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ryan386
Member



Joined: 2004/10/23
Posts: 11


 hi

I've been on this site for a few months and posted a couple times but never introduced myself (sorry).
I'm 22 and felt called ever since I can remember but felt too weird b/c my faith seemed really different than the "christians" I knew. That caused me to feel great fear to even mention God. This caused huge turmoil in my life.
To try and keep the story kinda short I have been into the occult & new age, in big time drug addiction, and suicidal nearly all the time. I have been told on many occaisions in the hospital that I should have died (and they didn't know half the story). I've been in plenty rehabs and programs. Crying out to Him everytime I was alone but denying Him completely. My whole life was a sham. I hated every moment of it. The things I did and said were in complete conflict with my soul. Darkness was all around me and it was though I was lost in a total nightmare. Yet through everything I could feel christ in the distance calling to me, but this just made me all the worse for I came to believe He would never take me, could never love me or that I could never follow. I was falling farther and farther and came to believe i would never hit bottom and this fall would be eternal (so suicide wouldn't help). The hatred I had towards myself was so extreme because I was the exact opposite of all I knew to be true. The internal war was night and day, awake and asleep, the night did not end.

Anyway I started a program in June but my intent was to only postpone suicide. Suddenly God got a hold of me over 3 months ago. Without going into detail it was just totaly amazing beyond description how HE found me.

My drug dependance is gone. I have so much joy as opposed to well everything above. Delivered out of new age, but most awesome of all I am in such a great relationship with Christ which I never thought I would be able to have. Everyday his grace amazes me. I don't understand, I don't understand His love and mercy. How He could have still taken me, I am at a total loss for words. I wish so much I could give what I was given. I want to love like I am loved.

I still go to my classes m-f until 1pm the rest of the time I am in as much alone time with God as possible.
My heart just wants to jump out of my chest sometimes in prayer. The events happening around me are so under God's hand. All I want to do is live for the Lord.

Sorry to those who have heard most of this before in a prayer request a while ago. And now I have another prayer request to write.

 2004/12/9 22:05Profile
sermonindex
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Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 37289
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11

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 Re: hi

Quote:
My heart just wants to jump out of my chest sometimes in prayer. The events happening around me are so under God's hand. All I want to do is live for the Lord.


Praise God! keep seeking Him and reading the scriptures. devour the word of God and abide in Christ daily. Keep seeking Him as your 'life' for Christ said "I am the Bread of Life" and "I am the ressurection and Life". Be blessed brother.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2004/12/9 22:17Profile
ryan386
Member



Joined: 2004/10/23
Posts: 11


 Re:

Thanks. I'm reading the scriptures and its great how it speaks to me in such a deep way. When I tried to read it in the past I thought I knew what I was reading but its like I'm reading it for the first time now as it sinks into my heart.

 2004/12/13 14:15Profile
revival9
Member



Joined: 2004/6/6
Posts: 140
Arizona, USA

 Re: hi

Hi Ryan,

What a great testimony! Welcome.

Mrs. Fred


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Mrs. Fred

 2004/12/13 21:13Profile





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