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Yodi
Member



Joined: 2004/4/23
Posts: 663
Escondido, California

 Re: Going with the flow, or being different?

Hmmm... well, I'm not a parent yet so... I can't tell you what I've done or even what I think I will do when I have kids someday, if the Lord wills.

I am however, well, a kid still, sort of. A young adult at least. I think the biggest... struggle young kids go through especially through their teens, is being accepted. I think everyone can admit that they like to be loved and have someone to love. NO ONE likes to be the one left out, with no friends.

I can't tell you how it's supposed to work. Everyone is different. I could tell you how I was in high school, but your kids are probably slightly different than me. I do however think that love is the key. Love is what... well, constrained me to NOT go with the flow as a young believer (got saved when I was 12). I came to a point, as a young teenager, where there was a battle in my heart between the importance of God, and the importance of having friends. I had tasted and seen that the Lord was good at that point, so there was NO WAY I could turn my back on Him to keep my friends.

You know, when you love someone, you care to a degree what they think of you. If God is the one you love the most, you'll care mostly about what He thinks about you, not people. As soon as your love for people and of people becomes more important, then you'll start going with the flow. I think that's just misplaced love. So I think your kids need to experience God's love for themselves personally. It's the love of Christ that will constrain them to be set apart; sanctified. I guess that's one of the things you can be faithfully and fervently praying for your children. The Holy Spirit is interceeding on their behalf as well. Maybe you can take some comfort in that.


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Yolanda Fields

 2004/10/4 16:56Profile
moreofHim
Member



Joined: 2003/10/15
Posts: 1632


 Re: children

Yolanda,

these comments are very true- about love, unconditional love. One thing I have learned the hard way (from the lack of unconditional love from my own parents) is to make sure my kids know I love them no matter what. When they sin or don't do things the way I would like them, I still let them know that they are loved and CHERISHED. All kids need to know they are cherished.

On another note, every child is so different. I have 3 that are so different and my husband and I handle their discipline, etc.. very differently. One is very sensative but more of a follower, one is independant but sold out to the Lord, and another is a bundle of fire wrapped in love (but the fire gets the best of her many times:).

It takes time, and more time to pray and figure out what each one needs. My one who is sensative and more of a follower- he has never needed a spanking in his life. (just some slaps on the hand when he was very small). You just look at him the wrong way and he goes crying to his room and locks himself in his room. But he does tend to do what the other kids do. So I have to talk to him over and over about how the things of this world are really meaningless. Does he care? Probably not right now, he's only 8. But I also make sure from the time he (and the others were small) that they know what 'fear of the Lord' is. When they sin or follow the crowd or whatever. I always remind them that it makes the Lord very sad- it grieves Him. If they learn this early, they'll never forget it.

It is not our children's fault that there is temptation. We can't get angry with them about the fact that there is that temptation to be 'someone' in the eyes of others. They want to be someone to somebody. Let's make sure they are someone to us. Someone important and cherished. We can discipline and get upset with their wrong behaviors- but not the fact that they want to be someone. Each one has such a different temperament and personality.

I think that phariseeism and hypocrisy from the parents is the quickest faith smotherer. As Jeff, mentioned, kids see through adults in a second. What we say we believe, we better be doing- because as soon as our children see that we don't 'love our neighbor' like we claim to- they reason to themselves "why should I do such and such?" If we are critical of others, they know we are critical of them and are not being like Jesus. It must seem like we are picking and choosing what we, as adults obey. If we as parents, are fully surrendered and obey the Lord in everything- then hopefully the children learn this as a lifestyle.

Just more thoughts.

In Him, Chanin


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Chanin

 2004/10/4 18:04Profile
hredii
Member



Joined: 2004/8/1
Posts: 218
Fresno CA

 Re: Going with the flow, or being different?

Hello Swani,
Swani how many children do you have? How old are they? It sounds that you are very concerned about them. You have been praying desprately for them haven't you? I will pray for your children as if they were mine!


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Adam Fell

 2004/10/4 21:17Profile
swani
Member



Joined: 2004/10/3
Posts: 6
South Africa

 Re:

I have four children.

Yo know, as nature teaches us and as the bible says, there comes a time when we as parents have to let go and trust to the teaching and training that we have given. There comes a time when we have to open the doors and let the little ones free. As with the prodigal, God showed that we have to let go sometimes, even knowing of the dangers and hazards out there.

But most of all we have to prepare with love and expectation for the return, and keep on our knees, for times will change again, and the kids will become parents.

It is our strength, combined with Gods love and mercy, and our faith in His ability to be true to the ones close to us, which will win the day.

It is not for us to try to build our offspring into the images we aspire to have been, but rather to lay the foundation and let them build in the direction they wish to go.

What would this world be without new ideas, new blood, new directions and new innovations? And to get there, we sometimes need to consider the new direction as an improvement, and not a threat, and be prepared to accept that which we consider to carry no threat.

This is maybe why Paul says, to consider on the good things, and to judge all things in the measure of goodness and compassion.

No matter how you look at it, life and the lives of those you love, still remains the best teacher, doesn't it?????


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Leon Swanepoel

 2004/10/9 9:51Profile
swani
Member



Joined: 2004/10/3
Posts: 6
South Africa

 Re:

Yes, we have all failed, but I have learnt from the failures of others, and changed the path I walk, so as not to fall into the same holes. I hope that the children can see the failures of the parents as an example of what not to do, and do not instead use it as excuses for also failing at life.

It is a bit scary that it has become so easy to fall back on excuses instead of putting your shoulder to the wheel and making it work for you.
In days gone by, there was a pride in hard work and achievement, and a shame in running from your responsibilities and tasks. When our kids can hold us as parents to task for failing them, and they can be the judge of where we failed, then how can any escape the judgement of the inexperienced and the uneducated. Not much to look forward to as we grow older and supposedly more experienced!!!


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Leon Swanepoel

 2004/10/9 10:12Profile
Spitfire
Member



Joined: 2004/8/3
Posts: 633


 Re:

Hello everyone. I have been reading this thread today. I have 3 children, two of them are grown. A daughter, 25, and a son 24, and a son 8. My two grown children are loving and serving God faithfully. They have never made one decision that disappointed me. Whenever they have been asked by people how they turned out so good, they both say they were taught to love God by their parental models. Also, they both say that were made accountable to God at a very early age. And last but not least, they say they were taken to a church where they experienced the presence of God regularly and they never forgot it. I'm talking about that awesome presence that is so overwhelming in corporate worship. Once a person experiences it, they are changed.

 2004/10/9 15:08Profile
swani
Member



Joined: 2004/10/3
Posts: 6
South Africa

 Re:

Maybe, just maybe, the biggest hurt we can do to our children is to spoil, pamper, and do things for them instead of allowing life to be the teacher, and being there to give advice and direction only??????

Maybe by learning the hard way which some of us did, we allow the building of character, perseverance, and we teach commitment and focus. After all, is this not what God does for us as well??

Why are our children so privilaged?

Just because a child has wealthy parents, does this mean he or she is then exempt from the lessons of life?

Maybe this is why the world we live in today is slowly dying, why people are so lost, why values have been so corrupted, why committment, morals, respect and love, have become slmost like swear words.

Who will pay the ferry man?
The child?
The parent?
Who will stand and take the consequence of our foolish wisdom?

Just a thought!!


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Leon Swanepoel

 2004/10/24 4:40Profile





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