"I awoke in a very dark place, with only one light near me that I could not look at. It wasnt because it would hurt my eyes, it was that it was impossible to look that direction. It didnt matter though.
I knew who I was before.
The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Living, Breathing God of all creation.
I knew I was not dead, but I also knew I was brought before him to make a choice, or lets say to clarify the choices I have.
I was completely naked. Not physically, but I knew that I could hide nothing. NOTHING! I was stripped of my family, I was stripped of my circumstances, I was stripped of everything in this world that I loved, and everything that had been a stumbling block in my past and present life. It was just me. Transparent to the deepest parts of the soul, the intents, the desires, what I truly loved.
I was utterly ashamed. By most peoples standards I am a good guy. I have grown up in the church, believe in Him, His blood that was shed for me, and His resurrection power. But standing in front of God is a whole other thing.
I said I was naked. Let me explain more about that. What I realized at that very minute was that the things that give me comfort in this world would be stripped away in eternity. Relationships with family, friends, doctrines and beliefs, all the things we choose to believe to make us feel secure, all the things I held onto to make me feel like I was OK. It was not enough. Church associations, bible verses memorized, Christian lifestyle, having a good reputation, etc.. It didnt mean squat!
In that moment I realized that the only thing that mattered, and the only thing that I would bring with me when I leave this place and appear before the the Great I AM was my love for Him and my love for His Son.
Nothing else mattered. My family could not stand there with me, my pastors would not be there to help, my own self-woven truth that I chose to believe would be shattered in light of His ultimate Truth. I was separated. It was just me and Him, and the things like going to church (as a religious function) didnt matter, studying the Word didnt matter. How much I knew about God, the Bible, and His promises didnt matter. What did matter was my lover for Him. Or, in my case my lack of love for Him.
(As a side note I only recently realized that had I loved him more than anything else, I would have never wanted to leave. I would have been full of joy to be in the presence of Him finally!)
I realized I was alone, naked, and stripped of excuses. I began to mourn, deep sorrow began to well up in me. The horrible part was, I was mourning and aching for the things of the flesh. I began to see that the things I enjoyed in life, like being able to just relax with the family and watch a movie. To go out on the lake in the boat for a day of fun with the wife and kids. To simply take care of my own, and try not to think about those in need. To keep God as an important part of my life, and not put him in total charge of everything, not totally surrender my life, my living flesh to him as a sacrifice.
After all, at this moment of truth, of transparency, of nakedness, I knew that this was completely anti Christ. This was me wasting my days, filling my life and my familys life with meaningless fun activities. Activities that in eternity would be meaningless. I knew that if I wanted to gain Christ, I had to forsake the things of the flesh, I had to sell everything I had to buy the field that had the treasure buried in it.
But I mourned because I had the mirage of life suddenly disappear and I had nothing. My life was empty. I could see it all, and as I thought about the things I missed, the things I loved in life, they all seemed so dark, so sinful. I also knew that no-one else would ever understand what I was doing if I truly gave all my heart to God. I would be one odd duck compared to even the most holy of Christians.
I knew that I didnt have the love I should for the Father. I realized that I was more in love with a happy life filled with things that brought me happiness, that joy from doing the Fathers will. I was more in love with the illusion that I could go about my daily life live for myself, acknowledge God and enter into the Kingdom of Heaven one day with crowds of cheering saints.
I could no longer fool myself, and I knew I had a choice to make. I hardly know how or where to begin. I have never seen any living example of a true biblical saint, Christian, disciple, believer or whatever you want to call those who are called according to His purpose.
I have seen the church going crowd that much like myself is more interested in being like the world, desiring wealth, cars, power, popularity, acceptance and love of others. Where is there desire for God? They praise God with their lips, but their hearts are far from him, just like my own.
I have seen it on TV with the Benny Hinns and the Joyce Meyer types who are teaching another gospel a gospel of success, a gospel of happiness, a gospel of self help, a gospel of God wants to make you fishers of Wealth! Instead of fishers of men.
When the service is over, instead of going out and healing the sick, preaching the real gospel, and casting out devils in other words doing the great commission, they jet-set around the world in private jets to their multi-million dollar estates scattered here and there paid for with offerings from the poor and ignorant.
The only place I know of where I could find this kind of faith, this kind of commitment was in the bible. There you find Jesus, his disciples, and the early church believers who gave everything to God. They sold everything they had to buy the pearl of great price.
They forsook the flesh, and forsook the things of the world in order to gain an eternity of joy unspeakable and full of glory.
As I read the bible it is so clear and the words of Christ, and the words of the apostles are so direct and understandable.
- Those of us who try to save our lives will lose them, but those who lose their lives for Christs sake will gain them.
- If we love the world, the love of the father is not in us.
- If we love Jesus, we must keep his commandments.
- If we believe, signs and wonders WILL follow us. They will cast out devils, walk on serpents, lay hands on the sick and they SHALL recover! (that one is just for the apostles right? Then is the great commission also just for the apostles? It is part of the same scripture afterall.)
I could go on, and on writing down scriptures that the church has spent decades making excuses for, or teaching that Gods grace is so big that it covers it all our lack of obedience and all. Really?
Then why are we to work out our salvation with fear and trembling? Why did God put in the Bible to FEAR HIM literally hundreds of times, over and over? Do we fear him, or have we turned him into a big Love Ball in the sky?
Have we completely deceived ourselves?
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God. That is what I know. I know that I will never be the same. I know that my life is no where near where it needs to be, but I am trying. My pride is gone. My illusion is gone. And my desire for the God is beginning to really take hold of my life. For 6 months I hardly even spoke about this dream to anyone except my immediate family, and even then cautiously. But I felt an urging from God to write these things down and send it out because they must know!
My dream ended.
I awoke. It was 3:00am. I was wide awake with an extremely heightened sense awareness, and insecurity. It was so much to take in and so much to lose that I had to try to sleep. What is it with us people who have grown up in the church? What did they do to us? We truly are the Pharisees of the 20th century. We have been given a gift and yet we want it for free with no strings attached and with no consequences of our choice. We want it all, to love God, get saved and love the world too.
We want to say that we are saved because we believe in God, but doesnt scripute say that even the demons believe and tremble. It isnt enough. We must crucify our flesh, we must love Him, and the proof of our love will be our lifestyles and our fruit not our knowledge. What fruit have we produced? If you are anything like me, you are in desperate need of a savior!
I have since made my choice, but I still struggle. It is hard to forsake the things you can easily have, the things you desire, and follow Him.
I strongly recommend that you take a good look at your own life, and choose you this day whom you will serve. Dont believe the lie that you can serve God and mammon. Dont believe the lie that you can have it all.
(about 3 months ago.)
Again I instantly knew I was in the presence of God, and again I was ashamed of what I was. Again I was transparent, but this time the focus was not on me. I felt terror for those who were walking in unbelief. I knew that their days were numbered and that they MUST hear the Gospel.
When I say those walking in unbelief, I mean the sinners and the church goers alike.
There was such an urgency. Such a calamity coming to those who are unprepared. I began to feel the terror they would feel. I began to feel the sorrow of the Father. But mostly I just felt what they would feel if they did not hear the true gospel. To say they would be afraid, to say they would regret, to say they would be sorry does not even begin to explain the intense emotion they would face. Terror. Terror like nothing I have ever felt before. No more chances. No more excuses.
NO MORE TIME.
Helpless. Condemned. Awaiting for the words of Judgement to come from His lips.
I awoke again at about 3:00am. This was again more than my mind could bear. I tried to get to sleep, I tried to get some space, some time between this event, this dream, and myself. It was too intense. It was too hard to think about.
Please, take all this to heart. Please get on your faces before the Living God, and repent. Please let him take control. We have got to repent!
We must give our whole lives to him, not just a piece. We are not old testament servants, we are new testament sons. We dont get to just tithe 10% - we must give it all. We dont get to just be circumcised and have a little piece of flesh die, we must sacrifice our whole bodies, our whole lives. We dont get to just follow certain laws to be righteous, we must give over all our will to his will because we will not only be judged for our actions, but our thoughts and our intents as well.
It will be worth it. It will be joy unspeakable and full of glory. It will be the only way you will survive what is coming with your soul and spirit intact.
I pray that everyone who reads this is pierced by the Spirit of the Living God. I pray that a clarity will come to you as you hear these words. Lord God, Abba Father, draw them to You. Bring them in. Touch their hearts, take away the scales on their eyes. Let them see that anything not born in the Spirit will not stand. Let them hearken to your calling. Let them disregard all things, traditions, and beliefs that are not of You. I ask that none, not one person who reads this will walk away from this warning. I ask that everyone, yes everyone Father, will remember their First Love. Thank you my Lord. In the name of Jesus, amen!"