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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : My soul

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bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1559
Locport, Illinois

 My soul

I really seem to be at the point of either my end of my chance for salvation or out of this hopeless pit of mine that I am in the Lord might save me, but I have no idea. I have for the past 2 years given out I don't know how many prayer requests and I do feel like I might be annoying some or even make others restless with me not changing and also maybe looking at me as putting on a show, this is how I feel at times, but again I come to you all really doubting the Lord is ever going to take me back. I mean I know many believe we have free will and their is something we have to do in our walk with the Lord and that is to be obedient to his call and his voice and his word. I understand that, but I also understand that when his spirit is not working in you and you just feel dead as all can be within, you seek him like a mad man in prayer just to feel more hardened to him and doubt more and just having everything you ask him to be rejected by him and actually the complete opposite happen to you, you get farther away from him, you lose desire for him and his word, you try to obey only to fall all the time, lose conviction of your sin that you once had, you desire the world again,you have hatred and bitterness and jealousy, pride and bondage of lust that just will never go away, not hearing his voice and not seeing his mercy, it makes me angry and at the same time at a loss of why God would allow this and leave me to my own destruction. I hate where I am at and how I feel and the faith I have lost, I can't stand who I am, but their is no change. Of course right now I can't mourn and fast and pray for days on end I have no strength physically and mentally to do that. Or spiritually, the past 2 years of crying out has tired me out and I really just can't do it. I want the Lord and I would say about 6 months ago or longer was when I wanted him more then ever, I understood in a sense his holiness and the cross and I thought anytime God was going to give me a revelation soon within me, but nothing. I have poured my heart out to all of you and God, but still nothing. I am sure some of you have labored in prayer for me to still see me like this, you might think I am a reprobrate, maybe I am I don't know. I just this terrible feeling that the end times are here and the rapture might be coming soon and that here is me getting worse and hopeless. I think sometimes I come to this forum with a prayer request thinking your prayers our going to change me, maybe that is a fault of mine. A few times I cried out to God with all my heart to God and he answered me. Can someone please give me wisdom here or something, I don't like where I am at spiritually right now and I really am seriously becoming completely hopeless.I don't mean to be a burden to you, but I desperately want to be saved and forgiven and changed. I wanted to write my heart to you all. I am scared and I am terrified about this and the greatest thing that could ever happen would be for the Lord to have mercy on me and save me, it would mean everything to me to have mercy on me. I need his mercy, it is in Christ I know that, but I haven't been able to grasp it yet. God bless this site. John


_________________
John Beechy

 2011/2/11 4:06Profile
mguldner
Member



Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860
Kansas

 Re: My soul

Brother John I love you man, Your honesty is a beautiful thing to see. May I ask a question that is quite elementary in nature but very important. Do you Love Christ Jesus?


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Matthew Guldner

 2011/2/11 4:21Profile
bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1559
Locport, Illinois

 Re:

I like who he is in the scripture and what he did and said, but I really don't know if I do, if my prayers our unanswered I seem to get angry and hopeless, I feel my relationship has been based on a lot on if my prayers were answered or not.I can say I want to love him and I do feel that he has revealed some of his love before to me.


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John Beechy

 2011/2/11 4:35Profile
mguldner
Member



Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860
Kansas

 Re:

Brother if you have a desire to Love Christ Jesus, He delights even in your weak Love no matter the amount. We get so frustrated with ourselves in regards to spiritual progress as if God's love grows and He answers prayers based on how much we pray or how much we Love Him.

He answers prayers based off of two things, His Will and His Love for Us. I do the very same thing though I get tired of being poor and so unlike Christ but I have lately made the attempt to focus not on my losses or even my victories but on the Saviour of All. When we get caught up in results we miss out on God's Love which is unconditional. We put conditions on our love because thats just how we work and operate. Its something we have to grow out of through maturity, don't hate your immaturity but delight in Christ and you will become mature in and through Him.

Let me ask you if you had a 1 year old and your goal was to see them to maturity, would you be upset at them if they didnt know how to read while they were so young? Would you yell at them for being so poorly matured they didn't know how to read? No, you probably wouldn't, you wouldn't even get frustrated with them because you know their limits and ability is still small. Now being a parent I have found that I delight in my children as they grow and mature, I don't focus on the fact they can't speak fluent english and get frustrated at them but I delight in their broken english the beautiful refrains of I lub you dada. Oh what JOY does the Father see in our weak Love, we may not be fluent in the spiritual language of Heaven or are as mature as we like but trust me the Father delights in You brother.

You will be frustrated but take heart GOD isn't frustrated with you but delights greatly in your spiritual progress no matter how small or large. God doesn't see a failure but sees the beauty of your heart with such great honesty. Keep that honesty protected and secure along with humility you have.


_________________
Matthew Guldner

 2011/2/11 4:50Profile









 Re: My soul

Hello John

The time you have spent is not wasted. The depth of your despair will match the height of your joy when light comes into your dungeon.

The way out of the dungeon is to see that Christ has put your flesh to death already on the cross, it is not something for Him to do in the future - to save you at some point when He deems fit. He has done it. He took that stinking flesh and it was crucified with Him and all of your past efforts to improve it even your best spiritual efforts in fasting and bible study and orayer were doomed to fail as it cannot be improved and no-ones flesh is any beter than anyone elses. It all stinks and is nothing but death but life is through faihrist did it all and all you must do is believe that your old nature was crucified and stand on that and the flesh cannot have victory. It is all a matter of reckoning. Reckon your flesh is dead through what Christ did and ot will be so. Christians are taught error when they try to work on their flesh. There is only one pace for it and it has already been done so now all you have to do is to enter His rest by faith.

kf

 2011/2/11 15:51
bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1559
Locport, Illinois

 Re:

Thanks guys for the responses, I have felt better the last couple of days since this post. I enjoyed church thorougly we went through Nehemiah chapter 5. Nehemiah had such a pure and sincere heart. He sacrificed for the sake of others and Jerusalem and wanted Israel to get back to being obedient to God. I want to do that brothers I really do. I need to rest in faith, but I know that also is a work of God. Please pray for me still. Matthew your a great friend and your wisdom has been very helpful.


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John Beechy

 2011/2/14 3:25Profile
TrueWitness
Member



Joined: 2006/8/10
Posts: 529


 Re: My soul

Two things jump out at me when I read your post bible4life.
1)You seem to base your faith or lack thereof on your FEELINGS. Quoting You: "I also understand that when his spirit is not working in you and you just FEEL dead as all can be within, you seek him like a mad man in prayer just to FEEL more hardened to him". You need to encourage yourself in the Lord when low feelings come your way by speaking words of faith and encouragement. Don't latch onto your feelings as if they are ultimate truth.
2)You seem to be trying to earn God's favor, love, blessing, etc. by works. This is absolute poisonous to your relationship with God. Seek to receive God's love by grace through faith. The following is from Jerry Bridge's book "Transforming Grace". I hope this helps.

For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.

About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, "You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right." So they went.

He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, "Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?"

"Because no one has hired us," they answered.

He said to them, "You also go and work in my vineyard."

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, "Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first."

The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. "These men who were hired last worked only one hour," they said, "and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day."

But he answered one of them, "Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?"

So the last will be first, and the first will be last. (Matthew 20:1-16)
But Jesus was not teaching principles of labor relations. He was teaching principles of grace. He said, "The kingdom of heaven is like . . ." and proceeded to tell the parable. In effect, He said to Peter, "In the kingdom of heaven the operative principle is not merit but grace."

One group of people didn't think the landowner was unfair: the laborers who worked only one hour. Jesus didn't tell us their reaction, but we can easily assume they were elated and grateful. As the day had worn on, leaving them standing unemployed in the marketplace, their hope for any pay and hence any food for their families for the day had gradually eroded. At five o'clock in the afternoon they faced an evening with no supper. Finally they were given an opportunity to earn what they assumed would be a mere pittance, one-twelfth of a day's wages - not nearly enough to buy food for their families. It's not hard to imagine, then, their joy upon receiving a full day's wages, enough to feed their families that day. They didn't think about any unfairness on the part of the landowner; they considered him very generous.
AN ATTITUDE OF DESERVING

Why do so many people stumble over this parable and consider the landowner to be unfair? I believe it is because we Christians instinctively identify with the workers who had worked all day. We place ourselves in their shoes instead of in the shoes of those who worked only one hour. We look at society around us, instead of at Jesus Christ, and we begin to feel pretty good about ourselves. We consider ourselves to be twelve-hour workers, and we expect to be rewarded accordingly.

That is the way Peter felt and that is the way many people feel today. I was talking one day with a man whose mother, a faithful servant of God for over forty years, was dying of painful cancer. He said, "After all she's done for God, this is the thanks she gets." Such a statement sounds irreverent to us, but the man didn't intend it to be that way. He simply thought God owed his mother a better life. He only verbalized what many people feel in their hearts.

There are other occasions when we remind God of the sacrifices we have made to serve Him. "Lord, I've done this sacrificial service for You, and now I'm in need of this special answer to prayer." When we assume such an attitude, we are putting ourselves in the position of the twelve-hour workers. We suggest to God that we deserve this answer to prayer because of our sacrificial service. With such an attitude we may grumble about blessings not received instead of being grateful for those we have received.

We need to adopt the attitude of the Roman centurion described in Luke 7. The man sent some of the Jewish elders to Jesus asking Him to come and heal his sick servant. When the elders came to Jesus, they pleaded earnestly with Him: "This man deserves to have you do this, because he loves our nation and has built our synagogue" (verses 4-5). Notice the Jewish elders' emphasis on deserving.

The centurion surely was a remarkable man. He was an officer in the Roman occupation army, yet he served the occupied people by building a synagogue for them. Think of an occupying army in today's culture and ask yourself how many "enemy" officers would do such a thing.

But the centurion's attitude about himself is even more remarkable than his deeds. Instead of thinking of what he should receive because of what he deserved, he freely confessed he didn't deserve anything. He sent word to Jesus, saying, "I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you" (verses 6-7). The centurion placed himself in the shoes of the eleventh-hour workers. Because of this he not only experienced the joy of having his request granted, but also the added joy of knowing he had received what he did not deserve. He experienced the joy of knowing he had received a gift not a repayment of a debt.
WE CAN NEVER OBLIGATE GOD

We can never obligate God by our obedience or our sacrificial service. Even if we were perfectly obedient in all our Christian duties, we would still be forced to say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty" (Luke 17:10).

Suppose you perfectly obey all the traffic laws of your state. You always stay within the speed limit, always come to a complete stop at stop signs, always drive in the proper lane, always use your turn signals always obey every traffic rule. Do you receive any reward? Not at all, that is what you are supposed to do. You have only done your duty. You do not, by perfect obedience of the traffic laws, obligate the state to reward you in any manner. All you can say is, "I have only done my duty."

As the Sovereign Ruler of the universe, God has the right to require perfect obedience and faithful service from all of us without in the least obligating Himself. We owe Him such obedience and service. If we were to perfectly obey every command God has given and faithfully perform every duty - which, of course, we never do - we still could only say, "I have merely done my duty." We cannot obligate God in any way.

God Himself asserted His freedom from any obligation when He said to Job, "Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me" (Job 41:11). God was not stating a mere abstract, theological principle. He was rebuking an attitude of "I'm not getting what I deserve," on Job's part. Job, in defending himself against the false accusations of his so-called friends, had fallen from an attitude of grace into thinking he deserved better treatment from God. He had fallen from an attitude of "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised," into an attitude of "It profits a man nothing when he tries to please God" (Job 1:21; 34:9).

Job had, over the time of his suffering, shifted from the position of an eleventh-hour worker to one who felt he had indeed "borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day" (Matthew 20:12). And God directly addressed Job's attitude. If God were to deal with us today as He did with Job, I wonder how many of us would receive a similar rebuke?

Through the inspired pen of the apostle Paul, the Holy Spirit again asserts His freedom from obligation to anyone when He says, "Who has ever given to God that God should repay him?" (Romans 11:35). This assertion was not made in a vacuum. Paul had been dealing with the difficult question of the Jews' future in the face of God's apparent spurning of them in favor of the Gentiles. Regardless of how we understand Paul's teaching about the Jews in Romans 9-11 (an issue on which many Christians disagree), the principle stated by the Holy Spirit through Paul is crystal clear: God does not owe anyone anything.

There is a very high sense of entitlement within modern society. Older people feel entitled to certain benefits from the government. Middle-aged people feel entitled to generous health and retirement benefits from their employers. Younger adults feel entitled to immediately enjoy the same standard of living their parents took years to achieve. And young people feel entitled to whatever material luxuries they desire.

Many observers of our culture are quite concerned about this pervasive sense of "rights" and expectations within our society as a whole. But for Christians, such a high sense of entitlement is especially detrimental to our spiritual lives. For one thing, God is the ultimate supplier of all our needs and desires. Every good gift is from Him, regardless of the intermediate means through which that gift is supplied. As James said, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17). However, God, through His providential workings, almost always uses some person or institution or other human instrumentality to meet our needs. Ultimately, though, He is the One who provides or withholds what we desire or think we need.

Therefore, a high sense of entitlement and expectations, though seemingly directed toward some person or institution, is actually directed toward God and His providential dealings in our lives. If we do not receive what we think we have a right to expect, it is ultimately God who has withheld.

More importantly, our sense of entitlement, which may be originally directed toward other people or institutions, is almost invariably transferred directly to God. We begin to be as demanding of our "rights" before God as we are toward people. It is bad enough, and certainly not very Christian, to have the attitude "The world owes me something just because I am," but to have the attitude that God owes me something is exceedingly dangerous to spiritual health. It will ruin our relationship with God, nullify our effectiveness in ministry, and perhaps turn us bitter or resentful. Unlike our government, or school, or family, or employer, God will not "give in" to our sense of rights or respond to pressure tactics. We never win the battle of "rights" with God. He cares too much about our spiritual growth to let that happen.

 2011/2/14 12:27Profile
DesertRose
Member



Joined: 2007/8/8
Posts: 123
Boston.MA

 Re: My soul

Praying that God will supernaturally deliver you from your pit.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

Our God is able to deliver and will deliver.I know because He delivered me from the pit of destruction.

A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish.

He hears your cries and will establish your way.

 2011/2/14 14:17Profile
bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1559
Locport, Illinois

 Re:

i am confused right now, on a topic. I was on facebook and their was a talk on positional sanctification and sanctification in a believer. I know that their are those who believe you must in a true relationship with Christ continue to always confess your sins before Christ and repent of them to stay in your position in Christ, if you do not repent then you lose Christ and are lost again. That we have to continue to live in a state of perfection to stay saved. May I ask a question before you and God? Is this not putting a burden on a believer just as the law had put a burden on the Jews to keep it perfectly? I know you might say the difference is we want to keep his commandments and i agree we should if we are truly his, but is their not an ongoing sanctification that the Lord works in us, though are position is always set in stone in Christ before God does not the Lord work in us to grow and learn from our walk with him. Does the Lord reveal more and more of our sin to us in this relationship, if he does how can we say we are perfect and flawless. If anyone could answer this i would deeply appreciate this.


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John Beechy

 2011/3/10 3:02Profile
mguldner
Member



Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860
Kansas

 Re:

To my understanding Sanctification is a work of the Holy Spirit. So what then is our responsibility, the same as its always been submission to God and Reliance on God.

Confession and Repentance aren't works to my understanding of them, Confession is agreeing with God's word and Repentance is simply lining up with that confession mentally and spiritually.

I do know what you mean by people placing burdens on people using these two thuings. I view the Christian life through a metaphor of an apple tree, A farmer plants a seed. The farmer waters it and takes care of it, Does the seed do any work to grow? No it naturally grows into a tree. Then as the tree matures it will naturally grow apples, its not a chore or a great work, it just happens. Now fruit trees do require pruning and watering at times and that is where the Farmer will come in and take care of the tree, But the tree doesn't prune or water itself like it naturally grows apples.

We are the same way God does all the real work in us everything else will just come naturally because the Seed of Christ is in us and grows.


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Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/10 3:21Profile





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