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believingGod
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 8
ON, Canada

 How to deal with hurt

I do not normally write many things, but have found in reading other posts, a number of brethren who have given words of wisdom.


My family has recently gone through a great deal of hurt from church leadership, even to the point where things discussed in private have ended up being talked about from the pulpit, inconspicuously.

Things have been said that have really compromised my walk, and I have found myself very lost in my feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Although I have prayed and cried out in repentance of my lack of zeal, my level of distrust and pain has caused me to become very complacent.

I want to be free from this current bondage of being trapped in my feelings and really give everything over to Christ.
My intentions is not to turn this thread into a gossip-fest, but I would briefly like to receive some Biblical advise.

 2011/7/18 23:37Profile
sermonindex
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 Re: How to deal with hurt

Brother,

There is no quick answer to this but I highly recommend this volume:

We also highly recommend the reading of this free ebook on authority and submission in the church. It is our strong belief that in the end-times the spirit of rebellion and not submitting to authority will be prevalant. We advocate servant-leadership and those who lead the body of Christ with humility and brokenness: Touching Godliness Through Submission by K.P. Yohannan

https://www.sermonindex.net/pdf/touchinggodlinessbykpyohannan.pdf


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2011/7/19 0:19Profile









 Re: How to deal with hurt

There are many benefits of being a member of a local fellowship - IF that fellowship is being led by one who lives by the Scriptures and is doctrinally sound in their beliefs, but the main part of fellowship is to first know that you yourself have 'fellowship with GOD alone', so that you can discern something that isn't Scriptural elsewhere.
GOD only ordains men who are doctrinally and Biblically sound to be over His people and to come under the 'authority' of one who is not 'led by HIS Spirit' and stays within Biblical perimeters can be hazardous to one's confidence in The LORD Himself.

He speaks of us, 'individually' as -

1Pe 2:5 Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.

1Pe 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light

... and praises the Bereans as being of the more noble sort that go home and search the Scriptures to see whether those things be true, that they heard from the preacher.

There are times when GOD will call us away and show us that we've depended on men, and sometimes in a church setting, to the degree that if they hurt us, that our relationship with Him is hurt and that our relationship with Him should never be affected by another human being - whether they be 'christian' or not.

Some don't realize how much their walk with GOD depended on them being at Church, until 'church' is taken from them. They either sink or swim when they either lose their church or their church lets them down, legitimately or Scripturally.

GOD wants us to be able to stand alone, because we are never guaranteed that there will always be someone there to hold our hand close to GOD's.
We, ourselves, need to have a good hold of Him before we'll be able to be affective Christians ourselves. If our relationship with Him is affected by what other 'christians' do to us - it's GOD's way of trying to tell us that we've depended on humans a bit more than we should and not in the most healthiest way.

How are we to discern 'who' are appointed by GOD Himself to be an Authority 'over us'? If that person isn't Scripturally sound or their behavior isn't Biblical, that is the clearest indication that they have appointed themselves to some position of authority over you and not GOD.

A shepherd/pastor leads the sheep by walking ahead of them and they follow by their own free will, His Christ-like example. If he is GOD ordained to that position, he will not abuse the sheep verbally or any other way and he gains respect for his humility and jealousy to walk according to sound teaching.

I've been under excellent Pastors for yrs and I've met some that were never ordained by GOD.
During the times that I had to endure mistreatment or watch these men mistreat others, I had to draw close to The LORD to endure and get through and to get away from these types. But under the good shepherds/pastors, the more we were with them, the closer we felt to Christ Himself, because that's Who they behaved like. The Good Shepherd of His Sheep.

Be careful who you submit to and just be certain that you are not ever tempted to leave the protective covering of your Loving Good Shepherd because of any human being.

Draw nigh unto GOD and He'll draw nigh unto you and make you stronger than you were before and lead you onto the path He would have you and your family to go.
Even if He leads you out of that particular fellowship, He'll help you to come out Better, not bitter. Loving their souls even the more in prayer, either way.

GOD bless you & yours with Himself. Amen.

 2011/7/19 1:43









 Re: How to deal with hurt

BelievingGod,

I recommend you read this article by Zac Poonen. He touches on what you asked about and many other important things that are related.

http://www.cfcindia.com/web/mainpages/articles.php?display=article17

 2011/7/19 4:59
ManofGod0000
Member



Joined: 2010/6/8
Posts: 191


 Re:

I can say this, and it isnt to be sarcastic,

deal with the hurt day by day, a moment at a time

 2011/7/19 10:15Profile
Theophila
Member



Joined: 2007/1/15
Posts: 365


 Re: How to deal with hurt

Beloved,
I would read the article posted by 'growingone'....over and over.

I have passed through something similar to what you describe.
It is true that God causes ALL things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose. Some day soon, you will be able to look back on this phase of your life and actually bless the Lord for it.

If this happened over time [typically it does], please allow yourself time to heal. Fill your heart and mind with the Word of God. Listen to it being read [biblegateway is a great place] MEDITATE on the Jesus' parables of forgiveness. Surround yourself with worship music that exalts Jesus. Isaiah 53:4-5 is still true!

Perhaps you should refocus your prayer. Instead of crying out to God to deliver you from the bondage of bitterness [and I agree it is bondage], YOU set YOUR will to forgive them.

That means, every time thoughts of the person/s who have hurt you surface, you declare, 'In the name of Jesus, I forgive XYZ. I do not hold any grudges against them. I do not wish Divine retribution upon them.
Then pray for them! It may seem like pulling teeth without anesthesia the first few times, but persevere. Pray for them like you would for someone near and dear to you.

The enemy of our souls is very good at dredging up hurtful memories just so we can wallow in them, to our further hurt! REFUSE to meditate/think on/entertain those thoughts.
Above all, REFUSE to talk about them. I found this to be very very helpful. No ear is more sympathetic to our human frailty than Jesus. If you must speak of it at all, speak to Him.

Emotions are good servants but horrible task-masters. When you get the 'knot-in-the-stomach, heart-racing, black-thoughts' feeling when you meet/hear of/think of them feeling, you stand your ground and say to your soul, 'In the name of Jesus, I have decided to forgive XYZ. I do not live by my feelings. I have been forgiven much, I forgive much. I love them with the love of the Lord!'

The anger/hurt/bitterness took time to form itself into a stronghold in your mind. It'll take time to undo it.

Please do not misconstrue this to mean you have to continually put yourself in the position to be further hurt and abused.

There is light at the end of this tunnel! Feel free to pm me.


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Tolu

 2011/7/19 10:29Profile
twayneb
Member



Joined: 2009/4/5
Posts: 2256
Joplin, Missouri

 Re: How to deal with hurt

believingGod:

I have also gone through a couple of potentially very hurting experiences with people who are in Christian leadership. I say potentially not because the situations were not hurtful, but because God has carried me through these times with victory.

Through both of these experiences I have learned a great deal about myself and about how God wants to work in and through me. I have learned a lot about leadership and about how to deal with other people in leadership. Here are some of those lessons.

1) None of the following items is possible without the working of the Holy Spirit. You cannot do anything within your own power to deal with the hurt. If you try it on your own you will end up bitter and disillusioned. You must submit to God and allow Him to enable you.

2) You must decide as an act of your will do forgive and release the offender(s). Again the decision is yours but the enableing power to accomplish the thing can only be the Holy Spirit. You see, you have no right to be angry or bitter or hold unforgiveness in your heart. As a Christian you surrendered your life in a living death to God through Christ and you no longer have rights in this sense.

3) You must repent of any bitterness or unforgiveness you have held agains these people and for any part you might have played in the disagreement. Openly recognize and admit your part in the thing and repent before God and if necessary before the other parties. Ask God where you might have been wrong and listen to Him. In this way you are cleared before God and in your own conscience. Again this is only good if empowered by the Holy Spirit.

4) Pray for and bless those that persecute you. Not only is it a Biblical commandment, but it changes your heart toward them. Ask God to give you His heart toward them. Though in leadership these people are human and as such are capable and even prone to making mistakes.

These things do not necessarily mean you must stay in the place where you were hurt. However I have seen instances where people were hurt at one place and very rapidly looked for another place where "things are not like at that other place we just left". The honeymoon lasted a while and then they were hurt again. It is because their expectation was toward the church and its leadership rather than toward God. Church can be an idol above God. We are called to be followers of God through Christ first and then not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. Take time to seek God about your approach to church in general and find those you can meet with and fellowship in much prayer, praise, singing, thanksgiving, breaking the bread of the word, breaking physical bread, etc. for a time and seek God for His sake. Then begin to seek Him for where He would have you go to fellowship. But above all submit to Him and allow Him to be your strength as you forgive. He will take away the feelings of hurt and replace them with compassion and love.

The things I went through were tough and probably not dissimilar to what you describe. But God has taught me these things and brought me through. He can do the same for you and your family.


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Travis

 2011/7/19 12:20Profile
SDE
Member



Joined: 2007/2/1
Posts: 55
Arizona

 Re: How to deal with hurt

I will be praying for you. It's not easy to walk through something like this. I've been through something similar. I suppose my first word of advice would be to not regard man. Pastors/elders (if they are truly saved) are sheep also and prone to wandering as we all are. Christ alone is the Good Shepherd. It could be that your church leaders are themselves mired in sin and in need of deliverance.

Then, pray for them. For your good, pray for them. I believe that God will comfort your heart as you pray. Also, God is able to show them where they're wrong much better than you can. Trust Him.

I will pray for you and your family.


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Sandra

 2011/7/19 13:43Profile









 Re: How to deal with hurt

believingGod, welcome to the club. It sounds like you've had your initiation. Brother, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but everyone has been hurt in church--both big church and home groups. Are you going to take offense or forgive? I know it's easier to take offense.

My little downtown church pastor asked a few months ago, "Why don't most Christians go to church?"

The answer, "Because they've already been."

Don't allow yourself to be offended. Be determined to walk in love, and find another church if that's what the Lord wants you to do.



 2011/7/19 16:03
believingGod
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 8
ON, Canada

 Re:

I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and words of wisdom.

I will definitely take this time for much reflection on my walk with the Lord.

I have realized my dependency on the local church to provide a satisfaction that I know only Christ can. I have also had unrealistic expectations for my leadership and myself. I mean, I never thought I would see myself in this place when I first got saved.

Again, thank you for redirecting a brethren towards Christ.

believingGod

 2011/7/19 22:28Profile





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