as important as him developing a meaningful prayer lfe first, and, learning to read the Bible in a non-religious way. That is, that he should begin to learn how to look for God's character in the narrative, so that he gets a theoretical grasp of how God deals with people, including His mercy and grace to the repentant, obedient, honest seeker for a relationship with the Lord. It is the Lord Himself who has to become the focus. I would recommend she start looking for interesting Chrisitan biographies to read with him, recognising she may be opening him up to being called to serve the Lord far away.

Everyone who finds God has done their own seeking. She cannot force him to seek, but she can demonstrate by her own desire to please God, and her joy in Him (rather than her focus on her son) that He is worth finding. Within this, she must come to terms with the unique person that he is, and resist the temptation to try to turn him out like someone other than the whole person God would have him become.

I wonder whether she and her husband could open their home to other young people more than they do - not necessarily from church - but perhaps associated with charitable work which could draw this young man towards a more wholesome group of friends. Also, he needs a constructive hobby with physical activities or music or both, which are not 'chores'.

I wonder how he could afford to smoke and drink anyway? Does he earn his own money for this? Or was he skipping school meals to afford it? Maybe she could save some of the money she was giving him so as to let him choose a special outing (holiday) or reward to himself for changing his ways. If there's something he wants enough, this strategy may work - especially if it takes a while to save enough.

All the while I'm aware that a non-Christian father will bring a mixture of influences to the boy's life. He needs them all, because in the end only he can choose to be different from his dad, and some things he will learn are life skills which he most certainly needs. That his dad is in a stable marriage is a great example. He knows how to hold down an exclusive love relationship with one woman. That's quite a treasure for her son. Maybe he's going to learn how to hunt and build or make money through trade or other survival skills. These must be embraced wholeheartedly as far as possible."

 2011/11/22 9:16





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