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 Internet pornography's impact on our wives

Most men who are viewing, using pornography realize that they are engagin in sinful activity but beyond that they ususally ocnsider internet porn use a victimless activity, particularly as it relates to our wives...after all these are just pictures of people that we don't even know. If this is the case then why is internet porn use the fastest growing reason for divorce inside and out of the church.

Discussion with women including my wife of 38 years show that incredible hurt that our wives feel when they find out that we are looking at other women. They equate it with cheating (so does God) but more than that it makes them feel ugly and useless. I have had a discussion board on the subject for years and the women post that they can't understand why ther husbands want to look at other women. Are we not pretty enough? Aren't we enough?. You cannot believe the depth of pain that they experience.

If there are women on this site please share with us your feelings about this issue because we men don't get it. We don't realize that we are jeapordizing our familes and marriages when we fall into this activity...

 2010/11/18 9:19









 Re: Internet pornography's impact on our wives


I really appreciate this post. Thank you.

It is totally mystifying that a man who took vows before God to keep himself only for his wife, should ever consider that looking at another woman for sexual arousal of himself, would be acceptable - to either God or his wife.

Which bit of his supposedly brilliant masculine logic has failed?

 2010/11/18 9:42
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

Honestly I am not sure how I feel about discussing such a topic in an open forum with a bunch of men that I do not know?? Its seems this topic should and could be discussed among sisters privately but for me it would be very uncomfortable to openly speak to these things in this kind of forum??

I appreciate your heart in wanting others to be aware of this issue but I think we do need to be careful not to cross the line?? There are some topics that sisters should go to older mature sisters in Christ and not to men on an open forum?

Just my take on this but others will probably feel differently, like I said this is just my take on this...
rdg

 2010/11/18 9:46Profile









 the sisters already know

Thanks Rainydaygirl- you are so right that this is a hard subject-yet most of us men have no idea of the dmaage we are doing to our wives. If you could share your hurts and feelings then maybe this would wake some of us up.

Your sisters already know all to well what this feels like and they certianly can help hold you together but somebody needs to tell the guys what they are doing is hurtful....

 2010/11/18 9:55









 a post from a wife

Here is a post from our discussion board for wives....there are hundreds like these


I am glad I found this site tonight, I needed some support. My husband has been addicted to porn for as long as I can remember. We have been married for 8 years and the throughout our marriage he has looked at porn on the computer. I did not realize it until one night about 4 years ago.
After that first time I found out it went into this pattern, he would continue, the whole time lying to me about it, I would find out about it and it would just devestate me. Now, I know he is addicted, and will not stop until he gets some help. I don't check up on him anymore, I know he is doing it, the fact that he thinks I am stupid and will swallow his lame lies makes me angry. The fact that he chooses this over our marriage hurts, sometimes more than I can bear.
I spent a couple days in the hosptial and I know he was online seeking porn then. He would tell me he couldn't sleep because he was so worried about me, I had to turn away from him, I am not sure if I was more hurt or angry. He arrived at the hospital after 12 noon looking like he had not slept all night long (probably didn't). The next night he was so tired he was falling asleep behind the wheel while driving me home from the hospital, I asked him to pull over and I drove us home.
Where we stand now... I told him, like so many times before, we will NEVER be the couple he wants us (and I) to be until he gets some help for his addiction. He wants a happy, close, married couple, but this porn addiction always come between that. No matter what. Our sex life is practically non - existent.
I have learned I cant help him, not really, I can support him, but he has to want this, more than the porn, he has to want to be healthy, want our marriage, more than the porn, and then get some help. I find that half the time I am angry and half the time I am hurt, add a little numbness in there too.
Thank you for letting me vent.

 2010/11/18 10:22









 Re: a post from a wife

an excerpt from another...

i ended up confronting him and asking him why and he said it was because he was sexually frustrated and he needed the visual stimulation to take care of his business. I told him i would do anything to help and he said ok and he also said that he would stop when i told him that i felt hurt and ugly and like he had cheated on me.

 2010/11/18 10:25
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

Honestly askned after reading your last two post I feel all the more convicted this topic should not be discussed in an open forum among strangers of the opposite sex. Where is the modesty in our speech???? The very words used places images into someones mind...again where is the modesty in our speech???

I know there are many who will not agree with me so I will bow out of this thread...

rdg

 2010/11/18 10:41Profile
enid
Member



Joined: 2006/5/22
Posts: 2664
Nottingham, England

 Re:

I've hesitated to comment, because it is an ugly subject and one with which I want nothing to do with.

But I have to agree with rainydaygirl. There is something defiling about just reading the thread.

Scripture tells us to abstain from the very appearance of evil, 1 Thess 5v22.

It further tells us to have the mind of Christ. How does reading this help anyone to do so?

Here, I too bow out.

 2010/11/18 10:58Profile
Lysa
Member



Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3396
This world is not my home anymore.

 Re: Internet pornography's impact on our wives

Quote:
If there are women on this site please share with us your feelings about this issue because we men don't get it. We don't realize that we are jeapordizing our familes and marriages when we fall into this activity...



My ex-husband was addicted to pornography. If any woman feels better private messaging me, please do so. I know I don’t have all the answers but if you want someone else to listen, I will.

God bless,
Lisa


_________________
Lisa

 2010/11/18 11:12Profile
Lysa
Member



Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3396
This world is not my home anymore.

 Re: the sisters already know

Quote:
askned wrote:
Thanks Rainydaygirl- you are so right that this is a hard subject-yet most of us men have no idea of the dmaage we are doing to our wives. If you could share your hurts and feelings then maybe this would wake some of us up.



Being a wife of a man addicted to porn, I can tell you that NOTHING; no amount of sharing her hurt feelings will stop a man from watching porn. Ned, please stop printing these other stories; if you have not woke up after the other web forum you started on this issue, then guess what? This forum won’t help you either.


Now to the Women! This is going to sound harsh but the pornography is not about you, it’s about the husband. We need to get our self-esteem from our relationship with Jesus Christ, not our husbands. I’m not telling you this is easy but I do know that when you let go and let God work, He will. God couldn’t work on my ex husband b/c I was always there in the middle with my finger pointing to him and his problems. Where are you? Just asking....

Ask God what He wants to do in your husband’s life; porn might not be at the top of God’s list... BUT whatever the underlying factors are very well could be but God can’t get to them because the one close person in the husband’s life (wife) is all hyper-focused through hurt on the porn usage.

I used to pray for my husband how I wanted (or needed) God to work in His life; sadly, I never stopped long enough to listen to God tell me what He wanted me to pray for my husband’s life. We need to stop looking at the husband and start looking at ourselves and start there with the prayers. It’s “me” oh Lord standing in the need of prayer.

Pray God bless your husband’s!
Lisa


_________________
Lisa

 2010/11/18 11:43Profile





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