Poster | Thread | lindi1208 Member
Joined: 2011/3/8 Posts: 173
| Unrepentant adulter | | Dear brothers and sisters in Christ I need your help in prayers as I am in a very difficult marriage. I am born again and in Christ. I love the Lord with all my heart and seek Him diligently.I need your prayers for my spouse who is constantly having affair after affair. Last week the Lord revealed his infidelity yet again and I an in great distress because I love and care for him and would like to see him come to Christ. I believe in loving others and denying ourselves so that Christ may manifest himself fully and bring glory to His name and truly want to obey all his commands. I have been patient for so long with my wayward spouse and am on the verge of walking out but The Lord has spoken to me to wait on Him but I am struggling to be still and wait on Him. I have been born again for three years now (Praise the Lord) and been married to my spouse for 11 years I do not take this marriage covenant lightly and Have read,studied and meditated on his word about marriage and divorce over and over again and in context (Matthew 5:31,32 Mark 10 : 5- 12, Mal 2 : 16 1 Cor 7 : 10-16 and believe that God hates divorce and would rather we forgive others just as He has forgiven us our sins.This is the fifth serious affair my husband has had and he isn't remorseful but refuses for us to go our separate ways so he wants to carry on living with me and our daughter just to torment us and also carry on seeing his girlfriend. He refuses to talk to us except when he chooses to and constantly attacks my physical attributes telling me I am disgusting and that he doesn't find me attractive. this doesn't move me because I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made and these comments come straight from the pit of hell. I have endured his abuse and sought refuge in the Word and comfort in God but now I am so weary and have no strength to carry on and am in anguish. My husband is opening the channels to demonic oppression help me brothers and sisters to pray for we do not fight against flesh and blood but against wicked principalities and powers in heavenly places and that I may find rest and peace in Him who searches the hearts and the minds of his people. I fear and love the Lord and I know that he who loves him will obey his commands and do the will of the Father. _________________ Lindi
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| 2011/5/24 11:21 | Profile |
| Re: Unrepentant adulter | | Wow! You are a super strong and faithful spouse to stick through it like you have been. That is some serious Christ-like forgiveness and love at work. I'll definitely be praying for the both of you. |
| 2011/5/24 11:35 | | mackharrell Member
Joined: 2011/5/24 Posts: 1 West Orange, NJ
| Re: Unrepentant adulter | | Hello Lindi!
My wife and I will definitely pray for you, your daughter, and your husband.
Let me suggest some things:
(1) Loving someone is not incompatible with discipline and rebuke. Loving someone does not mean (IMO) giving that person the right to walk all over you. He is at present verbally and psychologically abusive. But unless you are convinced Jesus wants you to suffer physically under his physical abuse, I'd say he may have already crossed the line ...
(2) Your alternatives are wider than divorce. Separation is a possibility too. Particularly if physical abuse is (or may be) involved. If he has threatened you physically, you may have sufficient grounds to separate even if he has nnot ever actually struck you or harmed you physically.
(3) You need to be mindful of the example you are setting for your daughter. (How old is she?) Does she get the idea that Jesus doesn't really care about how your husband treats you?
(4) Why does your husband want to stay with you? If he is really disgusted, etc., etc. why does he not strike out on his own? What is staying connected with you - what's "in it for him?" He sounds a bit like a coward to me... (from my vantage point... which is admitedly biased only a partial view). Would he be willing to see a counselor?
(5) How is your family financially supported? Does your husband support you and your daughter? Do you also contribute to family finances? If not, perhaps you should consider getting a job to support yourself and your daughter. If you do contribute to family finances, is there a way where you can avoid supporting your husband's sinfulness? (E.g., by taking out a separate bank account in your own name, etc. and refusing to support him financially in any way - up to and including buying groceries for him, preparing meals for him, etc., etc.). The idea here is - a person will continue to behave in a certain way until it becomes too costly - anything that you do that supports him means his behavior doesn't cost him. Try not to be an "enabler".
(6) Do you belong to a good church with a ministry that will support you... financially, if need be?
In Christ, who is our Lamb of God.
Mackharrell _________________ Mack Harrell
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| 2011/5/24 11:58 | Profile | lindi1208 Member
Joined: 2011/3/8 Posts: 173
| Re: e: Unrepentant adulter | | thank you for your prayers. just thought i would address a few more of your questions. Our gal is eleven presently there is no physical abuse this due to a repremand that he was given some 3 and half years ago when he struck me and i reported him to the police. Also should he do so again he is going straight to prison plus his job requires him not to have further cautions if so he will lose his job.He is currently the breadwinner I used to work full time and i used to pay all the bills, furnishings etc whilst all he did was pay the rent. he refuses and still does to do joint family budgeting and lavishes himself with all the latest gadjets.I left my job to pursue further education and hence enhance my earning potential at this time i believe with all my heart God stepped in and caused him to support us financially so presently we are his responsibility. I have prayed many times to the Lord that perhaps I should stop university ( I have just a year to go) and go back to work or just find a way to move out yet each time God speaks to my heart to be still and wait on Him. the only evidence of why i believe God has a better plan is the provision for us through my husband because for nine years he did not really provide for us it is only when i stopped working that he started to provide. I myself can not understand why he wants to keep on living with us I am at a total loss when it comes to that.All i know is that God is faithful though I don't understand why He will not set me free at present He is faithful and knows my anguish.I belong to a church we have a voluntary part time pastor but i am not aware of a ministry at present that could give support financially as I am a full time student at the moment.Also within eight months of being born again my health was severely attacked I am on medication, and one of the effects of the illness is fatigue some days i can not even get up and have to pray for strength to be able to do anything. When i fast I end the day very very ill with the most severe headache that will last for five to six days and I lost part of my hearing and now need hearing aids to hear can not hear a conversation without them,I have lost sight in one of my eyes and other ailments . The sight and hearing are both very rare conditions which are not related at all to my illness. i was very healthy before my conversion so I know that this ill health is a test of faith yet when all these things happen I seek comfort in my Creator for where else can I go Jesus Christ has the words of of eternal life. _________________ Lindi
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| 2011/5/25 6:00 | Profile | Lysa Member
Joined: 2008/10/25 Posts: 3699 East TN for now!
| Re: Unrepentant adulter | | (edit: I just read your second post. It seems you want to stay, so below is now not applicable!! God bless you!!!)
In Jude it speaks about the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, what was THE sin of Sodom and Gomorrah? Homosexuality and what is it called pornia. So pornia covers every kind of sexual deviation, it includes adultery, incest, homosexuality, and I would have no doubt it includes bestiality and Jesus said, Any of those are grounds for divorce. Ive dealt with more than one woman who discovered her husband was a homosexual, a practicing homosexual. Theyve come to me and Ive said, What you do is your decision but scripturally you have every right to divorce him, and my recommendation in most cases is that they do it. I dont believe in being sentimental about that particular issue.
Ive found that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are absolute realists; I dont know whether youve noticed that. Theres a kind of Christian attitude, Well, lets say a mans wife is unfaithful and runs around and comes back and says Im sorry, forgive me, you have to forgive. I say you dont have to forgive unless you are REALLY CONVINCED THAT THEY HAVE TRULY REPENTED; otherwise I would recommend that you to not continue the marriage. I would recommend you TAKE your scriptural right and divorce them. Ive seen that work, I know some happy marriages which came out of a situation, in a certain sense if a man is married to a loose-living woman or a woman is married to a loose-living man IF they commit adultery that can be Gods release for you, dont turn it down!
Now, I want to be right and say, as Christians we are obligated to forgive the truly repentant and if we can be assured of repentance, thank God we dont have to stone them as we would have had to do under the Law of Moses. We can say, God has forgiven you, God has cleansed you, I receive you back. But I would advise you to do it with great circumspection; and if you are, if possible I would advise you to seek the counsel of a mature, experienced Christian minister before you do it because its a difficult tricky area.
~ from Derek Prince;s sermon, "Divorce, Remarriage and Celibacy"
_________________ Lisa
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| 2011/5/25 7:19 | Profile | MaryJane Member
Joined: 2006/7/31 Posts: 3057
| Re: | | Quote:
I say you dont have to forgive unless you are REALLY CONVINCED THAT THEY HAVE TRULY REPENTED; otherwise I would recommend that you to not continue the marriage. I would recommend you TAKE your scriptural right and divorce them. Ive seen that work, I know some happy marriages which came out of a situation, in a certain sense if a man is married to a loose-living woman or a woman is married to a loose-living man IF they commit adultery that can be Gods release for you, dont turn it down!
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This is the first time I have ever heard this kind of teaching. At first reading I would be extremely cautious in thinking I can judge another heart and if they are "truly" repented or not. Something to pray about for sure.
Was thinking about this verse and how it might apply: Matthew 18:21-22 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? 22 Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
God Bless mj |
| 2011/5/25 8:21 | Profile | Lysa Member
Joined: 2008/10/25 Posts: 3699 East TN for now!
| Re: | | Quote:
MaryJane wrote: This is the first time I have ever heard this kind of teaching.
This is from the Bible actually...
Matt 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Matt 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
The other side of these verses is that you CAN put away your wife/husband IF it is FOR fornication/adultery and marry another (without being guilty of adultery). No one talks about this side of it.
Quote:
At first reading I would be extremely cautious in thinking I can judge another heart and if they are "truly" repented or not.
I dont know what this husband said to his wife, if he repented each time or not, I think she mentioned five affairs so far. She is free to stay if she chooses which from her second post and it sounds like she will. My post is showing her that if she chose to leave, Biblically she is free to.
God bless you, MaryJane! Lisa
_________________ Lisa
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| 2011/5/25 8:58 | Profile | narrowpath Member
Joined: 2005/1/9 Posts: 1522 Germany NRW
| | 2011/5/25 13:17 | Profile | lindi1208 Member
Joined: 2011/3/8 Posts: 173
| Re: | | Thank you dear brothers and sisters for your continual prayers I will continue seeking the Lord's face. I noticed that in my original post I did not mention that my spouse is not born again he knows about Christ just hasn't given his heart to Jesus and this could be the reason God wants me remain where I am for now and patiently wait for His next instruction. To Narrowpath thank you I will listen to the threads To my sister Lysa believe me I want to run as far as I can and not stay and very much aware that one can divorce their spouse for adultery and I truly believe that waiting on God and his timing is crucial when in difficult situations sometimes we make haste decisions and these come back to haunt us. I do believe in obedience and my prayer request is to find strength, rest and peace whilst I am waiting on the Lord.
_________________ Lindi
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| 2011/5/25 16:11 | Profile | utilizer001 Member
Joined: 2008/2/15 Posts: 83 Oregon
| Re: | | Stand stong sister. God is with you in your desire to see your husband saved, and your marriage healed. Christ will give you the strength to endure.
I would suggest you show your little girl the scriptures about marriage, how it is a direct reflection of Christ's relationship to His bride, and that you have chosen to stand for His will. Then begin praying with her for her fathers salvation and the healing of your marriage. She need not know all the gritty details, but I'm sure she knows something is wrong.
Jason Smith -4 years standing for his prodigal wife to come to salvation, and their marriage to be restored.
p.s. You and your family are in my prayers.
Edit: The messages listed above are quite good. I second the recommendation. Also I recommend a couple by Voddie Baucham: https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=18663&commentView=postComment
And especially this one: http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=11309913170 _________________ Jason Smith
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| 2011/5/25 16:20 | Profile |
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