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Discussion Forum : General Topics : marriage?

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Miccah
Member



Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752
Wisconsin

 Re:

Quote:
That doesn't sound romantic at all. Sounds more like death. =)




Exactly. Death to oneself, two becoming one flesh. You cannot have true romance, unless you can die to yourself.

Good point my friend. =)


_________________
Christiaan

 2010/2/15 19:59Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

So I went to see my friend this afternoon. When I got there Sara and I spent a lot of time talking. She said that she could tell that I was concerned about her plans to get married and wanted me to tell her what was on my heart. I asked her a lot of questions about her feelings, about the two of them and what she was expecting to get out of marriage. I must say I was really moved by her response. She told me that she and Brad have been friends for a long time. She said that the reason they want to marry is because God has given them one another so that they can work together to help each other become more like Jesus and best serve His Kingdom. She said that the best way for her to explain what she is feeling is that in her heart she loves the Lord first and that she knows He has many things for her to accomplish for Him in her time here and that Brad is that one person that the Lord has for her to be with so that she can best accomplish those things. She knows that there will be difficulties and struggles but that is why she is thankful that the Lord has given her someone like Brad to share these things with. She said Brad is strong in all the areas where she is weak, and yet he is patient to help her in those areas as she grows in the Lord. She did admit that at one time before she was saved that she probably would have been really caught up with the idea of being the center of attention in the relationship with her fiance focusing only on her, but not any more. She does not want someone who is “in love” with her, but rather loves her in such a way to help and support her as she grows and matures into who the Lord has her to be. Knowing my own personal background as she does she was really understanding in answering my questions and I could see that she has thought long and hard on this. After about an hour Brad and his sister showed up, and we all got to talk some more. I did mention that I shared some of this with you all here and they were really supportive of me finally reaching out beyond my self imposed walls to other believers. Brad wanted to assure me that both he and Sara have prayed about this and know that they are walking in what the Lord has for them both. There may not have been fireworks, or the feel good all consuming kind of love that some couples have at our age, but I did see a genuine caring for one another. They are approaching this from the heart of wanting to lay down their lives to self for one another and look at this being a mutually beneficial way for them both to come together to serve the Lord.

So anyway their wedding is about three weeks away. They will be getting married in the backyard of his families home. His older brother will be performing the marriage vows, it will be a simple ceremony with the focus of the day being of Christ Jesus. There are some hurdles still, her side of the family is not fully supportive(they think she is being to extreme in her faith.) I will be there though and I am really glad that she and I got to talk.

There is much to understand concerning love, marriage and fully committing yourself to another person for the rest of your life.

love in Him
ebeth

 2010/2/15 20:47Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re:

ebeth,

If this couple loves the LORD like they say they do and will work to serve each other, the romance will come. And if it doesn't soon enough, then you will have to pray for it to come! Seriously. In any marriage there will be times when the fire burns low. The devil watches for those moments then he will work to wedge his toe into this relationship. God is watching, too, don't forget that. He is more interested in this marriage to succeed then they are - because this concept comes from God and he ordained it before the fall. If is not an after thought.

Blessings,
ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2010/2/15 21:40Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Dear ginnyrose

You wrote:

Quote:
If this couple loves the LORD like they say they do and will work to serve each other, the romance will come. And if it doesn't soon enough, then you will have to pray for it to come!


__________________________________________________________

Can you clarify what you wrote here for me? What do you mean exactly by the romance will come? Do you mean flowers and cards or something else?

Just trying to get a clear picture of what you mean.

love in Him
ebeth

 2010/2/15 22:24Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re:

Quote:
Can you clarify what you wrote here for me? What do you mean exactly by the romance will come? Do you mean flowers and cards or something else?



The emotion that you think is missing from this relationship. Flowers and cards may come IF you let him know how much pleasure it gives you. Granted this does not sound romantic but males are NOT mind readers. The quicker a female knows and accepts that the happier she will be.

Does this make sense?

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2010/2/15 22:55Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Hey Ginnyrose

First just wanted to say thanks for taking time out of your day to talk these things over with me:)

you wrote:

Quote:
The emotion that you think is missing from this relationship.


______________________________________________________

I think that is the one thing that I realized today, "I" thought that the emotion of love and romance was missing in my friends relationship but now I am seeing that I was way off.

You spoke about the devil getting a foot hold in a relationship if the fire burns low? So you feel this is the case in all marriages? I use to think this way but now I am not so sure. In my friends case neither of them have a desire for flowers and things. Sara is a very practical person and Brad seems to be the same, neither of them seem to feel as if anything is missing in their relationship. They both expressed a deep commitment to each other and to the Lord. They spoke so openly and honestly with each other that I actually found myself feeling a bit envious of their communication with one another. I wish I had had that(sigh)

Have you ever known someone and just see such a change in them, so completely that you find yourself staring in wonderment? I guess that is how I found myself this afternoon with my friend.(in a good way)

love in Him
ebeth

 2010/2/15 23:35Profile









 Re:

Ginny was saying men have to be taught by their wives how to be romantic. This is absolutely true.

I have a good friend in his early 30's... got married 1 1/2 years ago. On Valentine's Day (Sunday) he did not get his new bride any flowers, and forgot to sign the card he gave her.

...and now he wonders why he is sleeping with dog.

He is being taught by his wife how to be romantic!! Bet he won't make that mistake again!! lol

He asked me yesterday what I thought, I said "I think you're an idiot, my brutha!"

Krispy

 2010/2/16 8:07
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re:

Quote:
So you feel this is the case in all marriages? I use to think this way but now I am not so sure.



ebeth, I am not the judge, but I would guess this is the case for any couple in a covenant relationship. This is the marriage the devil works to destroy. Everytime.

If you were to read the stories of couples who went to Splitsville, you will always find that sin - strife, jealously, greed, lust, anger - dominated one or the other or both in that marriage. I have never heard of a covenant marriage ending up in divorce where both worked to serve the LORD by serving each other. It is possible that one partner may be so 'heavenly minded that he was no earthy good' but again 'he' was not in tune with the Spirit of God, either.

Quote:
In my friends case neither of them have a desire for flowers and things. Sara is a very practical person and Brad seems to be the same, neither of them seem to feel as if anything is missing in their relationship.



I suggest you let them work this out. Krispy is right when he says that each couple's needs are different and how these are met is between them. Elizabeth, since this does not fit your ideal, just be assured they will work it out between them. It is no sin to not enjoy these little tokens of affection, but then their tokens may be so radically different from yours that you would find it very unromantic.

Krispy wrote:
Quote:
I have a good friend in his early 30's... got married 1 1/2 years ago. On Valentine's Day (Sunday) he did not get his new bride any flowers, and forgot to sign the card he gave her.

...and now he wonders why he is sleeping with dog.

He is being taught by his wife how to be romantic!! Bet he won't make that mistake again!! lol

He asked me yesterday what I thought, I said "I think you're an idiot, my brutha!"



:-) Yes, this is one way a man learns....most hope their lesson won't be as dramatic! lol

ebeth, does this answer your question?
ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2010/2/16 9:04Profile









 Re: marriage?

Ebeth,

My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years, we have 5 children. There is much to say about this topic, and some folks have said some great things concerning marriage on this thread.

I would say, that you have some valid questions concerning your friend. Please continue to talk to her and pray for her even after she is married. She will need it.

Marriage is a death. A painful - glorious death to self, yes, and one thing your friend and her husband - to - be will have to die to is their idea of what they think marriage is all about.



 2010/2/16 9:36









 Re:

Quote:
one thing your friend and her husband - to - be will have to die to is their idea of what they think marriage is all about.



I would agree with this statement. No matter how prepared ANYONE is before they get married... no one has any idea what it is like until you are smack dab in the middle of marriage.

Same thing with having children. No matter how prepared you are for parenthood... you can not fathom what it is truly like until you have kids.

I think the Lord allows that because if we did know what marriage and parenthood was like beforehand, most of us men would run and keep running!

Krispy

 2010/2/16 10:14





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