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SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 What is wrong with me?

I'm very nervous about writing this post. It's bound to be long and, for that, I sincerely apologize whole-heartedly. But I really, really need to get this off my chest. It's about how I've been feeling about things for quite awhile now. I don't know anyone around me that I can talk to that truly understands how I feel. I've tried but find that the people I've spoken to either get visibly uncomfortable and quiet or their comments show that they don't quite understand the extent of what I'm trying to express.

First know this: I'm not depressed. Saddened, yes. Concerned, yes. Aching, yes. But depressed or confused? No. With that in mind, here it goes...

I don't understand the world we live in. I can't relate to it. I have nothing in common with it. The things I love, it hates. What it loves, I hate. Please understand, I'm NOT trying to sound like a Super Christian or some one I'm not. I'm the MOST imperfect person I know and that alone grieves me more than anything else! In this post, I'm trying to speak plainly, and just be honest and vulnerable, laying out my emotions bare.

I'm a man very strongly principled. I'm very traditional and old-fashioned. I believe in integrity, honor, honesty, a good work ethic, respect and kindness. I believe in putting others first and have a very strong sense of justice and fairness!

I enjoy living very simply. I don't own much and have no desire to. I don't own a home, a car, a radio, stereo, CDs, DVDs, TV, microwave, dishwasher, etc., I don't have (or even like) all these new technological gadgets that are destroying what's left of our sense of community and are making every person an island unto themselves. I have a computer, a bed, a chair, a table for the computer, a lamp, a bookshelf with less than 20 books, and simple kitchen things. That's it. If I needed to walk out the door, I could do it in less than 10 minutes by putting a change of clothes, a few toiletries and my bible in my backpack and walking out. I don't like television or today's music. The only music I relate to is gospel and hymns. Do you know the stares I get when I say that to people? I see shock and they start backing away. I don't expect others to live this way or project my values onto them. Still, people get defensive when they hear how I live and what I like. Someone learned that I don't have a TV and offered me one of their 42" flat screen TVs for free. It's new and they already have four, so, would I like to have it? I thanked them and declined as graciously as I knew how but they were not only in shock but almost offended by my answer!

Can you see how a person like me would feel in direct conflict with this world? (I'm sure many of you do, too, it's just that I can only speak for myself at this time.)

Catching up with the news online saddens and angers me. Where's the truth? It's all biased, lies and fluff. Much of the true news doesn't make it to airwaves. Tragedies (and the victims) are quickly forgotten because people are uncomfortable with it and want to get back to their comfortable, entertainment-driven, selfish lifestyles. There's so much corruption in the media that nothing can be trusted anymore. It takes more people to die in each successive tragedy for it to affect us anymore. But even when it does affect us, we quickly move on, just glad that it wasn't us!

Our government is corrupt. Everything is about agendas, special interest groups and winning. Nothing is about serving the people and doing what's right, or best, for everyone. Our rights are being taken away and those that aren't being taken are being coerced from us by fabricated horrors to scare people into being willing to give up more freedoms and liberties in order to feel safe. There's nothing honest about politics anymore.

People have become selfish, lazy, and let others (like govt, media, Hollywood, advertising, etc.,) do their thinking for them. Everyone has earphones or a bluetooth in their ears, ignoring everyone around them. To them, the rest of us are just obstacles in a video game that they have to get around to get to their prize. No common courtesy, no politeness, no manners. Just selfishness, public cursing, rudeness, ludeness, and the attitude of "how DARE you disagree with me or say anything against ME and MY beliefs!" Yet, they reserve "their right" to hypocritically rage at you and tell you how horrible you and your beliefs are.

Negativity and complaining are the common voice of people. And everything is always someone else's fault. Even modern psychiatry, psychology, science and political correctness assure us that our bad behavior isn't our fault and that we're all just victims.

The culture in America is entertainment-driven and geared towards instant gratification. There's no patience. I hear more complaints about tornado warnings interrupting someone's favorite show than I do about the poor victims of the tornado! Where's the compassion? Where's the heartbreak? It's all about ME! Let the world go to hell in a hand basket, just don't interrupt my TV shows and other entertainment. I have a RIGHT to them!

Speaking of people's "rights," consumers have gotten out of hand. I see people raging at cashiers because the store is out of a product or has set limits on it. It's the entitlement attitude. Who cares about others having a chance to get that item? I WANT SIX OF THEM AND I WANT THEM NOW! MANAGER!!!! That's so wrong on so many different levels!

The world cares more about celebrity news (especially their tragedies and humiliations) than they do about news that matters. Leonard Ravenhill was spot on when he said that America has a king and his name is Sport. And that he has a wife and her name is Entertainment! All people care about is themselves, their rights and their entertainment. Do what you have to but don't touch those things!

We're a country of humanism and hedonism. The hypocrisy of political correctness runs rampant. You MUST respect ME and MY beliefs and lifestyle but I reserve MY right to rage against you and yours! Don't you DARE say anything negative about me or I'LL SUE YOU (and win)! Not only are God and Christians mocked, but so is honesty, respect, integrity and values.

There's more justice given towards criminals than towards the victims. People can sue for anything and win exorbitant amounts of money.

Big Business works towards the destruction of the little guys and monopolies abound. Consumers are robbed by incredulous, ridiculous fees and yet have no recourse when businesses do wrong against them. Corporations and the rich use loopholes to escape paying taxes and project all of their expenses onto the consuming public. They're rich because they pay for, and give, nothing. If they do get taxed, they'll make sure that expense is made up by charging more in prices and fees onto the consumers.

Sex and sexuality is shoved down our throats. I can't go on with this subject because it tears me up.

Companies demand 300% from their blue collar employees. More responsibilities are heaped upon them without thanks, reward or honest compensation. Only threats of losing their jobs to someone whose willing to work without complaining. No raises. No requests for time off. No flexibility. Yet, the corporate and government folks rake in the multi-million (and billion) dollar salaries and bonuses, even amidst scandals and law-breaking. All off the backs, and the lack of honest wages, of the working class.

Everything is about power, control, greed and winning! And the overwhelming majority of people have fallen for all of it, whether by deception or the lust of it.

Forgive me for the bluntness of what I'm about to say. People have gone plain stupid and are unable to think for themselves. I am in shock over the ridiculously stupid things I hear people say. Common sense and logic are no longer common. Oh, the examples I could give on the stupidity of people! I know that's a terrible word to describe anyone but it's an honest one.

I don't recognize this world. I don't like it. I don't want to be here. (No worries, I'm NOT suicidal or depressed!) I'm not comfortable! I just don't get it. I can't find anyone who seems to understand why I feel this way! I have this feeling inside that screams, "I just want to go home!" How can I miss somewhere I've never been?

The reason I'm not depressed is because I know that God is still God and He's still in control. He's still on the throne and nothing escapes His gaze. His justice WILL be served and everything will be made right. His plan is being worked out according to His schedule and His will will be done. (Hallelujah!) But that doesn't stop my heart from hurting so much! I find myself weeping more and more over these things! How this must hurt the Father so! In my limited understanding and perception, if I feel this way, how much more so must He, knowing all of it fully?


_________________
Keith

 2011/7/29 2:55Profile
Trekker
Member



Joined: 2011/7/29
Posts: 683
northern USA

 Re: What is wrong with me?

QUOTE: To them, the rest of us are just obstacles in a video game that they have to get around to get to their prize. No common courtesy, no politeness, no manners. Just selfishness, public cursing, rudeness, ludeness, and the attitude of "how DARE you disagree with me or say anything against ME and MY beliefs!"

Right on! That says it all, for me. And here i thought it was only where i live.

 2011/7/29 3:26Profile









 Re: What is wrong with me?

... SimpleLiving... will you marry me? : P

 2011/7/29 3:37









 Re: What is wrong with me?


Um ... well ... ah ... you see ... I mean ... well ...

I don't know how old you folks are, but it's even worse than what you've written S.L..

Try moving into Senior Housing only to find out that seniors are doing everything you've said, as well.

I grew up as a kid in the 50's. This is not the 'Leave it to Beaver' world anymore.

I live like you do - except for maybe my kitchen that I use to cook for my Dad who lives across the drive.

There are days that I feel like you do - but I've got to remember what Jesus said that the last days would be like, and that He has chosen 'us' to be born in the generation that we were born in - and that generation that lives through these days, will see much worse than what we're seeing now, [I'm sorry], Yet, those who lead many to righteousness will shine as the stars and the worse it gets, they'll even be known to do "exploits" if they have His Heart for the lost, which I believe is 'Love'.

While 'we' were yet sinners, He loved & died for us.

I think we all need to pray daily for more of His Love to overcome our hearts, in order to be "a friend to sinners", as He was. Not of the world but just temporarily in the world - For His Glory, pleasure and service and not our own.


That's like the Bad News and The Good News all in one package.


We want to hear, "Well done, thou Good and Faithful servant - you occupied until I came for you and did not grow weary in Well Doing - and allowed Me to Love Through you and brought the only things that one can bring from earth to Heaven - souls."


For the Joy set before Him - He suffered - being GOD yet living amongst the Most ungodly that we can even imagine.
I think we sometimes forget just how gruesome it was on earth 2000 yrs ago and that He said that the last days would be even worse, Yet - our Reward is Eternal and the meek shall inherit the earth as well. Not a bad deal at all.


Remind me now and then that I said all of this. Thank you much!

 2011/7/29 4:20
Morningstar7
Member



Joined: 2011/7/14
Posts: 3
Omaha, NE / USA

 Re: What is wrong with me?

Psalm 27
Psalm 46
John 16:33

Peace to you, my Brother


_________________
Joel

 2011/7/29 4:20Profile









 Re: What is wrong with me?

14. "But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world."

15. "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature."

"What is wrong with me?"

Your a new Creature, loved by God, and hated by the world. Your home is in Heaven, and Heaven alone. The world never has been your home, nor ever will be. Your just in it, by way of Creation.

There is compensation though. Think about forever, and forever kind of Joy. We can touch it here, and live in it here in a partial way, but only as we deny the world and our evil natures, and walk in that Holy spirit He gave us.

There comes a day, in New Jerusalem, where God's joy, and our desire melt into a real, daily life...if you will. Remember:

18."If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you."

19."If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you."

20."Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also."....Jesus...John 15

Separation to God is more than the physical realm though; it is purely spiritual.

15."Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."

16."For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world."....BUT...

15."I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil."

16."They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world."

17."Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth."

Sanctification is a heart matter, fully, not the outward form of it..[ think of the Pharisees..] I think of denominations like the Amish, that embrace a similar lifestyle, and even [apparently] more radical and with much the same sentiments as yourself. Some are never born again.

I admire your resolve, and separation to God. I find my self hardened over and crusty with the world, and with a gaping hole that needs to be filled again with God. I do a cleaning out, a return to my first love, a breaking up of the fallow ground.

I am there as I write. Thank you for your post. One day soon, the true church will see herself again as the Light of the World, and many will flock to her for life, as in the beginning. Remember too...
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE....

We must also as we grow in Him.







 2011/7/29 4:24
gazzer
Member



Joined: 2011/4/30
Posts: 99


 Re:

your a christan theres nothing wrong with you brother

lap up the broken heart and contrite spirit ,

jesus was a man of sorrows aquainted with greif , so are you,,,,,praise god ,,,,,,,

i know it hurts
use the greif to increase your prayer life

 2011/7/29 4:51Profile
SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 Re:

First of all, I have to thank all of you. I can't believe you read that entire post! You must all have the patience of Job!

I'm in tears right now, not for the kind words, but because I don't feel so alone in this anymore. I can't tell you how long I've searched for someone, anyone to talk to about these things that understood or cared. I really, really needed to get that off my chest. I have to say that I do feel better. I just needed to know someone understood.

There's more I want to say but I want to pause and not say it out of emotion. I want to be very prayerful about it. I'll come back tomorrow.

Thanks again, family. Your words, and the scriptures you offered, are a comfort.


_________________
Keith

 2011/7/29 5:02Profile
Enochh
Member



Joined: 2007/8/22
Posts: 116
Indianapolis

 Re:

Thanks SL...Now I don't think I'm nuts. Others feel this way also. I'm thinkin every true child of God is repulsed by this world and has a longing to leave and get home...and I think the desire to leave (in me any way) is getting stronger.


_________________
Jeff

 2011/7/29 5:36Profile
gazzer
Member



Joined: 2011/4/30
Posts: 99


 Re:

this is part of the partaking of christs sufferings

you are blessed brothers, blessed

i know its hard but this gives me joy to hear you describe your experance

rejoyce in these sufferings

bless you gyes

 2011/7/29 5:54Profile





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