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MaryJane
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Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings

I was going to stay away from this thread for a couple of reasons but I have to admit that some of what has been written here has been on my mind and actually kind of surprised me.

Robert you wrote:When do people generally try to get romance in marriage? After they find out their spouse has been cheating on them. Then they burn their car up trying to get to Borders Books or the local Christian book store to get The Five Love Languages or some other book to help them get past it. I don't say that as a criticism; but as a warning to those that think they stand- take heed lest you fall. You are not too spiritual for a little romance in your life. God forbid that any would have to learn this advice the hard way.
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I really need some clarification on your post because I do not want to respond thinking you mean one thing when really you are saying another:) Are you saying that if a husband and wife do not make time for romance(dates, gifts, flowers,ect) then one or the other will end up in an affair? Also could you please share what is your definition of romance in a marriage???

God Bless
maryjane

 2010/2/1 16:53Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings hmmhmm

What you posted here by J.R. Miller "The Marriage Altar" was really beautiful.
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Quote:
A godly marriage is a little nook in the very heart of God, where faithful souls are held close to the Father's heart, and carried safely, amid dangers and sorrows, to the home above!


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This part especially touched my heart. Thank you for sharing it.

God Bless
maryjane

 2010/2/1 16:56Profile
RobertW
Member



Joined: 2004/2/12
Posts: 4636
Independence, Missouri

 Re:

Quote:
I really need some clarification on your post because I do not want to respond thinking you mean one thing when really you are saying another:) Are you saying that if a husband and wife do not make time for romance(dates, gifts, flowers,ect) then one or the other will end up in an affair? Also could you please share what is your definition of romance in a marriage???



I think that is an oversimplification of what I'm saying. What I am saying is- far too often people try to work on their marriage when it's too late. Some marriages will never see an affair no matter how bad things get. Some marriages will see affairs no matter how well the other spouse loves. Everyone expresses love in different ways and receives love in different ways. I think it wise to get to know your spouse and understand them and what their needs are and pay attention to those needs. Because believe me- the enemy has studied our lives and he does know how to trip us up. He knows how to come to us in times when we lack self-control.

Keeping our relationship healthy so that each other knows they are loved and even [i]feel[/i] loved is very important. It is spiritual to love your wife or husband. And when I say 'romance' I am speaking of cultivating the flame of the relationship. There has to be a sense in which we feel special- #1 in the eyes of our spouse. Not taking God's place- but among men and women. People need to feel loved. How that takes place depends on the person. So it may seem nonsense to some to want a card, flowers or chocolates, etc.

Have you ever noticed the gift shop at the Hospital? It's almost always near the entrance. Ever notice how people get cards and plants when they are sick? What is this almost universal phenomena? It is the sense in which we can find a way to express our love or friendship with a small something. The size of the gift is not what matters- but the level of sacrifice. A gift of 2 mites could well be worth more than a pair of diamond earrings. A special night together with just a bowl of soup and a special table setting- some thing of effort- an attempt at showing affection. A little note in the wallet or the purse. A surprise e-mail just to say, "I love you and I'm thinking about you today." Simple things that are meaningful- only limited by the imagination of a heart determined to let it's beloved know that they are loved.


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Robert Wurtz II

 2010/2/1 17:35Profile
KathleenP
Member



Joined: 2008/4/3
Posts: 228
Maine

 Re:

Rainydaygirl,

You are sweet and humble and you did not make a mess here.

My daughter-in-law also read many romance books etc. prior to marrying my son and that shock of the trials of a husband and wife in a world that paints a fairy tale showed her how misleading these books were.

I won't elaborate on subjects concerning what is romance and what is being ravished for I fear it would lead to contention. God's Word is very discreet and so He has taught me to be this way as well.

Let all that we do be done to the glory of God and that should be sufficient.

The quote from J.R. Miller is precious and pure.


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Kathleen

 2010/2/1 17:36Profile
SHMILY
Member



Joined: 2009/12/13
Posts: 185
Northern Idaho

 Re:

Rainydaygirl

Just want you to know I did understand your original post and agree. I was somewhat taken aback at some of the replies.

Hmmmmm
What wonderful quote. Thank you.
REJOICE! =)

 2010/2/1 18:05Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings Robert

Thanks for clearing that up. I agree that there is nothing wrong with doing little things to let your spouse know you care about them. I think that any one of those things you mentioned is fine if done in the right heart with the right attitude in Christ Jesus. I will say this though, I also agree with what rdg said that there is something very wrong when it becomes expected in a marriage.

Thinking over the thread in general, I really do think women today can get very caught up in the worlds idea of romance and love. I also think the number one threat to most marriages is the notion of romantic love that is pretty much shoved in our faces via entertainment and television. Marriage is a really wonderful bond between husband and wife, but there are many days when there are real struggles and hurdles that must be over come in order just to make it to the end of the day. When two people are looking to each other instead of to Christ there will always be disappointments. Jesus alone can be our all and all and the false ideas that most of what the world tries to tell us is "true love" will crash and burn because its bases is in self and not Christ.

God Bless
maryjane

 2010/2/1 18:30Profile
RobertW
Member



Joined: 2004/2/12
Posts: 4636
Independence, Missouri

 Re:

Glad to clear that up Mary. : )

Quote:
Jesus alone can be our all and all and the false ideas that most of what the world tries to tell us is "true love" will crash and burn because its bases is in self and not Christ.



I was in a class on marriage once when I commented to the speaker that I had always wondered what it would be like to have a relationship as did Abraham and Sarah. The passage I am referring to is:

[i]After all, this is how holy women who set their hope on God used to make themselves beautiful in the past. They submitted themselves to their husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. You have become her daughters by doing good and by not letting anything terrify you.[/i] (I Peter 3:6, 7 ISV)

Needless to say the gal teaching became infuriated. Why? Because the focus was on the fact that Sarah called Abraham 'lord' or 'master' as some translations have it (Heb. adon). It means to be supreme in authority. But the story does not end there. The word Sarah means 'princess'.

Let's do a test:

[i]Therefore [b]princess[/b] laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?[/i] (Genesis 18:12)

I struggle to understand the depth of the relationship that existed between Abraham and his princess. Is it ok for me to view my wife as a 'princess' and treat her as such? Should I fear over loving my wife? I'm not asking the world for an answer or Hollywood- I'm asking based on the scriptures- what is an appropriate relationship between a man and wife?

Now everyone put your stones down. ;) But I want to ask a question; if I referred to my wife as princess and she turned and referred to me as her master - how would you respond to that? Now, I have seen preachers handle these passages like hot coals in their hands. And this I submit is what Hollywood and this world has done to us - and what they have not done the pharisees have finished- Until there is almost no hope in our times that a man and woman could ever comfortably relate to each other as did Abraham and his princess much less a man love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. One would cry this and the other would cry that. So we settle every day for less than God's best.

At the risk of angering everyone I must say that at some point we have to stop using God and the bible as an excuse not to love one another in the sense that God expects. If we are married we have responsibilities that do not allow us to live as if we were single. This risk is tremendous. (see I Cor. 7:5) If I eavesdrop on a group of godly women and hear them saying to the effect: "my husband is going to [i]love me like he loves himself and cherish me as he cherishes his own body..."[/i] (Para Eph. 6) Should I judge that these women are speaking carnally? How does a man supply his own needs? Typically if it is within his means he will do for himself what he desires. He will please himself; that is, the married [man] is anxious for the things of the world, how he shall please the wife. (I Cor. 7)

Should these women expect their husbands to love them in this way? Well, to be consistent- if a wife has the right to expect her children to mind- and the husband expects his wife to be in subjection - surely she is entitled to his end of the deal. We are called to love our wives as Christ loves the Church and if we are not there we need to get about our business. That is not the world's idea- it is God's commandment.






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Robert Wurtz II

 2010/2/1 19:21Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings Robert

You wrote:But I want to ask a question; if I referred to my wife as princess and she turned and referred to me as her master - how would you respond to that?
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Truthfully it does not matter to me if you call your wife a princess or not:) I am not being sarcastic either I just really do not have a problem if you want to call your wife princess that is between the two of you and I would consider it a personal thing.
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You wrote:Should these women expect their husbands to love them in this way? Well, to be consistent- if a wife has the right to expect her children to mind- and the husband expects his wife to be in subjection - surely she is entitled to his end of the deal. We are called to love our wives as Christ loves the Church and if we are not there we need to get about our business. That is not the world's idea- it is God's commandment.
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I did not say that a wife should not expect her husband to lover her. I said there was a real problem with any wife who expects to be given gifts, and who expects to be treated as if she is all that matters in her husbands world. Having that attitude is a selfish one and needs to be repented of. This idea that husbands or wives "must" prove their love in some materialistic way is not Biblical in my understanding at all. I have seen some really spoiled wives who throw worst tantrums then a two year old all because they are caught up in the notion that they deserve to have their husbands undivided attention all the time. Again this is hollywood and the worlds idea of love and there are many young woman especially who get caught up in this. Its an unfair expectation to place on a husband to be all things to his wife at all times, he is only human not a prince and not a knight in shining armor. Fairy tales are just that fairy tales:)

God Bless
maryjane



 2010/2/1 20:09Profile
RobertW
Member



Joined: 2004/2/12
Posts: 4636
Independence, Missouri

 Re:

Quote:
Its an unfair expectation to place on a husband to be all things to his wife at all times, he is only human not a prince and not a knight in shining armor. Fairy tales are just that fairy tales:)



Is this a reasonable response to what I have written? Seriously?


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Robert Wurtz II

 2010/2/1 20:37Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings Robert



Quote:
Quote: Its an unfair expectation to place on a husband to be all things to his wife at all times, he is only human not a prince and not a knight in shining armor. Fairy tales are just that fairy tales:)

Is this a reasonable response to what I have written? Seriously?



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I am sorry if you were offended by what I wrote. I was trying to be a bit light hearted.

But really in all seriousness there are women who claim to love the Lord and yet really do behave like this. They really do get caught up in the idea that their husband must be just like a knight in shinning armor to them or prince charming. The demands of time and such that they place on their husbands does cause a real strain on their marriages. I guess that is why I do think it is such a danger and one as women in the Lord we do need to be mindful of.

I really was not trying to offend you brother, I think that "for me" I am seeing this from a female point of view. Please know that I am not making a broad statement that all things romantic are bad or wrong. I am not saying that all woman struggle with having these ideas in their minds of what their husband has to be, or wanting him to prove his love in some material way. I know there are many woman who do not, but for those who do it is a real problem when they marry. What I am sharing is that in all things even as wives when it comes to our marriages we need to be seeking the Lord and not be trying to fulfill some fantasy in self. I agree we need to love one another and we should express our love for one another but when we as wives start making demands or start having expectations of our husbands that are not centered in Christ then there is a problem.
God Bless and hope you have a good evening
maryjane

 2010/2/1 20:47Profile





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