The problem mainly with me was my first 3 years with the lord his presence was theirs always and now for the past 2 years it hasn't been their. I forsaken basically almost all of my sins besides the ones that our attacking me daily. But another problem i am having as the post says is hardening of my heart towards scripture. I start reading the Bible and especially the words of Jesus and their is an anger inside of me that i know is not me, and when i am reading all i herein my head is doubts like these our not his words or some of the stupid stuff i use to study to defend the faith satan uses in my mind like jesus never existed, see the writers copied off of one another, or see all the contradictions this can't be the word of God. That has been in my mind while reading scripture for the past 3 months and i feel like i am going crazy in my mind, i don't want to think like that but it is all in my mind. I also have lost a desire to serve and pray and sometimes fellowship and read scripture and all of this scares me and i hate it because i don't want it. I want the lord, i want to do everything he wants but without his holy spirit i am helpless. The only time i seem all into the lord is when i am drinking a cup of coffee or have energy, its just terrible. I even called charles leiter because i was that desperate. I love everything everyone is saying on here, i really do. I want it to be a reality in my life. It might be good to read that john bunyan autobiography, i would like to hear his trials. I actually have heard those paul washer sermons, they make complete sense but if it does not become a reality in my life i can't do anything about it.God bless you guys.I do not want to be wasting your guys time anymore, i hate being a nuisance, brothers and sisters just pray for me, i would be greatful for that.
i. I want to stress again: It is vital for your faith that your life is clean.. It is impossible to feel the prescence of the Lord if you are entertaining a lifestyle of sin (only you know your own heart concerning this)..ii. Sometimes God is doing a deeper work of faith in our lives in which he leads into "the dark night of the soul". That has nothing to do with the problem of sin. It is a testing period which can last a long time.. Im saying this from experience.. When it is the right time (from God's perspective) he will manifest his presence again...iii. From your struggle with Scripture one has to ask; isnt it enough that the Scripture is the Word of God? Does it matter that the Scripture contains contradictions (after all it is written by human vessels according to the will and purpose of God)... Sincerely Magnus :-)
Dear bible4life,It sounds to me like you are having a season of life that is very much common to saints. read the Psalms, and not through a victorious Christian life lens, but rather in a realization that these are REAL people who are speaking words to God that at times seem very upsetting.I may be off here, but it sounds to me like you are seeking a "feeling" to assure you of your salvation, or you are looking internally for some evidence. Allow me to be frank, I have been through this myself and allow me to say that you will never be at peace through either of these. You may either become a Pharisee or desperate beyond hope, but assurance you will not find.There is no mention of feelings associated with being saved in Scripture. It instead says to believe something, something that happened 2000 years ago. Actually, Christ died for you while you were a sinner, long before you were born even. Do you believe this? I am not asking how you feel about it, but do you believe that Jesus died for you?If none of that is the case, I would ask you if you are suffering from pride. Yes pride. It is proud to say that I am sooo bad that Christ cannot save me, as if you were somehow beyond the power of the death and resurrection of Christ.Trust me, even if you have an experience that leads you to have peace, it will fade away. There is only one way to have peace: Christ. Go to Him over and over and over. No matter how foul you feel, go to Him. Tell Satan and your feelings the truth; that there is One who has taken you and united you to Himself by even your feeble faith. Make a practice of this! Do not look within, do not look at anything but Christ.If you can, I recommend to you a book entitled "The Pearl of Christian Comfort" and also seeking to understand the difference between Law and Gospel.Also, start preaching the Gospel to yourself hourly in needed. Yes Christians need the Gospel too, not just to begin with, but also to go on.I will be praying for you, and I have been where you are. Listening to sermons won't really help, unless they are focused on Christ and His work rather than the Christian and theirs.God's grace to you friend.
The night is darkest just before dawn. You may be much closer than you think. Don't give up and don't judge yourself compared to other Christians in particular those that are the real thing. Disciples are not made overnight. The narrow road is hard and is traveled like anything in life that is worthwhile; one step at a time. Your next step is into the unknown. Trust the One that guides you.