please know how much i love you in the Spirit, in the Grace, in the Wholeness of the Lord Jesus. i'm speaking of your "the LEAST" post. more than just a 'post'.
more than a post, a word.
Since Saturday, this "name work" has dominated my every thought, every breath, and i was reflecting back on what has been noised about as recent "revivals".
i cant, i wont mention any of these "revivalists" by name, because there have been so many threads on them, and i really dont want to turn this thread into such, but i did notice a commonality in one of the more recent "show revivals"....everybody knows the man i'm speaking about now.
Did you all notice how the man's name was the BIG THING?
oh sure he spoke of Jesus, but it felt to me, the whole sad affair, widely publicized, widely disseminated in the secular media, was about him, let me call him, "Dot Rollsroyce"...it was all about him, and there were such antics, and the whole thing was televised.
TELEVISED! and Dot Rollsroyce actually consented to TV interviews, and the whole thing was televised via the internet, and it was like a big TV show, a performance, with build up, with drama, with wide gesticulations, the performer himself being garishly tatooed, and with all that MONEY (!) being taken in, you'd think the dear man would have enough sense to take the painful operations to wipe that mess off his body...
let me stop about "Dot"....i beg in the Lord that we all dont go down that, with this thread.
Tracy, it buttresses your point about being focused on BEING THE LEAST, and praise God, brother, truly, i am the least....again, thats not some pious phony humble platitude, ITS TRUE.
i have very little resource, i dont bemoan that fact. Sure it gets hard a bit, but i have food, clean drinking water, and money has never moved me that much, even when i was an unregenerate cur. i know and have known rich and intensely rich people, and these are some of the most unhappy and unfulfilled turbulent souls you've ever seen. i state the obvious when i say, and we all know:
money doesnt bring you happiness, quite the contrary, its a curse, because it becomes the biggest thing in your life, and your soul just empties out...i've SEEN this with my own eyes.
i'm the least because i have no job now, nor any hope of getting a secular job, because my body is ruined. Seriously. my secular friends darkly joke that i have 'one foot in the grave', and they laugh. that doesnt make me angry, or hurt, because i think, "if you only knew, what i know to be True"....its not that i LONG for death, its just that death of this clay jar doesnt have me bound up in FEAR, meaning that Jesus is True, in fact he has released me from the BONDAGE of the fear of death, its coils no longer enclose me, bind me.
i've done my secular tentmaking job for over 20 years, and a funny thing happened on the way to the Cross. In 2002, once Jesus called me, a Jew, my secular earnings went south, in a big way, Praise His Name!!!! God gave me the Grace to stay "like Job", i never ever cursed God.
why would i? WHO KNOWS His Will?....i dont.
i continue to write, secular things, for the marketplace, but no "bites".....maybe some of these "lines" i put out will yield fruit in the form of resource, but i know what its like to live on a nickel, God did give me a professional "success" in 2006 to 2009, but it yielded just enough money to live on, and at the same time, this "success", absolutely destroyed my body, not thru depravity, or proflifigate living, but because of the intensity of this job, however God gave me the ability, thru this "job", not only to preach the Gospel, but to bring much joy to many many people, and that was compensation enough...at the end of the evening, i had the heavenly privledge to shake all of their hands......to look into another persons eyes and see joy, pure joy is such a blessing, and i got the joy of holding onto their hand and saying, "May God bless you"....not only "saying" that in voice to them, but as i said it, i prayed it in my heart as i looked into the pools of their eyes...such joy is truely a blessing.
but thats gone, as it was meant to be.
In 2008, God almost brought me back Home, out of nowehere, i got hit with a virulent staph infection, that went septic, means my blood got poisoned, and i'm not being sarcastic, but that was a wonderful time. i freaked the hospital chaplain out. i think the dear man, a young man, i was 48 then, he must of been MAYBE 30, and from one of the mainline denominations, i had my Bible with me, and i summoned him immediately, this was the first couple of days, when i was teetering between here and Jerusalem, and i dont know if he expected to see a reed shaken by the wind, but i was of good spirits. (of course the dilaudid, space age hospital heroin was coursing thru my veins, the thing hurt a bit, but i was in the Holy Spirit too)
i just wanted to talk Scripture with him for a wee bit, you know? just have a lil bit of a hospital room Bible study, then i thought he might be up for laying hands on me, and praying God's healing over me....but i could sense he thought i was some religious nut job, and he prayed a prefunctory prayer over me, and never came back, though i asked for him. Thank God, the saints at my home Church in Northridge california were praying for me, my mentor, was going to fly out to be with me, Lord love dear Ted, but i told him stay,as the congregation needed him.
(thank you if your still with me, i got to testify)
in that hospital, i learned what the secular world thinks of us. The only thing that brought me to tears, was not fear of death itself. What made me weep, was the thought that i would leave my dear son, 12 years old at that time, too early. the world is a terrible place for the child spirit, and this dear boy was water baptized with me at age 7, AT HIS REQUEST. That day, when he was 7, he asked me if he could be water baptized with me, i asked him if he KNEW what that meant, and he said, "yes Daddy, it means that i have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour" (his words exactly)...so we were knit together fearfully IN Christ, and i didnt want to leave him alone here on earth. God heard that heartcry..obviously. but my point is this:
they saw me weeping at times, and praying, and i guess, by rote or protocol, they sent in a secular psychiatrist. now i had resolved in Christ to be the best patient possible, so i welcomed the man in love, and told him EXACTLY what i was feeling. well, i read his "diagnosis" later, and he said soemthing to the effect of "patient believes God is talking with him", and "all he needs are his 'bible' and the 'healing power of god'....."regard patient as delusional"....it really broke my heart to read this, but then...come on, what did i expect?
But back to your forthtelling...THE LEAST, and i take your post as the Word of God filtered thru you to me, as an edict, as an encouragement, as an admonition.
i am the LEAST, because i am TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY disqualified from ANY Church 'leadership" position, its the truth, not fit as an 'elder' as my son's mother divorced me in 2004. we were seperated in 2002 when i came to Christ, and she knew, i would never even THINK of divorce, i was praying for reconciliation, and let her know that in love, we've always been the dearest of friends, pals, right to this very day, but she had met a man, and wanted to marry him, so she did.
at times i get lonely, and want to marry again, not out of a lust thing, but a "pal" thing, meaning our thing together was rooted in being dear friends. dysfunctional dear friends, but friends all the same....but God doesnt want that for me now, i know this.....
so i believe that being disqualified for any 'leadership' or 'elder' position makes me fit for three ministries, to clean the church, to prepare agape love feasts and to always always encourage the saints, my brothers and sisters in Jesus, like dear Barnabas, God love him, he didnt turn his back on Jihn Mark, when Mark bailed that first mission trip.
so sorry for going on and on, your post cleaved thru my heart like a bolt of lightening
FOUR BOLTS THROUGH AN OAK BOARD THAT READS
JESUS
and the doors of this Church are NEVER EVER LOCKED.
and WHEN God comes down in Power...WHEN, not if....
NO TV CAMERA's, no internet feed, no human names on the Work, no engaging personalities, no weirdness, no extra-canonical silliness, no screeching and begging for money, all we ever know is Jesus Christ and Him Crucified, Risen from the dead, Alive right now, bearing the Gift of the Holy Spirit that indwells.
praying, laying on of hands, more praying, testimonies, reading from the Word, out loud, more praying, another room, the tarrying room, where one can be silent to seek the Lord, the breaking of bread together, more praying, if you have to groan in travail, GROAN, if you have to weep, WEEP, its okay, Jesus is here, and your brothers and sisters are here, more praying, gather food, find the poor, the widows, give them food, show them love, listen to them, never lock the doors, listen to all burdened sinners, never lock the doors, pray more, weep more, search the Scripture and what you find, READ IT ALOUD TO ALL, encourage all, love all, if we just allow Jesus to Pastor the flock, believe me, there will be NO DISORDER, expect the devil to fight like hell, to send unclean spirits into the work, no fighting, no fussing, just pray them RIGHT OUT of the meeting, out of the Church, God knows how to handle as such.
But never ever let that Name Sign, JESUS come off that lintel and be replaced by ANYTHING ELSE, never let any man 'claim' the work, never let any publicity hinder the work or seek publicity or praise from human lips or hands, and dont let it get to be a cult, meaning some man centered thing, bent on human will and the dark turbid urges of the manipulative human spirit, just keep our hearts and our eyes on JESUS and we wont sink below the waves.
God is so good, i didnt write anything below the words "Four Bolts", i just transcribed what the Holy Spirit told me.
i remain your loving brother in Christ Jesus, neil |
