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 Re: Spanking

I think Spanking is a good thing. However, abuse is not to be tolerated. A good slap on the tender areas is a good reminder not to misbehave, but too much will and can be damaging to a child. Talking is good to, but kids are sneaky, they can play that tune for awhile. They know how to sing to Momma and they know what Dad wants to hear. But you can get tired of hearing the same thing and the belt comes off. :-P I laugh now, but then :-? ouch!!

 2009/9/25 12:33
KathleenP
Member



Joined: 2008/4/3
Posts: 228
Maine

 Re:

Dear Deep Thinker,

I know we consider a good "slap" a form of God's solution, but the Bible does command the use of a rod for discipline.

I am not a tyrant nor did I ever like the idea of hitting my child with something, but the Word is the Word and His ways are not ours.

When we begin to view lighter ways to deal with inborn rebellion, we have altered the Lord's Word because we think He is too harsh.

I had a spanking paddle called "the helping hand" and I bought it in Amish country. My children knew the appearance of that meant that they had crossed the line and they still talk about it to this day. :)

I hated discipling them, but knew if I didn't obey the Lord, the price would be greater as Ginny stated. I have a problem about striking a child with my hand and once they were older, ( which wasn't too long), I resorted to a rod.

If we beat them, they will not die. My children loved and respected me and later in years so thanked me when they saw the conduct of their friends.

Selah.


_________________
Kathleen

 2009/9/26 5:24Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

Quote:
I resorted to a rod.



KathleenP, your post on the use of the 'rod' brings back some memories...

I used to use a switch harvested from the trees in your yard, keeping it on top of the refrigerator. One child, and it may be more then one who did it, made sure I had one on hand at all times. He/she will go out and break one off the tree and bring it in to show it to me! I would thank the child and place it on the top of the frig. (BTW, the one who supplied the switch may very likely be one who experienced its application!)

Years later the children talked about this and they would laugh! and I would smile. :-)

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/9/26 12:25Profile
KathleenP
Member



Joined: 2008/4/3
Posts: 228
Maine

 Re:

I do want to bump this thread chiefly because it's an issue that is crucial in today's church.

If we don't teach our children to honor and respect both ourselves and others via chastening and, most importantly, the Lord's wisdom, we will lose that godly seed He so desires.

Thanks to all you young parents that are endeavoring to train up your children in a biblical manner.

It is frightening how child phychology has silently made it's way into the church.

Knowing that I will be judged on how I raised my children that were given to me is almost more sobering than my own personal walk, because they were placed in my specific care. May the Lord wake up the church in this area.

What happened to the sweet "Yes Ma'ams and "yes Sirs" that graced the lips of those that were taught to respect the older saints. At the age of 48 I can still remember that era.

May we yearn for what has been lost dear saints.


_________________
Kathleen

 2009/10/5 5:26Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

Quote:
"Yes Ma'ams and "yes Sirs" that graced the lips of those that were taught to respect the older saints."

It is amazing how these few words have so much power in teaching respect in children for their elders. It is so little but has such profound results.

I am also wondering if our hurried lifestyle does not have a detrimental effect on our children. We are always two steps behind and in the process we get frustrated because we are not getting accomplished what we needed to.(Yes, White Stone, I am preaching to myself. too.):-) Perhaps, we need to step back and reevaluate our goals, what is essential and focus on it, and quit running over our children.

Social demands is another great robber of peace in the home. There are so many sports' practices, music lessons to be had, camping trips...how do these enhance family life? Too many 'good' outside activities do nothing to better family life, but rob it instead, don't you think?

Thanks for the input.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/10/5 12:22Profile









 Re: Spanking

I am 60 now, and yet have an 8 year old granddaughter that I love and have the privilege to father now and then. Her father is now a grown soldier, and when he was a child, I enforced spanking rigorously. It was a good idea; but the problem I had was my legalistic approach, approaching dogma, that left out a reprieve for him, or repentance. It left him with a feeling of dread and fear, when he erred, of impending punishment.


Now, older and perhaps more aware of my own failure and often err, I see how I failed my son. My Father does not receive me back with a sick fear in my belly, when I sin; but I know he loves me, and desires to restore me. I wish I could have imparted this to my son then, but it's too late. I cannot entertain regret, but I can clearly gaze upon my failure, with Jesus' mercy.


Spanking should never be administrated without love, and must be seen as correction, not punishment. It must always be preceded exhibition of your love, and end with an exhibition of your love. It should come with an explanation of right and wrong, and that wrong behavior will and can hurt you, and that because you love your child, you want them to be pleasing to goodness and God.


Never, never spank for any type of accident, no matter how important or costly the accident may be. Never spank if there is a possibility of miscommunication; this would fall into the accident category. Always try to fit in faith in God, and that obedience to parents is a pleasing thing to God, and makes him happy.


The Bible says that those who will not discipline their children, hate them, and directly teaches that the rod of discipline; IE spanking, is the biblical model.


Suzanna Wesley, the mother of Charles and John, had a dozen or so children, who all grew into adulthood as Godly and successful men and women; to the level of a phenomena. She wrote a small treatise on raising Children, that may be wise to heed now days. [ I'm sure you could find it on a google..] She stated that the WILL was the main thing that MUST BE BROKEN in a child.


Sounds very, very harsh today; but she had the pudding for proof! In a sense, her godly motherhood changed the entire world for the Gospel. Suzanna spanked.


I am more gentle with my granddaughter, but see it as very, very important in this ever increasing spirit of lawlessness.

 2009/10/5 12:57









 Re:

My first dread of my dad was when we were playing with toy cars and because I wasn'nt paying attention he hollered at me to pay attention. It was there that I was very afraid him. At first it was fun being with him, but after that day I wanted to be far away from him, I was only 5. Since that time I became a rebellious child without intent, I seemed to get into trouble without looking for it. Dad would not only whip me, but tie me up, slapped me seven times on the face. Bashed my head in the fridge door. He demanded attention and perfection and when they wouldn't come, he'd get frustrated and anything that stood in his way look out. Even Mother was punched a few times, even when another man said that she was attractive, POW right in the face. The madness of my father was madness. I thank God that he is dead, our family is grateful that he is gone. Funny though I wept sore over his body when he died.

It doesn't pay to spank your children out of wrath and anger, it has to be like what brother tom suggests, and wished he had carried out.

 2009/10/5 15:02
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

DeepTHinker,I am so sad you were raised by an abusive dad...I hope you have learned from this experience and that you are not perpetuating it in the life of your children - I assume you are married with children. The parenting styles we were exposed to when growing up usually become our pattern in parenting UNLESS we allow the Holy Spirit to transform us to reflect his will in the matter.

BroTom mentioned how he felt like he was too harsh in the raising of his son...I am satisfied he knows what he did, I will not dispute that. There, however, is the problem with us seniors - when we grow older we look back and wish there were so many things we could do over. We feel like we didn't do it right, whatever it may be.

The Holy Spirit convicted me that I did not treat child #3 right....I had to call him to apologize. You see, I got so busy with work, gardening and he simply fell through the cracks. He had two older siblings who kept track of him and entertained him; I did not have to. He was a compliant child; I took him for granted. It was so very hard to know what his interests were because he did not assert himself...so what was the problem? He was a person who I never learned to know, and I was not sympathetic nor sensitive to his needs. Oh sure, he learned to submit to authority, so much he became a 1st.Lt. in the National Guard.

Yes, parenting is not for cowards.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/10/5 15:37Profile
KathleenP
Member



Joined: 2008/4/3
Posts: 228
Maine

 Re:

Thanks all for your responses. I am so sad also DeepThinker for what you went through. My father's abuse culminated in many children suffering from mental illness and one suicide.

I have Christ Jesus though, and I simply sought to do things His way and with the love that my unsaved father lacked. I grew to pity my Dad, for he dwelt in denial and insanity and died alone without Jesus.

No matter what our lives were prior to our conversion, we must see Jesus as the restorer. I could not avoid discipline simply because of what I suffered. I prayed much and asked for wisdom which He faithfully supplied.

Ginny, thanks as well for your input. We all as parents learn from our errors and if only others would desire the godly counsel we could give! :)

The inibility to show our children limitations and teach them to respect and honor is an overflow of a church that also wants an easy walk. It really does require persistence and we tend to give up when we don't see immediate results. We have begun to fail in so many ways and I fear the outcome will be the cost of many souls.

Thank you all for your thoughts. It has never been an easy task to rear children, but having the Word and Jesus as our guide, I desire that we would have those little lights that shine in this dark world.


_________________
Kathleen

 2009/10/6 5:30Profile









 Re:

Ginny your child #3 and myself are very much alike, minus the military career (Although I did consider it and almost signed up). Mother and I started a relationship when I was quite young, but Dad wanted her attention more and Dad was very jealous of Mother spending anytime with her children, especially me. So she had to leave off and our relationship was strained. Many years had gone by and even though we could not pick up where we left off, we started a little at a time and we spend a few days together per week, walks, dinners and local excursions. If Dad was still alive though it has been 12 years since his passing, none of the relationships we have with our family today would be in existence.

I agree with you Kathleen, there was a point in my life that I felt sorry for my Dad. He was a hard man, even if you wrong him and asked for his forgiveness, he'd use that to his advantage. But I told him one day that I forgave him. He melted and wept. All the feelings that I had for him was hate, but God's love melted both our hearts and it was only by the grace of God that I was able to forgive that man. The LORD showed me his heart, and the way his Dad treated him. It was an on going cycle that had to stop. When He showed me that, I had no reason to hate him anymore. He really didn't know what he was doing, therefore, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do".

There is no sorrow anymore, God the Father has taken the place of my Dad. Dad is just a memory that appears only when I need to learn not to become.

My Sister has his savvy, and his business like mind, but she also has his anger. When she gets angry, it's like Dad is standing there. However, with God's help, she has recognized that she has some of his nature and she is currently "mortifying" that anger, keeping it in perspective so not to become livid. I mean she scared me, and I feared her, until the LORD delivered me from that. And I told her that I was afraid of her. To which she replied, "your not afraid of me per say, your afraid of my mouth". But she was sorrowful that I had that against her. But we do not have that anymore. But the amazing thing is that all those traits from our father we have been conscience of and we simply did not want to be like him, so we got to praying and I think the LORD was pleased with that because on each trait He worked on us to modify and learnt by the grace of God to put that under subjection to where it's no longer something one would think about to keep under, it just doesn't rise up. For me it raises it's ugly head when I am doing my own thing and "trying" do things without the help of the LORD. Because the end of that is frustration, and frustration begets anger.

 2009/10/7 14:46





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