I've been on this site for a few months and posted a couple times but never introduced myself (sorry).I'm 22 and felt called ever since I can remember but felt too weird b/c my faith seemed really different than the "christians" I knew. That caused me to feel great fear to even mention God. This caused huge turmoil in my life. To try and keep the story kinda short I have been into the occult & new age, in big time drug addiction, and suicidal nearly all the time. I have been told on many occaisions in the hospital that I should have died (and they didn't know half the story). I've been in plenty rehabs and programs. Crying out to Him everytime I was alone but denying Him completely. My whole life was a sham. I hated every moment of it. The things I did and said were in complete conflict with my soul. Darkness was all around me and it was though I was lost in a total nightmare. Yet through everything I could feel christ in the distance calling to me, but this just made me all the worse for I came to believe He would never take me, could never love me or that I could never follow. I was falling farther and farther and came to believe i would never hit bottom and this fall would be eternal (so suicide wouldn't help). The hatred I had towards myself was so extreme because I was the exact opposite of all I knew to be true. The internal war was night and day, awake and asleep, the night did not end. Anyway I started a program in June but my intent was to only postpone suicide. Suddenly God got a hold of me over 3 months ago. Without going into detail it was just totaly amazing beyond description how HE found me.My drug dependance is gone. I have so much joy as opposed to well everything above. Delivered out of new age, but most awesome of all I am in such a great relationship with Christ which I never thought I would be able to have. Everyday his grace amazes me. I don't understand, I don't understand His love and mercy. How He could have still taken me, I am at a total loss for words. I wish so much I could give what I was given. I want to love like I am loved.I still go to my classes m-f until 1pm the rest of the time I am in as much alone time with God as possible.My heart just wants to jump out of my chest sometimes in prayer. The events happening around me are so under God's hand. All I want to do is live for the Lord.Sorry to those who have heard most of this before in a prayer request a while ago. And now I have another prayer request to write.
My heart just wants to jump out of my chest sometimes in prayer. The events happening around me are so under God's hand. All I want to do is live for the Lord.
_________________SI Moderator - Greg Gordon
Thanks. I'm reading the scriptures and its great how it speaks to me in such a deep way. When I tried to read it in the past I thought I knew what I was reading but its like I'm reading it for the first time now as it sinks into my heart.
Hi Ryan,What a great testimony! Welcome.Mrs. Fred