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Joined: 2005/1/9
Posts: 1099
Germany NRW

 Re: Honestly...

God is showing you the abyss in your soul. I am praying for you...honestly!

 2011/3/27 12:01Profile

Joined: 2010/11/17
Posts: 53

 Re: Honestly...


Is it strange that I seem to be going through the same struggle myself? I think not. I want to tell you about what I'm thinking about where I'm at and what I need to do and maybe it will help.

I have been a failer. I embraced my sin, I asked God to forgive it only to swin in it some more, but as a deeper look in myself, hating that I always gave in to my flesh, God convicted me with a message, not at my computer so I'll edit it in later, that made me qestion my mind. My walk in the world looked close to God and I thought about God as much as my mind could think about Him, but the conviction was my mind only thought evil. I somehow never seen this until now. I believe in that moment God would not have taken me if He came at that moment. So I knew to try to fix that, I'm not going to go in the details of how I'm doing that, but its getting better. Now since my focus is more where it should be.

I know I'm missing something though. Its just not there like I once knew it was. Words will not comfort my mind when I know I'm missing something. That something is the fulness of the Holy Spirit. How full should it be in me? I'm not sure, but I won't stop until I can have it in full. I don't know how you searched when you came to God, but God came to me and I gave everything to search Him out and to just plainly know. I'm going back to that. At all cost, without the fulness of the Holy Spirit, Christ won't be able to come through me and convict, change, and save people. I can do nothing without Him so I'm determined to find that place where He can do it through me. I pray this helps you. We need power, but not of us. What will we do our sacrifice to find that?

In Love,

 2011/3/27 12:02Profile

 Re: Honestly ...

Hi Matthew, I appreciate your response and openness.

I had had a thought after I posted, which, in the Lord's goodness, you yourself have picked up on, probably not realising just how important it is.

I know you've got worship in your bones, because of being invited to a worship leader's position - and which I indirectly warned against taking. Why? Because the worship Leader Himself, is in every believer. This breakthrough into praise, is Christ's declaration, after He has cried 'It is finished'!

and praise the Lord

Everything should be 'and praise the Lord', as Horatius Bonar so well expressed in the hymn I posted (Today I'm praising thread) very recently. I had never heard the hymn sung, but have tried to learn the words now, so as to be carried by them closer to that end. This is what the apostle Paul recommended as a way of being refilled by the Spirit daily. It may be against the flesh and the unrenewed mind, but it is most surely spiritually intuitive (as opposed to counter-intuitive).

That's why the person who commented on your youthful abandonment to the Lord was definitely not speaking either with His permission, or His mind. It made you self-conscious. That's exactly what the enemy of your soul intended, and no matter who it was who said what they did, it was not to the glory of God on their part nor yours. You do have to get back to that place, because it is there that you will know again the water of life springing up to satisfy not only your own soul, but in a vital way, blessing thirsty others. There is a sense in which it never comes naturally, but, you can discipline yourself for Christ's sake to lay aside all concern about your image in the sight of the world, or those who espouse its values. When you open your mouth it is to HIM, and, publicly to lift up His Name in the midst of the congregation, to the congregation.

 2011/3/27 14:34

 Re: Honestly...

If Christ asked me Do you Love Me? If I was being honest I would have to reply "I most certainly like you a lot."

Be even more honest, you really don't know what you would say. Most likely you will blurt out what Peter said, "Yes Lord, I do".

The reason why you will say yes is because where those words originate is from your new spirit man, NOT your mind. This world hates Christ because they are of another spirit. But you and I are of another Spirit as well, His Spirit.

1 Peter 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.

Your a brand new creation, Old things are past away behold all things have become new. The issue here is not about you believing your salvation is real, or about answering the questions that have plagued your mind, these are just symptoms of discouragement. The real issue is do you believe what is written about Him and what He has done for YOU.

And I know that you do. Your just discouraged and we all have been there in more ways then one. What your lacking is wisdom and knowledge, you will need to dig in your heels and seek the Lord for some answers. I am glad that you have come to a standstill, would to God that we all were at this standstill so we can shake ourselves of the lethargy that permeates this generation.

I've been where your at and the answers will come as we seek His face.

Let me attempt to interpret what it means to seek His face.

It's to get His attention, it's so that you can get Him to look upon you and take seriously your petitions and requests. When we seek Him, first, He HAS heard us speak! Secondly, He waits if your serious and when you press in, faith is ignited. Sometimes the petition is answered immediately, others may take a few days while others may take longer depending on how much work the Lord has to perform in the background, "working out all things for our good".

"He that keeps asking receiveth"
"He that keeps knocking the door will be opened unto him"
"He that keeps seeking shall find"

 2011/3/27 14:40

 Re: Honestly...

Honestly, THANK GOD that you feel this way.

If anyone doesn't - they need to be prayed for.

HE IS shaking everything that can be shaken and Praise our LORD that He doesn't want us to stay where we are at.
He desires constant growth. A constant sense of where we're lacking - but not in a condemning way, but as the mother eagle begins to take parts of the nest apart to get her babes to begin to fly - so GOD is not allowing any of His own to feel "comfortable" just where we are but is striving with us to go "Deeper Still". Striving as Jacob strove on the mount, at times. Some have the limp to prove it - but yet - that doesn't ever mean that the work is complete. No - not until we See Him.

I worry more about those who don't see their state. To me it signals that they have never been in His Awesome drop-onto-your-face-like-a-dead-man Presence. What dropped these men of GOD in His Presence? His Holiness compared to ours.

I just hear for myself and whomever - "Seek Him all the more" - despite how many super-natural experiences we've had - or how He's used us in the past - or how much we've lived for Him for many years - Nothing past this next second matters.... He needs to bring us into much much more than we ever gave Him credit for. Beyond our own proudful imaginations - because it all involves deep-deep humbling, beyond what our minds have ever conceived of.

We should be praying for each other. We will all need it.

 2011/3/27 16:24

 Re: Honestly...

WHAT, Lord, is the trust which I have in this life, or what is my greatest comfort among all the things that appear under heaven? Is it not You, O Lord, my God, Whose mercies are without number? Where have I ever fared well but for You? Or how could things go badly when You were present? I had rather be poor for Your sake than rich without You. I prefer rather to wander on the earth with You than to possess heaven without You. Where You are there is heaven, and where You are not are death and hell. You are my desire and therefore I must cry after You and sigh and pray. In none can I fully trust to help me in my necessities, but in You alone, my God. You are my hope. You are my confidence. You are my consoler, most faithful in every need.

All seek their own interests. You, however, place my salvation and my profit first, and turn all things to my good. Even though exposing me to various temptations and hardships, You Who are accustomed to prove Your loved ones in a thousand ways, order all this for my good. You ought not to be loved or praised less in this trial than if You had filled me with heavenly consolations.

In You, therefore, O Lord God, I place all my hope and my refuge. On You I cast all my troubles and anguish, because whatever I have outside of You I find to be weak and unstable. It will not serve me to have many friends, nor will powerful helpers be able to assist me, nor prudent advisers to give useful answers, nor the books of learned men to console, nor any precious substance to win my freedom, nor any place, secret and beautiful though it be, to shelter me, if You Yourself do not assist, comfort, console, instruct, and guard me. For all things which seem to be for our peace and happiness are nothing when You are absent, and truly confer no happiness.

You, indeed, are the fountain of all good, the height of life, the depth of all that can be spoken. To trust in You above all things is the strongest comfort of Your servants.

My God, the Father of mercies, to You I look, in You I trust. Bless and sanctify my soul with heavenly benediction, so that it may become Your holy dwelling and the seat of Your eternal glory. And in this temple of Your dignity let nothing be found that might offend Your majesty. In Your great goodness, and in the multitude of Your mercies, look upon me and listen to the prayer of Your poor servant exiled from You in the region of the shadow of death. Protect and preserve the soul of Your poor servant among the many dangers of this corruptible life, and direct him by Your accompanying grace, through the ways of peace, to the land of everlasting light.

(Thomas Kempis)

 2011/3/27 17:02


Hi Matthew,

If you take some time and look into the 3 times that God called men in the Old Testament by their first name twice and the 3 times in the New Testament that He called men (generically speaking) by their first name twice, I think the Lord will show you what you need to know. Take special notice to their situation at the time when He called their names TWICE. This will weave together a good teaching for you in your present state in life.

The 3 men in the OT.

The 3 men in the NT.
Simon Peter

God bless,

 2011/3/28 0:06

Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860


"Was there ever a time when the burden of your heart rolled away and you had such joy and peace and happiness that you thought you would just go crazy if you could not tell everyone you met, everyday about this Jesus?"

I don't think so, I have had moments of peace but there are things of my past that I seem to hold on to dispite my knowledge of Christ Jesus and His work on Calvary, I can't say I have had times of going crazy if I couldn't tell someone about Jesus. I have at one time be quite zealous for religion but it only turned people away because I didn't know the Gospel and it seems the Gospel turns a lot of people away.

I have witnessed to my nonchristian friends who were at the curious state and just being able to talk about Christ Jesus and Christianity. I have never experienced that exuberant experience of joy that I couldn't help but share Christ. I am an introvert but oddly enough my strongest times of sharing the Gospel is when I would preach every once in a while on some Sundays. But for the most part I am probably a poor example of an "evangelistic" person.

I am not sure if that is for all Christians or not I just assumed and believed that God uses our personalities and strong suits to help spread the Word.

I have comes to Christ and I know He has been Faithful to me, I believe I am being discouraged because I am not faithful to Him. When I came to Christ for the first time (about 2 years ago) I came into contact with His Incredible Holiness and my incredible depravity, since then I have learned of His mercy, justice, Righteousness, and Love but I still feel hallow on the inside sorrowful even. I know this walk is an uphill climb I thank you all for your prayers, I still don't know the Fellowship of Christ that brings me great joy but I know the fellowship that completely humbles me so at least I still have that.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/28 4:54Profile

Joined: 2009/5/29
Posts: 146


wow,brother... reading your posts in this thread and thinking...i thought i was the only one feeling this way and having these experiences.appreciate your honesty brother.thank you for sharing.i'll pray for you.


 2011/3/28 6:18Profile


Hey Matt,

Your honesty is refreshing. You'll get down the road a lot faster and farther, with that attitude.

One reason that I said to look into those men and women, (3 in the OT and 3 in the NT), is because they all had to come to the point of learning about the things of the spirit and the flesh, the natural man. And they had to come to an end of **themselves** and step out and trust God and learn of His ways.

As the heavens are high above the earth, so are His ways high above ours.

It's a great study and I am sure the Lord will speak something helpful to you.

 2011/3/28 9:33

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