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i will talk to anyone i am really miserable and hopeless.
| 2010/2/21 23:48||Profile|
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I will be praying for you. All I can share with you is just keep your eyes on the Lord and pray.
| 2010/2/22 1:34||Profile|
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I'd recommend picking up David Brainerd's journal. Look at the extreme lows this man went through. Reading it can have a carthitic effect as you can see what a saint past has dealt with. We read about living saints stirring us up to press on in Heb. 10:23-25, then we have a great section on saints past in Heb. 11, before we find Heb. 12:1-2.
I don't know what you feel you should be experiencing in your walk with the Lord. A lot of folks have unreal expectations. I remember Brother Washer said in a sermon, "After you're regenerated, it's not so much life that Christ works in you as death." In context he was saying that yes there is a honeymoon season at the beginning of one's walk, but that often fades as into a steady flow of evermore consistent Christ-like living.
This sounds like a big problem as I think back to the history of your posting. So I'm in no way offering a catch-all solution, but a possible avenue of edification and comfort in tough times.
| 2010/2/22 12:40||Profile|
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i am just sick of doubting, of my heart being hardened, i am sick of the demonic attack i go through, i have sought after the Lord for over 2 years now for deliverance and i know the answer is Jesus during this time i have lost my faith in Jesus unwillingly it is like my faith in him has been literally ripped out of my heart and conscious. I understand i never trusted him on his finished work and the forgiveness of sins and i have sought after that, but at the same time i am confused because i believed on him for healing 6 years ago and he healed me and he changed my heart and my life but stupid me fell into sexual sin and never got out of it. But i actually experienced the holy spirit and i was changed inward to desire the spirit so i know it was real, so those verses in hebrews 6 and 10 and peter are very scary to me because i hope its not me. But thank you for your encouragement, i just have to trust he won't forsake me.
| 2010/2/22 12:51||Profile|
| Re: Has anyone hearts got hardened towards God while seeking after him|
it is like my faith in him has been literally ripped out of my heart and conscious.
I'm sorta sorry I always sound so radical, but please believe I'm speaking from experience, that there really is no shortcut to [i]walking out[/i] repetitiously, genuine repentance (that is, showing God that you now think differently about those things) in the areas of your mind and body where you have sinned. It will take time, and as long as you are genuinely trying to stop sinning, you will eventually succeed in ceasing from those sins.
You used the word 'conscious', and I think you may have meant 'conscience', which is consistent with scripture: 1 Tim 4:2. I testify, that you can get your conscience back, but until it is functioning normally again, and you find yourself able to care about what it's telling you so that you obey it, you will need to work very hard to keep to the letter of the law, because: 1 Tim 1:9 Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane...' 1 John 5:3.
For this is the LOVE of GOD, that YOU [u]KEEP[/u] [that is, you take to heart] HIS [i]commandments[/i], (Acts 17:30, John 14:21, John 15:10), and, Romans 13:14.
It's tough, but never underestimate the blessing which will flow from your obedience. Matt 7:20, 21.
| 2010/2/23 10:53|
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hi, just stop striving to be better and rest in what Jesus has done for you at the cross. anything else is useless... you must labor to enter in that rest...He is the only door...He is the only way...YOU CAN NOT DO IT AND THAT IS WHY JESUS CAME AND WENT TO THE CROSS FOR YOU,PERSONALLY.jimp
| 2010/2/23 18:35||Profile|
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bible4life, how can you be in unbelief unwillingly? It is completely your choice.
Maybe you are trying to believe a confused version of the gospel? (very common problem) This would make belief difficult if you were trying to believe something that don't really make sense.
Or maybe you are judging your belief by your emotions? Is it just that you "feel like you don't believe"? Or are you deliberately choosing to doubt?
Could you really be having demonic attacks of doubt? Maybe. I don't know how to judge your case over the internet let alone in person, but maybe my thoughts can be of use to you.
If you are being assaulted with thoughts of doubt and fear from the devil then I truly sympathize with you. Sometimes we just need to run to God and cry like little babies casting all our cares on the Lord who "is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil" Luke 6:35
Other times we just need to man-up. The whole point of running to God is to draw strength from him to carry on his battle against evil. In a war, men sometimes get wounded or overwhelmed by the enemy but their ultimate goal is not simply to be healed and comfortable but to continue in the fight until it is completely won. So we should go to God for our strength. But we shouldn't hope to just give up and find comfort in quitting. Any good soldier would rightly lose all respect for himself if he gave up. I expect you would agree with that.
I'm not saying it's wrong to cry to God nor am I trying to condemn you but only to offer what I know. The devil would gladly get us stuck crying and crying and crying until he turns us into pathetic cowards. God says cowards will not be allowed in his kingdom. Rev 21:8
What if Abraham had given into doubting thoughts when he was going to sacrifice Isaac? What if Jesus had given into doubting thoughts when he knew he was going to be betrayed? What about the prophet who was sawed in half? What about martyrs dropped into boiling oil?? That's serious! If you are willing to become a human french-fry for God you are seriously tough and have my respect no problem.
What about merely psychological and emotional trials? Are we willing to patiently endure?
The bible says "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small." Prov 24:10
The bible says "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." Prov 25:28
Sometimes you just need to be a man about stuff.
The bible says "Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary?" Isa 40:28
God's been suffering more than you and I can imagine for a long time. God's endured over 6000 years of open rebellion in his kingdom. He's seen every rape, murder, child abuse, and sins you can't even imagine. Our problems are like getting a pedicure compared to what God endures. (I hope you don't know what getting a pedicure is like - neither do I)
That's why we can go to him for strength. He "faints not neither is weary". We can draw strength from the Father's strength. We can be strong like he is. We can war against sin and not be overcome by fear, thoughts, emotions, doubts, and all that.
The bible says "Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight" Ps 144:1
Now, if you are in a mindset like I used to be in then you may just be thinking about all that hebrews 6 and 10 stuff right now and thinking "What good is courage gonna do for me if I'm doomed anyway?"
I'm not saying that's your mindset but I'll share some more thoughts as if in response to that very common mindset. Take it or leave it. I just don't know what else I can do to be of help other than offer what has helped me. I'd be glad to just listen also if you just want to tell someone what's been going on.
Now if you continued in sin then you would definitely fulfill Heb 6 and 10. If we reject Jesus and choose sin and burn up all the time that God gives us to repent then what else can he do for us? Nothing. God is longsuffering and slow to anger and doesn't want ANYONE to perish. God is also a righteous judge who loves his kingdom so much that he will punish rebels with eternal fire for sinning against him and each other. God will protect his kingdom from the wicked by destroying them eternally.
Is there some point where it is too late for a sinner? Of course there's a point where it's too late. People generally assume that point is at the moment of death. Could that point ever come sooner? I don't know. God is judge and not me. Does that mean that it may already be too late for someone who is alive? I guess it would mean that wouldn't it?
Please keep in mind that this is based on my own experience and I'm not claiming to have diagnosed your problems. I'll make it sound personal in the hopes that it may be helpful but not to pretend I know you well enough to judge.
Now if you were doomed to hell for your sins and God could not be just in offering you reconciliation... would you still love him? Would you accept his judgment? Or would you spend the rest of your life selfishly worrying about yourself? Wouldn't God still be worthy of all of your love and obedience? Wouldn't it be only further sin to obsess over your fate instead of loving God with all of your mind? Or is love and obedience to God only worth it if it gets you into heaven? Wouldn't that just be selfish and wicked? To only courageously follow God if you get what you want in the end? If you really love God you'll refuse to obsess over such fear because he is worthy of all the time you waste by worrying about it.
These are things I think to myself in order to encourage myself not to become a sissified little girl worrying about all the Hebrews 6 and 10 "it's too late for me" passages.
Do you think that you could possibly be more concerned with your own salvation than God is? What blindness this is for so many people... Trust in God's judgment whatever it may be. Even if God had to punish you in the lake of fire. Would that be a good excuse to give up? Of course not. If there is any possible way for God to forgive you he will surely find it long before you invent something with your little pea-sized brain.
The bible says "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1Pet 5:6-7
The bible says "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." Jas 4:10
"Draw near to God and he will draw near to you" Jas 4:8
That's all I can think of right now to offer to you other than my willingness to listen. Repent or perish. Repent even if you might still perish. Trust in and love God even if you think you might perish. Go to God for strength if tempted. Cry to God when you need to cry to God. Don't be a total sissy. Overcome fear like a man. Don't earn hell with cowardice. Being afraid of going to hell won't save you. Lots of people who are afraid of hell will still end up there. If necessary, repent of obsessing about perishing or you'll actually perish for real. If you are being attacked with evil thoughts that you don't willingly give in to then "count it all joy" James 1. Let God teach you courage and perseverance while you endure your trial like a man. Don't confuse feelings and thoughts that you can't control with sin or unbelief. If you can't control it then it ain't your fault. If you think stuff is your fault that really ain't your fault then you will let the devil turn you into a guilt ridden sissy. I can vouch from experience on that one. It's not a sin to have strange emotions or whatever. If you ONLY think about YOU and your supposedly hardened heart then you will ONLY feel like you have a hardened heart. If your problems and insides are all you think about and focus on then your feelings will follow your thinking. You can ONLY inspire yourself to love God by thinking ABOUT God. Meditating on your own confusion will NOT inspire you to love God. It will only inspire you to feel like a dry piece of dung, a Pharisee, and in general to have zero respect for yourself as a human being made in God's image. You have to think about God and how worthy he is of your obedience in order to be inspired to actually obey him. Think about God's beautiful righteous law that commands only love and nothing unnecessary. No grievous commands and heavy burdens, just perfect love for him and our neighbor. Think about how much God loves us sinners. Think about things that you admire about God. If you can't think of anything admirable about God then you need a theology make-over. But I'm sure you can think of things about God that inspire you to love him. Don't forget other people too. And yourself as well. Just don't put yourself first.
Ok. Sorry if any of this ends up not being helpful.
Like I asked at the top, how could you be in unbelief unwillingly? That doesn't make any sense. What do you mean you don't trust in his finished work and all that? You're not trying to comfort yourself with that once-saved-always-saved crutch are you? I used to do that. What do you mean about seeking after the forgiveness of sins? God has been seeking to forgive your sins but you were still doing them. If you really stopped sinning and started obeying then what else would God expect of you?
By the way I can relate to your experience quite a bit including the sexual sins in the past. I can relate to thinking it is too late for me and all of that. I've tried to show that in what I've written and also to encourage you in what I believe is the right direction when having such thoughts. God bless you as you persevere in obedience and faith.
| 2010/2/23 22:17|
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No brother that is really helpful.
| 2010/2/24 0:49||Profile|
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Or is love and obedience to God only worth it if it gets you into heaven? Wouldn't that just be selfish and wicked? To only courageously follow God if you get what you want in the end?
hard convicting questions, truly
| 2010/2/24 1:15||Profile|
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This is a prayer I prayed a while back when I felt like I was distant from Christ and my heart began to doubt and I felt like I was abandon. I don't know if it will help you but I do know what you are feeling read my prayer its an entry from my journal that I keep when I go through struggles or no struggle at all just a prayer journal to God. I don't believe one needs to physically verbalize his prayers but I do know that writting out our thoughts and concerns to God has helped me a great deal. I hope that you can relate to my feelings this day and find an answer for your weary soul. I hope this is a blessing to you brother and I will continue to pray for you.
God You seem so far away from me, Did I do something to offend You or are You trying to teach me a lesson? I don't understand this distance Lord, am I to grow in this? I long for Your presence Lord are you trying to show me how to have and inimate relationship with You? I am acking from not being with You. It hurts my heart to feel this distance. I have had the Revelation of Christ for the End. I pray that this is a Revelation from You, I am most certianly testing. I feel so tired from work and events of the church and life I need You to fill me but right now You seem so far away. I am a sheep looking for his Master, I am a child searching for his Daddy. Please bring comfort to my heart Lord that You are here with me and that I am not just tricking myself into believing but to truly have Faith that You are here. I feel as Thomas the Doubter felt I need to see with my eyes Lord, but Blessed are those that Believe but have not seen. I pray that You increase my faith in You Lord. I pray my roots go down deeper and deeper. I really feel beat up from church life, spiritually under attack, I know what You mean by stiff necked people. Soften me Lord and bring revival to my heart. I need an outpouring of Your Spirit on me and I pray that it spreads to my Family. My brother needs You just as bad as I need You Lord. I thank You Lord Amen
| 2010/2/24 2:37||Profile|