| Ever feel like a part of you is lost |
I have posted before about my marriage and my husband and I getting back together. Its really strange and I feel so confused because getting back with my husband is what I wanted but some part of me misses being on my own...I know that doesn't make sense and sounds really selfish. Part of me feels like I am losing "me" When Jase and I were together before I was always so wrapped up in being with him, and always felt like I was fighting to get his attention and now that we have been spending weekends together for the past few months its like I am struggling with that again. I mean he comes and we spend time together, but its more like were just in the same room then really being together. I shared in another thread that my husband and I don't really share to much of our walk with the Lord with each other. At least we haven't been... I mean if I talk he listens but he doesn't respond much, even when I ask direct questions he is really quiet. Feels like things are falling into a routine and I really don't want things to go back to the way they were
I don't even know what is the deal with me right now...I am just really feeling confused and kind of lost. I really kind of wish that Jase wasn't coming this weekend to see me. Is this just the enemy attacking or ???
| 2010/5/5 1:17||Profile|
| Re: Ever feel like a part of you is lost |
It is so easy to fall back into the ways of relating to each to each other that caused the breakup in the first place when you need to learn a new way. If the passion and joy were back you would like him to be there, no? It is perfectly possible to renew those feelings and it be even better if you now have the skills to be really emotionally connected. It sounds like your husbands heart is closed up somewhat like a lot of men who cannot handle emotional pain as well as women and you need to help him open it up to you and he needs to feel safe in order to do it so any hints that you are feeing disappointed with him will make him withdraw again.
You made the mistake many women make in losing a part of themselves in the relationship through doing most of the giving when what is needed is for you to step back and connect with your feelings and learn to be vulnerable in revealing them to him instead of doing too much talking and asking questions.Maybe you should share that you are feeling confused and lost and see if he admits to that as well?
I wonder if you went to fast and should only be dating at present and not spending the weekend together. How long have you been apart?
Are you folling any course or reading books on rekindling love? There are secular books on how to help a man to open his heart up and of course they have too much human psychology in but they do know the differences between men and women and some are written by men and they give an idea of what the needs of men are and how to change things so that his needs and yours are met.
Was it your husband who wanted to part?
| 2010/5/5 1:54|
| Re: Ever feel like a part of you is lost |
I am no marriage expert and have only been married for 2 years now so as far as advance wisedom on marriage I haven't quite got it figured out yet. Something that did help my wife and I was buying a couples devotional bible and doing those together. Prior to doing them I was a pretty insensitive guy that didn't quite understand my wife's walk with God, the devotionals kind of opened up that door to talk about our faith a little bit more for my insensitive self to at least put my foot in the door of her world. I also had a pretty high thinking of myself and thought my wife inferior some how trust me the Lord has corrected me on this :) I did find that she didn't really understand salvation or quite a bit about theology yet at the same time SHE is amazing at talking to people and comforting them and helping them come to Christ through that me on the other hand stink on ice on it at least compared to her. I believe when you start to mend your relationship with Jase as you are doing now you will find that Jase has strong points that you don't have and you have strong points that he doesn't have making you both depending on each other in those areas you are weak. Focusing on this might just be the start of getting rid of the intruding feeling you are having. I hope I made sense to you and this helps in some way.
| 2010/5/5 2:03||Profile|
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Nah. Thats just the flesh rising up in you sis. Try to pay your flesh no attention.
The enemy would like nothing more from either of you, then to keep your marriage apart. The enemy is good at what he does.
Sister, do what the Bible says. Stay away from unbiblical advice (what does the light and darkness have in common?) Submit to your husband and let him lead you and your relationship. Was it not he that decided to start moving forward again in your relationship? Did you not say in the past that you were possesive and somewhat controling over your husband? If so, we know that this is not what the Bible teaches.
Let your husband lead you... let him lead you in the way that he is being lead by the Lord to lead. If he is not sinning against the Lord in his leading, then you are to submit to that leadership.
Remember the fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, PATIENCE, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-control.
Blessings sister. I pray for the complete restoration of your marriage!
| 2010/5/5 2:17||Profile|
| Re: Ever feel like a part of you is lost |
Since I do not know your situation well, and have no experience with the specifics you propose here Ellie, the best I can encourage you is to pray for your husband. Pray ferociously. My wife patiently prayed for me for years. Years where even she thought that praying had become pointless, because I was like a refrigerator that would not thaw after a hard icy freeze. God was faithful, and now she is grateful as am I. Our marriage has become biblical, though we still have room to grow to be certain, and we now enjoy regular healthy fellowship. Just as Miccah advised. I will pray for you tonight sister. I hope to God that he works reconciliation between you as he does so well.
However I will say that you should never ever ever want things to be the way they were...Paul calls that Rubbish. Those things which are behind ought to be left behind, move on towards the prize of the high calling of Christ. The three that remain, faith, hope and love. Have faith that the LORD can work anything out, and the hope that He will, and love your husband in the meantime. As a husband believe me when I say that we do need the love of our wives. I do not know where I would be without the love and patience of my wife.
| 2010/5/5 2:52||Profile|
| Re: |
Areadymind, very wise counsel brother. I sense there might be many things that Ellie is discerning even concerning her husband's lack of discussion of the Lord. I know so many folks that simply assume that their spouse is even truly born again, and spend years wondering why they never were zealous for the Lord.
Ellie, please continue to pray for your husband. Ask the Lord to show you how to pray and watch and see what God can do. I trust that the confusion you feel is simply the Lord telling you things need to be prayed through, and please don't be fearful that changes will never take place.
May God also be faithful in rewarding you for your desire to obey Him. He will bring you through and interceding for your husband may be far more important than you will ever know.
God bless you sister, and if you need those certain weekends alone, may the Lord grant those to you as well.
| 2010/5/5 5:13||Profile|
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As one who is still waiting for his spouse to return, I say this dear sister:
Standing and fighting for your marriage does not end when the prodigal spouse comes home. Now is when the battle rages most fierce. Satan does not want you two together, and you will be under just as great a spiritual attack now, as you were before the time of separation.
Pray dear sister for the warming of your husband's heart. In fact, I call all who read this to join in this battle.
Lord, you know the needs of this daughter of Yours. You know the needs of her husband. Father, break through the stony heart, replace it with a heart of flesh that will respond to Your call, Your prodding, Your direction. Set him free from any bondage that would hinder their relationship, and let them cleave together as you intended. Make a real, biblical marriage out of these two. Get the praise and honour of healing a broken marriage, get the glory of creating a shining example of what You desire a marriage to be. For Christ's sake, who already died for this victory. Father, give this dear sister the strength to stand, give her the faith to fight the enemy, build her up oh Lord, and remove her doubts and fears.
In Jesus Christ's name, I ask this, and thank you.
p.s. Edited to add: I fully second Alreadyminds' comment.
| 2010/5/5 8:25||Profile|
| Re: |
Hey thanks everyone. I was feeling so down last night, like this weight was on my heart. I think that this is more about me really then it is Jase. I was so upset that I called him last night and told him that I was feeling confused and did not want him to come down this weekend. He was so worried and willing to talk that he wanted to get up and leave at one in the morning to drive here so we could talk in person. I told him not to that I would get some sleep and pray and talk to him in the morning. I did not sleep much at all but I did really search my heart about this and I really think this is me and not Jase at all. He said he has wanted to be more open with me, share more but that he kind of feels like I am the one being guarded and holding back lately. He did not to pressure me or push me, thought that he should let me open up more as I felt comfortable. This really hit me and the more I think about it I think that he is right but I am not sure why I am feeling this way. This sounds kind of crazy but I actually find myself asking am I ready to be married...and that is crazy because I already am married right??? I mean I know that I have not been living full time with my husband for over a year now but I mentally thought of myself as married so why is this coming up now???
I find myself really struggling with the whole idea of being "the two are one" I am so used to being just me before the Lord. When Jase and I were first married neither of us were really walking with the Lord or even had a real relationship with the Lord, now things are different and I have been reading all these teaching on marriage and wondering how does this really work?? Maybe this is all coming up because I am suppose to be moving back in with Jase at the ranch in just a little over a month. My entire life is going to change and that really is frightening to me at the moment.
Any ways I know that no one can give me like real answers to these questions but I am grateful for the prayers and thoughts:)
Eidt: I spent some time talking with a really awesome older sister in the Lord and I am just in need of repenting of some self stuff. I think this is good thing that the Lord is bringing some of these things up for me to see and deal with now before I move back home. Talked with Jase and things are better, he proves again just how much he loves the Lord and me.
| 2010/5/5 13:30||Profile|