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Discussion Forum : General Topics : marriage?

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shy1
Member



Joined: 2009/2/11
Posts: 13


 Re:

i think that god brings two people together in different ways i have a question for you Santana.


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michelle

 2010/2/15 12:26Profile









 Re:

[b]ebeth[/b]...

If you yourself are not married I would recommend you go and listen to your friend and refrain from offering advice. You may actually find yourself advising them against the Lord.

They need to seek advice from people who have been married for a long time, not people who have never even been married. It's kinda like a person I know who used to be a family and parenting counselor who at that time had never been married and did not have a child of her own. Makes no sense.

Just be very careful. This may not be a place where you should be treading.

If I were you, with zero experience at marriage (if you are indeed not married)... I would recommend they seek the council of people married for many years... and keep my mouth shut.

By the way... so what if she just turned 20? My mom got married at 18, dad was 21, and they just celebrated 50 years last year. Our society dictates that we should wait to get married. Sometimes that is God's plan, and sometimes it is not. God should dictate our lives, not this stupid and wicked society.

Krispy

 2010/2/15 12:45
Santana
Member



Joined: 2006/8/17
Posts: 286


 Re:

Krispy,

Quote:
It's kinda like a person I know who used to be a family and parenting counselor who at that time had never been married and did not have a child of her own. Makes no sense.



YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO...just kidding. I'm sure you were were expecting some kind of counter-attack or something.

This is a side note. Growing up catholic, I never understood how Priests gave marital/children counseling.


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Leonardo Santana

 2010/2/15 12:57Profile
BeYeDoers
Member



Joined: 2005/11/17
Posts: 370
Bloomington, IN

 Re:

I will second Krispy's thoughts here. Love is an ACTION, a choice, not an emotion. "Anything you can fall into, you can fall out of."

I would say by what you initially described that they DO love each other, which is exactly why they have approached their relationship this way.


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Denver McDaniel

 2010/2/15 13:49Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Dear Mr Krispy

You wrote:

Quote:
If you yourself are not married I would recommend you go and listen to your friend and refrain from offering advice. You may actually find yourself advising them against the Lord.


_____________________________________________________

I will not be offering my friend any advice(i find when people do that they usually are coming from self angle any way. I should add that I think advice and Godly council are two different things) I will pray with her, listen to her and ask her questions as the Lord puts them on my heart, I want the very best for her so I will listen.


Edit: I removed some of this post because I was concerned the way it was written it may have come across other then how I meant it to:) besides it wasn't really important to the conversation.

Thank you though for sharing your wisdom with me as an older brother in Christ. I do take your council to heart and would never do anything to hurt my friend or to persuade her against what she honestly feels the Lord leading her to do. I do want to go with an open heart and listen to her, I always want to be open to what the Lord has for me to learn and grow in. I have no delusions of thinking I have all the answers. I just want to support her as the Lord would have me to.

May I ask you a question, do you feel that romance or romantic love is an important part of a marriage? If so how or what does it look like in a christian marriage? Believe me when I ask I do not want to be one who looks to Hollywood for their understanding.

Thanks for spending some time today talking with me.

love in Him
ebeth

 2010/2/15 14:58Profile
Miccah
Member



Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752
Wisconsin

 Re:

Quote:
May I ask you a question, do you feel that romance or romantic love is an important part of a marriage?



Yes

Quote:
If so how or what does it look like in a christian marriage?



It can look like many different things. Removing the ways of the world, I would say the following...


Sacrifice...honoring your spouse more then yourself...dieing to yourself...loving when the other does not love back...giving more then you receive...patience...forgiveness...being a Christ like example...lifting up instead of tearing down...picking up your cross daily, hourly, every minute...placing your needs and wants last...being kind and gentle...treating them better then yourself.



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Christiaan

 2010/2/15 16:17Profile
Santana
Member



Joined: 2006/8/17
Posts: 286


 Re:

Quote:
Sacrifice...honoring your spouse more then yourself...dieing to yourself...loving when the other does not love back...giving more then you receive...patience...forgiveness...being a Christ like example...lifting up instead of tearing down...picking up your cross daily, hourly, every minute...placing your needs and wants last...being kind and gentle...treating them better then yourself.



That doesn't sound romantic at all. Sounds more like death. =)


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Leonardo Santana

 2010/2/15 16:32Profile









 Re:

Quote:
May I ask you a question, do you feel that romance or romantic love is an important part of a marriage? If so how or what does it look like in a christian marriage? Believe me when I ask I do not want to be one who looks to Hollywood for their understanding.



Absolutely romantic love is important, and any Christian man who does not romance his wife is a fool. However, different people show romance in diffrent ways. Some people are gushy and effectionate, and some people have more of a dry personality. Some people show love in different ways.

My wife loves romance and flowers. Flowers, to me, are a waste of money... but I get her flowers all the time because she loves them and it means something to her that I would sacrifice my personal feelings about buying flowers because it makes her happy.

The Song of Solomon is the greatest romantic piece of literature ever written.

None of us are saying romance is wrong. On the contrary! I worked hard to sweep my bride off her feet this weekend (Valentine's Day). It's all part of being married.

We're just saying it's neat to see a couple who are not getting caught up in the emotions and making lifetime decisions based on fleeting feelings. While marriage is romantic at times, it's not always romantic. When your 4 yr old crawls in bed between you and your spouse... and then proceeds to projectile vomit all over you, your spouse and the bed... there is not much romance at that moment. When the bills are behind and you're not sure how you can afford groceries... no romance then either.

But that is when real godly love will hold you together like glue.

Krispy

 2010/2/15 16:46
MeiLi
Member



Joined: 2009/8/6
Posts: 8
Germany

 Re:

I've heard about this "concept" of love and marriage but so far I've never personally met a couple who decided to marry just because they felt like God led them ... speaking for a woman I honestly have to say that it would be almost impossible for me to marry someone without some kind of "romantical" emotion involved. Living together, working for the Lord together, that would be all fine but the idea of being intimate without love - rather awkward... Maybe it's easier for men?!
Now I'm really curious about Derek Prince marriages. Is there maybe a sermon or can you read something about it online (or just in the books??)?

 2010/2/15 17:02Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re:

This is one honey of a thread! :-)

I love Krispy's take on this issue....

My husband was not given to romance much either before we married but he is NOW! We have been married for over 42 years and I love it! My hubby is so sweet! He is so romantic! (He did give me a sweet card yesterday and some roses!) You see, males are not always given to this mindset - they have to be taught by their wives and then you have to be willing to respond accordingly.

Yes, the idea comes from God, I just know it does - read Song of Solomon. But in order for it to blossom to its fullest potential it requires commitment, love for God (so you have a source to feed yours)and a selfless mindset - one that works to please the other.

I suggest you listen to Ravi Zacharias' sermon "I Take Thee, Rebecca". This deals with the issue of romance before marriage. (You may have to go to www.rzim.org to find this sermon.)

Blessings,
ginnyrose


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Sandra Miller

 2010/2/15 19:47Profile





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