This brought clarity and conviction to my heart. It's amazing how the words of a saint from the past can ring so close to home.Friday, April 8. Was exceedingly pressed under a sense of my pride, selfishness, bitterness, and party spirit, in times past, while attempted to promote the cause of God. Its vile nature and dreadful consequences appeared in such odious colours to me, that my very heart was pained. Isaw how poor souls stumbled over it into everlasting destruction, that I was constrained to make that prayer in the bitterness of my soul, O Lord, deliver me from blood-guiltiness. I saw my desert of hell on this account. My soul was full of inward anguish and shame before God, that I had spent so much time in conversation tending only to promote a party spirit. Oh, I saw I had not suitably prized mortification, self-denial, resignation under all adversities, meekness, love, candour, and holiness of heart and life: and this day was almost wholly spent in such bitter and soul-afflicting reflections on my past frames and conduct. Of late I have thought much of having the kingdom of Christ advanced in the world; but now I had enough to do within myself. The Lord be merciful to me a sinner, and wash my soul!"
_________________Paul
Quote:'...but now I had enough to do within myself.'Isn't that just the way it is? So much heart searching.God bless.
Awesome quote.
_________________Jeremiah Dusenberry
Thank you Giggles, "Life of Brainerd' has always been one of my favorite non-canonical books of this, and i was just thumbing it, pondering the fact i need to hear this struggling saint's words again.........neil