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Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057

 does loving someone requiring liking them


Is it possible to love someone but not really like them?
I use to think that you could not like a person but still love them with the heart of Jesus but now I am not so sure. If there is a particular person that I struggle with and don't like them or like being around them is it possible to really love them as Christ would call me to??? Should all believers get along and like each other or can there still be differences in the body with personalities and still demonstrate the love of Christ toward each others without being friends and liking each other??

God Bless

 2011/1/9 13:20Profile

Joined: 2008/4/12
Posts: 1306
Hampshire, UK

 Re: does loving someone requiring liking them

Seeing that we are commanded to 'love our enemies' and we do not like our enemies do we?, I would say absolutely we can love those we dislike!



 2011/1/9 14:05Profile


Really good tough question. A great old Christian man said that we need not "hang out" with everyone that we differ with for legitimate reasons - but yet we still love them.
We're just to test 'why' it is that we don't like being with them and ask the LORD to show us if there's anything in 'us' that would be a wrong reason for not liking to be with them. I fear not liking any person, because that borders way too close to hate.
It's more that we don't like what they Do, so we don't like being with them, rather than not liking them.
Reasons could be legitimate if their behavior is Scripturally offensive. OR, the LORD sends people into our lives to teach us to "love the unlovely" - Or because we may need to see the pride in our own lives or - as some say - we don't like in others what we see in ourselves - Or, the LORD needs to show us that we have a weakness in our flesh that this person brings out, that we didn't even know was still in there & it needs to be reckoned with.
There's just so many reasons why we could feel that we don't want to be with a person.
To not want to be with someone depends on 'how much' we don't want to be with them as well. If we've already determined it's never, than we've cut off love already because Love looks to GOD to repair the situation and love would be there whenever the person needed help or if The LORD said, "Call them", etc.

It may be that they hurt us in some way. I think the only answer is to really pray about it. I don't believe anyone comes into my life without GOD allowing it and normally it's to get 'me' to change - BUT, once in a very rare while - He's used some to show me that hanging out with them will cause something that is not from Him or to sharpen discernment. Bad company corrupts good manners. Another instance was a person who only wanted to talk to me to pump info out of me to spread to others. I couldn't say that I don't like the person, it's just that I don't care for that practice because it's Biblically called gossip. The more one dwells on this, the more reasons one can find for the pros and cons of breaking fellowship and I believe Only GOD can answer our particular situations, one instance at a time, in order to stay in His Will.

I've had to pray so hard on whether or not to break fellowship with folks. Love is definitely #1 to Him, so breaking fellowship with even unsaved people is the hardest thing in the world sometimes. I want to be sure that it's Him telling me to - or is it me that needs to change. I'd rather side with that it's me that needs to change - and then after reckoning with that, sometimes He'll say that it's alright to not "hang out" with that person. Not a sparrow falls without His Will - so every encounter has some purpose I believe - if for no other reason but that GOD wants us to pray for them.

One Brother made sense to me as far as testing "love" goes. He asked, "How far would you go for your "love" for them?" --- So I have to ask myself that question as well.

Pray one for another. Thanks!

 2011/1/9 14:44

Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3156

 Re: does loving someone requiring liking them

Well, imagine Jesus telling you that He loves you, but does not like you.

1 + -1 = 0

My mother once told me that she did not have to like me in order to love me. She might as well have stabbed me with a knife. I really would have preferred that she had said that she hated me - for at least I would have known where I stood. She would do things with my sisters - who she liked - and I would stand on the sidelines looking in - left out - but loved?

It is by the love of Christ that we love others that are apparently unlovable. Ask Him to give you that supernatural love. It was the love of Christ that mended my relationship with my mother. We are now growing together in Him.

 2011/1/9 15:20Profile

Joined: 2009/12/8
Posts: 1795


I was told that also, that someone loved me but didnt like me. I said, I had rather have you like them then than love me because then you would have treated me better than loving me.

For me, when I am offended and dont like someone for whatever reason there is no love in my heart for that person at all. I have to go to the Lord and ask Him to forgive me and help me not be offended and to love, truly love with His love. And when I have the victory there is love and like. I can be around them without having junk in my heart for them. All glory to God. I then can be a witness to them.

I may not like everything they do but I see the flaw in them for a couple of reasons. One, the Lord shows me my log and I cant point the finger or it is to pray for them with a pure heart of love.

So, I would say no, we cannot love a person and not like them but we can love a person and with a pure heart pray for them.

Glory to God and help us all. I struggle with not being offended and ask the Lord to help me often to purely love.

 2011/1/9 16:03Profile

Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2734
Phoenix, Arizona USA

 Re: does loving someone requiring liking them

What follows is something that I was just reading today, I felt I should share it here in this thread...

Those who are in Christ cannot love only the brethren who are close to them, nor only a part of mankind. They must love all men, friend and foe alike. One who loves Jesus must have a large heart. His love must embrace everyone. He builds no fences. His love is not limited to his own community, to his own human or spiritual family, his own church or fellowship group, his own state or nation. He sets no such limits. For this love of Jesus never ceases. It may be forsaken. It may be treated like an enemy. It may encounter ingratitude and evil. Yet it persists, even though it must forgive "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22).

This lowly, forgiving, merciful, and all-embracing love is not easily obtained. By ourselves it is altogether impossible to attain. This is one of the most difficult aspects of our lives. Again and again we stumble and fall at just this point: we cannot forgive, cannot be merciful; with difficult people our love simply falls short of the mark. We excuse our failures by saying that it is impossible. But do we consider what that implies? It implies that it is impossible to have the right kind of love toward Jesus.

What a joy to know that the requirement for true bridal love toward Jesus is not anything we do. Rather, it is a broken heart, which is convicted of its failures and sins. And a true love for one's brother is born along this same pathway. One sees that he has nothing of real love in himself. He sees all his guilt, his love-lessness. Again and again this drives him to Jesus, who alone is the wellspring of love. Out of His heart of love, Jesus gives a true love for one's brother. As Jesus gives us this love, we learn more and more to love His creatures. We stop putting limitations and fences around our love. More and more we are given to love all that He has created, the entire universe.

-excerpted from Those Who Love Him by Basilea Schlink

Ron Halverson

 2011/1/9 16:28Profile

Joined: 2010/11/17
Posts: 53

 Re: does loving someone requiring liking them

I would like to add something. I think your asking the wrong question. We need to look at what it biblical love.

I have found in my study that its completely defferent than the worlds veiw of it. The world view it simply love for something or someone. Notice it has to have something to love, but look at 1cor:13 its something that pours out of you. An essence if you will. Its God of course. The closer you are to Him the more it will just radiate from your being. The same with liking imo.

In love,

 2011/1/9 18:40Profile

Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


thank you for your responses. I will pray over what has been shared and see what the Lord has for me in all of this.

God bless

 2011/1/9 19:02Profile

Joined: 2009/5/15
Posts: 1042
Pacific Ocean


God loves us and as a result we become likable. When we choose to love, as God loves, we end up liking what we love.

Jeremiah Dusenberry

 2011/1/9 23:20Profile

Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 1196
North Central Florida


This thread has been on my heart and at last I found the passages that I wanted to contribute.

1Tim:6:5: Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.

2Tim:3:5: Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

white stone


 2011/1/10 13:49Profile

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