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Shamefaced
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 34


 Need advice, don't know what to do

Hello,
I need advice with the following situation- I was rated at 50% disability by the VA for PTSD that I incurred while in service in Iraq 2003. Because of the disability rating, I receive a lump sum of money every month that I use to pay my home loan. I was saved in 2006 and God healed me of much of my condition, and I have improved steadily over time, so now I don't feel that I have the severity of PTSD that was rated at 50%.
I can request to be re-evaluated, but if I do so, I will most likely lose most, if not all, of my rating, along with the money that comes with it (house payment). I don't want to take advantage of a benefit that I may not deserve any longer, but if we lose the money my wife will have to work full time (we have three small children) or we will have to sell our house. What do I do?
-S

 2010/2/8 12:42Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re: Need advice, don't know what to do

Greetings S

You must put your faith and trust in the Lord. He knows your situation and He loves and cares for you and your family deeply. Trust Him in this, pray and walk in what He leads you. If you are feeling convicted because you feel that you are no longer being honest about things then you must repent and trust in the Lord in this.

Consider what a praise it is that He has healed you, do not let the enemy or self fill you with doubt. Trust in the Lord, He cares for you more then you realize or know.

I will pray for you and your family to know His heart on this matter.
God Bless
maryjane

 2010/2/8 12:54Profile
jlosinski
Member



Joined: 2006/9/11
Posts: 294
North Pole, Alaska

 Re:

hmmm

 2010/2/8 13:16Profile
Shamefaced
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 34


 Re:

Thanks,
It's not so much me tryuing to decieve the government, as soon as I felt that I didn't rate the money, my desire has been to do somthing about it. My concern is my wife, I've brought this topic up before, and she has been very resistant to the idea. She worries about our finances and our family. I want to provide stability for her, but not by doing the wrong thing.

I pray that God would change her mind and heart. My heart aches with frustration over this...
-S

 2010/2/8 13:21Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings brother

I understand better what is on your heart now. I will be in prayer for your wife. I know all to well what she is going through. Fear and worry can be a very powerful tool of the enemy. Share with her from the Word how the Lord loves her and your family. Share with her how He tells us time and time again He will never leave us or fail us. Help her to see that by giving in to fear and worry about your families finances she is actually walking in sin, that is lack of faith and trust. Make sure to keep your own heart centered on Jesus and always respond to her with the love of the Lord in your heart. Pray with her often and continue to seek the Lord on her behalf.

In my own marriage there were times of much heartache because of my own unwillingness(sin on my part) to submit to what the Lord was showing my husband and it took time for me to see that my own behavior was actually a stumbling block to my husband. In the end there were times when my husband had to do what the Lord was putting on his heart for our family even though I was not always in support of it. It was hard but it was the right thing to do for our family, following and obeying God must come first in all relationships.

God bless
mj

 2010/2/8 13:55Profile









 Re: Need advice, don't know what to do



Hello brother,

You have not said whether you are fit for work.

It's easy enough to feel a whole lot better when you are under no pressure, and surrounded by those who love you.

Your wife is, possibly, better able to make an objective assessment of your current capabilities, than you are.

The definition of 'a survivor', is someone who had not only survived trauma, but who has regained the level of health and well-being which they had before the incident(s) they experieinced.

PTSD is capable of morphing into a different set of difficulties than those which first presented. The Lord has indeed healed those items brought to Him, but if you are physically incapable of undertaking gainful employment, then one has great sympathy with your wife's resistance.

Perhaps you are eligible for a different kind of financial support?

We have had several fiery threads on SI about the role of women, and there is strong biblical support for 'stay-at-home' moms. However, if you are implying you are capable of taking over her role in its entirety, and you believe this is what God wants you to do, to free her up for a full working week, then I'm sure God would be okay for that, as long as you have no intention of her doing both roles.

For instance, you mention your children are young. You would be fine with getting up every night if necessary, so your wife can sleep through and be fit for work?

You would expect to arrange for food to be delivered, keep on top of the housework, and to prepare most of the main meals all week, take children to and from school as required, and the doctor's when needed and so on?

I'm just wondering if this is what you meant within the expectation of your wife entering full time employment?


Btw, I don't think you have to sell your house, but I do think you have a mountain of research to do, before you decide to get yourself reassessed - because if you can't manage work, and you can't manage the domestic situation, then you do need the disability payment, until you have a serious history of no [u]new[/u] PTSD issues surfacing.


 2010/2/8 14:03
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:


Greetings S

Alive to God does bring up some good points to consider. I did not get from your posts that you were thinking of taking over her role as stay at home mom from what you shared but if that is the case then do think on this and pray about it. Being a stay at home mom is a very difficult job and as mentioned it is twenty four hours and seven days a week:)

When you mentioned that you were considering being reassessed I assumed that this would be done by those in the medical profession and that they would be able to give you their advice based on your case and situation.

Of course you should consider what your wife has on her heart but if it is that she is just giving in to being fearful and worrying then that does need to be addressed in a loving Christ like way. Please do pray about what I have said as well as what others have shared first. I do not mean to imply I have any answers for you just offer some things for you to consider based on what you have shared here.

God bless
mj

 2010/2/8 14:26Profile









 Re: Need advice, don't know what to do

Hi S

When you were first evaluated, prior to coming to Christ, were you honest with your evaluators?How long have you now felt that you have been healed of these stresses ? Is this just a lull or do you believe that the Lord has delivered you from this condition? Most important question, what do you feel in your heart, what does the small still voice say to you? The reason I did not ask that question first is because men can be so resitant to being ill. They can convince themselves that they are fine, especially in matters of the mind which by its very nature is very subjective. If you are completly healed and delivered brother, then you probably already know the right answer in spite of your wives fears. If you still have "some problems," then again, it is subjective. I personlly hope that the answer is that you are completly healed and that you can be used mightily by the Lord as a witness because so many soldiers returning from war and horror are permenantly wounded in their minds. This can cause untold chaos such as divorce and alcohol abuse and a thousand other things. Yet , as always,Christ is the answer to every problem and can healed the most troubled of minds and bring us to a place of peace...........Frank

 2010/2/8 15:37
Shamefaced
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 34


 Re:

Thanks,
I should have clarified- I'm able to work, I've had a full time job since I got out of the Marines in 2004. In my opinion, I feel better than I did before I was diagnosed, but the Lord had everything to do with that. As far as I can tell, I am functioning well, I teach adult sunday school at my church, I'm an assistant to my supervisor at work, my marriage and family life is stronger than ever...the things that plagued me when I was diagnosed are gone: no more hypervigilance, no more paranoia, nightmares, anxiety, ect...
I still have memories, those will never fade, but they are put into perspective with my relationship with Christ, they remain memories and nothing more.
I help my wife with the house and kids and have no problem doing so, it has simply been our desire to have her stay at home with them. Thanks for wanting clarification though, and for the prayers.
-S

 2010/2/8 15:41Profile
Shamefaced
Member



Joined: 2009/12/28
Posts: 34


 Re:

Yes, I was honest when I was evaluated, I didn't want to play up my issues to the doctor, but I wanted to try and be honest about what I was feeling. It actually got worse when I got out of the Marines and returned home, I put my wife through so much, sleeping with a large knife under my pillow, not wanting to stand in front of our house because I didn't feel safe; feeling surrounded because I felt my neighbors would attack us as we slept, not feeling safe without a firearm, dreams about murdering members of my family (that comes with the learned ability to kill without emotion, necessary for an infantryman...) All of that is gone, my heart, once filled with fear, the desire to kill, and hate has been filled with love for my enemies.

I truly feel that I've been delivered, this issue of disability money has come up in my spirit several times before, and I've always prayed that God would make it abundantly clear, as I didn't have the courage or faith, perhaps, to do somthing about it unless I really knew that it was God. I suppose I'm waiting to trust Him until it's safe to do so, which is silly.
-S

 2010/2/8 15:54Profile





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