I don't know why but I feel I am going through a process of humbling, God seems to be using my mistakes for His purpose but I feel my pride clinging on for dear life. I know that Christ wants it all and I want to give it to Him but I am finding this difficult. I wrestle with unbelief and mistrusting the Saviour, yet all at the same time I know He is my only Hope and the Only Way. My fleshly logic defies any Spiritual understanding that Christ has shown me. I listened to a song called I put on Christ, its starts out "The Battle is raging, the devil is raging, I don't want to be sleeping, while the battle is raging." I really feel at times my Spirit sleeps while I ought to stir it and Put on Christ and make no provision for my flesh putting on the whole armor of God. I believe that this fact is forgotten especially by myself that the Battle is Raging and I am apart of this battle. I look in the mirror and am torn at the blackness of my heart, I feel attacked on all sides at times and like David mine enemies surround me. David is such an encourger though his enemies surround him he Clings to the Rock of His Salvation. Through this humbling process I am learning that maybe I'm not as holy as I once thought I was, maybe I am lightyears from this kind of Holiness.While all these years I thought I was a Valiant Knight I have always been a poor squire boy still learning about my trade. I suppose no one ever said this life would be easy or following Christ would always be pain free and careless, its quite the opposite. It seems not only do I battle Satan as he fires darts of temptation but my flesh is oh so quick to betray me and like Benadict Arnold it crosses the enemy lines for a moment of bliss, or a false peace. I have to cry with Paul in Roman 7:24"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to Godthrough Jesus Christ our Lord!"I admire those that are strong in faith and can boldly say they are More than Conquerers though I know the promise and the cry I myself feel at best like a shield bearer of a conquerer. If it weren't for Christ I would be far worse off, at times I wish I could have stayed in my arrogant state of mind with High thoughts but ultimately though its not always pleasent I prefer to be near the ground with the worms.
_________________Matthew Guldner
The process of humbling is to make us useful. This is a hard truth; but GOD will prune away what is not useful to serve HIS purpose. The present circumstance which presses so hard against you is the best-shaped tool in the Father's hand to shape you for HIS purpose. Do not push away the instrument, lest you also lose its work.
_________________Martin G. Smith