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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : Honestly...

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Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860


There comes times in our walk with Christ we have to get really honest. I work with police officers and many of the dialogue statements they use on the streets is "I am going to ask you some questions and your answers are real important in this matter as to whether or not you go to jail." I feel God is telling me that now, it feels kind of weird posting this but I feel this community of people on this forum is very supportive and is a people of prayer so I feel at least comfort in that.

Anyways I have been thinking about my walk with Christ and I feel I am at a stand still. I know more of the answers than I use to but I don't KNOW the answers for myself. Ask me and I can tell you from my intellect but experience is few and far between. As I struggle with this I question my salvation and motivation and everything that keeps me going in this walk. If Christ asked me Do you Love Me? If I was being honest I would have to reply "I most certainly like you a lot."

The searching never seems to stop and I fear that I will simply just grow weary from it all and stop all together and be a reprobate, I am reminded constantly of Gaius who simply fell in Love with the World and the things of it. At times I pray the Lord would discipline me more harshly so I would wake up but either He wishes to show me something different or I am not His precious child like I once thought.

I'm selfish, unholy, ungodly, unrighteous, unworthy and though I know all of these things and pray Lord change me take away all the sin and pain and filth, my heart is unmoved and unchanged even be my tears and the wonderful blessing of Christ and His death for me. I feel I have been in Christianity for so long and not really knowing what it is and then to finely figure a small part out only to see I'm miles away from that reality.

I know many of you will quote scripture, which is fine, but I know the ones that already apply I just don't know how to unlock the truth of them for myself. Please pray for me and my salvation Thank you.


Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/27 6:24Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7474

 Re: Honestly...

Please pray for me and my salvation Thank you.

Will do.

Sandra Miller

 2011/3/27 6:49Profile

 Re: Honestly...

Dear Matthew,

selfish, unholy, ungodly, unrighteous, unworthy

I don't know whether to quote scripture or not, but the reality of your statement is why we are exhorted to 'look [away] to Jesus, the Source and Perfecter [Completer] of our faith'. (Source and Perfecter is Holman's NT.)

It is BECAUSE we are all all that, that Christ died, and your awareness of it is BECAUSE you have the Holy Spirit working in you. This IS your 'salvation' being worked out. You are BEING SAVED.

But if you dwell on what you're like, instead of what Christ is like, it is its own form of idolatry. What does scripture repeatedly say about idols? And yet YOU are in God's image and HE is restoring you to His likeness.

You can make a decision to believe that He died for you in this condition, and decide to show Him how grateful you are for the rest of your life, or you can hang around moping what that's going to cost you in the process. That's a bit harsh, but it's a way of getting some perspective.

The really hard part is being saved 'now', and doing the thing 'now' which makes no provision for the flesh - the good things about being made in God's image, or the corruption of the flesh - pressing through the pain into the glory of identification with His selflessness, humanly speaking.

There was a time when I keenly felt the discrepancy you describe here,
but experience is few and far between

until I decided consciously to believe Heb 10:14. That as far as God's concerned, I am already complete in Him through the Spirit, and my experience is playing catch-up. You would not even be aware of this discrepancy, if not for the Spirit of Truth in you.

There are two Carter Conlon audios I think you might enjoy. One is his testimony. The other is a very old sermon. I'm not promising these will be the dynamic end to your anxieties, but if you listen to glean just one word from the Lord to move you on, I'm CERTAIN He will feed you.

I would also recommend Begin any date and day by day risk being even more undone by Oswald Chamber's struggle to put into words the way God has dealt with his own life, so that he might be a blessing to others.

Your heart is in the right place, and maybe there are strongholds you need to pull down, but we're all at the same thing, and believe me, God is very gentle and paced in His revelations to us of our blind spots - but there is never any excuse to hold on to them. The blood will purge away our stain if we but bring it to Him for washing.

He Lives in Me

Who are the Meek, and What do they Inherit? (

 2011/3/27 7:31

Joined: 2007/8/22
Posts: 116

 Re: Honestly...


Been a member here for a while. As you can see never felt a need to post. Been there done that and got the T shirt.
I came out of years of the "word of faith" cult only to hear the real gospel later in life. I struggle to this day with the intellect of what I was taught (which was false). The main things I want to point out to you (and I wont send u to scripture as I know you know those verses)are 1) The fact that your heart breaks over sin is a sign of your nearness to the Lord. 2) We serve a Big God....He saw all this before you were born (heck before the world began for that matter), and what He allows in our life is to a. expose sin b. to mature us. Read so of the men who I have come to view as heros. Jonathan Edwards, John Owen, A W Tozer, or Adoniram Judson.
None of these men , who I will never come remotely near to in my devotion, never thought they had "arrived"......many of them had major flaws like me. The difference between the five wise virgins and the five foolish...the sheep and the goats was "depart from Me...I never knew you"...Fellowship with Him, Fellowship with Him, Fellowship with Him...

Lord we are hungry for You make us more hungry
Lord we thirst for You make us more thirsty


 2011/3/27 7:38Profile

Joined: 2010/11/20
Posts: 1384

 Re: Honestly...

I have been praying for you....will continue...

 2011/3/27 7:55Profile

Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860


"depart from Me...I never knew you"

This phrase has always scared the living daylights out of me. How awful it would be to hear this uttered to you from the Lord Jesus. What makes me more scared about it is the fact that some people that will be told this may not even know the Lord.

How do you fellowship with God? I really want to know. It seems quite elementary and will likely require childlike simplicy that I see in my own children. When I was about 15 years old I would worship the Lord with my eyes closed and the whole world around me would disappear but someone commented on this and I let pride ruin that and so now when I worship, especially in public settings, I am always evaulating what I looked like, sounded like, etc etc. I wish I had that back, wreckless abandon to the Saviour and Lord.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/27 8:00Profile

Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860


AtG I have been slowly coming to this very conclusion, It has to be Christ because I am a failure. A song I have often listened to and ended up crying is Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side"

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?

'Cos I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life

'Cause I, I love you, I want you to know
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go
No, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.

I feel I am missing something very vital to the Christian walk, and I understand and will turn from making my condition an idol and praise the Lord for His CONDITION that He graciously has given and is working in me. I will listen to the two sermons when I have a chance to.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/27 8:08Profile

 Re: Honestly...

Just because I became a Christian, and have been born again by His Holy Spirit, it does not mean that the evil SATANIC nature of my forefathers has vanished. It has not.

Like the Manna of Heaven in the wilderness, I cannot hold onto Divine love, or His Glory. At midnight I exult in the glory of Love unspeakable, and at 7am fantasize about lustful wickedness....over and over again.

If you have been born again, the Satanic Nature you possess will war against His Holy spirit, until the day you die...and are given a New Spiritual and Holy body standing in Heaven.

"The Flesh...[My Satanic Nature] wars against the Spirit, and the Spirit [in me] wars against the that I cannot do the things I would [will.]

This contains the nature of walking with God. We must bear a death to this nature. "If any man come after Me, let him DENY HIMSELF, PICK UP HIS CROSS, AND FOLLOW ME!" Cross means death....Die; to be resurrected in His life.

Christianity is rewarded by who you become...not what you do. If we allow Him to slay us, to live to Him, daily, we will begin to look like Him. Our choice is to crucify ourselves, and follow Jesus by walking in the Spirit, or, as most do...crucify Jesus, and live to ourselves.

That is what vain religion accomplishes.

14." For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.

15. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

16. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

17. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

18. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

19. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

20. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

22. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

23. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

24 Oh! Wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?!" .............................................


 2011/3/27 8:46


At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

Did you experience this when you first came to Jesus?

Was there ever a time when the burden of your heart rolled away and you had such joy and peace and happiness that you thought you would just go crazy if you could not tell everyone you met, everyday about this Jesus?

The Cross is still your victory and relief from yourself, Satan and the world.

My best times of fellowship with the Lord have been when I was broken and contrite and looking to Him. He is near to them and He will not despise the broken and contrite.

Our eyes were given to us to look outward, not inward. Too much introspection and you will lose sight of Him.

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works;

Return to your first love.

Many are growing in Knowledge ABOUT Him but few are growing in knowledge OF Him. He will say to many "I never knew you", because they never knew Him.

You cannot know Him intimately, be safe and secure, resting from all your struggles and labors of self-improvement and introspection, if you leave the CROSS. The Cross and Jesus are inseparable and so should the Christian be.

No matter how "modern" and "emergent" Christianity becomes, you can never do away with the Cross.

 2011/3/27 10:06



Hear the words of the Lord

2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and doe the first workes, or else I will come vnto thee quickly,and will remoue thy Candlesticke out of his place, except thou repent.

Most cases of dryness are due to there being a secret idol in the heart. The Lord is giving you the chance to turn around and start on a new path where you no longer work in the flesh that is, your own strength and to enable you to tear down the idol.

 2011/3/27 11:08

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