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Discussion Forum : General Topics : To Confront a False Convert

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Joined: 2009/5/13
Posts: 74

 To Confront a False Convert

Hello all,
I am in need some help and counsel, and I'm hoping some of the more mature brothers in this
forum might be able help me.

I grew up in "church" almost all my life. My family and I attended a particular church for many years, and my dad is even one of the pastors at this church. For many years I thought I was saved because I had prayed a prayer "asking Jesus into my heart" when I was six years old. But I was a false convert and a hypocrite, and the evil fruit in my life demonstrated this to be so: I loved the world and the things in the world, I indulged in all sorts of sins and continously spewed venom from my mouth (in the form of cursing and blasphemy)--all the while maintaining the appearance of being a "good" churchgoer. And worse, most people in my church and youth group weren't much different than me, so I thought I was OK.

It wasn't until several years ago that God really got ahold of my heart and saved me (long story). And then...the problems really started at home. My mom, who was a true believer, passed away, leaving my dad, brothers and I.

Before, I could get along with my dad: we shared an interest in worldly movies and other secular subjects. But since God saved me, CHRIST has been my only interest. My dad noticed that a radical change took place in my heart and was seemingly happy for me. Yet when I tried to talk to him about spiritual things, many times it would just go over his head. As the months and years passed, I realized that I knew more about Scripture than he did, and that I was growing in the Lord, but my dad was still the same, spiritually speaking, as he had been for many years.

There were problems at church (people being offended at me for preaching the true Gospel) and at home, as my dad became angry at me for offending people and for exposing some of the false teachers that he liked (Rick Warren, etc). He noticed that I wasn't interested in worldly things anymore, and started calling me "the saint" in a derogative way, and saying that I was prideful and thought myself better than others.

There were many other problems. The Lord saved me from all that by shipping me overseas as a missionary (much to my dad's dismay; he wanted me to go to college). However, now I am back living at home for a while, and I find myself in a worse situation than before. Spiritually speaking, things at home have degenerated, and my dad is more blatantly hipocritical at home than he was before. At church he has a totally different personality, but at home he is a person full of anger and bitterness, who argues constantly with people, and is constantly glued to the TV, and many other sins. He's practically broken all the requirements of an elder in 1 Tim. 3 and Tit.1. Ive tried to confront him about some of his problems before, but he has become extremely offended and angry with me, attacking me by calling me arrogant and holier than thou, and telling me not to judge him.

The saddest part for me is that he is taking not only himself to hell, but my brothers as well. My little brother knows the truth, I've shared the Gospel with him, but he doesn't want to repent yet. He also wonders why my dad "doesn't act like a Christian" and why I live and act differently than the rest of my family.

Well I ask for your prayers, and for your advice as to what to do. If I outright confront him about his spiritual state, telling him that he is a false convert, he will likely kick me out of the house for good. I'm willing to pay that price, but I want to be led of the Lord in this. Someone suggested I write a letter to him after I leave (I will be leaving home soon God willing), so he can reflect on what is said, rather than just get offended and yell at me and avoid the issue.

Thanks for your help, God bless.

 2009/9/17 16:56Profile

Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752

 Re: To Confront a False Convert

Praying for you my friend.

Honor your Father and Mother. Heap coals upon your head...


 2009/9/17 17:14Profile

Joined: 2005/6/18
Posts: 1481


hi, the reason why God gave us a commandment to honor thy father is because some are not worthy of honor on their own. you are to do what a spouse is told to do and win him with your manner of conversation, how you show your love to him, how well you submit to him, how you behave is the secret.Jesus is the saving force in that situation.your post depicks you as a young zealot and puffed up with self. the bible warns against giving a novice any ministry for this your dad with that same zeal and he will change. do not become critical of any ministry you have not wept over and interceded for ... this will ruin your spiritual life... self is Gods greatest enemy... i shall arise...satans fodder.. love you ,jimp

 2009/9/17 17:42Profile

Joined: 2009/6/14
Posts: 703

 Re: To Confront a False Convert

Dear nearthecross,

I can sense that part of your frustration and disappointment is the knowledge that your dad is professing Christian, a church pastor, a recognized leader in your church, and as such, should know better than to behave the way he does. And you seem to feel the same frustration with your other church mates.

You yourself know that you were never a Christian before, though you thought you were at that time, until God got hold of you and showed you the true gospel.

The first thing I think you should accept is they are NOT real Christians yet (just like you before). Get rid of all your unrealistic expectations regarding their behavior at this time. Since they are not Christians, their lies, deceptions, hypocrisy, etc. are to be accepted as normal.

Treat them as you would non-believers. Be a shining light to them, and not an accuser. Live the Christian life as it should be before their eyes: be loving, be respectful, be helpful, be an encouragement to all, avoid strife, speak the truth but always with love and with an intent to edify, not criticize. If discussions come up at church regarding God's word, speak the truth respectfully and avoid quarrels. It is your love that will win them over, not your zeal.

At all times, pray and ask for God to guide you in all you do through the Holy Spirit. God will open doors for you to bring them all to Him, because He loves them too.

In Christ's Love,

 2009/9/17 17:53Profile

Joined: 2009/4/5
Posts: 1983
Joplin, Missouri

 Re: To Confront a False Convert


I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 2:4 that says it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. From the sound of what you have said, your Dad knows full well what condition he is in. I don't think your confronting him would do any good in the situation, but your loving him will. Let him see God's love at work in your life toward him as well as others. Your continual prayer, intercession, for him will do great good. Your brother is in the same boat. Forced "repentance" is not true repentance. You have shared the gospel with him. He knows and is responsible for the truth that has been given him. Now is the time for him to see the great change that God has made in your life. Allow God to love your brother through you. Allow God to give you the ability to love your father the same way that He does. Believe me, God desires your father and brothers to come to repentance with a desire that you as a human being cannot even come close to touching. God's love for you family is far beyond any love that you can fathom.

My advice would be...Pray that the Lord will reveal to your father the true state of his soul and draw your father to Himself. Love your father with the love that God has loved you with. Leave the rest in God's hands. He is capable.

As I sit here, I am praying this very thing for your father and brothers, and wisdom for you.


 2009/9/17 18:11Profile

Joined: 2009/8/10
Posts: 59


I understand exactly what you are going through.

Praise God, that for some reason you had a heart that would see the truth.

This you must know, that you were not a false convert and neither is your Dad. You and your Dad were just never taught the truth from the get go.

There is really no such thing as a false convert, there are just those who never learn the truth, and are indoctrinated into false teachings right after they first believe.

They are still God's children, but they have been blinded, and many times their conscience seared with a hot iron.

When ever you teach that someone is saved by mearly believing in Jesus and that's basically it, there is not fear of God before their eyes.

Without the fear of the Lord, you do not have the strength to overcome sin. Obviously somewhere along the line God put some real fear in you.

Bascially many of God's children become a miscarriage, and never come to the full birth, by comeing to repentance and a knowledge of the truth. But they are still God's children, but according the Hebrews not "legitimate", and are considdered bastards, and thus will have no inheritance.

What is going on with you and your Dad is the natural course of when darkness meets light. Just keep standing. I do not think that you think that you are holier than thou, or that you are Lording it over them.

It is his own guilty conscience that is making him act the way he is. People do strange things out of guilt.

Just keep standing brother, just keep standing!

El Harris

 2009/9/17 19:04Profile

Joined: 2009/8/19
Posts: 2

 Re: To Confront a False Convert

My wife and I are kind of in a similar situation, but since we don't live with our parents or other relative who are we suspect as false converts, we don't have to face this kind of issue everyday. My senior told me that we need to keep growing spritually so that when the time for us to confront them we are already equipped to do so.
Another method I can think of rather than confronting directly is to give them books or tapes that cover this subject.
Bible says Christ brings sword (Mat 10:34) to this world. And that's what you are experiencing with your dad. My suggestion is to keep praying and ask God on this matter for His wisdom, on whether you should keep living with your dad and on whether you should confront him directly or not, etc.


 2009/9/17 22:46Profile

Joined: 2009/5/13
Posts: 74

 Re: To Confront a False Convert

I want to thank you all so much for your prayers, admonition and counsel. I definately need less of self, more of Christ, and to preach to my family through my actions and love. My attitude needs to change.

There is however, something else I forgot to mention. I'm only temporarily living with my family. I've been staying with them a few months. It's been hard on me spiritually because I hadn't found a good congregation in my area...until now. Before then I'd been going to my dad's church, but it's pretty much...dead. People just come to the service and immediately leave when it's over. I have recently run into a good congregation, and have been spending as much time with them as I could, and have not been going to my family's church on Sundays. This has created more problems between my dad and I, because he wants me to go to his service and help with the worship team. He resents the fact that I'm going to a different church, and says that I'm needed in his church.
I am already an adult, but would it be a better idea for me to submit myself to my father in this area, or should I "come out" of this church and continue to fellowship with true believers, regardless of the repercussions?

 2009/9/18 0:02Profile

Joined: 2005/6/18
Posts: 1481


hi, you have a chance to make a diference in a dead church or enjoy a good church ... are you saved to serve or be served? jimp

 2009/9/18 0:50Profile

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