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menderofnets
Member



Joined: 2008/9/26
Posts: 73
South Yorkshire, UK

 Re:

Hey Mary-Jane,

A lot of good thoughts here from people who've trodden a similar path.

I have three daughters, all of whom are beautiful, and we've been through a similar thing ourselves. We have always affirmed our daughters as God's gifts to us, but tried to take care so as not to hold themselves too highly, and especially praised/complimented/etc them on being beautiful inside bywhat they do more importantly than their outward appearance. As a Dad I'm the other side of the gender on this, but I'd hope that how I build up my little girls now will help them, if they do marry in the future, to be able to go into it right, with a humble heart and not proud, haughty, or thinking they are 'better', seeking to affirm and love others rather than orientate others around their own self-perception or need.

I always think that raising children is one of the most demanding yet rewarding jobs on the planet. God bless you as you seek the way forward with your family!


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Jamie Adam

 2011/11/14 19:23Profile
Dawn10379
Member



Joined: 2006/3/29
Posts: 42


 Re:

This is a very interesting thread and a topic that I have thought about a lot as well. My son is only 18 months old but he hears how cute/handsome/adorable (and so on) he is all the time. Even when he is sinning people will downplay his sin because of his "cuteness". That is a real problem for me and I have a hard time knowing how to handle it when it happens, what to do or say. I don't want my son to think his sin is cute or that he can get away with it because he is. Sin is serious and it will take root in his heart. I don't want him to have the struggles I have and still do because I was pacified as a child.

I may have gotten off topic here but I think it's very interesting and glad it is being addressed by others as well! :0)

Blessings!

Dawn


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Dawn

 2011/11/19 4:47Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7474
Mississippi

 Re:

QUOTE:
"That is a real problem for me and I have a hard time knowing how to handle it when it happens, what to do or say."

Just wondering, Dawn...what about the possibility of telling these people - who will compliment your son when he is doing wrong - your wishes in the matter? Just tell them gently your position and why you believe what you do...Just a thought.

Our daughter was a very pretty girl - ever since her hair grew out. And she stayed pretty until she got cancer and radiation and steroids spoiled it. She used to say how she heard people talk about how pretty she was as far back as she could remember and how it wearied her! For her, it did not go to her head - maybe her mom and dad gave her the reality checks she needed?!

About boys: the thing is is that you do not want to raise a bully and this is a serious weakness for males that a parent has to work to control. You want your males to be aggressive but not bully people. They need to be teachable and meek, yet remain strong and responsible. Some of these qualities seem to be at odds with each other but they can and do compliment each other. As a mom of four boys I did not allow our boys to run over me. And they grew up to be responsible adults.

It is tough to raise children. I consider the present times to be harder then when our children were born back in the 60s-1980 and I thought it was hard then! SIGH We did not have the electronic gizmos to distract us. Fortunately, so far our children have not purchased cell phones for their children and the oldest ones are 18...but they do play video games...

I would encourage modern parents to move into the country onto a small acreage, like 3+ acres so you can grow a garden, raise animals, fowl and give them plenty of room to play. Let them play with the soil, build tree houses, climb trees...they learn much in an environment like this. Our children consider this a valuable part in their childhood. (EDIT: back then our children would literally roam the country side with their bicycles, ride the horse down by the river bottom. We did not know where they were most of the time - had no cell phones back then...Sure we knew what they were doing but their exact location was unknown to us.)

Anyhow, this is free - am not charging you for this...{{smile}}


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Sandra Miller

 2011/11/19 6:33Profile
mguldner
Member



Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860
Kansas

 Re: "No...I am beautiful

Hey MJ,

I see absolutely nothing wrong with telling a little girl she is beautiful especially my little girl. Hearing Your beautiful is something that secures a girl in her own body. My wife being a good example she doesn't believe me that she is beautiful and I said why should I tell you if you don't even believe me? She said because I enjoy hearing it even if I don't believe it.

When a girl doesn't feel beautiful they go through the ringer of trying to match the worlds beauty, vomitting their food, crazy diets, globs of makeup etc. I have always told my wife she is a natural beauty and doesn't need any of those things. These past couple of days God has recaptured my heart with my wife's beauty.

Going to Krispy's example I feel its an apples to oranges example, why? Because scripture says We are fearfully and wonderfully made, that we are the apple of God's eye, that when we seek Him it excites His heart with Love and passion all the more, EVEN in our weakness We are beautiful.

Scripture doesn't ever say we will all sing beautifully intune on the earth, that's reserved for heaven ;). So telling your daughter, grand daughter, or any female they are beautiful lines up with the Word and it would be a devasting thing to tell a woman especially a young girl they are a troll. That's not how God sees you is it? :)

My course of action wouldn't be to go the opposite but ask simple questions to redirect her to what God finds beautiful about her. Ask her questions like do you know why your beautiful? (she may say something vain) but tell her that God sees something beautiful in you. Also Godly teaching on inner beauty would greatly help her and any woman. Read her Proverbs 31, and teach her God's standard of beauty and praise the beauty you already see in her whether its inside or out but make special note of the inner. Phrases like wow you are so thoughtful, thats what I find beautiful about you will help.

As a husband and a dad my opinion of my girls are biased they truly are beautiful to me but does that make God biased as well? :)


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Matthew Guldner

 2011/11/19 6:49Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7474
Mississippi

 Re:

Matthew, you ought to be prejudiced! :-) I think most parents are...

Good dad...:-)


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Sandra Miller

 2011/11/19 6:53Profile
mguldner
Member



Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860
Kansas

 Re:

That was kind of my point, God is our heavenly Dad. Ever try and tell a dad otherwise about his wife or daughter? I am just saying I would hate to call something ugly if God says its beautiful. :)


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Matthew Guldner

 2011/11/19 7:03Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Thank you for all the wonderful replies. I am grateful to see what the LORD lays on the hearts of other believers on this topic. Having raised both a girl and four boys I still go back and forth on which is more difficult to bring up :)

I think for our little miss, my daughter and I talked this over and believe it is best to redirect some of my granddaughters praise. Not to focus so very much on her beauty, but to recognize her for making good choices, listening and obeying.

God bless
mj

 2011/11/19 7:29Profile





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