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Joined: 2006/5/17
Posts: 38

 Question regarding disciplining a 4-5 yearold

I currently have a nephew that once disciplined he goes down a rampant downward spiral. He will disobey and on some occasions will not want to obey even if spoken calmly to and to the point of spanking. Any godly wisdom :) Much appreciated.


 2011/11/17 16:50Profile

Joined: 2011/8/16
Posts: 159

 Re: Question regarding disciplining a 4-5 yearold

Howdy, nizero!

Two GREAT resources that I would advise you look into is Michael Pearl's book "To Train up a Child" and Denny Kenaston's tape series on "The Godly Home".

 2011/11/17 17:41Profile

Joined: 2006/3/29
Posts: 42

 Re: Question regarding disciplining a 4-5 yearold


There are some wonderful resources that my husband and I have picked up. One being -

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (

and another is -

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo (

It is about getting the the heart of our children. :0)




 2011/11/17 19:16Profile

Joined: 2006/5/17
Posts: 38


Thank you! I just ordered the book Heart of Anger. I have Priolo book Teach them Diligently. It is very good.

 2011/11/18 0:20Profile

Joined: 2011/11/18
Posts: 1

 Re: Question regarding disciplining a 4-5 yearold

Ok here it go’s.. This is a long one but it works for our kids great...

We have 6 children My brother has 12 there are nine siblings and a total of 38 Grandc’s

We all know that this age is a typical tantrum age for the 4 to five year old who tend to stray towards tantrums.. But although there are many reasons this happens. My wife and I believe there are only a few causes and lots of symptoms.

1st When our kids are “straying” We find that they need to be reminded to” remember their love”, and that “through the love of Christ perfection will come”.

2nd_ They need reminding that it is their responsibility to choose what is kind and loving.

3rd They need to be reminded that what they are really angry about is not getting what they want.

Know, no-matter what, there is a point that they should not get their way, And in Love and kindness we refuse them what it is they think thay sould get. We try to help them see that they are choosing the anger over selfish desires And over what “Gods spirit is leading their conscience to choose. (we call it that soft voice inside") So,.. we have a fairly planned out plan of action when they are what we call “stinking up the place”.
The first libe of defence, is our older children, They are also incorporate in to the example for the young ones.. (You know big ones.. help the little one’s) So if it helps we do incurage the genital input of the “already learned that kids” and they are asked to help the younger ones understand that it is possible to work through the moment. This ussally helps and the older kids are more involved and become better friends to the younger ones. As a result they are all, a better team, But the focus is to learn that through obedience to the spirits voice we can find or seek a loving and sharing solution. But when general peer presure is not getting it solved and they are imploding on Mom.. Then we get out the big plan.. Thats when I like to ask my 4 or 5 year old a few questions.

The “plan” is... that it is most important for us to know that our children understand God’s “plan” for them. and so this is why the consequence for their poor behavior is needed. We will go to the word and use it . 1 cor 13 is our favorite , or the virtues in 1 and 2nd peter. And then aks a few question to get them to calm down and think.

But , Before the consequences are dealt out, ours can range from the “chair “ to a spanking” we ask questions like these of our children. You could form your own, but these have helped us to direct their thoughts to the real problem which is a lack of Love resulting in a lack of obedience. Remember that Consistency is always best in your approach to disobedience, And the children are calmer when they know what to expect,. Additionally,.. In this way, we as parents know what to follow for a process & are not pulled into our anger.

Our questions go kind of like this:

1_what is it that you are angry about.?.. “Their time to tell me what’s wrong in their words."

2_what is your 1st responsibility to others?.."be kind and loving ..."

What does your behavior have to do with the mentioned examples of Love in the scripture we read and learn? (“ Non they are the opposite,... I forgot.. I ...)

4_ Who’s spirit is at work in your heart ? ( the Fathers spirit .. “called to the Obedience to the faith” .... “which worketh by Love” Gal5:6)

5_ Who’s spirit is at work in the children of disobedience? ( the devils, is and he is always looking for a chance to exercise our sin-full nature)

6 what is our hope for as believers in Christ Jesus? ( To love other as we love our selves and Jesus_ To live in peace and love as the father wishes us to, and in the grace of Jesus)

Now... I know this seems regimented, but the kids do know what to expect and it will turn those disobedient moments into a win for them and their walk with Christ.
We don’t always use all of these questions .. and we rarely get the best answers, especially in the early years. But these questions have often lead to many , a good resolution between us and our children and also we see the children use these applications with each other. The hope is for them and us to learn how to handle stress-full situations with love and calmness, Most of the time it would have only required one of the children to take the servant’s role. But as we always point out when they don’t. It is because we do not have enough Love. For if you are filled with the love of Christ all these things become less important. They do learn that being first and getting their way is something we should no longer desire over the love we have for another. In this way we can show them that through an increased portion of God’s Love they will be able to be over-comers of their own desires and sinful nature.. And in this way the children learn that Love produces the fruit of the spirit and that the strength of Christ is in His in Mercy and Love.

Ps, ...for the older Kids that forget their responsibilities or stray into a fight_ they are made to be the servant of the child they offend . After a full heart-felt apology, the duties last for one day.. But,.. Trust me By the days end,.. they are humbled and quite loving to one an-other in there trouble, they must work them selves out of _ The best thing that comes from this is, the graces the receiving child has toward the servant child, seem to make both of them better friend and more loving. I believe it is the grace and mercy they teacher each other for their consequence. It works great..

Raise em up for God., ........and remember sometimes they are just angry because they want your love and attention. And you have been on the computer to long writing answers like this one...
I got a go they’re fighting again..:)


 2011/11/18 2:07Profile

Joined: 2006/5/17
Posts: 38


wonderful advice vox7, God bless you and your family!

 2011/11/18 2:36Profile

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