A friend of mine is getting married, her name is Sara. She has been courting this guy for a year now. They have never been alone together. All of their time together has been with others present because they wanted to make sure that there was not ever any chance for compromise(I think this was a good thing). When she told me she was getting married she said that her fiance is really wonderful guy and that she feels very blessed that they are both on the same page spiritually where marriage is concerned. She talked a lot of their friendship but she did not mention anything about being in love, which I kind of thought was odd. I asked her how he proposed and she said that they discussed the idea of marriage, prayed about it and both felt led that they are to marry. I was confused by that so I asked her again how he proposed and she said that he did not actually propose in a traditional way. She said they came to an agreement that getting married would be beneficial for the two of them and how they could best serve the Lord. So they are going to get married. I asked her if she was sure she really loved him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him and she said that I did not understand their relationship. She said that they were not in love like the way the world likes to portray love. She said that she loves him but she is not romantically in love with him(nor him with her)She said they are very compatible and that they care for each other but they agreed that they would not allow themselves to get caught up in the worldly notions of love and marriage. She said they have prayed about this and feel strongly that they are making the right choice.
Any way she asked me to be a part of her wedding(a very simple ceremony coming up) and I told her that I would, but honestly I am having second thoughts. I mean from listening to her talk they are getting married for very practical reasons, but nothing else. I don't want to see my friend make a huge mistake, shouldn't she be "in love" with the guy she wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with?
Not sure what to do
| 2010/2/15 2:15||Profile|
| Re: marriage?|
I think she gave you an honest answer. My opinion only, but if this is her and his first marriage, and they invited you to partake in that blessing... be a blessing.
What would you tell her if you pulled out? "I think that love should look like this, instead of that..." Do you truly know her heart? I by no means am saying not to voice your concerns for her well being to her directly, but if she is set on marrying him and vise versa, why would you want to talk her out of getting married?
I would highly suggest, for anyone thinking and praying about marriage, to get some marriage counciling from a solid Godly couple. A couple that have shown and lived over time, and not just in the church building, that their marriage is on solid ground and based around the Lord.
| 2010/2/15 2:28||Profile|
| Re: marriage?|
Genesis 2v24, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'
Let me say this, whether they love each other or not, is not your problem.
However, it says in Ephesians 5 for husbands to love their wives, and for the wife to respect her husband.
Most churches give little teaching on marriage and what is involved concerning the word of God.
Most Christians get their 'teachings' from the world and don't give two bits what the word of God says.
Sadly, in the future, they could end up getting divorced, and I think that is what is concerning you.
But, truly, the ball is in their court as to what they do.
| 2010/2/15 4:32||Profile|
| Re: |
Brother or sister what your friend said to you wa a big amen to me. They are getting married for the Lord to do the wrk of the Lord as a couple what more can you ask. I completely agree with her, the love from God even in a marriage i believe is not what everyone thinks, i think the way we portray can sometimes be from the worldly standards or are culture. i really liked her answer, if it is truly what the Lord wants then it will happen. I don't think being in a romantic love is necessary but a love for the Lord is what they both need and that should be the main focus.
| 2010/2/15 5:08||Profile|
East TN (for now)
| Re: marriage?|
Be in the wedding with them and for her! The Lord has allowed you the privilege of witnessing something different from up close and personal. The Lord might want you to learn something!
Lets look at the history of people marrying without being in love, especially in the Lord... thousands of years of it worked through people's Godly obedience.
All of sudden , we get modernized and think we have to have romance and to "fall in love" to be happy and the divorce rate skyrockets for 1st timers, we wont even go into 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th timers! But my point for even bringing this up is that some of these people didnt want to burn they wanted to marry for that romance and falling in love and sadly, that [b]concept[/b] has wrecked more peoples hopes and emotions possibly anything.
Onward to positive things, the Lord told Derek Prince to marry both His wives. He barely knew one and was not even good friends with the other when the Lord told him to do this. He obeyed the Lord and they had to obey the Lord too. They had wonderful marriages! He definitely didnt marry the worlds way! (I think he has a book about it)
Im rooting for your friends!! And I hope you are too!
God bless you Ebeth!!
| 2010/2/15 5:57||Profile|
| Re: |
I would encourage you to be in the wedding as well.
With care in Christ...
| 2010/2/15 7:49||Profile|
| Re: |
I don't recall you mentioning that your friend was asking for your approval... they seem more interested in what the Lord thinks. Therefore, it's not your place to stick your nose in their business.
I read what you relayed to us here, and my heart said AMEN! If more marriages were entered into this way I believe the putrid divorce rate among so-called Chritians today would drop thru the floor.
Knowing that my words will probably be taken as hard (though I certainly do not mean for them to be taken that way, it's not how I intend it), let me say this... you could learn a lot from your friend.
Society's idea of "love" is shaped by Hollywood, not the Bible. And since the "church" today is no different from the world anymore, it's not surprising that most Christians' concept of love is shaped by Hollywood than the Bible too...because most Christians today spend more time watching Hollywood movies than reading the Bible.
Garbage in... garbage out.
And yes, you should be in their wedding. Just because their idea of what love is is different than your's it's no reason to possibly destroy a friendship and put a dark cloud over their wedding day. That would be a selfish act by you.
| 2010/2/15 9:20|
North Central Florida
| Re: |
Yesterday was our 35th wedding anniversary. I only believed I was in love with my husband when I married him. After 35 years, I KNOW what loving, and being loved is about.
I believe your friend and her future husband are on the Narrow Path and that their marriage will be blessed because they have their eye on Jesus.
We were backslidden when we married and I am constantly amazed and humbled at how thoroughly Jesus guided us then, even though we did not choose to follow Him as we should have.
Go and dance at her wedding, you will be glad you did.
| 2010/2/15 9:53||Profile|
| Re: |
Thanks for all the great responses. I really appreciate the honesty in them. Please don't think I am trying to push my view on to my friend of what marriage should be.(still trying to figure that one out myself)I just want to be sure that as her friend I am giving her prayer and support in what the Lord has for her. Marrying this guy for all I know may be exactly what is in the Lords heart but I don't think I would be much of a friend if I did not go and pray with her and talk with her about my concerns. She told me she would expect no less from me. So then I got a call from Sara this morning and we talked some more.(she could sense my concern for her when we spoke the last time) So she has asked me to come over so we can talk some more. She is a very honest person and knows that there are some of her friends and family that are concerned about her decision(specially because she did just turn twenty and marriage is a huge step) I told her I will be happy to come over and listen to what she has to share with me. I will say this Sara has always had the heart to walk in the Lords will and as someone said here I think I may just end up walking away from this whole thing having learned a great deal about love and marriage from my friend:)
Thank you again for sharing with me. Good things were posted here and I will be praying and considering them as I go to speak with Sara today.
love in Him
| 2010/2/15 11:28||Profile|
| Re: |
This is such a foreign topic for me because I'm single...but I want what it says in Song Of Solomon. I don't think there's anything wrong with romance.
I see some couples, like Derek Prince, marry people God told him to marry (without the feelings at first) and then I see other couple who get the feelings right away, keep the momentum going, and everything works out.
It seems like God lets some people chose there spouse, meaning they just fall in love and then get married. Other times, it seems God has someone specific for them and it has nothing to deal with romance. I don't know.
The bible has both cases. What do you think?
| 2010/2/15 11:45||Profile|