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carters
Member



Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138
Australia

 Part 1

Part 1:
Thanks to all the wonderful people who gave their advice.

I am really thankful. I explained to Ginnyrose in a pm that we're living on a small island with only 8,000 people. We belong to a small home church 2 other couples and we are the only homeschoolers here in the country at present.

Comparing my daughter to the other families children here on the island makes her behav. look great. I have yet to find a family with any obedient children yet.

I had other Christians we know here, telling me that my daughter's behav. was fine but I knew that this was not right. I knew that there was a rebellion problem that we were not dealing with.

I know why now: I spent the entire weekend reading through the Bible verses on child training & obedience. I also picked up a book called, "What the bible says about...child training". It has really helped.

The bible, together with this book and Matthew Henry's commetary have completely opened our eyes.

We see know that we had no fear of God or understanding about authority as parents and also knowing that we are accountable to God for this. We have let little things slip which have contributed to our daughter continuing to have no honour for us. We knew she has been born selfish and rebellious, but as was mentioned, we thought our daughter wasn't like those "rebellious" children LOL! How mistaken we were.

....to be continued in part 2


_________________
Mrs Carter

 2011/7/11 19:16Profile
carters
Member



Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138
Australia

 Part 2

Part 2
We have now begun a zero tolerance for any rebellion.
Whether it is in her outwards actions or in her heart (which is easy to see in a 5 yr old).

We have started to build clear cut boundaries and stop the confusion about our authority.

Here are some of the things I learnt this weekend:

1. Children are a gift, even though a child comes genetically from their parents, God is the source of every child's essence. (they are on loan to us from God)

2. They need to be trained up, not in the way they would go, but in the way they should go.

3. Training requires that you teach them & that your teaching is accepted. Before your child will receive instructions, she must first honour your position.

4. Leviticus 19:3, "Every man should fear his mother and father." (to morally fear , to revere (regard with fear mingled with respect & affection)).

5. Honouring parents means,
- it is not for children to stand in the parent's way, sit in their place, not to contradict what the parents says, not to find fault with what the parents says, not to call the parent by name.

6. Proverbs 30:17 says, "As for the eye that ridicules a father and despises obedience to a mother, may ravens of the valley pluck it out and young vultures eat it."

7. Those that are dishonouring to their parents bring upon themselves curse and punishment from God. (hence why they had the death penalty as penalty for children being disobedient in the OT)

8. Many who have come to a disgraceful end have been inflicted...this infliction began as a result of their contempt for their parent's authority.

**one of things we explained to our daughter was that if she pretended to honour/respect us that God would see directly into her heart. If is wasn't genuine honouring then God rejects it, if the heart is rebellious.

9. Parents have a God given authority to rule over their children. No father or mother should ever allow disrespect to be shown towards them.

God has given the parents the position and the right to rule children and all the power necessary to succeed in training their children according to God's plan.

part 3 continued...


_________________
Mrs Carter

 2011/7/11 19:38Profile
carters
Member



Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138
Australia

 Re: Part 3

Part 3:

10. Parents are accountable directly to God for how they rule their children.

11. A Parent's word is to be treated like the 'law' to a child.

"Children obey your parents in all things."
(Colossians 3:20)

12. There's a difference betw. submission and obedience.
Submissision = attitude of voluntary acceptance of authority.
Obedience = compliance with authority whether the subjects wills it or not.
(WOW!! This was huge for us :):)

13. Parents have explicit instruction in the Bible to teach their children information consistent with the Word of God.

...so this is where I am up to so far...
wow, have our eyes been opened to God's will for raising our daughter.

It's like a huge burden has been lifted for us, and the boundaries are being established.

I am so thankful to the Lord,

Thank you all again,
In Him only


_________________
Mrs Carter

 2011/7/11 19:42Profile









 Re: Part 3

You forgot that you need to pray and ask the Lord to regenerate your daughter's heart and save her...

Good list tho!

Krispy

 2011/7/12 12:49









 Re:

Some more.
And now, some things for the parents. Remember, all your "training, teaching and correction" must all be done with love.

Raising kids is 95% training the parents (re-training) and 5% training the kids.

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Not just teaching them "words" but guiding them with your "eye". Do you know what that means?

Psa 32:8 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

Strengthen and help them with encouragement all along the way. Isa 41:10

1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


JOHN 15:12
"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you."


1 JOHN 4:20-21
If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.


HEBREWS 10:24
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:


COLOSSIANS 3:8-9, 12-14
But now put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and foul talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old nature with its practices..... Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.


Figure out what kind of man or women you want your kids to be when they grow up (speaking of the heart, here) and you become that person first. Doesn't mean they will, but you should practice what you preach. Don't teach them virtue and love if you are unwilling to bear those same fruits. Those fruits are birthed and grown through hardship, so show your kids how to deal with hardship according to God's ways and not man's.

 2011/7/12 15:17
carters
Member



Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138
Australia

 Re:

LOL, the prayer is assumed. Just like completely leaning on the Lord for guidance to get through :)


_________________
Mrs Carter

 2011/7/13 0:03Profile
SolaVeritas
Member



Joined: 2010/6/29
Posts: 156
SK Canada

 Re:

Hi Carters
I was going to suggest a certain book but you've done better and used the Bible to find your answers, may God bless you for this, you're doing the right thing.

We've raised two daughters and I found the following things helpful (now that I can look back and see what worked):

We made a distinction between the things of absolute importance and the less important things. You spoke of "zero tolerance", well, we applied that to where it really mattered (i.e. respectful talking, honesty). On the other hand we tried to remember that they were just children and weren't hard on them for stuff like getting muddy or forgetting their homework but allowed for natural consequences. We had a clear understanding of what constituted as absolutely unacceptable in our family and discipline was chosen accordingly.

Also, we tried to differenciate between childish misbehaviour and defiance. Misbehaviour is about an issue at hand: you want one thing(child to eat her meal), the child another(wanting ice cream),so she might fuss. It can be dealt with by simply leaving the room ("I will not listen to your fussing") or letting her go hungry. But defiance is when it's no longer about an issue but about who is in charge and the child willfully challenges your authority. For example by yeling "NO!" at you or look you in the eyes with a smile while pushing her plate with food off the table. Personally I would reserve a spanking for the act of defiance only, but do so every time without fail. Ideally the effect will be that you hardly ever need to do it because she knows her place.

Enjoy the gift of God and keep in mind how prescious she is to Him :)

 2011/7/13 15:28Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re:

Sherid,

I think you are on the right track! Many have given you excellent advice.

Julius said:

Quote:
Raising kids is 95% training the parents (re-training) and 5% training the kids.



One time I told our oldest son, now 43 YO, that I do wonder who is training who: the parents the children or the children the parents? He suggested it works both ways.

When you have children a few things happen:

1. Your ideals concerning human behavior are challenged and proven to be seriously flawed.

2. Your childrens behavior reflect your worst nature.

3. They are each unique. What works for one child will not for another.

4. Your carnal nature is rudely exposed.

5. Your carnal nature is rudely exposed.

6. You learn that you are so dependent on the LORD for any success in raising children.

As I reflect on our parenting and our approach, I can now understand some of the things that really worked to hinder and hurt.

As a new mom who was eager to do the right thing at all times, I devoured child-training lit. We would have been better off had we never read anything. Back then Benjamin Spock was famous for his writings on how to raise children. While he was not a God-fearing person, there were 'Christians' who took his ideas and 'Christianized' them to make them acceptable to Christian parents.

One point was how one should work to reason with the child when he is reluctant to obey. This comes from the pit! Children should be taught to obey even if they do not understand the reasons. Same with us in our relationship with God.

(BTW, Spock, in his last days refuted his advice on child-training. He said his writings did more to intimidate parents - they would have been better off following their own instincts!)

Anyhow, Sherid, I think you are going to get there...it is amazing how the LORD is teaching you - but then what else would you expect when someone is an eager student?

God bless!

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2011/7/13 21:09Profile









 Re:

Ginny... your oldest is 43?? Wow, I am 43!!

You shall have a new nickname effective immediately: Mama-Ginny!

Krispy

(by the way, today is my "re-birthday"... 1 year since my heart attack)

 2011/7/15 6:03
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re:

Opps! triple post - deleted two of them

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2011/7/15 19:07Profile





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